Barging In (23 page)

Dessert was always a disaster with the Hamilton family. Too much wine consumed for his mum to keep it civil. Too much for Robin to resist taking the bait. Dan would want to run away as fast as he could, and Robin wouldn’t blame him.

His heart dragged as he made his slow way back to the table.

Dan watched Robin stalk back through the tables with a face like he’d been sucking on one of those scented urinal cubes. When Robin sat down again, Dan tried to take his hand under the table, but he pulled away and refused to make eye contact. Dan wasn’t able to draw anything more than a monosyllabic response from him, eventually giving up and concentrating on talking to Rosemary instead. It was fascinating to observe just how much Robin had taken after his parents, no matter how far he’d tried to remove himself. While Robin had Rosemary’s dark colouring and eyes, it was obvious he favoured his father in conversational skills and facial expressions. By contrast, Rosemary was all smiles and flirtatious, breathless confidences.

She became even more voluble over the dessert course, her cheeks glowing as she leant towards him.

“So, Dan, darling, tell me, do you have a boyfriend back in London?”

“No, nobody special. I’ve searched London far and wide but not had any joy.”

“You don’t want to go looking there. Much better men to be found in the countryside. I met Edward on a walk in the Cotswolds, didn’t I, darling?” Edward gave a noncommittal grunt, but Rosemary didn’t seem in the least bit bothered. Maybe he could learn something from her about how to deal with Robin’s moods. “So, how long have you known my Robin?”

“Only for the past week, but I feel like it’s been much longer.”

“Oh, I see. Just a week.” Did she really sound disappointed, or was that just his imagination? “But I expect you’ll be seeing more of each other in the future.”

Dan gazed at Robin, getting a blank stare in response. How was he meant to know how to respond if the guy didn’t give him any clues?

“If that’s what Robin wants.”

“Well, Robin? Are you going to carry on seeing Dan? I think you should. He’s a very nice young man, and he’s worked wonders on you in a short time already. He might be able to help you get your life back on track.”

Robin’s face twisted as Rosemary spoke. Funny how hurt that made Dan feel. Not that they’d been planning to see any more of each other after this week, but the thought that Robin was disgusted by the idea was more painful than Dan would ever have expected.

But when Robin started speaking in a low, dangerous voice, it wasn’t about Dan at all.

“How can you say that when you treated Jamie like he was shit? I loved him, I really loved him, and you wouldn’t even have him in your house. You kicked him out, remember?” Robin was getting louder and people at the nearby tables turned to look. “Now you want me to shack up with a guy I’ve only just met? A guy who’s the biggest slut in the whole of London? Well, excuse me if I don’t go taking your advice on men.”

Robin knocked his chair back as he stood, then whirled around and stomped out of the restaurant.

Fuck. What was he supposed to do now?

Dan looked around at the faces of Robin’s family. Rosemary’s mouth hung open, Edward studied his tiramisu with a frown, and Miranda stroked her bump and made soothing baby talk. Useless, all of them.

Dan leapt up and made after Robin.

He caught up with him down a crowded pedestrianised shopping street.

“Robin, wait!”

Robin halted and stood with his head hanging. Dan fought his way past a group of tourists laden with cameras and shopping bags and eventually fetched up next to him. Robin met his eyes for only a brief moment, but long enough for Dan to see the hurt lurking there.

“I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have said that. About you, I mean.”

Dan shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t heard before, babe, and it’s not that much of an exaggeration, although I reckon Tris could give me a run for my money.”

Robin turned his face away again, and Dan stepped closer, taking hold of both his arms.

“How about we go back in there, you smooth things over with your folks, and then we can both head back to the boat and make up properly?”

Robin gave a small smile. “How about we skip straight to the last bit?”

“She’s your mum. She obviously loves you like crazy or she wouldn’t want to get so involved. How about you give her a break just this once?”

“You’re only saying that because she likes you.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m a sucker for flattery. Now come on. A little apology won’t hurt you. I’ll make it worth your while later, all right?”

Robin closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded and opened them. He turned back towards the restaurant. “Come on, then, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner you can make good on that promise.”

Dan followed in his wake.

Family.

He was getting way out of his depth here.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Dan woke to the sound of raindrops pattering against the steel roof above. He was awake earlier than Robin for a change. There was none of his usual grogginess while the world swam back into focus. No, today the situation was crystal clear from the moment he opened his eyes.

It was time to leave. The hire boat was due back later today. He needed to get back to London, write up the assignment and edit his shots. He wanted to do this—he wanted to seize the opportunity and further his career. The only problem was, he didn’t want to go.

It would be stupid to pretend he didn’t know why. There was the weight of Robin’s arm thrown across his chest that felt so right. There was the warmth of Robin’s body, fitting against his own so perfectly. And most of all, there was that urge he had to kiss him awake so that they could fuck again and again. Yeah, he had it bad, all right. But he’d been infatuated with guys before and it had never lasted long, so why should this be any different?

Was it because he knew he’d be just as happy to wake Robin up, skip the sex and go straight to the cuddling and confidences? Okay, maybe not just as happy, but this wasn’t all about sex. Not anymore. The previous night had made him realise that. After fucking him long, slow and thoroughly, Robin had lapsed into a brooding silence, and Dan had lain awake for an age after Robin’s breathing had settled into the rhythm of sleep. He’d berated himself for not coaxing words out of Robin; he hadn’t wanted to promise what he couldn’t give, but he felt like he owed Robin something.

No, scratch that. He didn’t owe Robin anything, but he wanted to prove to both of them that he was more than just an easy lay. A cheap slut. Thing was, he wasn’t sure he knew how to be anything else. He wasn’t good enough for Robin, and he knew it, even if he’d never treat him as shittily as Jamie had.

But maybe they could try and salvage something out of this week—something more than just a memory and a crazy longing for what could have been if he’d let himself go.

Trouble was, Dan was bloody well terrified.

He was still paralysed by indecision when Robin’s breathing changed.

“Hey, morning, sleepyhead. I was hoping you’d wake up soon.” Dan batted his eyelashes and wriggled, rubbing his hip against Robin’s ever-present morning wood.

He quailed under the intensity of Robin’s gaze: those eyes were like two dark pits, swallowing up the early morning glow filtering through the skylight.

“You’re leaving today.” Robin’s voice sounded rough. He must have had too much to smoke last night.

“I have to.”

Robin closed his eyes and nodded. Dan watched the way his brow furrowed and reached out to smooth it. Robin caught his wrist, rubbing lips and cheeks against his palm, and for some stupid reason the rasp of stubble against his skin made him want to cry. He fought back savagely, assaulting Robin with his lips and tongue so that he wouldn’t break down. His lust rose thick and fast, blotting out everything else, and he bit down on Robin’s neck before scrambling down to latch onto his cock.

Dan scraped his teeth along the heavy length. Robin hissed, grabbing handfuls of his hair. Dan’s scalp burned as Robin yanked his head back and glared at him.

“Don’t you ever hurt me again, slut!”

Dan blinked, wanting to make a sharp retort about how he’d put up with Robin biting and scratching him all week, but he knew even as he started to speak that he’d loved every minute of it. “Well then you shoul—”

Robin’s fingers pushed into his mouth, effectively silencing him. “Listen to me carefully. I’m going to fuck your mouth, and if you dare use your teeth on me again, there’ll be trouble, all right?”

The steel in Robin’s voice made Dan shiver, but not in an altogether bad way. Yes, there was fear, but not the big, life-changing fear he’d been contemplating before Robin woke. No, this was a small fear, a delicious frisson. Robin was just playing with him, wasn’t he? But the darkness in Robin’s eyes made him doubt.

Robin must have sensed his confusion, and he loosened his hold on Dan’s hair. “Is this okay?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

“Yeah.” Dan nodded and was about to say more when Robin pushed into his mouth.

He relaxed his jaw, opened his throat and let Robin fuck him. This wasn’t something he normally enjoyed all that much. He’d always thought guys who took over a blowjob like this to be boorish. But when it was Robin, it was somehow different. The sensation of his hair being pulled and Robin’s cockhead bumping against the back of his throat set his whole body on fire, his own dick throbbing with anticipation. He snatched his breaths quickly between strokes, the lack of oxygen making him dizzy.

“Look at me,” Robin commanded.

Dan’s eyes sprang open. Robin was staring at him in a way that made him even more confused. His eyes shone with a wild mixture of jumbled-up desire and sorrow and rage and…tenderness.

“Touch yourself, please.”

There was nothing Dan wanted to do more, and he wondered why he hadn’t already. But when his damp palm made contact with his burning cock, all thoughts evaporated. There was only this here, this now, with Robin pounding into him and his own hand pumping himself up and down. This cocoon of hot, sweaty bodies and the constant drumming of rain and rasping of breath.

Robin’s rhythm stuttered, and Dan stared into his eyes, losing himself in their depths. Their gazes remained locked, even as Robin convulsed, cursed and rammed into Dan’s sore throat. Dan felt Robin’s cock pulsing in his mouth and swallowed hard, grateful for the way the jerks dragged the flavour across his tongue. And still Robin’s gaze bored into his own, and he could feel the heat of it deep inside him.

The sensation reverberated through him, thrilling down every nerve ending and shaking his fragile control apart. Dan thrust hard into his hand, barely aware of the tightening of his balls as the world contracted to that glimmer in Robin’s eyes, that spark that he held on to even as the orgasm swept through his body. A fuzzy whiteness invaded the edges of his vision, but Robin’s eyes were the centre of the storm, holding him there while the world burst into fragments.

He didn’t remember clambering up the bed and curling back into Robin’s body, but he must have done. Breath puffed hot against his face, arms gripping him tight as their heaving slowly subsided. Dan opened his eyes to find Robin gazing at him. It was too much to bear, so he closed them again.

“I should take a shower, then head back to my boat. Got to get it back to the hire centre by midday.”

“Stay. Please. I don’t want you to go.” Robin’s voice rasped, as if the words hurt on their way out.

“I don’t know. It’s getting on a bit. I should check…” But when he looked up and saw the naked fear and longing in Robin’s face, he knew that wasn’t what was meant. “Shit. I…I can’t. I’m sorry. My whole life is in London.” He watched Robin roll onto his back, close his eyes and bite his lip. Why did Robin have to ask so much of him? “I’ll come back soon. I’ll visit. Next weekend. No! Bugger, not next weekend, I’m busy. The one after. But I will, I promise. I want to see you again. I can get the train up every couple of weeks and spend some time with you.”

Dan watched Robin’s face closely for clues. He had no experience with this, of being the one trying to reassure the other that they cared. He felt clumsy and inadequate. The silence stretched out between them, so taut it felt as if the air could snap at the pressure of a single word.

“Is that how you think this is going to work?” Robin said, his voice heavy. “I hang around here waiting for you to show up every now and again?”

Dan blinked. “That’s not what I meant. You can come and visit me, too. You could bring your boat closer. There’s places you can moor up in London. There are marinas.”

“I’m not coming to live in London, all right? I’m not staying cooped up in some bloody marina surrounded by buildings and noise. I couldn’t stand it.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry I spoke. Well, you’ll just have to wait for me to visit you, then.”

Robin stared up at the skylight, grimacing. “I’ve got to keep moving every two weeks. I’m not always going to be moored up near a train station.”

“Then I’ll buy a fucking car!” Dan paused, as surprised at his outburst as Robin seemed to be.

“You can’t drive.” Robin was looking at him again now, which was an improvement, although Dan still couldn’t read his expression.

“I’ll learn to drive. I’ll pass my test. I can do it, all right?” Dan sighed deeply, wondering if that was scepticism or hostility in Robin’s eyes. “Look, if you don’t want to see me again, then just tell me now.”

“It’s not that. It’s… Fuck!” Robin slammed his fist into the wall.

Dan flinched.

He’d had enough of this. He shuffled to the end of the bed and looked about for his clothes. He was pulling on his thong when he heard Robin’s voice, low and defeated.

“I just can’t bear the idea of you fucking around with other guys while I’m left behind. I can’t do that again.”

Jesus, it would have to be that, wouldn’t it? Dan slumped on the end of the bed, his head in his hands. “You want me to be monogamous, is that it? Christ, you don’t ask much, do you?” Dan tried to laugh, but it came out jagged and bitter, so he stopped and concentrated on breathing deeply.