Barefoot Season (38 page)

Carly felt the tears on her face, but they were nothing when compared with the shame and fear. Her daughter could have died because of her. Drowned and she couldn’t have done anything to stop it.

She dropped to her knees, sobs shuddering through her. Then small, thin, wet arms grasped her so hard she couldn’t breathe.

“Gabby.”

“Mom, Mom, Mom.”

They clung to each other, both shaking, both crying. Aware of how lucky she’d been, she hung on to her daughter and vowed she would never let go.

Thirty-Four

“I
’m sorry,” Carly whispered, her hands still trembling as she clutched the small glass of brandy she held.

“I’m officially bored now,” Michelle told her from her place on the sofa in Carly’s living room. “You’ve either thanked me or apologized about fifteen thousand times. Can we please change the subject?”

Carly nodded, knowing there weren’t words to make herself feel better. She loved her daughter more than anyone in the world and still she’d failed her. When Gabby had needed her most, she’d been unable to be there.

“Stop it,” Michelle said abruptly. “Beating yourself up over and over again isn’t going to help either of you. Gabby is fine. She was barely coughing when I pulled her out, so she didn’t swallow much water. She was a little wet and cold. She fell asleep in thirty seconds. She’s fine.”

“Because you saved her.”

Michelle rolled her eyes. “You really are tiresome.”

“I let her down. She could have died.”

“She didn’t. If I hadn’t jumped in, someone else would have. But if you’re that shaken, then damn well learn to swim.”

Carly thought about pointing out she was terrified of the water. That it had frightened her for as long as she could remember. But Michelle knew that already.

“You don’t have to be an Olympic swimmer,” her friend told her. “You just have to know how to doggie paddle around. Whether or not you learn, Gabby needs to. She lives a hundred yards from the Sound.”

“You’re right,” Carly whispered. “About all of it.”

“Being right.” Michelle leaned back against the cushions and sighed. “That never gets old.”

Despite everything, Carly smiled. Then she thought about getting into a pool and her stomach flipped over a couple of times. She put down the brandy glass.

Chance lay on the carpet at Michelle’s feet. He’d been washed off, dried and then given an extra-big dog treat.

“He was amazing,” Carly said.

“He has depths,” Michelle said, rubbing his side with her bare foot. His tail thumped against the floor, but his eyes never opened. “I can’t believe how far he’s come in such a short period of time. I guess he was just waiting to find where he belongs.”

“I’m glad you’re keeping him.”

“He’s the best chance I have at a decent relationship with a guy.”

“Maybe I should get a dog,” Carly murmured. She looked at Michelle. “I—”

Michelle glared at her. “Don’t.”

Carly pressed her lips together. She had been about to thank her again. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said instead. “That you came back and we’re working together.” She realized Michelle was sipping brandy. “Wait a minute. Is it okay for you to drink?”

Michelle held up the glass. “I think so. I’m testing myself. My breakdown wasn’t because of the alcohol. That was just a symptom of everything else that’s wrong. Of course, if I start coming unglued again, we’ll both know I’m wrong.”

Carly thought about all they’d gone through since Michelle had come home. “If you start coming unglued again I’m having you committed.”

“Nice. And I’m the one who saved your kid. Not much of a thank-you, if you ask me.”

Carly laughed. “You didn’t have to deal with yourself.”

“I’ll concede that point and little else.” She put the glass down. There was still brandy in it. “I don’t want any more. I think that’s a good sign. You going to be okay?”

Carly wasn’t sure but she nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“Liar. Still, we’re going to test the theory, too. I’m heading home. I’m beat.”

Carly stood and walked her and Chance to the door. Michelle stepped out into the night, then stepped back and gave Carly a quick hug.

“You’re a good mother and Gabby is lucky to have you.”

Carly nodded. “Thanks.”

She accepted the statement, even as she wondered if it could possibly be true.

Just then a white car pulled up and Sam jumped out.

“What happened? Somebody told me Gabby was hurt. Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Michelle smiled at them. “I’ll let you deal with this one,” she said and walked away.

* * *

Michelle drove home and climbed out of her truck. She was tired, her clothes were still damp despite some time in a dryer and she just wanted to go to sleep. While she was glad she’d been there to help Gabby, she didn’t think it was the huge life-changing event Carly did.

“You would have saved her,” she told the dog as she opened the passenger door and he jumped down. “Wouldn’t you?”

Chance gave her a doggie grin and led the way to the house.

Michelle stepped into the kitchen and was surprised to find the lights were on and Jared was waiting for her at the table.

“I heard,” he said by way of greeting. “You’re a hero.”

“Oh, please.” She crossed to the refrigerator to check out the latest sandwich collection. “I didn’t do anything that special.”

“I doubt Carly would agree with you. Or Gabby, for that matter.”

She patted Chance. “He’s the real hero. He jumped in first, grabbed her and started swimming for shore.”

“I always knew you were special,” he told the dog. “Good boy.”

Chance wagged his tail.

Jared walked across the kitchen, closed the refrigerator door, then drew Michelle against him. He cupped her face and slowly, deliberately, lowered his mouth to hers.

The contact was electric and seductive. The brush of his lips on hers, the heat of his touch, the feel of his long fingers touching her skin. She immediately lost all interest in food and found herself hungry only for this very special man.

She wrapped her arms around him, as much to hang on as to feel his strength. Their mouths clung to each other, then she parted and he slipped his tongue inside. He kissed her deeply, arousing her, making her feel soft and feminine.

He straightened and stroked her hair. She stared into his eyes.

“So you finally think I’m ready?” she asked.

“No. I am.”

She laughed. “You were never the problem.”

He grinned, then kissed her again. His hands moved up and down her back before drifting around to the front of her waist and moving upward to cup her breasts.

Sometime later they managed to find their way to his bedroom. Chance had long since gone back into her room, maybe to give them privacy, maybe to dream about doggie heroics. Jared didn’t bother with lights beyond the one in the hall. In the semidarkness, he took off her clothes, then his own and drew her to his bed.

He touched her everywhere, first with his fingers and then with his tongue. He loved her gently, carefully, mindful of her hip. When she was tense with need and shaking with arousal, he carefully kissed the very center of her, flinging her into an orgasm that shook her down to her soul. With aftershocks still rocking her world, he put on a condom, then slipped inside of her and took her for a second mind-blowing ride to paradise.

Later, still naked and breathing hard, they stretched out together. Jared continued to touch her, as if he couldn’t get enough. A nice quality in a man, she thought lazily, her body drifting toward sleep.

The soft click of nails on hardwood drew her back to wakefulness. Chance walked around the room, walked over to her side of the mattress and jumped up. He settled against her bare legs, sighed once and closed his eyes.

Jared chuckled softly, shifting to give her more room. “We’re going to need a bigger bed or a smaller dog.”

“A bigger bed,” she murmured.

“I’ll get one in the morning.

* * *

Carly stepped into the pool telling herself she couldn’t let fear win. Not only would having a panic attack frighten all the little kids in the class, but throwing up in the pool would really annoy the staff.

She felt ridiculous and self-conscious, the only adult in a pool full of nine- and ten-year-olds. Like the kids, she wore a life preserver around her neck, which didn’t help her self-esteem at all. But she was determined. After only two days Gabby had recovered from her fall into the Sound, but Carly was still battling the memories. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw her daughter falling into the cold water, saw her going under and knew she couldn’t save her.

The only solution was to grow a pair and learn to swim. Gabby was equally afraid at the thought of learning to swim but they’d agreed they were in this together. Holding hands, they stepped into the pool, shaking slightly, despite the warm water and seventy-degree air temperature. Telling herself the water was barely up to her thighs didn’t make her feel any safer.

The instructor, a petite twentysomething with an easy smile and infinite patience, started the class with safety instructions. While the kids splashed around and shrieked, Carly paid careful attention, as if her life depended on her following the rules. She supposed if she wanted to avoid drowning, it did.

Every part of her screamed to get out of the water. That this was a bad idea, that she couldn’t do it. She thought her heart might jump out of her chest and flop around on the side of the pool, mocking her as she died. She wanted to run away, but she couldn’t do it. Not with Gabby watching her every move.

“Make your way to the side,” the instructor said.

Gabby scrambled to the side and hung on. Carly followed more slowly, every step through the water making her feel as if she was seconds from dying.

Another equally young instructor joined them in the water and demonstrated how they would hold the side and kick their legs and feet. Carly slowed her breathing, grabbed the cement and gamely pushed up her feet to try. Immediately, the sense of being out of control, of drowning, overwhelmed her.

She bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood. She had to get out of here before she sank. They were all going to die. Why couldn’t anyone see that? What was wrong with them all?

Gabby’s body stretched out, her legs drifted to the surface and she began to kick.

“I’m doing it, Mom! I’m doing it!”

“You are.” The words came out like a croak, but Carly did her best to smile.

She wanted to give in to tears, to escape this watery hell, but knew she had to be here. Had to at least be able to swim well enough to not be so deathly afraid. She pushed off again and felt the panic. There was nothing between her and the bottom of the pool but her grip on the side and a life preserver she couldn’t bring herself to trust.

The instructor moved next to her. “Just relax, Carly. It’s not that hard.” A hand pressed up against her stomach. “You can do it.”