Barbara Freethy - Some Kind Of Wonderful (26 page)

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twenty
"I know you're probably exhausted," Matt said as he started the car and
pulled out of the hospital
parking lot.
"'But?" Caitlyn asked, sensing there was more to his statement than met
the eye. In fact, he'd been
acting odd since his mysterious dash
through the hospital.
"I was wondering if you'd make a little side trip with me."
"Where?"
"Back to the old apartment building."
Caitlyn studied him thoughtfully. His face was tense. Gone was the
relief he'd shown after learning Emily had a simple ear infection.
Something had happened in the interim, and she didn't know what. "Where
did you go?" she asked him. "Back at the hospital, when you took off so
suddenly?"
"I thought I saw someone I knew. Do you remember that day when we were
sitting in the car outside
of my old building?"
"Sure."
"And there was a woman walking down the street with a watering can, and
I said she reminded me of someone."
Caitlyn nodded. "Yes."
"Well, I have this strange feeling she could be my mother."
Caitlyn's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"
"Yeah, and what's even stranger is that I saw her in the hospital.
That's why I took off, but she disappeared before I could find her." He
tapped his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel as
he stopped
at a red light. "Why was she in the hospital, Caitlyn? Why was she by
my old building?
Why do I keep seeing her?"
"I have no idea," she replied, even though she had a feeling all of his
questions were rhetorical.
"Maybe she's connected to Sarah. Maybe they're together. Maybe they're
watching me or something.... Damn! I wish I knew what was going on."
"So you want to go back to your neighborhood and do what?"
"I'm not sure. It sounds nuts, and I know you're tired. We should just
go home."
"I don't mind coming with you. Emily has dozed off since we gave her
the sample medication, and
I don't have to be at work for a while."
He turned his head to smile at her. "I really appreciate it. I know I
could drop you off, but.. . and this sounds ridiculous . .. I'm a
little concerned about going back there by myself."
"Concerned?" she repeated with a grin. "You're scared out of your mind."
"That obvious, huh?"
"Yep."
"How do you know me so well?"
She shook her head, wondering exactly the same thing. "I don't know,
Matt. I just do."
"And that scares the hell out of you, doesn't it?"
"Maybe a little."
"Are you ever going to tell me what you said to Brian the other night?"
"I told him that I couldn't have children, for one."
"How did he take it?"
"He had a lot of suggestions for ways I could follow up on the problem."
"I'm sure they're probably valid."
"No doubt they are. Brian has a scientific mind, and he sees unlimited
possibilities where science is concerned. He feels in this day of
medical advances nothing is impossible."
"Sounds like he still wants to be with you."
"He says so."
"What do you say?"
"Isn't that the street you're supposed to turn on?"
Matt made the turn as directed. "If you want to go back to him, hell,
I've got nothing to say about it.
I mean, you and I were just. . ."
"Just what?" she demanded, not liking his tone.
"I don't know exactly. What I do know is that you were in love with
this guy, and I don't want to
stand in your way."
"So you're being noble? Telling me to go because you think it's in my
best interest?"
He shot her a dark look as he got her point. "I am not acting the way
you acted before when you sent Brian away."
"Sure you are. You're playing the martyr, just like I did."
She could tell by the expression on his face he knew she was right.
Caitlyn just wished he could tell her how he really felt
about her. But since she was having trouble doing the same thing, she
could hardly judge him for remaining silent. It was just all too fast.
Her mind couldn't keep up with the constant changes; she needed to
think, maybe even sleep for a few hours and clear her brain.
"Here we are," Matt said, pulling into a parking place in front of his
old building. He turned off the
engine, his gaze sweeping the long
block. "I know she couldn't be back here this fast, since I just saw
her at the hospital."
"She could if she had a car or someone was driving her."
"True." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "Why can't I
go in there, Caitlyn? Why
can't I just go into that damn building, walk
up those stairs and down that hall?"
"Would it help if Emily and I came with you?"
"I know Sarah isn't there. I know my mother isn't there."
"But the monsters under the bed still are," she said softly.
He turned his head, his eyes filled with uncertainty. "The monsters
were never under the bed, Caitlyn. They—I mean she was right there in
front of me."
She put her hand on his thigh. "I'll come with you. We'll take a little
walk, you and me and Emily.
We'll go as far as you want, as slowly as
you want."
Another moment's hesitation, then he nodded. "All right."
Caitlyn got out of the car and waited for Matt and Emily to join her.
They walked up to the front door and then stepped inside. Matt paused,
his hand seeking Caitlyn's in the dusky interior. She tightened
her
fingers around his, and together they turned toward the stairs.
*  *  *
As Sarah walked with Jonathan down the hall toward Matt's apartment,
she replayed every second of
her last trip. She'd called Matt from a
pay phone on the corner to make sure he was at home. Then
she'd slipped
into the building and taken the elevator to his floor. That had been
the easy part. Putting Emily down on the floor, tucking her blanket
around her, saying good-bye, that had been the hard part.
Sarah felt the pain return as they approached Matt's door, as she
stared down at the spot where she'd
left Emily, the spot that was now
empty. She had the sudden terrifying thought that her daughter might
be
lost to her forever.
"I can't," she muttered.
"Yes, you can." Jonathan took her trembling hand within his solid,
comforting clasp. "You had the courage to leave her. Now you must have
the courage to ask for her back."
"Is that what I should do?"
"It's up to you."
Sarah lifted her hand and, after another small hesitation, rapped
sharply on the door. When there was
no reply, she knocked harder. For
there was suddenly a burning need inside her to hold her baby again.
*  *  *
"Just knock," Caitlyn told Matt as they stood in the hallway outside
his old apartment.
"Why? There's no one inside I know."
"Wouldn't you like to take a peek?"
"What will I say?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake. I thought you were the intrepid investigative
reporter who goes where other
men fear to go."
He sent her an annoyed frown. "This is different."
"It's not. You're investigating your sister's disappearance. This is a
place she used to live. It makes
sense to check it out. Maybe she came
back. Maybe she knocked on the door. Maybe the person
inside will
remember or know something."
"How do you know so much for a wedding dress designer?"
"I have a good imagination."
"Yeah, well, mine is working overtime right now. I feel like I'm
sixteen again."
"You're not," she said gently. "Look at Emily. She should remind you
that you're all grown up, and
so is Sarah. Whoever or whatever hurt you
in this apartment is gone."
She took the car seat from him. "Go on, Matt. Knock."
He raised his fist and knocked. Caitlyn held her breath, suddenly
worried that her advice might be completely wrong, that Sarah might be
inside, or his mother. Who knew? And if they were, if they
saw Emily .
. . Her grip tightened on the car seat. Well, someone would have some
explaining to do before she handed over this innocent child.
There was no answer. They both turned their heads as footsteps came
down the hall. It was a woman, looking tired and suspicious.
"What are you doing there?" she asked.
Caitlyn didn't know what to say. She felt like she'd been caught with
her hand in the cookie jar.
"I used to live here," Matt said.
"Since when? I've been the manager here for ten years, and I don't
remember you."
"It was longer than that. There was a fire . .."
"Oh, yeah, I heard about that fire, some kids playing with matches
almost burned the place down."
Her eyes narrowed. "The fire started in that apartment. Was it you who
started
it?"
"No."
"Hmph." She didn't look like she believed him.
"Can you teil me who rents that apartment now?" Matt asked.
"No one. That apartment has been empty for the last three weeks."
Caitlyn saw a light flash in Matt's eye. "Can you tell me who rented it
before?" he asked.
"An older woman."
"Do you remember her name?"
The woman thought for a minute, then asked warily. "'Why do you want to
know? I don't want no trouble here."
"I'm looking for my sister."
"This woman couldn't have been your sister. She was sixty if she was a
day."
"What about her name?" he asked impatiently. "Do you remember her name?"
Caitlyn wondered why he was pressing so hard, and then it hit her He
thought the apartment had been rented by his mother, the woman in the
straw hat, the one he kept seeing everywhere.
"Katherine Vance." the woman said. "Yeah, that was it."
"Are you sure? It wasn't Kathleen Vaughn?" he asked tightly. "They're
awfully close."
"No. I'm pretty sure it was Vance."
"Did she wear a straw hat? Cany a watering can?"
"She kept to herself. I don't know what she wore."
Caitlyn could tell Matt was frustrated with the woman's short answers.
"Since the apartment is empty," she interrupted. "Do you think it's
possible we could go inside?"
The woman hesitated. Even Matt looked taken aback by the suggestion.
But Caitlyn didn't waver.
Matt was so big on facing the truth, well,
here was his chance to face his past as well.
"Why not?" the woman said. She pulled out a thick ring filled with
keys. "Just close the door on your
way out."
Matt stared at the partially open door, not making a move to open it.
"You can do it," Caitlyn told him. "Just put one foot in front of the
other." She gave him a gentle push
on the back and finally he moved
through the doorway.
*  *  *
Walking into the apartment where he'd lived with his mother and sister
was one of the hardest things
Matt had ever done. The first thing he
saw when he walked through the door was the past, his mother's light
blue sofa against the wall, stained with liquor spots and cigarette
burns, the old television set, the
old beat-up coffee table in front of
the couch. On the table there had been dozens of candles of all
different sizes and shapes, candles that his mother and Sarah would
light every night. And then there
were the plants, filling every corner
of the apartment.
Matt blinked the memories away. In reality, the apartment was actually
completely empty, a dull green carpet that had obviously come with the
remodel, squares of lighter paint where pictures had once hung, empty
hooks hanging from the ceiling. In one corner was a stove and sink in
what passed for a kitchen. Next to that was a small bathroom and a door
into the bedroom where his mother and Sarah had slept.
It wasn't a big room. It wasn't even a scary room. It was just beaten
up, the way he'd felt all those
years ago. He let out the breath he'd
been holding as he realized there was nothing here for him, absolutely
nothing. It was a relief in
a way. One he couldn't even explain.
Matt glanced at Caitlyn, who had placed Emily's car seat on the floor
but was standing protectively nearby. Caitlyn's brown eyes were filled
with concern, caring, compassion, all the things he'd come to expect
from her. She wasn't judgmental; he liked that. He felt like he could
be himself, maybe for the
first time in his life. For here was Caitlyn
standing right smack in the middle of his past, the only woman he'd
ever let into his life in such a way.
Caitlyn opened her arms to him, and he moved into her embrace, burying
his face in her sweet-smelling hair, loving the feel of her body
molding into his. She fit him—fit him perfectly. And here in this cold,
dark room, Caitlyn surrounded him with warmth and light, promising a
future he'd never allowed himself to believe in. But here with her, he
could almost picture it.
I love you.
The words jumped
into his brain. He almost thought he'd
said them out loud, but then Caitlyn was talking, slipping out of his
arms, and he knew that the words still remained safely locked in his
heart.
"I was thinking that maybe there is some clue in this apartment,"
Caitlyn said, walking toward the window. "Something brought us here
today, but what is it?"
He shook his head, trying to clear the haze of love out of his brain.
He couldn't believe he'd almost told her he loved her. They'd known
each other a week. A week, for God's sake. How could he love someone
that fast? How could he even trust someone that fast?
"Matt, are you listening to me?"
"Sorry. What did you say?"
"Where did you sleep?"
"Couch usually. Sarah and my mom had the bedroom."
"What was it you told me about her?" Caitlyn snapped her fingers. "I
remember. She used to kneel by
her bedroom window and look out at the
stars at night." Caitlyn walked into the bedroom, "Come here," she
called.
Matt grabbed Emily's car seat and took her with him into the bedroom.
He couldn't leave Sarah's baby alone, not in this place.
"What did you find?" As far as he could see, the room was completely
empty.
Caitlyn stood by the window. "Look out and tell me what you see."
Matt gave her a skeptical look, but joined her at the window. "I see
the building across the street, and
the sign for the liquor store, some
clouds."
"Look harder. Look past the building. Look past what you remember,
Matt, and think about what Sarah might remember."
He wondered what she was trying to tell him. Focusing on the view out
the window, he tried to note every detail, and that's when he saw it,
the sun glinting off the shiny white peak. It was the steeple of a
nearby church, and as he stared at it, he could have sworn that a beam
of light went from that steeple straight into the heavens.
"Sarah believed in angels," Caitlyn said.
"Oh, my God." A sudden shiver ran down his spine. "I know where we need
to go." Matt took one last look out the window and saw what had drawn
Sarah to the window every night of her life. It was hope.

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