Bad News Cowboy (17 page)

They were vivid in his mind's eye now, softening for a kiss, parting so that they could wrap around his hardening—

He wasn't sure he would survive this wedding.

Sadie let out a long, slow breath. “Okay. Nothing to be nervous about,” she said.

“Nothing at all,” Connor said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Welcome to the family, Sadie Miller. I had to call you that since you're going to be a Garrett in a few minutes.”

She smiled. “Oh, come on. I've been one. This just makes it official.”

“True,” Connor responded.

The music changed, and the sounds of the crowd noise dissipated as everyone took their seats.

Silence fell between the five of them, too. Waiting.

Instinctively, he went to stand next to Kate, seeing as it was his position for the wedding. Also, his body wanted to be close to hers. Simple as that.

She looked up at him, her expression shaded by her lashes, which looked longer, thicker and darker than usual. She didn't say anything, and neither did he.

Holly cued Liss and Connor. Connor took hold of his wife's arm, his smile broad, and the two of them began their journey to the aisle.

He extended his arm to Kate, who slowly accepted it, her eyes never leaving his. Because he couldn't resist, he leaned in slowly, his lips next to her ear. “You look beautiful.”

She shivered. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Holly pointed at them and mouthed the silent “go” and then he started to lead Kate around the barn. They walked through the field and to the aisle, now flanked with full chairs. He refused to look at any of the guests. He wasn't taking a chance on making eye contact with West. Not now.

Instead he kept his focus on walking that straight line up to the arbor. And then narrowed his focus still. To the feel of Kate by his side. Her fingertips digging into his forearm as she held on to him. Her shoulder brushing against him with each step.

He stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. Red lips. Her beautiful red lips.

In that moment, he let them become his whole world.

Because the real world wasn't something he needed to deal with just now.

They reached the head of the aisle, and he reluctantly released his hold on her, going to stand beside Connor.

The music changed and so did the atmosphere out there in the field. It was as if suddenly everyone in attendance had taken an indrawn breath at once. As if they were all holding it. Waiting.

And then Sadie appeared, backlit by the sun, making it look as if she had a halo around her face. She was most definitely glowing. Jack glanced at Eli, and he was pretty sure he was glowing, too. Without the benefit of the sun. It was just Sadie.

Sadie stopped at the head of the aisle and Pastor Dave, a man Jack knew only by reputation rather than by any time spent in church, smiled at her.

“Traditionally, this would be the moment when the bride is given away. But Sadie has something she would like to say instead,” the pastor said.

Sadie smiled, her focus on Eli, as though he were the only person there. “I left here when I was seventeen. And I spent most of those years after that alone. Wandering around, never settling. Not belonging to anyone. Then I came back here. And I found you. Right where I left you. Now I give myself away. To you, Eli Garrett. Because I trust very much that you will honor my gift. Now and forever.”

Eli broke away from his position and went down to stand with Sadie, taking her hand and leaning in to kiss her. “I give myself to you, too,” he said.

For some reason the declaration made Jack search for Kate. It must have had the same effect on her, because when he looked in her direction, their eyes locked. Heat streaked through him as the words echoed inside of him.

I give myself to you.

A trade. A choice.

“Wonderful,” Pastor Dave said. “Now let's begin.”

* * *

T
HE
CEREMONY
WAS
OVER
and Eli and Sadie were officially Mr. and Mrs. Garrett. Kate was seated at the bridal party table, picking at a piece of cake, watching them dance beneath the hanging lanterns in the barn.

She felt Jack's presence before she saw him. “What do you want, Monaghan? Come to harass me more like yesterday?”

She still felt jittery and unsettled from his compliment earlier.

You look beautiful.

He'd said the same to her when she was in a T-shirt and jeans. He was probably just being nice. And it shouldn't have mattered. But it did.

“Why aren't you eating your cake?”

“Because. It's a carrot cake. Which is a horribly named food. Maybe,
maybe
, you could call it a muffin. And then I wouldn't find it so offensive. But it isn't cake. It certainly isn't wedding cake. Sadie has good taste most of the time, but I question this.”

“That was probably Eli's decision. You might not know this but we used to go to Rona's for his birthday. Back when we were thirteen, fourteen and maybe a little older. No one at home made a cake. She used to give him a piece of carrot cake on his birthday.”

Kate's heart twisted, her breath stalling out. “Really?” She looked back down at the previously offensive cake. “He always made my birthday cake.”

“I remember. They were ugly-ass cakes. He used a mix so they tasted okay but he couldn't frost worth a damn.”

“He always made sure I didn't go without. Him and Connor.” She cleared her throat. “And you.”

“Well—” he sat down in the empty chair next to her and she squished her legs together, making herself smaller, in an effort not to touch him “—it's nice to know I wasn't always a source of bad feelings for you.”

“You aren't a source of bad feelings. Don't be dramatic. Again, you're the one that's kind of acting like a virgin,” she said, careful not to look at him as she spoke the offending words.

“I don't want you to be upset.”

“Sorry, not sorry. I have the right to be upset. I thought... First of all, I thought there would be a little more to it than that. Second of all, whatever I said about how I would react isn't really valid. I didn't know. I had never done that before. My inexperience absolves me.”

“It does not,” he said.

“It sure as hell does. No jury in the world would side with you on this. You're the town stallion.”

“Everyone has had a ride, ha ha ha.”

“So you've heard that one before?”

“It's just maybe not as clever as you think.” He leaned in and her breath caught. “And anyway, it isn't true.”

“It isn't?” she asked, her tone a tiny bit too hopeful for her taste.

“Yeah, come on. That's ambitious, even for me. There are quite a few women I haven't slept with in Copper Ridge. Though you have to take into account the fact that I spent a lot of years traveling on the circuit.”

“Right,” she said.

“Jealous, Katie?” And if she wasn't mistaken, his tone sounded a bit hopeful, too.

“Why should I be jealous? I had you, didn't I?”

“Once.”

She looked down, taking a deep, furious breath. “That was your decision, not mine. I wanted more.”

“What do you think I can give you? It's an important question, and I need to know the answer.”

She stared down more determinedly at her cake, catching sight of his thigh in her peripheral vision. He was wearing a suit, which wasn't normally her thing, but he made it look sexy. And now, with the ceremony hours behind them, he had ditched his tie, the top two buttons on the white shirt undone, his jacket discarded, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He looked disheveled and dashing, and there was no point pretending she thought otherwise.

But there was a point in doing her best not to look at him so that he couldn't tell she felt that way.

“I'm tired of being afraid,” she whispered, surprised at the words that tumbled out of her mouth. But as soon as she said them, she knew they were true.

“What are you afraid of?”

“Change. It's why... It's why I haven't gone pro. Because if I do, I'm going to have to leave. Because if I do, I'm going to put distance between myself and Connor and Eli and the ranch. Everything that matters to me. I've lost enough. I want to keep it all close. I like things to stay the same. So...I work at the Farm and Garden and live on the same property I was born on, and I had never even gone on a date. Never kissed anyone. Because doing different things and being different is so scary. But with you...it wasn't scary, Jack. Because it's you. It couldn't have been anyone but you.”

She chose that moment to look at him and the expression in his eyes made her heart flutter around her chest like a terrified bird. Lust, need, naked, raw and completely undisguised, burned from those familiar blue eyes. Rendering a man she knew as well as her own flesh and blood a total stranger yet again.

She knew without a doubt there were more chapters of Jack to read. And she wanted to read them. To devour them.

The craving for that knowledge was so strong she ached with it.

“It has to be me?”

She nodded slowly. “Yes.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

K
ATE
'
S
WORDS
WERE
BALM
for a wound he hadn't known he had. Or maybe he'd known he had a wound, but he'd just imagined it was a different one. But he'd been searching for something—approval, accolades, from the town, from his father—for as long as he could remember.

Had been seeking out just one person who might realize he was more than easy smiles, pure dumb luck and shallow affairs.

Right now he saw it in Kate's eyes. That simple gift he'd spent so many years chasing. With wild behavior. Bull riding. Ranching.

She
knew
him. She understood him. More than that, she needed something from him and believed that he had the ability to give it.

And he wanted her, dammit. Wanted those perfect red lips on his mouth, on his neck and everywhere else.

“It's already weird,” he said slowly.

“What is?” She blinked rapidly.

“You and me. We did it once, and not doing it again didn't make it normal again. Like you said, it can't be normal. It changed.”

“Jack. Please, please don't tease me.”

“I'm not.”

Her face turned pink and she directed her gaze down to the uneaten cake on her plate. “And I don't want you to sleep with me again because you feel sorry for me. Or because you're trying to fix something you already broke.”

The simple fact was he had come to the wedding with the aim to fix something broken. He'd thought he would pick up another woman, that he would have some easy, fun sex that would have no emotional implications. Sex that wouldn't be hard and wouldn't threaten the most important relationships in his life.

But it wouldn't work. He'd ignored the most essential part of the antivenom principle. It had to come from the same sort of snake.

That meant either he had to keep sleeping with Kate until he was cured of his desire for Kate, or he had taken the metaphor too far. But he was going with option one since it meant he got to sleep with her again.

Yeah, he would have loved to believe he was being altruistic. That he was simply trying to restore order, that he was trying to give her what she wanted. The simple fact was it was just a side effect, albeit a pleasant one. He wanted her. Beginning and end of it. And somehow over the course of the wedding, over the course of the day, he'd begun to lose sight of the other things.

The fact that she was Connor and Eli's sister. The fact that she was ten years younger. The fact that he was a lot more experienced and should know better than to fool around with her.

All those things were somewhere way off in the distance now. And Kate was so close he could smell the clean, simple scent of her soap, of her skin.

“I don't feel sorry for you. And I'm not trying to fix the damn thing.” His voice sounded like gravel, his words strained, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was beyond control. Beyond himself. “I want you.” He lowered his voice, conscious of the fact that they were still in a room full of people, though most everyone was out on the dance floor, music playing heavily over top of their conversation. “I can't tell you how it changed. When exactly it began. I
realized
it changed that day you kissed me. But it was different long before that.” He looked around to make sure they hadn't caught anyone's attention. They hadn't. “It would only be physical. I don't have anything more for you than that.”

“Good thing. I don't have anything more for you or anyone beyond that. I told you, I'm tired of being afraid. I'm making changes. I'm going to go pro, and that means I'm going to be traveling, pursuing my dream. I'm not going to be hanging around here mooning over a boyfriend.” She cleared her throat and raised her eyes to meet his. “Or a lover.”

Hearing the word
lover
on Kate Garrett's painted lips was one of the most erotic experiences of his life, and he couldn't possibly begin to break down why.

“Sounds like we're on the same page, then.”

“I'm going to go for a walk,” she said slowly. “Down to the old barn.”

Heat pricked the back of his neck, and guilt pricked his conscience. He knew exactly which barn she was talking about. Mainly because he had taken a woman there nearly a year ago with the express intent of getting it on with her during Eli's election party. He had been thwarted since he'd encountered Connor and Liss making out, before anyone had known they were more than friends.

That memory should have been enough to get him to tell her no. Should have been enough to highlight the differences between them.

At least, it would have been if he were a decent human being. He wasn't.

“And I'm going to get a phone call a couple minutes after you leave. And I'm going to have to go check something back at the ranch.” He chose his words carefully, and Kate clearly understood.

“Okay.” She stood, taking the napkin that was in her lap and setting it on the table, her eyes never leaving his. “See you later.”

He watched as she slipped through the crowd, kept an eye on any and every hint of crimson he could catch through the thick knot of people. This part, the waiting, would be torture.

So he wasn't going to wait. No one was paying attention to them anyway. Eli was dancing with Sadie. Connor and Liss were across the room, Liss's feet propped in Connor's lap while he rubbed her ankles.

He opted to go out a different door, following a different path from the one Kate had just taken. He cut across the driveway that led back to the Catalog House to a different road that went back to the old barn.

Kate deserved better than a quick, rough screw in a barn during her brother's wedding. But then, she deserved better than him. So he supposed it was all in keeping with the theme.

He broke into a jog, not caring anymore that he wasn't acting casual, fully committed now to his need. How different this was from the last time he had come out here with a woman. That had been...normal. He had wanted the person he'd been with, but not like this. He hadn't felt desperate, hadn't felt desire and guilt clawing at his insides in equal measure, each one agitating the other, making it fight harder for pride of place.

He hadn't been shaking with need, ready to tear his clothes off during the walk over so that things would go faster once he was inside.

No, this wasn't like that last time at all. It was unlike anything.

He pushed open the barn door and saw Kate crouched down in the corner by a lantern, turning the switch, the artificial flame lighting up.

“Well, that's handy.”

Kate straightened and turned to face him. “I thought so.”

“Come here.”

Crimson lips turned upward. A small, wicked smile. Just for him. “If I don't?”

“Then I'm going to have to go get you.”

Her eyes sparked with humor and a streak of defiance so uniquely Kate it hit him in the gut like a sucker punch. And the realization, the reminder, that this was Kate only made him want her more.

Amazing to see another facet of a woman he'd known for so long. To know for sure and certain beneath her makeup was the person he'd always known. Who could keep up with the boys, who was full of strength and sass. But that she was also this woman. This siren who was seducing him with such little effort.

With no resistance on his part.

“Why don't you come get me, then?”

He began to walk toward her, slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt, her lips going slack, her eyes widening slowly. Watching Kate watch him was an immensely gratifying experience. One he never could have predicted. When it came to sex, he considered himself jaded. But he'd never been with a virgin before. Much less a woman who had never kissed anyone else. The novelty of being her first, her only, was more intoxicating than he could've imagined.

The way she looked at him, awe mixed with admiration, was like a shot of Jack Daniel's that went straight to his head. He shrugged his shirt off and let it fall to the floor before putting his hands on his belt. She licked her lips and he felt the impact resonate in his groin.

“That lipstick should be illegal.”

She blinked, her expression one of genuine surprise. That was another thing about Kate. She possessed no guile. None of this was an act, a show or a game. She was experiencing it for the first time, sharing it with him, making him feel as if it was a first all over again for him, too. “Why?”

He reached out and slid his thumb along the line of those lips. “Because it makes me want to do damned dirty things to you. Do you know what I've been thinking about ever since I saw you this afternoon?”

“No,” she said, taking a step backward, her voice a whisper.

“Of course you don't.” Because she was innocent. And he was a bastard. By the end of tonight, she would know. And the next time he, or another man, told her her lipstick was giving him dirty ideas, she would know exactly what it meant. That made him feel guilty. It made him feel angry, because he was thinking about her with another man. And she would be with another man someday.

But right now she was his.

“When I came around the back of the barn and saw you,” he continued, “my heart about exploded. All I could think about was you kissing me. Leaving your lipstick behind on my skin. I'd already been thinking impure things about your pretty mouth. But that lipstick made it that much worse. Made me want to see your lips on my cock.”

Her face turned the same shade of scarlet as her mouth from her perfect, beautiful cleavage up to her hairline. He'd gone too far, and he knew it. But he felt compelled to push. Maybe because he thought if he did, she would back out. Except when he really thought about it, that made no sense. Kate Garrett had never backed out of anything. And presenting a challenge would only make her push back harder.

Maybe that was the real reason he was doing it.

“If you want it, come over here and get it. It seems like I kiss you an awful lot, Monaghan. A girl doesn't like to feel like she's the one doing all the chasing.”

“She says with her two weeks of experience.”

She tilted her head, a familiar stubborn set to her jaw. “I know what I like. I know what I want.”

He felt his lips curve upward into a smile as he continued to slowly work his belt, tug it through the loops on his dress pants before undoing the ridiculous hooks that held them closed, drawing the zipper down and pushing them onto the barn floor, kicking off shoes and socks along with them. They would be dirty. Very obviously so. But he didn't care.

He pressed his hand over his hard, heavy erection. “You want this?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation, none at all.

“Good.” He quickened his pace, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arm around her waist, cupping her chin with his thumb and forefinger, looking deep into her dark eyes, searching for any sign of fear, of potential regret. There was none of that. There was nothing but need, a desire that burned as bright as his own.

It didn't surprise him. In some ways Kate's insides matched his own. Wild, fierce.

A bit too bold. A bit too reckless.

Just one of the many reasons that the moment attraction had begun to spark between them, there was only one place it could end. Neither of them knew how to back down. He should have seen that from the beginning. Should have seen that this was the only place it would ever end.

“If I had known a dress would make a man look at me like this, I would've started wearing them a long time ago,” she said.

“When was the last time you wore a dress besides today?”

“Never. At least, not that I can remember. They've always seemed pretty useless to me.”

Arousal burst through him like an electric jolt. “They have their uses. They have their conveniences.”

“Is that so?”

“Let me show you.” He bent his head and kissed her neck, embraced the roar of satisfaction that rocked him as she shivered beneath his lips.

“I didn't expect that.”

“This will be the only time I surprise you tonight.” He kissed a line along her jaw to her chin and from there to her lips. He thought his heart was going to burst, thought he might come on the spot, just from the taste of her, from the feel of her slick tongue sliding against his own.

He could feel her perfect little breasts pressed up against his chest. He was going to taste her again. And suddenly, he couldn't wait. He broke their kiss, lowering his head and tracing the deep V of her cleavage with the tip of his tongue. She'd worked some kind of voodoo magic with this dress, and he wasn't complaining at all.

A rough, hoarse cry escaped Kate's lips and satisfaction rolled over him in a wave.

“Do you know what I like about dresses?” he asked, his voice almost unrecognizable to his own ears. It was broken, rough. Not the voice of a man who was used to casual hookups, not the voice of a man who treated sex like something easy and fun. It was the voice of a man who was desperate, close to shattering.

“They let your man parts breathe?” Kate asked, each word punctuated by a heavy breath.

He let out a laugh. “Try again.” He moved his hand down between her thighs, reaching beneath the soft, flowing skirt, tracing the edge of her panties where they met her inner thigh, slowly, teasing them both.

“Oh. Oh!” She gasped sharply as he delved deeper, encountering sweet, slick wetness that let him know just how much she wanted him.

“Easy access,” he said, pushing deeper, sliding a finger into her tight passage.

She raised her hands and gripped his shoulders, clinging to him tightly, her fingernails digging into his skin. “Yes, Katie.” She clung harder, pain burning through him at the point where she held him. “Leave a mark, baby.”

He brushed his thumb over her clit and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his collarbone before parting them and biting down. The intensity of the sensation sent a white-hot flame burning a trail from his shoulder down to his dick. He'd never been into this kind of thing before, but for some reason, with Kate, everything felt good. More was only better.