Baby Experts 02 (13 page)

And Jared’s walls?

Tomorrow she’d test them, to see if they’d weakened. If not?

She’d just have to try again.

Emily sat in the waiting room of the hospital’s outpatient physical therapy center the following week, hoping no one recognized her. Francesca had told her no more reporters were calling the house. She was old news, thank goodness. With the girls at preschool, she’d brought Gloria to her appointment. But Emily couldn’t keep her mind on the midwifery articles in her lap. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jared.

As if she’d conjured him up, he strode into the reception area and made a beeline toward her.

She was suddenly worried. Had Mrs. Lannigan called him? “The girls are okay, aren’t they? When I dropped them off at preschool they seemed fine.”

“They’re good as far as I know. This isn’t an emergency visit,” he replied with a smile. “I wanted to see how Mom was doing with her session.”

This was supposed to be Jared’s day off. But he usually checked on patients in the hospital even on his day off. She hoped he could snatch a few free hours.

Lowering himself into the chair beside her, he asked, “Were you just going to sit here and wait today?”

His arm brushed hers and neither of them moved away. “I decided not to run errands and catch up on some reading.”

He glanced at the papers in her lap. “What are you reading?”

“Midwifery journal pages I printed from the Internet.”

His voice was gentle. “You miss it, don’t you?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

“Then go back. Start your own practice again. Or send your résumé out.”

“I’m still sorting out what I really want.”

“No, what you’re doing is doubting yourself. Tell me again what you feel is the ideal situation for a baby’s birth.”

She knew in her heart exactly what that would be, and the words came to her lips easily. “For me, the ideal is having family and friends all around to support the mom, to make her comfortable, to sing and laugh and chase away the fear. There would be soft colors and daylight without harsh spotlights, soothing music and a physician to back me up.”

“There
are
hospitals that have birthing centers.”

“But those centers sometimes still don’t have the right atmosphere. Doctors and nurses rush in and out. Family visits are limited. There are hospital beds instead of birthing chairs, scrub outfits and an institutional feel.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way. Obstetrical and maternity floors are being redesigned. Maybe you need to be involved in doing that. Maybe you need to be involved in setting up more mom-friendly birthing centers. Don’t put limits on your skills or your ideas.”

His support felt wonderful. She’d never experienced that type of encouragement.

Jared glanced toward the receptionist’s desk. “I’m going to see if I can talk with Mom’s therapist. I’ll be back.”

Ten minutes later he was. “The therapist said she’ll be at least forty-five minutes. Do you want to take a walk?”

Emily had learned that Jared walked when he was restless. In the evening sometimes, if he wasn’t called away to the hospital, he’d go for a power walk that took him miles away.

Now she asked, “Do you mind if we walk to one of my favorite spots? It’s not far. We’ll be back in plenty of time.”

He cocked his head and examined her as if he were trying to decide where she might take them. Then giving a shrug, he agreed. “Let’s go.”

As they exited the hospital, Emily turned east, a different direction than they’d taken the night after his mother’s surgery.

Eventually they headed into an older neighborhood with stucco houses and tiled roofs. A few were in disrepair, others burst with window boxes laden with fall color.

They strolled in silence until they reached a corner church. It was small as churches went, sunshine yellow with three steps leading to the big brown door.

The door opened before they started up the steps.

“Hello, Padre,” Emily greeted the priest who had white hair, dark-brown eyes and a kind smile. She introduced Jared and asked, “Is it all right if we go inside?”

“Of course, my child. Take all the time you want.” Then he nodded to them, went down the steps and took the path to the rectory next door.

“Do you come here often?” Jared opened the door for her.

“When I want to think. Or if I need to solve a problem.
Sometimes when I leave the hospital after visiting a new mom, I’m just filled with this joy and I come down here to…absorb it.”

Jared was looking at her curiously as if he didn’t know her as well as he thought he might.

The church was old with lots of dark, warm wood, cream walls and artful stained glass windows. They walked through the small vestibule. There were only about ten pews on either side with small front alcoves on both the left and the right. Tiny candles blinked in red and blue votive cups.

She moved toward the front pew, Jared beside her. Once there, she murmured to him, “I want to light a few candles. I’ll be right back.”

She was aware of him settling in a pew while she dug out coins, dropped them in the proper slot, then lit candles for her parents and the Wilsons and their stillborn baby. She stood there a few moments, thinking about them.

When she returned to the pew beside Jared, she knew he’d been watching her.

Again in a low voice, she told him, “I interviewed for a nursing position at the hospital before I interviewed with you. I’d just moved to Sagebrush and I wasn’t sure which way to go. I saw this church when I’d driven down the street. I spoke with the padre a long time that day, about everything that had happened. There’s something freeing in confiding in a total stranger. He didn’t give me any answers, but afterward, I felt freer, ready to begin that new life.”

Jared looked around as if he were reacquainting himself with everything he saw. “I haven’t been in a church for a long while. I remember going with Mom and Wyatt. Before…everything changed.”

Bright September light streamed in the stained glass, making rainbows on the pews.

After a pause, Jared went on. “The lie my mom kept altered my world…and Wyatt’s. We were both angry. Their divorce confused me into thinking Wyatt didn’t want to
be
my father. But years later he told me that wasn’t so. It had hurt him too much to stay, knowing he
wasn’t
my father. It hurt too much for him to wonder if my mother really loved him.”

“Did you ever ask your mother?”

“No. We don’t talk about it.”

Emily slid her hand over Jared’s, knowing advice wasn’t what he wanted to hear. All she could do was support him the way he seemed to support her.

All she could do was love him.

The following evening, Emily was in the kitchen preparing chicken quesadillas for supper when Jared came home. Her breath caught when she remembered yesterday afternoon in the church. She’d slept in her own bedroom again last night, asking herself what came next. If he had feelings for her, would he give in to them?

Today, her questions had taken a backseat to helping his mother with her exercises and playing with the girls. Now Gloria was involved in the twins’ fantasy play with their Cinderella coach as Emily worked in the kitchen, wondering if parents should encourage their daughters to believe in fairy tales! All of her questions about her relationship with Jared clicked through her mind again. Whether she herself believed in fairy tales or not, she knew one-sided love would never work.

As always, at the sight of Jared, her heart did a little dance. But then she noticed he wasn’t alone. After a second glance at the pretty, young face, she realized who was
standing in the kitchen with him. It was Patti and she held her baby in her arms!

“Patti came to the office looking for you,” Jared explained.

“Hi,” Patti said, crossing to Emily, her smile wide. “I hope you don’t mind me tracking you down. Dr. Madison said you were taking care of his daughters. I told him I just wanted to thank you. I don’t know what would have happened that day if you hadn’t been there.”

“I guess you found me through the article in the newspaper,” Emily deduced.

“Yes, I did. I thought about sending you a note, but that seemed so inadequate. I wanted to thank you in person by showing you my beautiful baby.”

Emily looked down at the infant, so incredibly perfect. She had her mother’s features—the tilted-up nose, the high cheekbones, the small chin. “No thanks necessary,” she murmured.

“You could have just walked away. You didn’t have to get involved. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that you did. I was feeling so alone. The baby’s dad didn’t want to be a father, so he left a few months ago. My mother and I weren’t talking. She was angry with me for getting pregnant. But after you delivered Sandy and I was checked out at the hospital, I called her. We hadn’t talked in months, but she came to see me and insisted I go home with her. She and Dad are going to help me with Sandy.”

Emily was happy for Patti, that her baby had united her with her parents. “That’s wonderful! It’s important to have support bringing up a baby. Grandparents are a real gift in so many ways.” Emily glanced at Jared, but she couldn’t read his expression.

“Would you like to hold her?” Patti asked, bringing Emily’s attention back to the baby. “You were the first one who ever held her.”

Emily took the baby from Patti’s arms, remembering that day with Jared in the nursery.

“You’re a natural,” Patti joked. “Do you have kids of your own?”

“Not yet,” Emily replied. “Maybe someday I’ll be blessed to have one of my own.”

After a few minutes, Patti scooped Sandy back into her arms. “I don’t want to intrude any more on your time.”

Jared capped the girl’s shoulder. “You’re not. In fact, if you’d like to stay for supper, I’m sure we have enough.” His gaze checked with Emily.

“Absolutely.”

“Oh, I can’t,” Patti responded. “Mom is expecting me home for dinner, but…” She looked at Emily. “Maybe sometime we could have lunch?”

“I’d like that.” Emily went to the counter, wrote her numbers on a slip of paper and handed them to Patti. “My cell phone number and my home number.”

“Oh, I thought you were living here.”

“I am until Jared’s mom gets back on her feet. I share a house in Sagebrush with a friend. You can always reach me on my cell.”

“Dr. Madison said you don’t work at his practice any longer.”

“No, I don’t. I was going to work on my résumé tonight.”

“But if you were a midwife, why aren’t you doing that again?”

“You read the article in the paper,” Emily said calmly.

“Delivering a baby that was stillborn must have been absolutely the worst thing in the world. But the paper said you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I don’t know why the baby was stillborn. What happened still haunts me.”

“Seems to me, the best way to make up for it if you feel you have to, is to be delivering lots more healthy babies.”

“That’s another way of looking at it,” Emily agreed, maybe seeing the situation differently for the first time since it had happened.

“I’ve got to be going,” Patti decided. “But I will call you as soon as I get some decent sleep and Sandy gets on a real schedule.”

“I’ll look forward to hearing from you.”

After Patti left, Jared remarked, “I hope I did the right thing by bringing her here. She really did want to thank you in person.”

“I’m glad you brought her here.”

“She might be right about delivering more babies.”

“She’s still young…naive.”

“That doesn’t mean she isn’t right.”

Emily considered Patti’s visit and what Jared had said. “I don’t know. Now everyone in Lubbock and the area knows what happened to me. What doctor would back me up?”

“I would.”

She studied him for a long moment. “You wouldn’t mind being associated with a midwife?”

“We’d have to iron out the conditions and circumstances, how we’d work together. But I think women like Patti need women like you. It’s something to think about.”

Yes, it was something to think about.

“All day
I’ve
been thinking that you and I should have a real date,” he said, surprising her.

“A
real
date?”

“If you want to. I can make sure there’s someone to cover for me tomorrow night.”

Did this mean Jared was ready to acknowledge their relationship? Did this mean he might consider a future?

“What about your mom and the girls?”

“I’ll see if Chloie can stay with them.”

Emily hesitated, only because she wanted to go out with him so much, only because she wanted a future with him more than she’d wanted anything in a very long time.

“Don’t feel pressured to say yes. I understand if you’d rather not.”

Because he couldn’t give her more than one special night? Because he couldn’t give her more than terrific sex?

She was going to jump without a parachute. “I want to go out with you, Jared. I want to very much.” She thought he might hug her then, maybe even kiss her.

He glanced toward the hall and the bedrooms from where children’s laughter floated to them. Instead of doing either, he smiled at her, a very real smile. Emily felt as if he
had
hugged and kissed her.

She couldn’t wait for tomorrow night.

E
mily stood on the cobblestones at the winery’s bed-and-breakfast wondering if she was going to spend the evening alone!

Jared had called to say he’d be late. He told her he would meet her at the bed-and-breakfast’s restaurant where he’d made reservations.

She was tempted to stroll down the lane to the wine-tasting room in the rustic, red-tiled building. Her high heels might tilt a bit on the stones—

A car rumbled down the lane, a little faster than it should have been going. Emily smiled. It was Jared.

She maneuvered her way to the parking lot in her high heels. She’d wanted to look nice tonight. She’d worn a mint-colored, silky, fitted blouse with buttons down the front and slacks. Her hair curled free with a copper barrette at her temple.

When Jared climbed out of the car, he just stared at her for a few seconds, a half smile on his lips. Then it faded and she didn’t know why.

He was wearing scrubs. “I wanted to get here as soon as I could so you didn’t have to wait.”

“Were you afraid I wouldn’t wait?”

“That was always a possibility.”

She saw worry in his eyes and maybe doubts, doubts about his career. “I understand your profession, Jared.”

He seemed to relax a bit. “It’s your profession, too. Have you given more thought to when you’re going to return to it?”

“Are you tired of having me around?”

He slid his hand into her hair and caressed her cheek with his thumb. “No, I’m not tired of having you around. But I think you need to find your niche again.”

She had been considering her options, but she was afraid of what would happen when she made inquiries. Besides that, she didn’t want to think about it tonight. “I think that subject is way too serious. We’re at this beautiful winery and we ought to take advantage of it. Just look at that sunset.”

The sky was painted with purple and pink streaks.

“I made reservations for dinner, but I also reserved a room,” Jared said, watching her expression. “I’d like to go up and get a shower before we eat. Do you mind?”

“Did you reserve the room just to get a shower?” She was half-teasing, half-serious.

“No. I thought we could have some quiet alone time there away from the world. If you just want to have dinner, that’s fine. I’m not pressuring you into anything.” He dropped his hand from her cheek as if he had doubts about what she wanted.

“I love the idea of a place where we could have quiet
time without being interrupted. Let’s go up and you can get your shower.”

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?”

His words warmed her all over. “No, you didn’t. Thank you.”

Taking her chin in hand, he gave her a quick kiss, then he returned to the car for his clothes.

The hostess checked them in and changed their dinner reservation to a later hour. They climbed the beautifully polished wood steps, passing photographs on the wall of Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings and Mac Davis—three musical native sons.

At the landing, they turned right and went to room 2. “I had her describe the rooms to me and I liked the sound of this one.”

Emily didn’t know what to expect when Jared opened the door. The decor of the bed-and-breakfast seemed to be Western and comfortable.

As Emily stepped into the room, she smiled. This room had a Victorian bent with a huge canopy bed, a small mahogany dresser that looked like an antique, along with a washstand with decorative pitcher and bowl. The windows looked out over the vineyard.

Jared hung his clothes in the closet and dumped his shoes onto the floor. Then he snatched two fluffy white robes from inside and gave one to Emily. “You might want to use it later,” he said with a wink.

Jared was usually in busy mode, either busy taking care of his daughters or busy with his career. Now she was seeing the relaxed side of him and she liked it…a lot.

“I won’t be long,” he said. He pointed to the binder on the dresser. “That’s probably a menu if you want to look it over.”

Then he disappeared into the bathroom.

She could look over the menu, or—

She heard water begin to run and then the swish of a shower curtain. Suddenly she felt impossibly reckless. She kicked off her high heels and disrobed in a matter of seconds. Then she tiptoed into the bathroom. The ceramic tile was cool under her feet. There was a bathtub in the corner with a shower curtain tucked inside it.

She went to that corner and slid open the curtain a few inches. “Would you like company?”

At the sound of her voice, Jared froze. He was facing the other way and she stared at his wonderfully male body. When he turned around, he saw she was naked, too. His green eyes went darker, and the nerve along his jaw jumped.

“If you’d rather shower alone, I can just get dressed again,” she murmured, now unsure.

“You
are
a constant surprise. And that’s a compliment.”

“I’ve never done anything this bold,” she confided, a bit shyly. She didn’t want him to think she ran around jumping into men’s showers.

He took the few steps toward her and held out his hands. She took them and climbed over the bathtub rim. They stood that way, face-to-face, holding hands, the water running behind Jared. “Aren’t you afraid you’ll mess up your makeup? Your hair?”

“I’m only wearing lipstick and a little mascara, and as far as my hair goes, that’s why God made hair dryers.”

He laughed, a hearty laugh, and wrapped his arms around her. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

Pushing away slightly, she looked up at him. Teasing sparks lit his eyes. But the longer they stood there, aware of their naked bodies pressed together, aware of their hearts
beating in unison, the sparks lit into a fire of hungry desire. She anticipated his kiss and she longed for it.

Instead of kissing her, he reached to the side of the tub and picked up a bar of soap. “I think this could be a lot of fun. Do you want to start, or should I?”

Well, she’d been bold so far. Might as well keep going. Taking the soap from him, she hoped she didn’t lose her nerve.

She held her hands out to the water, made a lather, and then began with Jared’s chest. He closed his eyes and she hoped that meant he was enjoying her soapy play.
She
certainly was. This was a different kind of making love—a deliberate, pleasure-filled, all-the-time-in-the-world experience.

After she washed his chest, she moved to his arms. Then she asked him to turn around and he raised an eyebrow in surprise.

He rinsed a little, letting water sluice down his back. She took advantage of the wetness, increasing the amount of soap bubbles, letting her fingers slide up and down his neck, over his biceps, around his shoulder blades. Steam filled the room, along with the scent of the soap. The only sound was the splash of the water against the floor of the tub.

Jared stepped back a little, away from the water. She slid her hands down his spine and over his buttocks. His groan was deep.

She was suddenly filled with the desire to make him want her as he’d never wanted her before. She wanted him to desire her so much that he’d never let her leave. She pressed her breasts against his back, her thighs against his, as she wrapped her arms around him and took him into her soapy hands. He sucked in a breath and let her stroke him until he was hot and hard and huge. Before she knew
what was happening, he turned and lifted her until her legs went around him.

“Have you ever had sex in a shower before?” His voice was raspy.

“No, have you?”

“No. I guess this will be the first time for both of us.”

He walked her to the wall until her back was against it. Then he let her slip down just a little…just enough, and he pressed inside her. He thrust and thrust and thrust again.

Emily came, all of a sudden, all at once, with a blinding ferocity that made every fiber of her body tremble.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held on as she cried, “Jared! You make me feel so wonderful.”

Her words seemed to tip him over the edge, too, and he shuddered into her, groaning, kissing her as if neither of them ever had to breathe again.

Eventually, he loosened his grip and she let her legs drop, though she wasn’t sure she could stand up. He took her face between his hands, gazed at her long and hard and then kissed her again. It was as if he couldn’t believe what they’d shared. She couldn’t, either.

He called it sex, but she knew they’d had much more than sex. They’d made love.

Jared stepped out of the tub first, found her robe and wrapped her in it. After he lifted her out, he toweled off and wrapped her in his arms again. “Do you want to dress for dinner or call room service?”

“Does that mean we can have supper in bed?” she teased.

“Supper and anything else you want in bed.”

“That sounds perfect.”

And it would be perfect for tonight. Tomorrow…

Wrapped in Jared’s arms, knowing he was going to kiss her again, she hoped tomorrow would take care of itself. She was just going to enjoy tonight.

“Come here, Emily.”

The following week Gloria was sitting on the sofa, a photograph album spread over her lap, when Emily returned from the park with Amy and Courtney. Jared’s mother was recuperating well, getting stronger each day. She was using a cane now and had it tilted beside her against the sofa.

“What are you looking at?” Emily asked as the twins ran toward their grandmother, gave her a hug and snuggled in, one on each side of her.

“That’s Daddy!” Amy proclaimed, pointing to one of the pictures.

Gloria ran her hand over Amy’s sun-warmed hair. “It sure is. And I have more pictures when he was much younger. Are you interested?” Gloria asked Emily with a grin.

She definitely was. She felt she and Jared were becoming closer. Since their sojourn at the bed-and-breakfast, she’d joined him every night in his room after everyone else had fallen asleep. He rose early in the morning, so she had plenty of time to go back to her room and get dressed, ready for the day before the twins and Gloria needed her. Whenever she and Jared were alone, they made love. At least that’s what it felt like to her. He was so passionate, so tender…

Yet she sensed he didn’t want to talk about the future. She sensed that he thought of what they were doing as good sex. It was, but it was so much more. At least she hoped she wasn’t deluding herself about that.

Crossing to the sofa, lifting Courtney onto her lap,
Emily watched Gloria pull another photo album from under the first. She positioned it on top and opened it. These photographs were older and were a picturesque time machine back to Jared’s childhood.

“He was seven here,” Gloria explained, her voice catching a bit. “He was in second grade and all dressed up for the Christmas recital. That was his first suit.”

The photo was of Jared standing with a few other children in front of a stage decorated for the holidays.

Gloria’s fingers moved from one picture to another. They were fascinating to Emily. She noticed every detail of how Jared had changed through the years.

Finally Gloria’s fingers stopped on a studio photograph. This time her thumb gently moved over the figure of the man in the photo. “Wyatt was a wonderful father.”

“We were a happy family until I found out what you did.” Jared was standing at the edge of the great room. Neither Emily nor Gloria had heard him come in.

Gloria looked up at her son with regret-filled eyes. “I wish I had told Wyatt the truth. I never wanted to hurt either of you.”

Jared came over to his daughters, gave both of them a hug and a kiss. After another glance at the album, he said, “There’s no point looking at the old photos. The past is in the past.”

“I only wish that were true,” Gloria said sadly. Then turning to the twins, she suggested, “Why don’t you each pick one of your favorite books and we’ll read it in my room?”

“Can I make your chair go up and down?” Amy asked.

Gloria laughed. “Before I’m in it.”

The girls made a beeline for their bookshelf.

“Do you need help?” Emily asked, knowing Gloria sometimes had problems rising to her feet.

“No. I’m fine, dear.” Using her cane, Gloria pushed
herself to her feet. After a last look at her son, she followed her granddaughters to their room.

“You say the past is in the past, but you don’t mean it,” Emily offered softly after Gloria had left.

Jared lowered himself to the sofa beside her and remained silent.

“Why can’t you forgive her?”

He cut Emily a quick glance, then stared into the kitchen. “She deceived me for ten years. Ten years, Emily. I lost the dad I’d respected and admired and loved.”

“She didn’t want to hurt you, can’t you understand that?”

“She knew the truth would come out eventually. She knew I was attached to Wyatt in every way a dad and son bond.”

“Exactly. Can’t you see why she hoped she could keep the secret forever?”

“That was a fantasy.”

“Maybe. Or maybe she thought if the truth came out when you were older, you might understand.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending her!”

“I’m looking at the situation as if I were a mother and wife in the same position she was.”

“You wouldn’t have kept the truth from your husband. Or would you have?”

From the intensity in his gaze, Emily knew the answer to that question was very important to him. “No. I wouldn’t have kept that secret from the man I loved.” Would he believe her when she
had
kept her midwifery career from him?

Jared searched her face. After a few heartbeats, he determined, “There’s no point discussing this. What happened happened. We all dealt with it the best way we could.”

But Emily suspected how much Gloria hurt from the
emotional distance between her and Jared for so many years. “She’s your mom, Jared. If you could forgive her, you’d both be so much happier. I’d give anything to talk to my mother again…to hug her. You still have that chance.”

When he turned to look at Emily this time, she saw clearly that he wanted her to drop the subject.

After long moments of silence, he covered her hand with his. “How would you like to go out for supper instead of making it? The girls love the cheese fries at Joe’s Burger Joint.”