Baby Be Mine (36 page)

My hackles go up. Mummy? You’ve got to be kidding me. But I stay quiet so she can dig her own hole.

I look pointedly at Johnny. He’s glaring at Dana, but she’s not biting. ‘I guess I won’t cancel the babysitter, then.’

No one says anything as I leave the room.

Bess is in the kitchen taste-testing Eddie’s latest concoction: roasted pumpkin soup with melted Gruyère cheese and Parmesan croutons.

‘That is ridiculously yummy,’ she tells him.

‘Should help get us in the mood for Halloween,’ he replies with a grin.

‘Ooh, yeah. Hey, we need to go costume shopping,’ I say to Bess. ‘We’ll need to get something for Barney, too.’

Just then, we hear Johnny’s raised voice coming from the living room.

‘I don’t give a shit,’ he growls at Dana. ‘Either you pull your weight or we don’t have a future.’

‘Is that an ultimatum? Because I ain’t a girl for ultimatums, Johnny. You should know that about me.’

Eddie, Bess and I stand stock-still, staring at each other.

‘I guess you’d better go, then,’ comes Johnny’s reply. My heart lifts with hope. Is he breaking up with Dana? I shouldn’t care, but, God, I do, I really, really do.

There’s no sound coming from the living room. Very slowly and carefully, I poke my head around the corner, just in time to hear the front door slam shut.

‘Meg!’ Bess whispers, trying to pull me back.

Johnny is standing alone in the living room. He turns and stalks up the stairs. Is it wrong that I want to go and comfort him? Silly question, I know the answer.

‘She’s gone,’ I say to Bess and Eddie.

‘What was that about?’ Eddie asks.

I shrug. Small staff and everything, but this time I want to stay silent.

‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ I tell them, walking out of the room.

‘Meg . . .’ Bess calls after me, a warning tone to her voice. She knows what I’m up to. I feel guilty, but I can’t stop my feet from taking me up the stairs. I turn left at the top, but before I can reach Johnny’s room, he comes out, a stony expression on his face.

‘Cancel the babysitter,’ he says with resolution. ‘I’ll look after Barney.’

‘But I thought—’

‘I said I’ll do it.’

‘What about—’

‘Dana’s gone,’ he interrupts me again.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask tentatively.

‘Oh, I’m fine,’ he replies with a slightly menacing undertone. ‘Now you go and have a good time with your boyfriend. Although why you’d want to go on a date when your so-called best friend has just come all the way from England . . .’

I sigh. ‘Joseph isn’t going tonight.’

‘Then why did you say—’

‘To annoy you.’

His green eyes meet mine for a long moment. He nods briefly, but doesn’t smile and I find I haven’t got the words to say anything else. It’s like he understands, and even though I should deny whatever conclusion he’s coming to about me and my feelings for him, I just can’t.

He’s the one to break eye contact and it makes me feel wretched.

‘I’ve got work to do,’ he mutters, and turns towards the studio. I stand there on the spot for a while, silently cursing myself.

Bess is not impressed later when I tell her what happened.

‘You should totally have invited Joseph along tonight.’

‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘Johnny’s right – three’s a crowd.’

‘No, it’s not,’ she scoffs. ‘I want to check out this hot kung-fu guy. I assume you’re not going to be humping his leg in front of me, or anything like that.’

I laugh. ‘No.’

‘Then it’s not a problem.’

‘It’s fine. Tonight I think I need some girl time.’

‘That suits me, too,’ she replies. ‘But for God’s sake, put Johnny out of your mind. He’s bad for you.’

I know she’s right, but tonight I can’t. He’s all I can think about. Bess enjoys every minute of the Saldo Sorvie gig, and while I dance along like everyone else in the crowd, all I can think about is Johnny’s eyes, while my heart flips over and over and over. He’s consuming me again, but, if he’s finished with Dana, that no longer seems like such a bad thing.

I don’t want to go to the after-show party – I just want to get home to ‘my boys’ – but I can’t do that to Bess, so we go and I pretend to have a good time. I’m a pretty good actress when I need to be. Maybe I could look into that as a career?

‘Stop pretending to have a good time,’ Bess says at eleven o’clock.

Maybe not, re the actress thing.

‘I’m not pretending.’

‘Yes, you are. You can’t fool me.’

Okay, definitely not, re the actress thing.

‘Stop thinking about him,’ she adds.

‘Thinking about who?’ Nope, won’t work. ‘I can’t,’ I come clean.

‘Jesus, you don’t even seem miserable about the fact.’

‘He’s split up with Dana!’ I point out, my eyes wide with excitement.

‘You don’t know that for sure.’ She brings me down to earth with a bump.

‘I do.’ My tone is resolute. ‘I feel like it’s over. They’re not right for each other. She’s a silly cow and she’s no good for him.’

‘The press seem to think she’s The One.’

‘Don’t believe everything you read.’ The phrase trips off my tongue, but Bess devours the tabloids regularly . . . ‘Why, what have you heard?’ I ask curiously.

She sighs. ‘You really should read the papers more.’

‘I’d rather you just fill me in, thanks.’

She hesitates before continuing. ‘You know the pair of them were snapped looking at rings in San Francisco recently?’

Nausea swamps me. ‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ I reply.

‘Maybe not,’ she agrees. ‘But they looked pretty loved-up to me.’

‘Let’s not talk about this anymore,’ I suddenly decide. ‘I think we need another drink.’

But half an hour after that, we call it a night and go home.

The sickness in my stomach is replaced by a jittery feeling as we walk through the front door. I wonder if he’s still awake. Should I go to his room to retrieve the monitor? The lights are on low in the living room, but it’s deserted. Hang on, the terrace doors are open. I turn back to look at Bess.

‘Night, night, then.’

‘Meg . . .’ It’s that warning tone again.

‘Please,’ I beg. I don’t want her to make this harder for me. I can’t stay away from him. Not now. Not ever.

She gives me a sad look and heads up the stairs. I watch after her, waiting until she’s in her room before I walk to the terrace doors. It’s dark outside, so I look for the light of his cigarette. I can smell smoke, so he’s out here somewhere, but I can’t see anything. And then I hear her. I freeze on the spot as my eyes adjust to the darkness. I stare in the direction of the tiny gasps which are punctuated by low grunts, and then I see Dana, her naked back visible in the moonlight as she rocks on top of Johnny on a sunlounger beside the pool.

Bile rises up in my throat. I turn and flee into the house, my heart pounding. I run up the stairs, thankful only that she had her back to me as she screwed the one-time love of my life, and then I hide in the safety of my bedroom. I stand against the door, breathing heavily, hot tears in my eyes, and finally my pulse calms down and I remember my son. I angrily brush away my tears, knowing full well that my anger is directed at myself as much as at Johnny and that stupid cow out there, and then I walk out of my bedroom and down the landing to Barney’s room. I go inside. He’s sleeping peacefully, his low murmur audible only to me. I reach down and push his hair away from his face and then bend down to kiss his brow. The tears return, only this time they’re full of sorrow. I straighten up as a shadow is cast across the doorway. I spin around and my heart stops when I see Johnny standing there. I compose myself and go to the door. He steps aside to let me through and then I close it behind me and turn to face him.

‘I heard something on the monitor,’ he explains, not meeting my eyes as he hands it over.

I stare at his face as I take it from him. Is he going to tell me she’s back?

No need. I hear the terrace door sliding shut. Johnny finally meets my eyes and I don’t know what it is I see in them as Dana’s footsteps sound on the stairs. She appears behind him and he looks away again, but not at her.

‘Can we go to bed now the Baby Whisperer is home?’ she drawls into his ear. I can’t even be bothered to look at her.

‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ he replies in a gruff voice, staring at the wall.

She turns and walks away. ‘Don’t keep me waiting long, baby. You’ve got to finish what you started.’ She giggles and pushes open his door. He looks at me again.

‘Nice,’ I say quietly and sarcastically. I give him a look of contempt and then head along the landing to my bedroom.

‘Hey,’ he whispers after me. I don’t wait to hear what he has to say before going into my bedroom and firmly shutting the door.

  Chapter 38  

‘Take your bloody time,’ Joseph jokes. ‘I didn’t think you were ever going to call.’

I didn’t want to. Bess made me. She said I had to get back on the horse, which was funny because those were the exact same words that Kitty used.

‘Sorry, it’s been a busy few days. Listen, I wondered if you’d fancy coming to a Halloween party on Saturday night? It’s being held by Sylvester Middleman – I don’t know if you know him?’

‘I know
of
him. How did you get an invite to that?’ He sounds impressed.

‘Barney’s dad is kind of well connected.’

‘Aah, I see,’ he replies, thankfully not asking who Barney’s dad actually is. ‘Do you have a spare ticket?’

‘I’m pretty sure I could get one.’ And I don’t give a crap if Johnny is annoyed about it.

‘Cool, well, don’t put yourself out.’

‘Oh, it won’t be any trouble at all,’ I tell him.

With Dana back on the scene and clearly keen to make her mark on the matter, Bess and I spend more time out of the house and keeping busy so the weekend comes around quicker than expected. On Friday we go fancy-dress shopping, and after much hilarious deliberation, Bess opts to go dressed as Minnie Mouse, and somehow or other she manages to talk me into wearing a slinky black cat suit so I’m going as a cat. Barney, we’re dressing as a pumpkin because it’s the only costume he doesn’t immediately try to take off. We’re sitting in the kitchen having a laugh with Eddie, when Johnny saunters in. Our easy conversation halts, as it tends to do in his presence.

‘You still here?’ he asks Eddie.

‘I’m just finishing up,’ Eddie replies.

‘Any plans for the weekend?’ asks Johnny.

‘Nope. Just hearing about Bess and Meg’s fancy-dress costumes. Sounds like it’s going to be a blast.’

‘What’s going to be a blast?’ Dana asks with fake enthusiasm as she bounds into the room.

‘Halloween,’ Johnny replies shortly as she kisses him on his cheek and throws her arm around his neck. She’s clearly in an annoyingly good mood.

‘Fuck me, I forgot it was Halloween! What are we doing?’

‘Hey,’ he warns softly, glancing at Barney and me.

She clamps her hand over her mouth and looks at me. ‘Sorry, Maria!’

‘Maria?’ I ask, unamused.

‘The nanny from
The Sound of Music,’
she replies with a shrug.

‘Can you stop calling me names?’ I ask with irritation.

She just laughs. ‘Shit, you should totally go dressed as a nun. I bet you’d look great in a habit.’

‘Oh, bugger off,’ I mutter.

‘Meg.’ Johnny frowns, glancing at Barney as if I’m the one who’s being out of line.

‘Are you taking the piss?’ I’m about to lose it, and my son being in the vicinity isn’t going to change that.

Bess gets up and goes to take Barney, but I stop her.

‘Forget it,’ I say calmly.

‘So, anyway,’ Dana moves on brightly. ‘Who’s doing what for Halloween?’ She glances at each of us, but neither Bess nor I speak. ‘Johnny? We gotta do something to celebrate our first Halloween together . . .’

‘Are you going to Sylvester’s do?’ he asks me.

‘Mmm,’ I nod, non-committally.

‘Sylvester?’ Dana asks. ‘As in Middleman?’

Johnny nods.

‘Shit, we should totally go to that! Everyone will be there.’

‘Really?’ Johnny asks her with surprise. ‘You want to do Halloween?’

‘Hell, yeah!’

My heart continues its descent into the pit of my stomach.