Axel's Pup (57 page)

Bayden didn’t move, didn’t blink.

Axel’s confidence soared higher with every second that passed. “When everything is sorted out, you will be a formal part of this pack, and you will be my mate. I’ve known that’s where we’ve been heading for a long time. I think you have too.”

“I thought…” Bayden met his gaze.

“You thought you were the only one who wanted that?” Axel asked. That had to be the problem, because there was no way anyone could doubt that Bayden wanted it with a ferocity that Axel had never encountered in another sub.

“I…”

“Just because humans use different words, that doesn’t mean we aren’t talking about exactly the same thing.”

Bayden cleared his throat. “You want…”

“Yes.” Axel let his complete certainty fill the word.

“Even though I screwed up again?”

“Yes.” No doubt. No hesitation.

Bayden looked at the money resting on the table between them.

“I said you’d be allowed to pay me back, and I’ll stand by that,” Axel promised. Bayden reached out to the money, and Axel knew Bayden was going to try to hand it to him. “But I won’t touch a penny you earned this way. You can pay me back out of your wages, or whatever, but not this money.”

Bayden stared at the folded notes. “What do you want me to do with it?”

Axel shrugged. “Keep it. Toss it. Put a match to it for all I care. It’s nothing to do with me.”

Bayden put the money back on the table and dropped his hand onto his lap. His disappointment was palpable.

Axel couldn’t give way to sympathy. “There are plenty of other things that need to be dealt with,” he announced.

“Yes, sir.”

“Like the punishment you still have outstanding.”

“You said I wasn’t allowed to be punished yet, sir.”

“I was wrong. Waiting isn’t helping you. You’ll be punished now. The punishment starts tonight.” Even as he said it, Axel knew it was the right choice—the only choice at that point. Sympathy, patience and understanding were only part of what Bayden needed to receive from his would-be master. It was now time for the other part.

“Yes, sir.”

Axel was silent for several seconds.

“Do you want me to get anything for it, sir?” Bayden asked, once more moving to the edge of his seat.

“Like a whip?” Axel suggested.

“Whatever you want.”

“It’s not going to be that kind of punishment.”

“I can take it, sir.”

“I know you can. I don’t think you even care about that kind of pain anymore. I’m the only one who cares if you get hurt—that’s why this bothers me far more than it bothers you.” He stroked a knuckle under Bayden’s injured eye.

Bayden leaned into his touch, so desperate for reassurance. Axel forced himself to take his hand away.

“The punishment will be losing your privileges, and it will last until every injury has completely healed.”

Bayden nodded.

Axel let silence fall, forcing Bayden to make the next move, to actively come to him for the punishment rather than just accept what was thrown at him.

“Am I allowed to ask which privileges, sir?” Bayden asked, very softly.

“All of them.”

Bayden tensed. “You said I had to tell you if you said something that made me think you want me to leave, sir.”

“Living here isn’t a privilege, that’s part of being my mate, and that will never change. But, everything else we spoke about before your penance—all those privileges are gone, no exceptions.”

“Yes, sir.” He sounded calm. It was obvious that he had no idea what that would be like in practice.

“This punishment is going to be a lot harder than your penance was, but you’ll get through it,” Axel promised him.

Bayden nodded.

Axel stood up. “It’s time you went to bed.”

Bayden stood up, moving as if he was entirely unaware of his injuries. He turned toward the master bedroom. Axel forced himself to wait until Bayden was about to step inside before he called for him to stop.

“You’ll sleep in the guest room during your punishment.”

Bayden looked through the master bedroom door to the floor where he’d slept before.

“I told you this would be harder,” Axel reminded him.

Bayden wrapped his fingers around his opposite wrist. He looked up at Axel, but didn’t manage to put words to his question.

“Bondage is a privilege.” Axel led Bayden to the guest room. “In the bed, under the covers,” he specified.

Bayden stared at the bed with obvious disapproval. It was a perfectly nice bed. It was also where he’d slept those nights he’d stayed at the pub, back before he’d been anything more than a bartender to Axel. That knowledge would make the punishment far more effective than any physical discomfort could.

Bayden looked up at him once more.

“You’re allowed to let me know if there’s something wrong. You can say your safe word if you need to. You can ask questions if you’re not sure about something. But this is it—the punishment starts now.”

“Yes, sir.”

“No.”

Bayden frowned as best he could with his current injuries.

“That was one of the privileges you listed. Until the punishment ends, I’m not sir to you, I’m Axel.”

Bayden jerked back as if he’d been slapped. He nodded his understanding, but Axel couldn’t allow that to be enough. He waited for a real answer.

Bayden closed his eyes when he realised that Axel was going to make him say it. He whispered the words very softly, each one dripping with pain. “Yes, Axel.”

Bayden sat on the edge of the bed with his knees pulled up toward his chest and his arms looped over them. The sun was up, but there wasn’t a clock in the spare bedroom, and Bayden had no idea what time it was. Hours seemed to pass before Bayden heard Axel moving around the flat.

Bayden went quickly to the bedroom door. Hand on the handle, he took a deep breath before slinking out of the room. His clothes were all in Axel’s bedroom. He wasn’t sure if wearing them counted as a privilege. It was possible he’d spend the next few days nude. Either way, his inability to get his clothes without being given permission to enter Axel’s bedroom reassured him he wasn’t making the wrong decision by seeking Axel out while naked.

Axel was in the kitchen. His hair was damp from the shower. He was fully dressed. He looked over his shoulder as Bayden paused in the kitchen doorway.

Axel looked him up and down, but his gaze was assessing rather than admiring. Bayden tightened his hands into fists as he fought against the urge to cover the worst of his bruises.

The silence was unbearable. “I wasn’t sure if the shower counts as a privilege, sir.”

“The shower doesn’t. Hot water does. And it’s Axel, not sir.”

Bayden took a step backwards. Axel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Axel.” The words tasted like ash in his mouth. He retreated into the bathroom off the guest bedroom.

The water was frigid. Bayden’s breath caught in his throat as he stepped beneath the spray. It was hardly the first time he’d needed to wash under cold water. Back at his bedsit, there had rarely been any warm water. A shiver ran through him as he scrubbed at his skin, not inclined to be gentle against bruises that had made Axel so angry.

It was so damn difficult to get really clean when the water was cold. Bayden shook his head. Axel had been too kind to him for too long. He was getting weak, taking things for granted and starting to rely on them. What kind of a wolf was he? He muttered a curse and scrubbed harder. He stayed under the spray until he was as clean as he could get.

His shivering had stopped by the time he’d dried himself and headed back to the kitchen.

Axel was dishing up breakfast. Bayden faltered on the threshold, not wanting Axel to think he was there expecting to be fed. A few days without food wouldn’t do him any harm. He watched in silence as Axel plated up his own breakfast.

Axel turned away from the counter. For the first time, Bayden realised Axel had been dishing up two plates of food. Axel held one out to him. Bayden stepped forward, desperate for any excuse to be closer to Axel, but he kept his hands at his side.

“Don’t argue. I’ve no intention of starving you.”

Disobeying that tone of voice wasn’t an option. Bayden took the plate and turned to the table.

“You can sit on the sofa in the living room while you eat.”

Bayden looked at the kitchen table. He’d said it. He’d made it part of the list of things he liked. He’d labelled eating there with Axel as a privilege he enjoyed.

Bayden looked down at the breakfast. It would have been easier if Axel had decided to starve him.

Not sure what to say, Bayden turned away in silence. He was halfway to the door when Axel spoke again.

“Yes.”

Bayden turned back to him.

“You want to know if I’ll keep twisting the knife? Yes, I will.” Axel stepped forward. “This isn’t a game. It’s not easy. It’s not supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to make sure you never make the same mistake again.”

“It won’t, s—Axel. If I’d realised you’d be worried about me, I’d have found a way to let you know I was okay.”

“This too,” Axel said, stroking the bruise on Bayden’s jaw. “I don’t know if you were trying to punish yourself for borrowing money or punish me for insisting you let me lend it to you—”

Bayden shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that, sir. I mean, Axel, I—”

“I don’t care which it was,” Axel cut in. “It’s never going to happen again.” He put his knuckles under Bayden’s chin and made Bayden look him in the eye. “Never again.” He nodded his dismissal.

Bayden went into the living room. The sofa. It wasn’t the order he’d wanted, but it was a specific order. It was something. In a world that suddenly ceased to contain all the things he’d unthinking come to rely on, that he’d unthinkingly fallen in love with, Bayden clung to it.

Axel wanted him to eat. A knife and fork rested on the plate alongside the food. Bayden balanced the plate on his knees and forced himself to work his way through the breakfast. His bruised jaw throbbed. His throat kept closing up. The split on his lip stung. The food turned cloying and stuck to the roof of his mouth. He forced himself to swallow it down anyway.

He’d only just finished when Axel came out. He took the plate off Bayden and went back into the kitchen. Bayden heard him washing the dishes. That was his job. Even if Axel never let him prepare food, cleaning up was his job. Bayden closed his eyes tightly, ignoring the shooting pain in one side of his face. Lost without an order, Bayden remained where he was until Axel returned.

“You can get dressed.”

Bayden rushed to obey. He tried to go so fast his hands turned clumsy. Axel had to think he was wasting time on purpose.

“And your jumper,” Axel corrected, from the doorway.

“Yes, sir.”

“No.”

Bayden glanced up at him. “Axel,” he corrected. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to disobey…”

Axel turned away. Bayden hurried along in his wake, just like he had those first few days after he’d come back, unwilling to let Axel out of his sight.

Downstairs, Bayden made a determined effort to pull himself together. Glasses and bottles littered the tables, most of them half full after the Dragons had rushed everyone out the previous night. Bayden grabbed a tray and started to collect them.

“You can sit at the bar.”

Bayden froze. No. He looked at Axel, then at the amount of work there was to do. No. He turned back to Axel. “I meant that a job that paid this much was a privilege, sir. Being paid human rates rather than wolf rates. Not working here altogether. If you don’t pay me then—”

“The next time you lie to me, I’m adding an extra day to the end of the punishment.”

Bayden met Axel’s gaze. Anger burned in his eyes.

“You have thirty seconds to correct the last lie, or that one counts.”

“I…” Bayden closed his eyes. “It’s being allowed to work with you and feeling useful that I like. That’s what I consider a privilege, sir.” He winced. “I mean, Axel.”

Axel nodded. “Sit at the bar,” he repeated, indicating the stool that Bayden had used when he’d first visited the pub.

Bayden couldn’t help but think back to that first day. As Axel moved around the room, cleaning up, doing work that he’d let Bayden do for weeks, Bayden stared at the door leading back toward the kitchen where Axel had patched him up, and he thought about the previous night when Axel had cleaned his wounds, for the eighth or ninth time.

He couldn’t have let Tolmore treat his injuries, even if the guy was a paramedic. It would have felt as much like cheating on Axel as it would have if he’d let Tolmore screw him.

Bayden took a deep breath and turned his attention to the patch of bar directly in front of him, thinking about the things he’d listed as privileges, and those he hadn’t.

“The list wasn’t complete,” he stuttered.

Axel moved to stand directly opposite him. He didn’t speak, he just stood there waiting to see what Bayden had to say for himself.

“When we talked about privileges, I didn’t list everything. There are other things that I didn’t expect, that I didn’t think of as rights.”

“Such as?”

“Most pubs don’t like wolves inside at all,” Bayden offered.

Axel leaned against his side of the bar, removing a bit of distance from between them. “That’s why you kept trying to take your drink outside the first few weeks?”

Bayden nodded.

“Whether you expect it or not, you do have the right to be treated the same as any human who walks in here. And I definitely have the right to keep you where I can keep an eye on you.”

“I just—”

“You were right to tell me,” Axel cut in.

Bayden took a deep breath. He’d actually done something right. It felt like the first time in years he hadn’t made things worse.

“Telling me what you like goes against all your instincts, doesn’t it?” Axel asked.

Bayden shifted uncomfortably on his stool, so tempted to lie. “No, it’s not an instinct. Instincts are different.” Bayden could feel Axel studying him, but he kept all his attention on the bar. “My instincts have always told me to trust you and tell you the truth,” he whispered.