Avoiding Commitment (6 page)

“Well, if I found your weakness, then you
shouldn’t push me away.” Her eyes were smoldering. One thought and
only one thought filled her head; she did not want to be away from
him. A cute flirtatious smile crossed her face. She glanced from
his baby blues to his pouty lips and back, not sure which she
preferred more at that moment.

“I don’t want to push you away, but I’m going
to take advantage of you if you keep doing that,” he said rolling
over to the other side of the bed.

Lexi flipped her leg as he rolled, straddling
his body. “I haven’t even gotten a kiss,” she said leaning in close
to him, “so I don’t feel as if I’m in much danger of being taken
advantage of.”

“You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever
met,” he said brushing his fingers across her cheek.

Her lips landed lightly on his and instantly
knew she wanted more. Just as he began to react, his pocked
vibrated making Lexi jump backwards in exasperation. He swore under
his breath. “I’ll be right back,” he said yanking out the phone as
he casually adjusted his erection. She watched him exit the room
and turn towards the back door out of earshot.

Falling back against the bed, she sighed
heavily. She couldn’t tell if she was being too forward. Even
though they had only been hanging out for a couple of weeks, she
could tell he was really into her. She was unbelievably ready for
his lips to be on her. Normally, when she was in this position,
guys were absolutely dying to get in her pants. It’s not that Jack
hadn’t acted like he wanted to kiss her…do more than kiss her. He
just hadn’t even tried. She respected that he respected her, but
enough was enough. She yanked her shirt back into place and sat up
straight-backed against the black headboard folding her arms across
her knees.

“Sorry about that,” he apologized as he came
around the corner scratching the back of his head.

“It’s alright.” Her smile had lost its fire.
“How about that movie?”

They retreated back to the living room; both
attempting to forget that they had been so close to ravishing each
other’s bodies only a few short minutes earlier. As time went by,
their encounters continued, each with as much or more intensity as
the last. Then, they would stop, always just a little bit farther
than the last time. He captivated her thoughts, and was even
beginning to make his way into her dreams. The previous night, her
dream had felt so real. When she had woken up to find herself in
her dorm room, rather than wrapped in Jack’s arms, she had been so
frustrated she had actually woken Jennifer up. It was safe to say
neither girl had been pleased.

The next day, Lexi forced herself to survive
her three classes before driving over to Jack’s house. She knew
that he had the day off, and was anxious to see him. After the
exceedingly vivid dream, she could hardly concentrate without
images of him pressed against her entering her mind. She knocked on
the door to announce her presence, and then pushed it open without
waiting for a response. Jack was standing in the living room
talking on his cell phone. He glanced over at the door as she
entered and held up a finger as if to tell her he would just be a
minute. He moved into the bedroom and closed the door as she sat
down on the couch to wait.

Lexi had gotten dressed with extra special
care today, hoping to make an even more vivacious impression than
usual. Even Jennifer, whose endorsement was practically
nonexistent, had approved when she had chosen a short purple dress
that buttoned around the neck with a key hole revealing a portion
of her breasts. She slid her grey pea coat off and deposited it on
the couch armrest.

Jack wandered into the room and she eagerly
hopped up from her seat to greet him. The smile he returned to her
was weak and he held up his hand. “Lexi,” he said her name as if
reprimanding her. She couldn’t help it, she radiated with energy.
Her curls bounced in her face as she backed away obediently. She
looked at him concerned, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Sorry,” she said smiling playfully, trying
to play off the seriousness of his appearance. She didn’t know why
she was sorry just that he off somehow.

“No, Lex, it’s fine. I just need to talk to
you about some stuff,” he said averting his eyes. Lexi paused in
her excitement and took a good hard look at him. Large black
circles ringed his eyes as if he hadn’t slept the night before…for
several days even. Obviously, he hadn’t been having the same dreams
as her. His clothes, which were normally in pristine condition,
hung off him wrought with wrinkles. He hadn’t even given her a hug
when she had walked in. Something serious was going on. “Oh, ok.
Well go ahead. I’m all ears,” she said pretending to stay upbeat
despite the awful feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

He sighed heavily, finally meeting her eyes.
“I have a girlfriend.”

“You
what
?” she practically screamed
at him, shock evident on her now very pale face.

His head fell to his chest and he wouldn’t
meet her gaze. “She doesn’t live here. That’s how you haven’t come
across her. We’ve been dating since high school,” he added the last
part in an almost whisper, his voice breaking.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she shrieked,
tears unintentionally springing to her eyes. “How can you stand
there and tell me that everything we have is a lie?” She pushed
past him and into the kitchen running her hands against the sides
of the cool countertop in an attempt to calm herself. It didn’t
work.

“It’s not a lie.”

She glared at him fiercely, her jaw locked
tight. “How?” Lexi asked through her teeth, smacking the countertop
with the palms of her hands.

“Lex, I can explain.”

“Oh, can you?” she asked turning to face him.
“How can you
possibly
explain?”

He paused, achingly watching the tears stream
down her cheeks. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you’re sorry?” she retorted, throwing
her hands in the air. “What good does that do? How does this solve
anything? I don’t need your apology, and anyways you still haven’t
given me an explanation.” She stood straight-backed in front of
him, nostrils flaring, staring him down. “You said you could
explain. Well, try. Please try to explain to me how any of this can
possibly
be okay. How could you lie and deceive me like
this? All those things that you said,” she cried running her
fingers through her tangled curls. “God, did you mean anything you
said?”

“Please don’t cry. We weren’t even really
together.” She shot him a look of death. “I know we spent a lot of
time together,” he said throwing his hands up in defense.

“Enough time that the fact that you had a
girlfriend
might have come up, don’t you think?”

“Yes. I wanted to tell you so many
times.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Jack. If you
wanted to tell me, then you would have. Obviously, you didn’t want
me to know. You wanted to double dip.”

“Oh, stop with that,” he said taking her
shoulders in his hands. “I stopped what we were doing before
anything serious happened.”

“Before anything
serious
happened.
Really? Are you serious?” she asked venom apparent in her tone.

“Lex...I...”

She cut him off, not really wanting to hear
his definition of what serious was. “Is that what all those phone
calls were? All those weekends at home? You were visiting
your...girlfriend.” He nodded solemnly. “You let me go through all
of this, let me feel like we were working towards something, while
the whole time you were parading around with your
girlfriend
?” she asked weakly, her voice cracking. “What
kind of person
does
that?”

“Lexi, please.”

She couldn’t listen to him pleading with her.
She just couldn’t do it. Suddenly, her voice shifted from despair
to anger. “So, tell me, what did your girlfriend say when you told
her that you had let some other girl sleep in your bed? What did
she say when you told her that you would trail kisses across that
same girl’s face and down her neck with countless promises for
more? Hmm?” she asked forcefully pushing him away from her. “What
did she say when you told her how beautiful you thought I was, and
how much you had never met
any
other girl as amazing as me?
Was she happy? Wait, let me guess, you didn’t tell her,” she spoke
fiercely, accusing him. “Of course not, because
had
you told
her, then she would be the one crying right now. Not me.”

Jack brushed his hair back from his eyes and
paced away from her. “Please, Lexi, God, I didn’t want this to
happen.”

“You didn’t want this to happen?” Lexi asked
in disbelief. “God, are you blind? Why did you even ask me out in
the first place, if you were so set on not letting
this
happen?” she threw the question at him angrily. “You didn’t have
to. I was walking away. You could have and
should
have just
left it at that. Just answer me that, since you can’t seem to
answer anything else.”

“I hesitated,” he started lamely. “I wasn’t
going to ask you out, but I thought that I could hold you back.
That we could just be friends and maybe, you could even meet
Danielle. Then we started hanging out, and I was in deep over my
head after the first time we hung out. You were…are,” he corrected
himself, “amazing. I didn’t want to stop what we had, and I never
wanted to hurt you like this. But, by the time I realized I should
tell you about Danielle, it was too late.”

“You’re right. It is too late. Good-bye,
Jack,” she said shoving him against the pantry door, snatching her
jacket off the couch, and marching towards the exit.

“Lexi,” he called rushing after her. He
latched on to her elbow and spun her around. “I told you because I
want us to still be friends. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t feed me that,” she quipped, struggling
to yank her arm free. He held on tight, not letting her loose. “Let
me go,” she cried warningly.

He ignored her command. “I’m not feeding you
anything. The time isn’t right for us, but I don’t think that means
there won’t be a time for us,” he said, his blue eyes pleading.
“Please, Lex.”

“You tell me you have a girlfriend. A serious
girlfriend, of what, two or three years?” He nodded. “Then you tell
me that the time isn’t right for us, but you think you
might
want to be with me in the future? How can you even ask that of me?
How much more selfish and pigheaded can you possibly act?”

He winced as she berated him. “I’m not asking
for you to wait for me.”

“Good, because that’s never happening,” she
said under her breath.

He forged onward. “I just mean, don’t give up
on this. We haven’t even begun, and I don’t want us to be
over.”

“You’re right. We haven’t begun, and we never
will. Thank God, this was over before I let you fool me any longer,
before I actually acquired feelings for you.” He winced again. She
was saying these things just to hurt him now, and it was working.
“Now, let. Me. Go,” she demanded, indicating with her forehead that
he was still tightly holding onto her elbow.

“I really am sorry, Lex,” he said finally
releasing her.

“Save it,” she said cutting off any further
retorts. “Just do me one thing, Jack.” She yanked open the front
door.

“Anything,” he volunteered eagerly.

“Don’t you dare ever lie to me again,” she
said as she slammed the door behind her.

CHAPTER 3

PRESENT

Open the door.

Don’t open the door.

Open the door.

Lexi hovered in front of the plain black door
with the silver handle resting in her palm, indecision distorting
her features. The lock had already been clicked to an open status
with the metal key still sticking out from the hole. Her bright
purple luggage lay against the blue and cream patterned carpet. She
had made it this far. There was no turning back. Taking a deep
breath, Lexi twisted the handle and shoved the door open to Jack’s
apartment.

Adjusting her black laptop sleeve, Lexi
hoisted her carry-on bag to her shoulder and threw her black purse
on top of it. Grabbing a hold of the extended arm from her rolling
suitcase, she pushed through the open door, down the hallway, and
into the living room. She recognized the brown suede furniture he
had owned in college. The furniture was facing a mounted flat
screen with several video game consoles underneath and surround
sound hooked into a killer receiver. Two black bookshelves sat on
either side of the TV, each overflowing with movies. An assortment
of vinyl records covered one wall with an original copy of the
Beatles
White
album proudly showcased at the center. Glass
sliding doors opened to a balcony overlooking the Atlanta skyline.
To the left was a stainless steel kitchen with black granite
countertops and a breakfast bar. Lexi peeped into the adjoining
room and found a small dining room with four high-backed chairs
tucked into a rectangular wooden table.

Lexi left her bags resting against the
loveseat and ventured down the hallway on the right. She chose the
first door on the left and entered a large master suite. Each piece
of furniture was in pristine condition and appeared as if it had
been directly relocated from an Ashley’s Furniture store. The deep
walnut collection looked exquisite against the caramel coated
walls.

Lexi paused in the doorway. She didn’t want
to overstep her bounds and being in his room made her feel as if
she might be invading Jack’s privacy.

Quickly closing the door, she turned and
faced the one across the hall. She assumed this would be the guest
bedroom Jack had mentioned. Her breath caught at the sight as she
passed through the frame. She felt as if she had just traveled
through time. The room was laid out in exact replication of his
college apartment. Memories flooded her vision, and she took a
steadying breath. She wasn’t sure if she enjoyed having memories
rush her mind about that room...that bed.