Avoiding Commitment (42 page)

“You went on a date with Ramsey?” he bellowed
as soon as she was in front of him.

“Well, yeah,” she stated meekly.

“Why would you do that?” he asked attempting
to control his anger at what had just occurred.

“What did you expect me to do when you
ditched me?” she asked him turning the tables on him. “You went off
with Bekah and left me all alone while Ramsey was the only person
there to take care of me.”

“God, I don’t know, Lex. Go see your parents
or something. I didn’t expect you to go out with my girlfriend’s
brother. This is so fucked up.”

“Stop right there,” she cried pointing her
finger into his chest. “Think about what you said.
You
have
a girlfriend. I would hope you wouldn’t forget that while you get
yourself all worked up over nothing.”

“Did you sleep with him?” he asked ignoring
her last comment.

“Excuse me?” she shrieked in disbelief.

“You heard me. I just…I just need to
know.”

“What kind of tramp do you think I am? Is
this what you think of me? Do you think I jump into the bed of
every available man on the market? How long have you known me,
Jack?” she nearly screamed at him.

“Well, you didn’t tell me. We stayed up all
night talking last night, and you didn’t tell me you went on a date
with him,” he pointed out.

“It’s not exactly a great conversation
starter with you, especially after how you acted at his party. And
anyway, it’s not like you were sharing all sorts of details about
Bekah.”

“Yes, but you know we’re together. I don’t
have to share information about our relationship with you,” he said
looking her up and down. His blue eyes were blazing.

“You’re right, you don’t. And since Ramsey
and I have
no
relationship, then I don’t have to share any
information about what we did or did not do with you either.”

“So, you slept with him then?” he asked
plopping down on the couch in defeat.

“No, Jesus Christ, I did not sleep with him.
He kissed me good night. That’s all. It was nothing. He practically
had to beg me to go out with him in the first place, because I
didn’t want to. Alright? Are you satisfied?” she asked placing her
hands on her hips as she stared at him.

“I’m losing my mind,” he said his blue eyes
meeting hers. “I realized how much you mean to me, Lex, and I can’t
help but freak out. I’m sorry.” He reached forward and grabbed her
hips pulling her into his lap. She snuggled in close to him. “I
shouldn’t be overreacting like this.”

“No, I understand, Jack. I’d probably be
freaking out too. I should have told you,” Lexi said kissing his
cheek.

“I wish you would have,” he said turning his
face and stealing her lips before they hit his cheek again.

“Jack,” she said warningly against his
lips.

“Lex,” he mumbled back sliding his tongue
into her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her
firmly against his chest. She pushed her hands up through his
unruly dark brown hair and moved her mouth against his. Being in
his arms felt like the most wonderful place in existence. The feel
of his lips tasted of heaven, and though she knew deep down she
needed to stop him, she was having trouble finding the
rationalization as her brain shut down.

Jack stood pulling her legs around his waist,
never letting their lips part. She locked her legs behind his back
as he supported her weight by placing each hand on her butt and
hoisting her up. He pulled back and stared at her flushed face with
a smug smirk firmly planted on his face. She could tell by his
shallow breathing that he wanted her. His eyes were fiery blue with
passion.

“I love you, Lex,” he said breathily.

“I love you too,” she said, her heart
palpitating wildly as he crushed his lips against her again.

He leaned her back against his couch and
pressed himself against her. They were both practically naked from
recently waking up, and the hardness pressing against her inner
thigh made it evident what was on his mind. He pushed up his band
t-shirt that she had thrown on and ran his hands down her tiny
body. She groaned as he leaned down and began kissing every inch of
her flat stomach. From there he moved to her perky breasts. Her
body ached for him as he continued his insistent prodding of her
upper half. She arched her back in pleasure as the sensations
coursed through her body. The anticipation from a year and a half
of self-restraint was catching up with them as he retreated back to
her plump lips.

“We should get rid of this,” he said
attempting to yank the shirt over her head. She let him rip the
shirt off her, but immediately reached out and grabbed it out of
his hand. She covered her bare breasts with the material and
scooted to a sitting position.

“We can’t…I can’t do this,” she said sliding
the shirt back over her head and removing her legs from around his
waist. “I told you how we can be together, and I really have to
stick with that,” she said, her breathing ragged and body still
pulsing with desire for him. It was one of the hardest things she
had ever done, but she knew that she couldn’t do this. Not
again.

Jack groaned and moved to a sitting position
next to her. “Yeah, I know. It’s just…this is what we’re normally
like. You’re so damn sexy when you get angry. I can’t seem to help
myself.”

“I know. I didn’t want you to help yourself
either. I
don’t
want you to have to help your feelings for
me, but this isn’t fair to Bekah. We’ve been here before. I don’t
want another Kate/Clark situation. It didn’t go well the first
time, and I have a feeling that it would be just as bad this time
around,” she told him sadly. Lexi hated so much having to have this
conversation. All she wanted right then was to be swept up into his
arms and be carried to his bed so they could have hot passionate
sex all afternoon. But she couldn’t do this again.

“You’re right,” he said meeting her desirous
gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she told him shyly. “I do want
this terribly bad.”

He reached out and caressed her cheek. “I
know.”

“Well,” Jack began awkwardly, “I’m going to
go take a cold shower.” He stood up uncomfortably adjusting
himself. “Feel free to come and go as you please. I really do have
a lot of work to catch up on, but I’d love it if you stuck around.
I can’t seem to get enough of you.” He bent down and kissed her
forehead sweetly.

Lexi watched him exit the living room. She
couldn’t believe how close she had come to giving into him. She
knew one thing though. She needed Chyna right then. Chyna was the
only one who could keep her focused while Jack was taken. She had
to give him enough time to deal with Bekah, and allowing him to
think that he could have her without doing anything about the
situation wasn’t going to help her. She needed to stand her ground.
But not getting swept up with their desires was a lot of work, and
Lexi wasn’t prepared for it. That’s where Chyna came in. It was too
bad Chyna was still hours away, and Jack was currently stripping
down naked in the next room preparing to get soaking wet.

CHAPTER 18

NOVEMBER ONE AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER

A scraping sound followed by shuffling feet
across the carpeted floors made Lexi shift from her otherwise
comfortable position. She yawned, refusing to open her sleep
deprived eyes to the blinding sunlight. Her hand slowly rose above
her head and she stretched languidly across the couch. Her back
arched pushing the checkered quilt off of her upper-half leaving
her body exposed with only a flimsy, white tank top as a cover-up.
She shivered at the near freezing weather and scrambled to cover
the rest of her body with the warm fabric. Yanking the covers up to
her chin, she snuggled deeper into the plush cushions. Another yawn
followed as she wrestled with her own inner turmoil: to study or
not to study.

A sharp pain shot across her temples
reminding her of the amount of alcohol she had absorbed last night.
Memories of shot after shot flooded her conscious, and she knew her
answer to that dilemma. There would be no chance she would be
studying today. She groaned and shuddered against the pain pulsing
throughout her body. Her stomach twisted with nausea and she was
certain that she would be sick at any moment. Swallowing down the
rising bile in her throat, she groaned even louder this time. A
giggle punctuated the early morning air causing Lexi to cringe
further into her comfortable niche.

“You gonna get up, you lazy bum?” Rachelle,
Lexi’s roommate, questioned her in her thick New England accent
from across the kitchen through Lexi’s open door.

Lexi grumbled angrily into the pillow adding
a few choice curse words. “Don’t talk so loud, Ray,” she mumbled
pressing her palms to her forehead.

“It’s pretty late, and you know we have that
huge Civ Pro reading for tomorrow,” she drawled slamming the
microwave door shut for Lexi’s benefit. Another giggle resounded
throughout the space confirming that sentiment. “I wouldn’t want to
see my genius roomie getting behind in her class work.”

If she had had the energy, Lexi would have
flipped her off. Under the circumstances, she just griped louder
and pulled the covers completely over her head. She let her eyes
open and painfully adjust to the feeble amount of light apparent
through the blanket. Her mind sifted through the disjointed
memories from the previous night focusing in on the high points.
Vodka gummis, hot Armani Guy, dancing, leaving with Chyna—Jack. She
let her brain wrap around the foreign concept. Had that been a
dream?

It felt completely surreal to think that he
had been in New York, in her dorm, in her arms. He had come for
her. He had confessed his desire—love—for her. He had lain next to
her all night.

She shook her head in disbelief ignoring the
alarm bells going off throughout her body at the sudden movements.
No, she had dreamed that. She drank way too much last night, and
out of desperation had conjured up the one person she was always
thinking about. She was almost certain she had passed out and Jack
had taken over her subconscious...as he typically did.

He wasn’t here after all. If he had been
real, he would be lying here next to her with his arms securing her
in place against his chest. He would be kissing her shoulder and up
her neck. He would mumble sweet nothings into her ear and stroke
her long unruly hair out of her face in order to get a better look
at her warm, dark chocolate eyes. She would melt at the sight of
his cerulean irises confessing his affection for her and knowing
that they didn’t actually need words.

No. Jack was just a dream. A sweet dream, but
a dream nonetheless.

That gloomy thought coupled with her ever
increasing hangover, Lexi pulled the covers from across her eyes.
Her pupils dilated as they adjusted to the extreme change in light
exposure. She sat up, still holding the covers tight to her chest
in an attempt to retain some heat within her body. After a minute,
Lexi shifted her gaze to Rachelle who was studiously seated at the
kitchen table with her Civil Procedure book open before her.

“Ray...uh...can I ask you something?” Lexi
began awkwardly.

Rachelle flipped the page, not even appearing
to hear Lexi’s comment. Lexi waited feeling more uncomfortable by
the second as she waited for a response. Just when she opened her
mouth to speak up again, Rachelle responded noncommittally,
“Huh?”

“Can I ask you something?” Lexi repeated.

“You just did, and you can’t borrow my book.
I need to read this at least four or five more times before
tomorrow,” she added snappily.

Lexi gritted her teeth, and tried to remind
herself that she was at a top five school for a reason. These
people were supposed to be bitchy. “I didn’t want to borrow your
book,” Lexi said, “I had a question about last night.”

Rachelle glanced up from whatever she was
writing furiously into her notepad and snorted. Literally, snorted.
Lexi gaped at her in horror.

“Did you uh...let someone in last night?”
Lexi asked.

“Are you thick?” Rachelle retorted snapping
her pen down on the pad with a little too much force.

“Excuse me?” Lexi asked dumbfounded, cringing
away from the loud smacking noise the pen made against the
surface.

“I would never let anyone inside,” Rachelle
stated matter-of-factly, always the epitome of responsibility.

Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief even
though it felt more like a sigh of despair. She had been hoping
that she was wrong. She wanted so desperately to have Jack here
that she was actually badgering her most anal roommate about
possibly letting a strange man into their dorm room. How much had
she had to drink the night before? She shook her head, regretting
the action instantly, and stood to go brew a cup of coffee.
Rachelle was some sort of super-human freak that didn’t need the
stuff, even though she went to bed after everyone and woke up first
in the household.

As she prepared the pot, Lexi found her
bottle of Tylenol tucked behind three cans of tuna and a crushed
package of macaroni and cheese. Dumping out two extra strength
pills in her hand, she stuck her mouth under the running faucet,
took a too-large gulp, and swallowed them down whole. She hopped up
on the cool counter top letting her legs dangle and leaned her
aching head back against the wooden cabinets as the coffee pot
worked its magic.

After Lexi had filled her mug to the brim
with the steaming liquid, she stumbled into her bedroom to get
together toiletries for the shower she so desperately needed.
Digging through her pockets from last night, Lexi located her cell
phone. A text from Chyna stated something about them needing to
talk and expressing her feelings about the amazing night. Lexi
shrugged off the needing to talk bit and veered towards the shower.
The shower was refreshing and seemed to alleviate most of the aches
that were permeating her body and completely dispelled any feelings
of nausea. Lexi finished off her mug of now lukewarm coffee as fast
as she could, changed into some sweats, and ventured back into her
living room.