Avoiding Amy Jackson (38 page)

I use that time to pull her into my embrace, her back against my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. I’m silently praying that she continues to open up to me, to finally let me in, to finally let me know all of her.

She relaxes into my arms. “I didn’t know that the moment he walked out of those sliding glass doors would be the last time I would see him alive. I didn’t get to say I love you or goodbye. I didn’t get to say anything because I didn’t know. I didn’t know that was going to be our last moment together. If I could turn back time, I’d do that entire day differently. I wouldn’t have invited my boyfriend Sam over. I would have talked Benny into skipping the pool and hanging out with me. I would have taken him for ice cream or went to a movie or walked to the park—anything else but what I did. I would have done anything to save him.” She sighs heavily and a few small tears make their descent down her cheeks. I swipe them away with my thumb.

“When Benny swam his laps, he was usually in the pool for about thirty minutes. I remember the panic setting in when I realized an hour had passed. I had been so busy spending time with my boyfriend that I hadn’t even thought about checking on my brother. He was always such a good swimmer. A lot of people considered him one of the best in the city for his age group. I should have known. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. But I was. I got lost in the moment, and when I glanced at the clock and realized an abnormal amount of time had passed, I had a bad feeling.” Amy’s chest rises and falls with shaky breaths.

I grab her hand and rub my thumb over her palm in soothing circles. I don’t interrupt her; I give her time to find the right words.

“I extricated myself from Sam’s lap and headed out of the sliding glass doors to check on Benny. And then…my entire world fell apart in a mere instant. I’ll never forget seeing his lifeless body face down in the water. I screamed the moment I saw him. I ran to my brother. I ran to him as fast as I could and jumped in the pool. I was still dressed in my clothes, still wearing shoes. When I pulled him into my arms, I saw the blood seeping out of a large gash on his forehead. He was lifeless. His lips were blue and his body was cold.
Too fucking cold
. The water in the pool was stained from his blood. It was enclosing us, surrounding me with the devastation of what occurred. I held him close to my chest and I knew. I just knew that he was gone.” Amy turns around and wraps her arms around my neck.

I hold her tight and whisper words I hope will comfort her, reassure her, in her ear. I let her know that it wasn’t her fault. I tell her that she did nothing wrong. I tell her I’m sorry that she lost her brother. I tell her all of the things she deserves to hear. I just hope she takes the time to listen to them, to let them sink in, to actually believe them. I’m just so thankful that she opened up to me. I’m thankful that she felt comfortable enough in my presence to tell me everything.

“Thank you,” she says quietly. “Thank you for being here, James.”

I nod my head and watch her pull away from me. I give her space, allowing her to work through her emotions. Silence descends over both us; it’s not awkward or uncomfortable, just peaceful. I appreciate the quiet with her in this moment. I enjoy the stillness of this warm, summer day that is only interrupted by an occasional light breeze swirling throughout the air.

I know her mind is starting to run through a million questions and twice as many possible answers. She’s biting down on her lip and sliding the toe of her flip-flop through the grass. This is what Amy does when she’s deep in thought. She has these adorable nervous habits that she only seems to perform when her brain is otherwise occupied.

“You ready to go?” I softly rub her back, and she gives a small nod.

“Bye, Benny. I love you, little brother.”

We start to walk towards my bike and her dad’s truck; I grab her hand, gently intertwining our fingers as we slowly make our way across the cemetery.

“Will you take a ride with me?” I grab the extra bike helmet I brought for her from the back of my Harley.

“I’m sorry, James. I can’t… I just
can’t
.” She abruptly pulls her hand from mine and steps back, turning her head to the side, trying her best to avoid looking at me.

“So we’re back at this again?” I’m attempting to prepare myself for the things she’s going to say, the things she thinks will get me to walk away and move on.
Not happening.

“This is where we should have always been.” Her brown eyes look devastatingly sad when those words pass her lips.

I set the bike helmet down and drag my hands through my hair, taking a long, deep breath. My frustration is starting to get the best of me and I’m doing my best to squelch it down, to stay calm and rational, because that’s what Amy needs right now. She needs calm and rational, not a raging asshole who can’t seem to find the patience to give her time to work through things.

“I disagree. This isn’t where we should be. We shouldn’t be anywhere close to here. You belong with me. Do you understand that?” I let out a profound sigh before finally laying everything out on the line. “You can’t push me away, Amy. I’m yours, baby. I’m yours and there’s nothing you can do about it. The only question that really needs to be answered is when are you going to be mine? When are you finally going to let your guard all the way down and let me in? Let me in, baby. Just fucking let me in.”

After an eternity, her chin lifts and she’s finally looking up at me. Her eyes glisten and a rogue tear slowly makes its descent down her cheek. I step closer to her, our faces mere inches away from each other. Placing my hands on her soft cheeks, I swipe the errant tear away with my thumb. I rest my forehead against hers, and my breath is close to shuddering from the emotion that’s flowing between us.

“Just let me in, baby,” I whisper against her lips. “Just let me in. Because, Amy,
I love you
. I fucking love you.”

She closes her eyes tightly and her chest rises as she inhales a cavernous breath. I can no longer fight the urge to kiss her soft lips, to wrap her up in my arms, so that’s what I do. I bring my lips to hers—softly, lightly, reverently. Her lips move with mine and the relief I feel that she’s not pulling away has me kissing her deeper. My tongue slips inside of her soft mouth. Our tongues touch, entwine, and dance together. She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine.

Yes. Please, sweetheart, don’t fight this.

“I love you,” I pull away and hoarsely say into her ear. “I love you.” I start to kiss along her jawline, down her neck, pressing my face against her skin. “I love you.” I wrap my arms around her waist, holding on for dear life.

“I love you, too,” I think I hear her say.

My eyebrows rise as my eyes blink in disbelief; I jerk my face away from her neck, securing my eyes with hers. “What?”

A small smile spreads across her lips as tears begin to stream down her cheeks. “I said I love you. Do you need your fucking hearing checked?”

Her stubborn, feisty attitude is obviously still intact.

“Just say it one more time.” My eyes are filled with relief, and I’m ignoring the urge to jump up and down like a fool.

She feigns annoyance, rolling her eyes skyward and then bringing her gaze back to mine. “God, you really know how to ruin a moment.”

My smirk turns into a full-blown smile, and then she does it—
Amy smiles
. Not just any smile. The most beautiful fucking smile I’ve ever seen. Her face is illuminated with affection, with pure love.

“I love you.
I. LOVE. YOU
!” She chuckles and smacks my chest. “Was that loud enough for you?” She raises an eyebrow at me, proving that she’s still full of piss and vinegar, ready to bust my balls any day of the week.

I wrap her up in my arms, lifting her feet off the ground, and excitedly spin her around in the gravel walkway.

“Oorah!” I hoarsely yell out from the overwhelming relief, the undeniable love that has just consumed my heart and filled it beyond bursting.

She laughs against my neck.

Oorah… Only for the woman of my dreams.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Stroke him to satisfaction,

and then reap the motherfucking benefits.” - Amy

I’m overwhelmed with relief. I’m relieved that I was able to open up to James about Benny. Just by telling him the story and reliving that day, I feel like I gained a small piece of myself back, like I gained a small piece of closure. I’m relieved that for once in my life I’ve stopped being an avoiding asshole and given in to what I really want. I want James. I want him all day, every day, on constant repeat, and I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of him.

I love James.

Yeah, it’s about fucking time I admitted my true feelings for him. I’m head over heels in love with this man and now…he’s all mine. This smug, cocky, egotistical, adorable idiot is all mine and I’m the happiest girl in the world.

“Get your ass on the bike, Amy,” his husky voice demands. I take in the sight of him straddling his Harley. His jean-clad, muscular legs stretch out towards the ground. His ornery grin with that one perfect dimple flashes in my direction. Those intense jade eyes watch me with a palpable intensity. He looks determined, almost predatory. I’m his prey and I’m ready for him to screw me into next week.

“Stop eye-fucking me, creeper,” I say as I take his hand and throw my leg over the seat. He hands me a helmet and I slide it over my head. I press myself against his back and wrap my arms around his waist. My fingers creep underneath his shirt, taking in every perfect chiseled feature of his abdomen.

“I’m taking you to my hotel, doll. And I can promise that I’ll be doing more than just eye-fucking you,” he announces behind his shoulder as he turns the throttle, the engine purring deliciously.

I lift my helmet enough so I can bite his earlobe in response.

James’s eyes peer over his shoulder, and I can see the hint of a grin cresting the corner of his mouth. He chuckles huskily and his hand reaches back around my waist, pinching my ass…hard. “And I can promise that we’ll be doing more than just playing a friendly game of grab-ass, too.”

I pinch his firm ass right back.

He palms my ass before sliding his helmet over his head. The sounds of my giggles ricochet inside the confines of my helmet. I swear he is the only man who can get me to relinquish girlish giggles, and for that, I’m thankful. I’ll save all of my giggles for him for the rest of my life.

Did I just manage to think ‘the rest of my life’ and not suffer from a panic attack?

Yeah, I think I did. I guess this ‘whole being in love with someone’ thing isn’t so bad. I mean, this is probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Because it is—falling in love is crazy. It’s the only form of insanity that society deems acceptable, but I wouldn’t give this up for anything. Falling in love with James is the best irrational thing I’ve ever done.

And I plan to love this man for an infinite amount of time.

We make our way towards his hotel and I relish in the feel of his strong, masculine body underneath my fingertips. I can’t deny that my panties are nearly drenched from anticipation of what is about to go down in his hotel room. His ass better pound me senseless, and after he does that…he better stick it to me some more. James and I have a lot of lost time to make up for and I have a lot of ‘I owe yous’ to cash in.

He owes me.

And I’m talking from a hard dicking, fast thrusting, and furious pounding perspective.

He parks his bike in a parking spot located across from the lobby doors of his hotel. This isn’t a fancy hotel by any means. The Galt House in downtown Louisville would have been a better alternative to the Holiday Inn Express we’re currently walking towards, but I’m not picky. That point was made obvious when I managed to have a threesome in a dirty bar bathroom. Where sex is concerned, I can get it, give it, and ride it…anytime, anyplace, and anywhere.

James hops off of his bike and removes his helmet. He proceeds to do the same for me. Then, next thing I know, he’s got me thrown over his shoulder as he strides towards the lobby doors of the hotel. I squeal in delight and he lands a vagina-clenching smack to my ass in response.
I knew he was a spanker!

Boy oh boy, do I love this man.

We receive several curious looks from hotel guests roaming about the lobby. This does not deter my man. He proceeds to stalk towards the elevator while continuing to keep my dress-clad body over his shoulder. Hopefully I’m not flashing my ass to everyone we walk past, but honestly, my mind isn’t focused on my modesty.

We’re now on the elevator…alone. James slowly slides my body off of his. I feel every single perfect inch of him pressed against me, and when my feet touch the ground, my chin automatically lifts. I stare up into his intense emerald gaze and I’m instantly consumed. I’m consumed by my love for this man, consumed by my overwhelming desire to get naked and dirty with him.

He pushes my body gently and my back drives into one of the elevator walls. His strong, drool-worthy arms cage me in. His palms rest on either side of my head and he continues to hover over me with a predatory gaze.

Oh, fuck yes.

My mind can’t seem to form a coherent thought as I let his eyes roam over my body, searing every inch of me. Why did I wait so long to give in to this? God, I’m a fucking moron. Remind me to smack myself later.
Much later.
Sometime next week after I’ve mustered the strength to disentangle myself from James’s cock.

His mouth hovers over mine and his teeth nip at my bottom lip. I groan and his lips crease into a sly grin. He pushes himself against me and I shudder when his arousal hits that toe-curling spot. We have yet to speak any words since we stepped inside this elevator. No words are needed in this moment. We both know what’s about to go down.

The elevator dings, announcing our arrival to his floor, and he steps back from me. His mouth forms a wicked grin, and without any preamble, he throws my body over his shoulder…
again.