Average American Male (23 page)

She gets off my cock and lies down next to me, leaving me tied down. She seems to have genuinely missed fucking me, and based on her performance, most of my concerns about her ability to go without sex are alleviated.

I say, “Untie me.”

She says, “Nope.”

“What? Untie me.”

“Nope. I just took the last test I’ll ever take in my life and now I want to spend the rest of your lunch hour doing whatever I want to you. So you’re just going to have to lie there and let me do it.”

I think back to the first time I saw Alyna on the plane and wondered what she was like in bed. My memory of the event is cut short by Alyna’s hand on my cock. She massages it kind of slowly, never letting it get fully hard.

I say, “What’re you doing?”

She says, “Whatever I want.”

She takes the hand that’s not on my dick and starts playing with her clit, then says, “I want to see who I can make cum first.”

It’s me. I shoot a load all over her hand and all over myself about two minutes after she really gets into giving me a bona fide hand job.

She cums roughly a minute later and then says, “That was pretty fun. I want you to do that to me sometime.”

I say, “How about right now?”

She says, “Nope. You don’t get to do anything but cum for the next”—she looks at the clock—“thirty minutes.”

I say, “I’m taking a long lunch.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I probably have more like an hour.”

“Oooh. Then you’re definitely not getting untied.”

She gets up to get a towel, then comes back and cleans all of the cum off my dick and out of my pubic hair. Then we lie there together for a while.

I say, “What if you fall asleep?”

She says, “Then you’re fucked.”

She rolls on top of me and looks me in the eyes, then says, “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

I say, “Thanks.”

She takes a second and then says something that makes what was shaping up to quite possibly be the best lunch hour of my life take a nasty turn. She says, “I want to talk to you about something.”

She’s sitting on top of me and I’m tied down.

She says, “I already know this is going to completely freak you out, but I don’t care. . . .”

Not only am I completely freaking out, I’m already trying to ratio-nalize one of three things: (1) how I could have missed the fact that Alyna somehow used to have a dick; (2) how I’m going to cure the herpes that she gave me; or (3) what name would best suit a child I don’t want to have.

She says, “What do you think about marriage?”

“What?”

“I know on our first date we both said we thought it was stupid and all of that, and I’m not saying right now. I’m not even saying in the next five years, but what do you think about it in the far, far future?”

I can’t believe this is happening to me. I keep waiting for her to tell me that she’s just kidding, but it never comes. I’m almost hoping she’ll tell me she once had a dick, but she just keeps saying, “Come on, what do you think?”

And as I force myself to actually think about it, I’m surprised to find that the idea of marrying Alyna—as she said, in the far, far future—does not make me want to smash myself in the nuts with a sledgehammer.

I say, “I don’t know, why are you asking me this?”

She says, “I don’t know. I’m sure it’s just because I’m graduating and I don’t really know what I want to do with my life and I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things lately, mainly things that have to do with where my life goes next.”

I try to get out of my bonds, but I get nowhere.

I say, “I thought you said in the far future.”

“Yeah, I did. I mean, I’m just thinking about what kind of life I could have five or ten years down the road, and I’m not saying this is definitely something I want, but thinking about a life with you doesn’t scare me.”

I try to imagine being married to Alyna and it doesn’t scare me either. It doesn’t excite me, but it gives rise to no ill feelings, which is far more than I could have said for a life of being married to Casey. I also realize that this is in no way an admission to myself that I want to marry Alyna.

She says, “I don’t want this to turn into some big thing. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately and I wanted you to know.

I don’t want to get married right now, and I don’t even really know if I ever do. But the idea of it doesn’t sound as bad as it used to. That’s all.”

I say, “Okay.”

She says, “Okay? Are you really okay with this?”

“Yeah.” Her terms were vague enough to make me think this might actually be true.

“It doesn’t make you want to break up with me?”

She shifts her weight on me and I can feel her wet pussy brush my cock.

“No.” This is without a doubt true. Despite her recent slip into a territory I had hoped never to visit again with a girl, she’s still hands down the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.

“Do you still love me?”

Her wet pussy kind of settles right on my cock.

“Yeah.”

“Good. I’m glad we talked about this.”

She sits back a little and slides her pussy lips along my cock, which is now hard again.

“Me too.”

She kisses me and reaches back behind her ass to line my dick up with her cunt. She says, “My mom might bring this up when you meet her,” then sits back, and my dick slides into her as she fucks me for the next forty-five minutes.

Graduation Day

Alyna stayed at her apartment last night with the excuse that she didn’t want to be worn out for her big day. So I jerked off twice before falling asleep and realized that since Alyna and I started dating, the number of times I jerk off in any given week has dropped significantly. Barring the week of her final exams, I estimate my rate of jerking off while dating her to be once or twice a week, usually only to get to sleep if Alyna and I aren’t together on a given night. I realize I have never snuck away as Alyna slept to jerk off. The feeling of accomplishment and forward progress I get from this realization makes me eager to see her.

I take a shower and put on the clothes I bought at Banana Republic. Alyna’s graduation is in three hours, but I’m supposed to meet up with her so we can go to breakfast and she can introduce me to her family, who she is picking up at the airport.

When I walk into the diner where I’m supposed to meet them, I see Alyna, her dad, who reminds me in no specific way of Casey’s dad; her mom, who is a shorter, fatter, uglier version of Alyna; and her two brothers, neither of whom has a wife or children in tow. They all seem nice enough. And it begins.

The brothers give me a few words of caution about dating their sister and let me know not to treat her badly. The mom tells the brothers to back off and the dad keeps asking me what it is I do, even though I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t really do anything important or interesting.

All in all it seems to be going fine and I’m feeling very close to dodging the bullet of a conversation I don’t want to have with my girlfriend’s parents until Alyna’s mom says, “So you guys have been dating for a pretty long time.”

And the bullet hits me right between the fucking eyes.

Nobody says anything. Nobody wants her mom to say anything else.

She says, “Now that Alyna’s graduating, what do you guys think you’ll do?”

I don’t know exactly who this question is directed to, but I don’t answer. I just take a bite of toast and hope that Alyna will field the question, which she does.

She says, “Mom, I don’t know.”

Her mom says, “I mean, your father and I got married the week after we graduated from high school, and look at us now.”

I can tell Alyna’s dad wants to make some kind of joke but he holds it in. I wonder how many weeks after they were married he learned to do that.

Her mom keeps going. “Alyna, you’re going to stay out here, right?”

She says, “Yes, Mom. We’ve already had this conversation.”

Her mom says, “Well, if you two love each other, you should at least be living together just to test it out if you don’t want to get married right away.”

I think about faking a stroke or a seizure so I don’t have to listen to her mom anymore, but I don’t. Instead I just sit there and let her mom go on and on about how good marriage is. I wonder what her mom would think if she knew I’ve had my dick in her daughter’s ass. I wonder if she’s ever taken it up the ass from Alyna’s dad.

As she continues to extol the virtues of marriage, an uneasy suspicion works its way through me. It seems more than likely to me that the conversation Alyna had with me about marriage when she had me tied up naked to my bed with my dick in her hand was the direct result of some previous conversation she had with her mother.

I take a sip of my water, which by this point is just ice cubes, to quell the boiling heat in my intestines. I honestly don’t know what her mom says for the next ten minutes. All I can think about is that if Alyna and I were to have a daughter, someday Alyna would be telling all the same shit to some poor son of a bitch who just wants to fuck our daughter.

Alyna’s parents pay for breakfast and the last thing I remember her mom saying is, “You guys seem like you’re practically married now,”

before we all get in our cars and drive to Alyna’s graduation.

I have the amazing privilege of sitting next to her mom during the ceremony.

Laura Ziskin gives the commencement address. I wonder how many cocks she’s sucked. I try to remember who spoke at my own graduation but can’t. Then the dean comes out and starts handing out diplomas.

As the students start to walk across the stage, Alyna’s mom says, “Oh my gosh, doesn’t she just look so good in her little cap and gown?”

I look at the stage, where her mom indicates Alyna’s sitting, but I can’t make her out. She looks the same as all the other twenty-one-year-old girls sitting in their bookstore-rented caps and gowns graduating with degrees in film studies so they can say they went to college before they locked some poor asshole into marriage and kids.

I look out in the crowd of family members and see if I can tell which of the guys are watching their girlfriends graduate knowing their lives will be over as soon as she crosses that stage.

They call her name, “Alyna Janson.” She stands up, walks over to the dean, looks out in the crowd, gives her mom a big smile and wave that’s caught on at least a dozen pictures snapped by every member of her family, shakes the dean’s hand, takes her diploma, and walks back to her seat, where she’s once again indistinguishable from everyone else.

The next student does the same thing. And the student after that does the same thing, too.

I hear Alyna’s mom whisper to her dad, “Do you remember when we graduated college?”

Then her dad whispers back, “We’d already been married four years and David was a month old.”

Her mom whispers back, “I just can’t believe our baby is done.

She’s an adult now.”

Her dad whispers back, “We raised her good and she’ll do the same for her kids. We did good, Mom. We did good.”

I am repulsed by Alyna’s dad calling his wife “Mom,” and wonder if I had children with Alyna if she’d call me “Dad” or “Father.”

That night after I fuck her and pull out to blow my load all over her stomach and tits, I ask her that specific question. Instead of answering it she says, “Have you been thinking about having kids?” with too much enthusiasm to allow me to fall asleep for the rest of the night, despite sneaking into the bathroom twice to jerk off.

Diamonds in the Rough

Over the course of my computer-literate life, I’ve downloaded count-less hours of free Internet pornography. On those very rare occasions when I find a clip that is worth repeated viewing, I put it in a folder on my desktop called “Diamonds in the Rough.”

As I’m jerking off and downloading movie clips, I find one such clip called cumsisteranna.wmv, in which one girl rides a guy’s cock while another licks at his balls, stopping every now and then to take the guy’s cock out of the first girl’s cunt and suck it before putting it back in and stroking the guy’s balls while the first girl keeps fucking him.

I’ve seen clips like this before and none have seemed as remark-able. I can’t quite tell what makes cumsisteranna.wmv stand out. I decide it must have something to do with a subconscious reaction to camera placement or lighting that my untrained eye can’t decipher.

I stop jerking off, and as I drag the file into the Diamonds in the Rough folder, I notice that the folder has reached 698MB. The frequency with which I find a clip worthy of being added to the folder is so minuscule that I never would have imagined having enough mate-rial to burn an entire disc of porn. I’m almost amazed as I clear my Windows Media Player library and drag all of the files from Diamonds in the Rough into the new library for review.

The first clip that plays is called xxx040.mpg. It features two slightly skinny girls using a double-headed dildo to fuck each other doggie style.

The clips that follow are of varied style and subject matter, but for the next forty-five minutes. I watch the porn without jerking off. Instead of the urge to blow a load, the clips strangely conjure nostalgic memories of the girls I was dating when I downloaded them and the computers I downloaded them on.

One specific clip, cumslutsav2.mpg, a fourteen-second clip in which a girl gives a slow, lubricated hand job to a guy whose face you never see, I remember setting to download before I went to fuck my high school girlfriend Katy at one a.m. and coming back two hours later to find it only 76 percent complete on the first Internet-ready computer I ever had.

Another clip, t246.avi, in which a girl deep-throats a dick for thirty seconds without coming up for air, takes me back to Jenna and the time I fucked her in her parents’ laundry room while they were in the next room watching The Omega Code on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, which in turn reminds me that she is now married to a guy with fucked-up teeth and probably has a kid.

There’s a clip of a girl fucking a mechanical dildo doggie style called sybian43.mpg that I jerked off to once while Casey was taking a shower.