Atrophy (18 page)

So why did it feel like her heart was already well on the way to breaking?

H
e was
not
scared. He wasn’t a frecking coward. And she was one slip of a pampered, naive, sheltered woman. So why had Rian stopped, frozen to the spot, not able to take one more step into the galley when he’d seen Miriella making some sort of hot beverage over the cooktop?

The scent of moon jasmine came at him strong, reaching out with tortured and teasing ruminations of those few moments in her cabin where he’d burned with too many emotions.

Suppressing the memory into a deep recess of his mind, as he had with so many others, Rian forced his feet to move, taking him farther into the galley until he could breathe nothing but sultry, jasmine-scented air.

He cleared his throat, more to make sure he had full control of his vocal chords than to gain her attention. “We have a condiments dispenser that’ll make just about anything.”

“It would not have made this.” She didn’t look up from the small pot sitting on the heat. Instead, she bent closer to the gently steaming liquid for a moment. She took it from the cooktop and poured it into a mug.

“What is it?” The exotic moon jasmine scent wasn’t coming from her, but off the cup in her hand.

“Jasmynah tea. A specialized blend of oolong tea leaves, moon jasmine flowers, and spices. It is a traditional Arynian beverage. I drink it daily, but have not done so since I left Aryn some days ago now.”

The way she said
since I left Aryn
seemed laughable. So calm, so precise, as if she’d simply decided to take a trip, not alluding to the fact she’d been abducted against her will. Who knew what she’d endured at the hands of the original kidnappers and then Arnon Rance? The thought of anyone harming her, even just upsetting her to the point of tears, made his mind cloud over in a weird type of white-hot haze.

He shook his head to dispel the blazing sensation. “How did you get it?”

“I asked Zahli to purchase it for me when she went to order supplies this afternoon. I have currency I can repay you with when I am returned to Aryn.” She lifted her mug with measured movements and glided past him to the table. She set the cup down just so and made a small bowing movement while briefly touching her heart and then forehead. That done, she seated herself.

He walked over to the table and braced his hands on the worn surface, leaning forward, looming over her. “What part of
you’re not going back to Aryn
don’t you understand?”

She cut him a sharp look over the rim of her mug. “I understand your reluctance to return me, as misguided as it might be, but my life is on Aryn. I am needed there. I must eventually return.”

“As soon as you set foot on that planet, there’s every chance the Reidar will have someone to take you out.”

Her rich hazel gaze remained steady on him as she took a sip of tea. Another weighty moment went by before she lowered the cup. “Remove my shackles and it will not be a problem.”

He straightened, not liking the idea of taking off those manacles and letting loose some unknown force. And he certainly didn’t like the idea of someone walking around his ship who could read his mind. Though on some level, he recognized his reservations were based in ignorance.

“And just what do you mean by
it won’t be a problem
?”

“That no one with wicked intent will get anywhere near me. If they do, they will soon regret it.”

Though her expression remained placid and serene, a lethal glint sparked in the depths of her eyes. The dangerous gleam was something he’d seen before. Something he saw many days when he looked at himself in the mirror. That this innocent woman could have any idea of such fatal inclinations, like those he tried to keep buried, shocked him like taking a pulse blast to the chest.

“Tell me what you’re capable of, why the Reidar want you, and I’ll consider removing your cuffs.”

“Like all Arynians, I have the ability to read minds, heal others, and manipulate solid objects. Every one of us also has a unique ability. The power I possess, which is individual to me, is connection to and control of the elements.”

Well, that didn
’
t sound so bad
. “You mean like water and wind and stuff?”

“Earth, fire, water, and air, even electrical currents. I could light a candle with my mind, call up a wind, or make it rain on a cloudy day. But there are elemental powers greater than mine. I could not stop a wildfire or make it rain when it’s sunny.”

Rian paced away from the table and then returned. “What would the Reidar want with that sort of thing, or any Arynian for that matter?”

She gave a delicate shrug. “That I cannot answer, because I do not know.”

Pushing his hair back, he walked two lengths between the table and the galley bench. He wanted to release her, give her a chance like he’d given Tannin. Surely the abilities of such a powerful priestess could come in handy. Yet, he couldn’t get past the issue of her reading his mind.

He caught her staring at him with that damned serene expression as he strode back toward her.

Her head tilted slightly to the side. “You are having trouble deciding.”

“Obviously.” The beads on his wrist clinked together as he folded his arms. “I can’t let you free if it’s going to impede on my crew’s privacy.”

A small frown dipped over her brow, her pink lips turning downward. “How do you mean?”

“I can’t have you wandering around, reading everyone’s minds.”

“Oh.” The glower cleared and she nodded. “You don’t need to worry about that. I can only read your thoughts by directing my mind’s energies, and you would feel it. I have heard it said it’s like a gentle warm pressure. Apparently it can be quite pleasant in some cases.”

He sent her a cynical look. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Could he believe her? Besides, if he wanted to manipulate her abilities and use them against the Reidar, he’d have to free her at some stage.

He moved forward and caught her arm, pulling her to her feet. “So let’s go find something to cut these things off.”

A smile lit up her features, brightening her deep, mysterious eyes and transforming her from simply beautiful into
stunning
. His heart slammed against the inside of his chest to the point of pain. As soon as she’d caught her balance, he let her go to step back, the lingering shadow of lust he’d felt for her threatening to rise up and scorch him.

He motioned her out into the passageway, over to the freight elevator, and then inside. He tabbed the icon for the engine room and kept his gaze on the display while it flashed through the levels.

As the doors opened, he spotted Sen by an open panel on one of the two ion plasma engines.

Rian stopped in front of him and toed one of the many scattered tools out of the way. “Sen, I need your help. I want to take Miriella’s cuffs off.”

Jensen’s gaze flicked past him to where she stood. He pulled a rag out from beneath a micro crystal panel and wiped his hands on the cloth as he pushed to his feet “I could try the UVPL.”

Rian huffed an impatient sigh. “In English.”

“The ultraviolet plasma laser. It’s designed to cut through the outer shell of the ship’s hull when doing repairs—”

“Will it cut through the cuffs or not?”

“It should.” Sen tossed the cloth on a nearby bench, gaze returning to Miriella. “But if for some reason it misses the cuffs and hits her…”

Rian gripped Jensen’s shoulder. “It’ll be bad. I get it. So don’t miss.”

“My lady, you might want to take a second to consider this,” Sen said, not bothering to address him anymore. Was he the frecking captain, or not? Weren’t people supposed to follow his orders without question? And what was with that
my lady
crap?

“Please, call me Ella. I understand the risks. You may proceed.”

Ella
? An unpleasant, acid-like sensation hit his stomach. Why did Sen get the special privilege of calling her
Ella
? It suited her far more than the detached guise of a priestess or the more formal Miriella.

Sen gave a tight nod and walked over to the wall of recessed tools and ship-parts, selecting several pieces he assembled into a good-sized gun-shaped instrument.

“You have to stay as still as possible. This thing is designed to be used on large scale. Come and sit over here.” Sen pulled a stool out from beneath his work bench. Ella walked over and sat, spine straight, and laid her right arm on the table, pulling her sleeve up to her elbow.

“I’m ready.” She closed her eyes and went still. Statue still. Rian blinked and walked closer, moving around her to get a better view of her face. He’d never seen anyone stay so damned still. It was freaky, unsettling. Her features had relaxed into a Madonna-like mask and she breathed so lightly, for a moment he wondered if she’d stopped breathing altogether.

Sen fired up the UVPL. A purple ray shot out and hit the manacle, turning the metal into something with the consistency of dough. He set the laser down, grabbed the cuff, and gave it a hard yank. It bent apart just enough to slide it off her slender wrist. Rian released the breath he’d been holding at the sight of her smooth, unmarked skin beneath.

“
Phew
. Okay, let’s get the other one off.” Jensen wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand, sweat darkening the edges of his blond hair. In a matter of seconds, the other shackle came off.

Ella opened her eyes and rubbed her wrists one at a time, a small smile tilting her lips.

Rian approached the opposite side of the bench, for some stupid reason feeling more comfortable with solid objects separating them.

“So? How do you feel? Are your abilities working now?”

She nodded. “Yes, everything is as it should be. Would you like a demonstration?”

He held up his hands. “That won’t be necessary.”

A smile titled her lips, her eyes hinting at mischief.

An inferno blazed within him, one he’d have no hope of stopping if it broke through the thin barrier of his control. A soothing kind of warmth wrapped around the back of his neck like a hot, soft towel. A strange humming sensation shot down his spine like a thousand watts of electricity, making every part of him feel
so damn good
.

Are you sure you wouldn’t like even a small demonstration?

Ella’s voice echoed within him, as if she’d whispered in his ear, but the sound went deeper. He clenched his fists and the primitive urges he’d fought last night bubbled beneath his façade of normalcy. Shock transformed her features in the same moment her description returned, about what it would feel like if she read his mind. The hot, hedonistic sensations coursing through him were from her presence in his mind. She’d seen his thoughts, gotten into his head.

The moment she withdrew he felt cold and alone, which seemed damned ridiculous, since he’d always been alone. He liked it that way.

“Don’t ever do that again.” His voice came out rough, uneven, but with the usual amount of steel in it.

Her face returned to the serene, regal expression he had no hope of reading.

Some long forgotten part of his mind reared up and threatened a mutiny, telling him her smiles and mischievous glances were far preferable to the untouchable beauty sitting in front of him.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Sen returned from putting the UVPL components away, his expression creased in confusion.

Rian pushed his hair back and folded his arms. “We’re all heading off-ship for drinks at O’Mara’s. That means both of you.”

Both of them objected at the same time, talking over each other.
Jezus
. Had they flown into some time-warp where everyone forgot, as captain, when he said something, they frecking did it?

“Enough! Sen, the engine will still be here tomorrow. Ella, I don’t care if you’re not allowed out in public or don’t consume alcoholic beverages, we’re all going, and you can’t be left alone. You’re coming for your own protection.”

Jensen sighed and stared packing up things here and there, muttering all the while.

Ella held up her recently-freed wrists. “I don’t need protecting. I told you, if anyone comes near me and tries anything, it’ll be about the last thing they do. I was caught unaware on Aryn, but I won’t be again.”

Warrior princess
. Apparently Ella had a core of pure steel-tempered-metium.

“I don’t doubt that, princess. But why don’t you just humor my large captain’s ego?”

“Personally, I’d rather stay away from your captain’s ego. And they’re never as big as men say they are.” She crossed her arms with an elegant movement and sent him a look that could only be interpreted as
so there!

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed outright, but her attitude and innuendo forced a smile on him. He ran a hand over his jaw as he turned away, liking it a little bit too much.

“Off-ship in fifteen minutes. Don’t make me come looking for you.” He took the stairs back up into the main part of the ship. For some frecking stupid reason, he wanted to change his clothes before they went out. Maybe he’d look through his locker to see if he could find a shirt and pair of pants that didn’t have a stain or rip in them.
Jezus
, what was the universe coming to?

Chapter Fourteen

T
annin followed the crew as they walked along the darkened streets, passing restaurants, shops trading late, and other social gathering places. He was antsy about being out, knowing Raleigh and any number of IPC officers were still looking for him, but Rian insisted everyone had to come on this little excursion. From the chatter he’d overheard, it had been a while since the crew had gotten the chance to go out together, and apparently they’d meant it earlier when Lianna and Callan had told him as the newest crew member, he owed them all a round.

A small woman strode next to him with precise steps. She had dark brown hair, mid-brown skin, stunningly beautiful features, and the calmest air about her that he’d ever encountered. Though he didn’t see her blatantly looking around, he got the sense she took in everything. The priestess was an enigma. And what Rian planned to do with her a total mystery.

Tannin looked forward to where Zahli walked, one arm linked with Kira’s. She might not have the perfect beauty and form of the priestess, but Zahli was far more arresting. Something about her struck him as earthy and sensual, without any artifice. Just the thought of her curves made his mouth water.

Which was why he had to keep his distance.

How had he forgotten, even for one second, that the IPC would never stop looking for him? Raleigh’s surprise visit had reminded him of that like taking a nucleon blast to the face.

Rian had given him a chance to keep his freedom, and one veiled warning about
no fraternization
was more than enough. He had to keep his place on this crew, because he’d be the one kicked out if rules were broken. And if he wasn’t onboard the
Imojenna
and hidden in plain sight with an ex-war hero, his chances of staying free would be that much smaller. And the very last thing he wanted was to take Zahli down with him if he got caught.

Because of Sherron he was as free as he’d ever get. On Erebus he could only have imagined what it’d be like to have the liberty he’d found now. And Rian had given him that. The gratitude he felt went beyond words.

No doubt he’d left Zahli confused after he’d abandoned her in the cargo bay. But realization had struck him like a physical blow. Now he really was part of the crew. Rian had given him a new future, so he couldn’t go against the man’s orders, not for anything.

Not even for the sake of his own heart.

Nothing else could develop between them. And the only way to enforce his decision would be to stay away from her, not be alone, even for a moment. Because he had no control where Zahli was concerned. It would only take one of her smiles, or a breath of her summer rain scent, and all his resolve would go up in smoke.

Rian turned to a doorway with a sign reading
O’Mara’s
flashing over top. A set of stairs spiraled downward and at the bottom, an armed gorilla of a man stood behind a counter taking and returning people’s weapons as they came and went, like an old-fashioned coat service. An almost disorientating flash of memory surfaced—the last time he’d been out with his family to the exclusive social club his parents dined at every Sunday night, right alongside Broc and Quaine’s families. The club had still paid actual people to take coats and serve their rich clientele.

Like usual, the recollection of his old life left a hollow smoldering in his chest, at the same time leaving him wondering what had become of his parents. He shouldn’t care, they’d disowned him before he’d even hit dirt on Erebus, believing the concocted evidence over his protestation of innocent. It still burned deep within him, one of the many scars he hated facing. Though, since he’d boarded the
Imojenna
and come face to face with Zahli, some of those ragged edges within him didn’t seem so sharp any longer.

Callan, Lianna, Zahli, and Rian relinquished their guns and knives. They received a small, square chip in exchange, and then moved into the main part of the bar packed with patrons. Rian went straight to the bar while Jensen and Callan pulled a couple of tables together.

The customers of O’Mara’s likely weren’t the most reputable people on the Rim, and probably didn’t make their living on the straight and narrow. Though, compared to what he’d seen in Huata earlier in the day, this place was a monastery.

The whole place was one big open area, looking like it encompassed the basements of at least three shops above. On the very far side, people danced under sporadic lights. The bar where drinks were being passed out by an automated service separated the dancers from the games area, where there were two pool tables, a couple of dart boards, and a holograph card pit set up for various types of gambling, manned by security droids to monitor cheating. Above where they’d sat down, a large screen viewer hovered, beaming in the latest Inter Worlds League game. The last time he’d seen one he’d been a teenager, lounging on the couch at Quaine’s house with no idea his whole life was about to go to hell. Literally.

Rian returned, followed by a service-bot that wasn’t much more than a tray on wheels with a currency slot. When it stopped by the table, their captain handed around beers, except the priestess was given a glass of a clear colored fizzing drink. Something non-alcoholic, probably. She smiled and nodded when she took it, and Rian paused to stare at her, several hard emotions flashing across his features.

Interesting
. Tannin looked down into his glass, knowing without a doubt he’d be asking for it if Rian caught him staring. He picked up his icy schooner and took a long swallow from the bitter, dark brew. Something else he hadn’t done since he’d been a teenager. The drink tasted even better than he remembered.

“Everette, that drink cost ninety-six credits.”

Tannin choked on the mouthful he’d taken and looked up at Rian.

Jensen laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll take it out of your share from our next haul. That’s another rule. Everyone gets an equal share of the bounty, unless the captain decrees the ship needs repairs, which takes precedence over personal gain.”

“Yeah, great,” Callan growled, his beer already three-quarters empty. “Next thing the priestess will be in on the cut and there’ll be two more crew members to share the loot with. At this rate, we’ll be lucky to make more than a few measly credits per trade.”

“Boo hoo!” Zahli teased, shoving Callan in the shoulder.

Callan finished off the rest of his beer and shot her a dark look. “Watch it, girlie, or I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident so I can have your share.”

Zahli poked out her tongue as Rian gripped Callan’s shoulder. “And you might become intimately acquainted with zero atmosphere when I shove you out the hatch next time we’re in void-space.”

Callan went for another round and the good-natured banter continued. Since he didn’t want to get drunk the first night out with the crew, Tannin nursed his second beer as Jensen went for a third round.

After a couple more drinks, Zahli, Lianna, and Kira moved to the dance floor and tried to take Miriella, but the priestess seemed determined to stay exactly where she sat. She made small talk every now and then, but seemed tense about being out in such a crowded place. He could relate. Ever since they’d left the ship, he’d been looking over his shoulder for IPC officers. He supposed it was a feeling he’d have to get used to, since he’d be on the run for the rest of his life.

Rian and Callan went to join a nearby card game, while Jensen became absorbed by the IWL game on the display.

Tannin strolled to the bar for something less potent, already feeling the effects of the whole two pints he’d had. While waiting for his turn at the automated service system, a small hand slipped into his, cool fingers twining tightly. He looked down as Zahli tugged on his arm.

“Come and dance.” She pulled and he allowed himself to be led away from the bar, someone else filling the spot he’d left.

“I don’t dance.” He had vague memories of going to school dances on Barasa a lifetime ago, but the bumping and hopping he and his friends had done couldn’t really be classified as dancing. He glanced over his shoulder, looking for Rian, but the captain still sat at a card table, not taking any notice of them.

Despite his reluctance, Tannin didn’t resist as Zahli guided him through the throng of shifting, twirling people, right to the middle of the dance floor. Under the pulsing lights, she turned to him and placed her hands on his upper chest, sliding them up over his shoulders as she stepped closer.

With that simple movement, everything else ceased to exist except the two of them and the music pounding relentlessly at him, matching the thump of his heart against his ribs. His arms wound around her waist, pulling her nearer still, until he could feel her curves against him, let her warmth seep into him, experience every slow, sexy sway of her body.

“See? Dancing isn’t so difficult.” Her smile, like her movements, came on slow and so damn sexy. She rested her cheek against his chest and hugged him tighter.

Leaning down, he inhaled her unique scent, intoxicating him far more than the couple of drinks he’d had. He shouldn’t be doing this. His head felt light from the heavy beer and his judgment couldn’t have been sound. Surely if his mind had been clear he’d be telling himself what a bad idea this was, giving himself a list of reasons why he shouldn’t be doing this, most of them starting with
Rian
.

But it didn’t feel wrong. No. It felt right. More right than anything he could remember feeling in a long time. He ran a hand up and down her back, measuring the curve of her spine, learning the shape of her hip, waist, and right up to her neck under the fall of her thick honey hair. Closing his eyes, his senses took over and his body became hyper-aware.

They moved in perfect sync and fit together in a way that fueled his already over-active imagination. She shifted slightly in his arms and then somehow his hand was in her hair, holding her as his mouth found hers. He tasted traces of the sweet wine she’d been drinking earlier. He had to stop dancing, too lost in the intense pleasure igniting within him, burning upward and outward until he was consumed by the way their mouths fused together.

He dragged her harder against him and over the hammering of the music he heard her moan, sigh his name against his lips as her short fingernails dug into his shoulders. She rubbed herself sensuously against him and the sensation branded him all the way from his thighs up to his chest. It only made him wish for nothing between them, wish he could feel her do the same, skin to naked skin.

Tugging on the knot of silky hair he had in his fist, he tilted her head back and devoured the length of her supple neck. Her fresh rain scent brought on the image of her lying naked in a field of soft grasses and wildflowers, making love to her as a sultry summer rain showered them from above.

He took in a deep breath, chest expanding until it felt like it might explode, as volatile, sensual, consuming passion infused his every cell, suspending him between heaven and hell. There were too many reasons why this moment couldn’t go any further, the most obvious being they were standing in the middle of a dance floor. Someone bumped into him from behind and he lifted his head, half expecting to find Rian there, weapons drawn.

Zahli’s fingers slipped up into his hair, her deep blue eyes almost black, asking him for things he couldn’t give. Her lips were dark pink and her skin slightly abraded from his whiskers.
God
. He wanted to take her away from here, take her away from it all, where it could just be her and him and nothing in between them. Where there’d be no rules, no complications, and no reason not to love her.

Instead, he let her go and stepped back, trying not to let the disappointment in her gaze stab him in the heart.

“Tannin—”

But he stepped out of range. His resolve had reached the edge of sanity, and he couldn’t let her touch him right now. He didn’t know which would be more selfish—choosing a place in Rian’s crew and his chance at a free life, or choosing Zahli over the man who’d given him his freedom.

“Zahli, you’re important to me, I care—” He stumbled over the word and clenched his fists, swallowing his emotions. “I care about you, but we both know this can never be. I’ll always be a wanted man, and I’ve agreed to help Rian. You know his rules better than I do.”

Her body tensed, anger tightening her features. “I don’t care about Rian’s frecking rules. They can go to hell. Some things are more important.”

A sense of loss, of being trapped, spurred through him and spread in a numbing wave. It brought back the things he’d felt every day living on Erebus, wanting a life he couldn’t have, dreaming of impossible things.

“Rian gave me freedom, gave me back my life. I owe him so much for that, so I’m sorry, Zahli.” It seemed like a stupid thing to say, but he had no other words.

He turned and pushed through the crowded dance floor, not able to look back at her. If he did, the hurt on her face might break the last of his determination.

He headed back for the bar. Another beer seemed like a great idea. And maybe he’d have a few more after that; anything to dull the throb of unsated lust and bitter regret coursing through him.

At the bar, he shouldered his way into a spot to wait for the automated service system. When it came, he looked over the choices, finger hovering over the icon to order a double Scots whiskey, but at the last moment he requested water. Taking his
hard
drink, he returned to the table and sat next to Jensen, across from Miriella. Up on the large screen, the home team, Yarina Suns, were down ten points to the Jacolby Jets. He stared blankly at the figures moving through the familiar patterns of the football match, a flash of delayed lust jolting through his system. He’d spent twelve years living on a prison planet deprived of a lot, including any kind of intimate relationship. He wasn’t a virgin, but the few times he’d been with women, it had been nothing more than a brief hook-up. He’d never experienced the things Zahli made him feel, hadn’t been prepared for such strong emotion, finding such a natural connection with someone. And for all that, he’d pretty much just blown her off. Not that he really had a choice.