Atonement (35 page)

Suddenly my breathing stopped, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I had been watching the big screen take snapshots and quick videos of the spectators when I could have sworn the camera paused on someone that looked exactly like Lisa Davis. I was stunned, and I was sure it had to be her. But why would she be here in California? I just couldn’t imagine. I searched frantically for where I thought the camera had paused, but I saw no one that looked like Lisa. After a few moments of increased heart rate and breathing, I chalked it up to coincidence, and decided it couldn’t have been Lisa. I decided not to share my revelation with Tate. He didn’t need my insecurities and worry any more than I did. We hadn’t talked of our ex’s since that day in the hospital over seven months ago, and there was no reason to rehash anything now.

We were groggy from lack of sleep, and needy from lack of sex, but blissfully happy. John had tried to text me a couple of times, and out of respect for Tate, I didn’t respond. They were just texts that basically said he was thankful I had the good life I deserved and that I had a healthy baby. He even asked
that one day he would be able to meet him. I was sure that would probably never happen, if Tate had anything to do with it. Maura had told me John was still pining over the fact that it wasn’t our baby (meaning mine and John’s). It scared me a little the depth of his love for me. I still loved him too, I couldn’t lie. But Tate and Ty were my life and the path I had chosen. I was 100% satisfied with my choice. I wouldn’t change a thing.

The Padres won! There were lots of crazy acts of celebration. I was still nursing Ty, so no alcohol involved or needed to make me hang out on cloud nine. The events in my life now were able to do that all on their own; despite our life of chaos. Ty was exhausted so I put him down for a nap when we got home. He was so dead to the world that I decided to put him down on a pallet on the plush rug in the family room, instead of in his crib. He would lay there a lot when I put on a movie for him while I was cooking, so I figured it would be okay. After all, I planned to hang out in that room anyway. It hurt too much to walk up and down the steps to his crib. My feet were even more tender today than yesterday. Tate had to stay after the game for a little physical therapy and a team meeting. So, it was just me and a sleeping baby Ty.

I was running through some bills, and filling out forms for my clinicals for psychology, all the while listening to soothing jazz on the surround sound, when I realized I had to go upstairs after all. Shoot! I had left my course information up in our bedroom, and I really wanted to send these emails to my advisor while I was working on them. Checking on Ty again, because he had been wiggling around a little, he was still seemingly asleep with his eyes closed. I painfully and slowly trudged up the stairs, trying to remember where I had put down my course booklet.
I was rummaging through my bag when the phone rang. I hobbled to grab it realizing it was Chloe. I filled her in on my clumsy act of getting glass stuck all in my feet. She made a light joke of me just wanting Tate to have to carry me around. I was chuckling until the house alarm started going off again. I could barely hear Chloe, but I told her my little guy must be awake, and I couldn’t imagine what kind of mess I would find once I got down the steps, two flights at that…crap. I was trying to run, but the pain was a little much. I had taken my shoes off when I had gotten home, so there was nothing cushioning my steps. Hobbling down the stairs I was trying to hear if I could make out Ty’s cries behind the siren going off. Evidently it had been ringing a little longer than last time, because the louder alarm had kicked in…you know the one that is supposed to alert the neighborhood, or something like that.

I was trying to brace myself for what kind of mess I would find, for what he could have knocked off now to set off the glass-break alarm. My fear became frantic wondering if he could have really gotten hurt himself this time. Before I hit the landing of the bottom stairs, and stepped, well actually jumped over the safety gate, I was kicking myself for being so STUPID to leave him alone downstairs. I should have thought ahead in case he would have woken up while I was upstairs. Truthfully, now I couldn’t think about anything, my eardrums were about to burst from the shrill sirens. I faintly could hear the phone ringing again, probably the alarm company. They are going to think I am the dumbest mother in the world to have this false alarm happen again so quickly.

I began to ease a little once I got near where Ty had been lying on the floor. I was sure I would find his tearful, beautiful
face looking up at me to rescue him from the loud noise. I looked all around, but no baby face was to be found. I ran over to the keypad to deactivate it. I couldn’t think through the noise. Finally all was quiet. Too quiet. Where was my screaming, crying, copy of Tate crawling around? I stood still long enough to hear the heartbeat now up in my ear…no Ty. I knew it was crazy to lose control, but suddenly I wanted nothing more than to hold my chubby son. I needed him in my arms now!! Forgetting about any pain in my feet, in fact I forgot I had feet, my brain was numb. I frantically searched all nine rooms downstairs. NO TY!

Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit! God help me! Think Reese. Think! Had he gotten under the covers somewhere playing hide and seek like he has before? Did he climb in a cabinet? I didn’t know what to do. Surely he was here. I couldn’t find anything broken…Oh No!! Broken! The front door was barely open, if my eyes hadn’t caught the glimpse of the street light from the crack in it I wouldn’t have noticed. I ran to the front door. Flinging it open I screamed outside for Ty. I fell to my knees, I couldn’t breathe, where was my son? I reached for my cell phone in my pocket, but it wasn’t there. I couldn’t remember how to swallow. What…what was happening? Was I dreaming? I faintly heard footsteps, and looking up I caught the look of my lifetime shadow…Elle. She was running towards me, Finn was on her heels, and Tate came running fast enough to pass them both coming straight for me. He scooped me up and hugged me tight. Then he leaned back and started patting me down.

“Where are you hurt Reese? What happened? Oh my God! What’s wrong? Why did the alarm go off? Where’s….”

“Ty!!! Ty!!!!” It was all I could scream. My voice was nearly constricted. I had never, not ever even after all I had been through felt this kind of torment. I looked up to Tate’s eyes “Our son!” I screamed. “He’s gone!” Tate nearly dropped me to the ground. He took off running to the house. He was screaming Ty’s name. Elle fell down to the ground beside of me.

“Talk to me Reese. What happened? Why is Ty gone?” She shook me, hard “What happened Reese?” I was choking back tears just so I could speak. I could hear Finn on the phone to 911, although I was starting to register he wouldn’t have a clue what to tell them. I jerked the phone from his hand and started to brokenly fill in the dispatcher on what I knew…which wasn’t anything. Nothing made sense. One minute my son is sleeping on a pallet on the floor, and the next minute, he’s gone.” I dropped the phone and flung myself on Elle.

“He’s gone Elle. Someone took my baby. Somebody took Ty.” My eyes had to have looked half deranged. I didn’t know what world I was in. How could this be happening? Elle just hugged me telling me we would find him, over and over. A winded Tate came running out of the house. Finn caught him before he got to me, filling him in on what I had shared with emergency services. I couldn’t bear to look at Tate. I had allowed our son to get taken. Tate would hate me…Hell, I hated me. What was I thinking? I wasn’t fit to be a mother. I had turned the alarm on, but had I left the door unlocked? Oh God, where was our boy? I was crying again, sobbing onto the ground.

I felt warm, strong, hands on me. “Reese. Shhh, we’ll find him. Shhh, we’ll find him.” I looked up to find Tate’s worried, gorgeous eyes fixed on mine. “Baby, this isn’t your fault.” Then
he broke down sobbing with me. “We’ll find him.” Moments later the police arrived. Three cop cars came barreling in, parking sideways, sirens, and lights blasting. They informed us other detectives were perusing the neighborhood to see if anyone saw a strange car. They were sweeping for fingerprints, and two detectives were roaming through the house, tearing it apart to make sure we hadn’t missed our son lying somewhere unconscious.

I called my parents…actually Elle was the one who ended up talking with them. I couldn’t speak intelligible enough to let them know what was happening. Tate never let go of my hand. They were drilling me with hard, tough questions. I started to think they thought I was the one who had done something with Ty, but I knew they were just doing their job. I was transfixed in a stare most of the time, thinking about my happy baby boy. I needed to pump, four hours had passed…too quickly. I remember reading something once about statistics on a missing child. The likelihood of finding an abducted child alive goes down drastically with each passing hour. Unless, it was a domestic event but that wasn’t the case here at all. They reluctantly made a comment that it could be a crazed stalker fan, and they asked us about ex-relationships we had had. Tate quickly threw out John’s name. He also told them about Lauren. He started to say Carter’s name from a kneejerk reaction, but realized how stupid that was. He was dead of course. We just weren’t ourselves, and nothing was making any sense. We also mentioned John’s friend Sam (although I knew he was back in rehab).

Tate was hugging me, rubbing my back. His eyes were red. Looking at him, I lost it. “We need to be looking for him,” I was
screaming now. “We shouldn’t be sitting here Tate…some crazy asshole has our son, and we’re just sitting here. I was beating his chest. “Why aren’t you out there looking for him?” I couldn’t breathe. I was hyperventilating. Tate was crying. He physically hit the wall with his fist. Then it registered with him that I really couldn’t breathe. The policeman was on me in a minute with a paper-bag asking me to breathe in and out, slowly. My vision was blurred. Part of me wanted the blackness to take me. I didn’t think my heart could take another moment of pain. Tate was holding me up, his strong chest against my trembling back.

“Reese. We’re doing all we can. We can’t just drive around this huge city. We need to be here when they bring him back. Because they WILL Reese. They WILL bring him home to us!” I prayed over and over that Tate was right. We even got in a circle, Tate, Finn, Elle, and me, holding hands and praying to God to deliver our son to us again healthy and safe. Please God let that be the case.

Two more pots of coffee and two more hours of tortuous waiting passed. My parents and Tate’s parents had called to say they were in a short layover in Houston, but would be here in a few hours. We had no news or updates for them. It was sickening really. Where was our beautiful boy! He would be so hungry and scared by now…Actually I was praying that to be the case. The alternative meant…meant he wasn’t feeling at all. I collapsed on the floor. I was so much weaker than I ever thought I would be. I couldn’t imagine life without my baby in it. Our baby. Tate scooped me up and swaying with me, said soft, soothing words in my ear.

Maura called. She was frantic as well. She said she and Harrison were praying for us. She told us how the cops had
already called John and had his status and location verified. They had given him the third degree. “He wants you to know Reese how sorry he is for what you’re going through. He asked to please call him if there is anything he can do.”

Maura was on speakerphone, so Tate heard her comment. “You tell that bastard we don’t need anything from him. He’s done enough to add to our pain over the last year. You TELL him that Maura. You got it!” Tate was fuming. He was transferring his anger and pain to the other side of the phone. I could picture Maura flinching, and Harrison getting upset about Tate’s tone towards his girlfriend. I quickly took the phone off speaker, and walked away.

“Maura, I’m sorry. Just don’t talk to John about us. Tate can’t handle anything else to worry about right now.” My voice was strained. I sounded and felt like a different person speaking. How did things get so crazy, so fast? Where was my sweet, blubbering, baby boy? I dropped the phone again. I think I saw Elle grab it off the floor and speak into it before hanging up, but I couldn’t comprehend much. I walked over to Tate and was crying into his chest again.

“I’m so sorry Tate. I’m so sorry. What have I done? I can’t live without him Tate. I…can’t…live…without…our…son,” I said between sobs. Tate was silently stroking my hair. A police crisis counselor had arrived and was offering me medicine (blue tablet, I think I heard the words valium, and relief) and a glass of water. I looked at Tate tentatively wondering if he thought I should. I knew I was a basket case. He nodded for me to take it. I did, but then I regretted it. I wanted to be fully awake when they brought my baby home. They
would
bring him home. Oh God, please let them bring my baby home. I
was breathing too hard and too fast again. Tate jumped into protective mode. He was on me in a second.

“Reese. Calm down baby. Listen, we have to stay calm. Ty needs us to be calm. Come here. I love you Reese. I don’t want to hear you thinking this is your fault ever again.” He lifted my quivering chin to meet his face. “It could have happened to anyone. I mean…I don’t even set the alarm if I’m not asleep. Stop this. I need you. I love you Reese. I could never blame you…Do. You. Hear. Me?” He said between kisses. He was trying his best not to cry. But, there is no way around the emotions of losing a child. Where was our child? Oh God.