Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (17 page)

So an indigo won't respect their teachers, school principals, or other elders, unless the indigo feels that the person in question really has earned it. This ensures that the indigo will have many run-ins with authority figures, often pulling the parent into disciplinary meetings.

An indigo's parent (the Earth Angel) has an overwhelming need for everyone to be happy. That includes her beloved children. Indigos are extremely authentic and real with sharing their emotions outwardly.

Since indigos are so sensitive to corruption, and so much corruption still exists in the world, most are genuinely upset with the state of the planet, politics, the military, energy management, and so forth. So an indigo isn't happy! This confuses and confounds the Earth Angel parent, who's doing everything possible to
make
her child happy.

For instance, she is working two jobs to pay for everything that her child could want or need. She reluctantly agrees to whatever her son or daughter wants.

An example that I often hear about from Earth Angel parents involves violent video games. Most Earth Angels tell me that they're highly sensitive to violent movies, TV shows, and games. They're particularly sensitive to loud sounds from these media sources. And so they run into a conflict because their children enjoy violent video games, and may even be addicted to playing them.

Whenever the Earth Angel parent brushes up on the topic that she'd prefer to have no violent media in her peaceful home, the indigo child bluntly argues that he
needs
these video games. The strong negative emotions greatly trouble and frighten the Earth Angel parent.

So, many Earth Angel parents cave in to their children's desires, even if it violates the parents' personal boundaries (that is, their need to have no violent video games in the house).

Another example involves food. Many Earth Angels are sensitive to the food they eat, so they tend to eat very healthily. If an Earth Angel's child doesn't want to follow suit, the parent has two choices: to insist that while the child is living under her roof he'll eat a certain way; or to give in and allow the child to eat whatever he desires.

I find that Earth Angel parents who allow their children to do whatever they want live in a household that's filled with drama.

Strong-willed children secretly desire their parents to be stronger than they are. They need their mom or dad to step up and say the right thing, because the child knows deep down what the right thing is, too. Part of being an assertive Earth Angel is to muster up the courage to speak your truth and hold your boundaries, even if the other person is unhappy with your words.

When my very strong-willed son Charles was young, he respected my words because I would mean them when I said them. I always backed everything up with action, so he knew I wasn't bluffing.

The key to raising strong-willed children is that you must be stronger than they are. When Charles was young, I prayed constantly for God, Jesus, and Archangel Michael to give me strength. And they always did!

Many Earth Angels have had past-life relationships with their children from this life. Because our planet has such a long, tumultuous history, it's very common for Earth Angels to have had tragic or painful past-life connections with their children. A common scenario is where you lost your child in a past life, triggering excessive feelings of anxiety about your child in
this
life.

Because of this anxiety, Earth Angel parents tend to unconsciously overcompensate by doing everything humanly and angelically possible to keep their child happy . . . even to the detriment of both parent and child. All children need consistency from their parents as a top priority. Many studies show that when children can't predict their parents' behavior, it can lead to great insecurity that follows them into adulthood.

Children thrive under strong and clear parental guidance. They need their parents to step up and speak up. They need their parents to teach them healthful ways to deal with stress, relationships, boredom, and goals.

It's important not to be afraid of your child's disapproval! If you don't want violent video games, junk food, alcohol, foul language, and the like in your house, you have the right to say so and to enforce that boundary strictly.

Any boundary you have pertaining to your home and your child is natural and needs to be expressed openly. But that's not all: the most important part of telling your strong-willed child—or anyone else—about your boundaries is to have the courage to follow through in enforcing them, even if your child exhausts or upsets you while you're holding your ground.

Remember, Earth Angel parents: Your job is to shepherd and teach your child how to get along in the world after you're gone. Teach your child to be strong and to maintain his or her big, free spirit. Teach your child to be authentic and to step up as a leader and activist.

Your child learns from observing your behavior. Your child watches how you deal with stress. Do you turn to alcohol, food, pills, television, or other toxic, numbing habits? Or do you take healthful measures, such as attending a yoga class or going on a nature walk, when you're stressed? Your child will eventually mimic your behaviors.

Teach your child to respect you as the parent. Don't engage in power struggles. Anytime you have a power struggle with anyone, you're implying that someone can take your power away. You've already got 100 percent maximum power, and you don't have to fight anyone to get it back. You never lost it, unless you gave it away. And even then, you can't
really
give your power away, because God endowed you with it. And what God has created and given is eternal.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ASSERTIVENESS
WITH
AUTHORITY FIGURES

Y
ou and I are one. You're one with every person who ever has lived, and ever will live, on this planet. Regardless of another person's spiritual wisdom, success, and happiness levels, you're one with, and equal to, that person.

God created
all
of us equal and equally gifted. Of course, everyone uses their gifts in different ways. Some people practice and polish their gifts, but everyone's
potential
and
inherent gifts
are identical.

As children, we're pressured to conform with the wishes and desires of authority figures and even punished if we don't. So as adults, we may fear authority figures. We may feel too intimidated by bosses, teachers, or celebrities to dare to speak up honestly and be ourselves with such people.

Fear always puts you into your ego. Your higher self, who's one with God and everyone, is never afraid. Your higher self is 100 percent love and light from the Divine. Your ego, in contrast, is 100 percent fear and darkness. So when you go into fear about authority figures, you're in your ego. It's that simple—for all of us!

It's as if life hands you a remote control with two buttons: one that says FEAR and one that says LOVE. Those are our two choices, in every circumstance of life. There are many shades of love, just as there are many shades of fear. But they always boil down to these two choices.

There will be many times in your life when you're called to be assertive with authority figures. This may be while you're doing activism work on behalf of an issue that's near and dear to your heart.

Perhaps, for instance, you'll need to speak directly with your local government representative to air your opinions about some initiative or law under consideration.

Or perhaps you need to speak with your boss about getting a promotion or raise, or introducing an idea for a new project.

It's normal for you to have physiological reactions to the stress and fear of facing an authority figure. This is hardwired into all organisms; plus, we're schooled for years to fear and respect authority figures.

A passive person never speaks up to authority figures, and rarely even looks them in the eye. The passive-aggressive person says angry words about authority figures behind their backs, and openly or secretly blames them for all of his or her problems. An aggressive person will confront an authority figure with loud and angry words or actions.

But an
assertive
person will speak directly to the authority figure with honesty, poise, and grace. Assertiveness is the way to create positive change, and also to put you on the highest vibrational level in all of your relationships. This includes your relationship with your Creator, angels, and loved ones; your karmic relationships; your relationship with authority figures, and most important . . . with yourself.

Beware of Pedestals

Sometimes the person you perceive to be an authority figure is someone to whom you're very close. It could be your parent; it could be your spouse. Earth Angels tend to put people up on pedestals. This means that because you admire the individual, you superimpose your fantasies of him or her being an ideal person.

The trouble with putting people up on pedestals is that they'll always fall off. And you'll be disappointed or even devastated when you realize they're human just like you. Every single person has an ego, including
you
. And the ego always leads you down a path of fear, fraught with mistakes.

The ego works through convincing you that you're separate from God, from angels, and from every other person. It does this by convincing you that you're either better or worse than other people.

When you put someone on a pedestal, you're automatically going into your ego because you're saying that this person is separate from you. Fear is the foundation of any relationship where you feel the other person is “less than” or “more than” you. And fear is an unstable foundation, guaranteeing a drama-filled relationship.

When you fear someone, you're giving your power to the other person. There are no authority figures in spiritual truth. There are only those who we have decided have power and control over us. Usually, that's because we've decided that we need that person's resources (such as money, prestige, connections, protection, approval, and so on). We've made him or her into a demigod, instead of seeing that God is the only authority figure and the only Source that brings us whatever we need.

Of course, it's fine to admire and appreciate people. But don't make them out to be separate from or better than you. Instead, let someone else's admirable traits inspire you to reach for your own dreams!

PART III

B
EING ASSERTIVE OUT
in the
WORLD

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

FITTING IN
AND
WORTHINESS

E
arth Angels feel like they're not a match with the rest of the world, like they've been dropped off on this planet and abandoned. It's as if they don't know the rules and just can't fit in anywhere. They live in a constant feeling of being odd, misunderstood, and judged.

Very often when they're young, Earth Angels are teased and taunted for being weird. This is tragic for highly sensitive children. They form a low opinion of themselves because everyone else tells them that they're strange and different—or treats them that way, so they develop this self-image. This leads to feelings of unworthiness, which will haunt Earth Angels for the rest of their lives if it's not confronted and healed.