Arrest-Proof Yourself (35 page)

putting something in your mouth (ditto)

throwing up (as in, those drugs you swallowed didn’t go down so good)

dropping anything metallic (as in, burglar tools or a weapon)

reaching inside your jacket or belt or around your ankles (where pistols are worn)

running

ducking out of sight

flipping the bird

dropping your pants to show the full moon

silently mouthing insults

You think I’m kidding? No one could be so stupid. Right? Think again! You could not imagine how dumb people can be. Cops are the kings of the street, yet people actually drop their drawers and waggle their fannies at them. They start yelling, heckling, jeering, and flipping the bird. Cops freak them out and make them crazy. All this is a clueless attempt at self-assertion. But enough with the pop psychology. If you want to stay free, don’t do this stuff.

The absolutely worst thing you can do is to flag down the officers and attempt to distract them by telling them a nonsense story. All this does is get them interested in you. Here’s what you want to do.

Don’t alter the pattern.

Keep on keeping on. Steady as she goes.

Keep on trucking.

Got it?

14

BLUE LIGHT? STAY OUT OF SIGHT!

O
ne of the most clueless things people do is butt in on police business. Of course it’s human nature to do so. You see the blue light, the cruisers, maybe a crime scene van or a K-9 unit. You
^’
re curious. You want to know what
^’
s going on. Maybe your ego is fragile, and you want to impressto yourself and your friends that you aren’t afraid of cops. Whatever the motivation, I strongly advise you to stay away from police at all times and in all places except when
you
call them and
you
need them. Then they will be at your service to serve and protect. Otherwise, leave these guys alone.

Consider the obvious. The blue or red light is a warning light. It’s telling you to stay away. There is absolutely no advantage to your approaching police, questioning them, or attempting to insert yourself into their operations. First, you won’t find out anything. Police are better trained and disciplined than ever, and they will not discuss what they’re doing with onlookers, with media, or with anyone except other police or city personnel such as firefighters. On TV shows, reporters get cops to make statements into microphones thrust into their faces. In real life, this rarely happens. Release of police information to the public is generally handled by public information officers, not by uniformed officers on the scene.