Arranged (17 page)

I still don’t know what to believe.

He never said it. The ‘L’ word. And it’s not like I expected him to, because boys saying that is a rare thing. They don’t like saying it. But every day of that blissful week I told Lee how much I liked him. And every time I did, he’d kiss me or touch me, but he’d never voice his feelings in return. Sure, he complimented me in cheeky ways, but he never said his feelings as clearly as I did. In my haze of our crazy week I didn’t hear the doubts, but now that we’re apart they’re loud and clear and yelling in my ear. If he was trying to con me, I can never forgive him. But if he wasn’t, and everything was sincere…

And there’s still the mystery of who paid my classes. I tried to get a receipt from the Accounting office, but they insisted only the person who paid could request one. When I asked them who paid, they pursed their lips and said it was confidential information. Other students got receipts. So why all the secrecy around mine?

I float through my classes in a daze. Mercifully, I don’t see Lee around campus at all. Whenever I meet up with Jen in the cafeteria for dinner, she always tries to get me to eat more. My stomach’s too upset to eat much lately. After a month my old jeans start to sag off my hips and I look like I’m swimming in my old shirts that used to fit so well. Everyone talks about their Christmas plans. Jen practically forces me to agree to coming to the Battle of the Bands she’s competing in on Saturday, and I agree. Listening to music and watching her play will be a thousand times better than lying in my bed trying not to think about Lee or burying myself in studying.

“You’re going out?” Selena asks when I start rummaging through my closet.

“Yeah. Down to the Battle of the Bands.”

“Oh, that’s in Club Harper, isn’t it? I saw a flyer for it.”

I nod and choose a white blouse and leggings. Selena smiles at me over her mug of cocoa.

“Well, I’m really happy you’re going. I’ve…been worried, I guess. Have fun.”

“Worried?” I pull my blouse on and quirk a brow at her.

“Yeah. You’ve lost so much weight. And you stay up so late studying almost every night. I know it’s none of my business, since we aren’t really good friends or anything. But I get worried.”

Her sincere tone melts a little of the bitter iciness that’d wrapped itself around my heart lately. I smile as best I can.

“Thanks. For worrying about me. It means a lot.”

She waves out the dorm window and I wave back as I cross the quad. I left my hair long and my makeup light, and the frigid air caresses my cheeks. Walking to the club, I feel better than I have in weeks. The last rays of the sun peek out as streaks of orange and peach over the buildings, and pigeons are cooing as they sit in rows on the power lines. Mom and Dad’s business is long saved. Riley called to talk earlier in the week and he sounded happy again. My classes are paid for, for now. Everything I was worried about earlier is resolved, and I’m on my way to a club to have fun and see my friend play in her band. I should be happy. And I am. I’m learning how to be happy again, slowly.

The line for the club is huge, almost around the block. I get in the back behind a guy in a dark peacoat. It takes me a second to realize that the back of his head looks familiar. Really familiar.

“Brendan?” I say.

The guy turns, and his smile is bright and warm and his hair is sandy as ever.

“Hey, Rose! How are you?”

“I had no idea you were going to this, too.”

“Yeah, last minute sort of thing. My friend is one of the bouncers.”

“Nice. So you’re the one with all the connections. Remind me to keep you around.”

He laughs, and we talk about what we’ve been doing for the past month or so. I don’t mention Lee. Brendan starts to mention a girl named Lisbeth, but trails off awkwardly. By the way he winces ever-so-slightly, I can tell it ended badly. I distract him by asking how he’s been doing in school, and we both agree the mid-terms were killer. I forgot how easy Brendan was to talk to. Time flies and the sky gets darker and before I know it we’re at the head of the line, the music booming from inside. Brendan says hi to his bouncer buddy, and we go in. The darkness of the club and the masses of writhing bodies in the crowd make me feel a little claustrophobic, and I instinctively gravitate towards Brendan, hiding myself behind him and holding on to his sleeve.

“Not used to rock clubs?” He shouts over the noise.

“I’ve been to one before. But it didn’t have this many people.”

“Yeah, Battle of the Bands is a big thing around here.” He leads me to a corner where we can see the stage clearly but are still far away from the heart of the crowd. I feel a little better and let go of his sleeve, embarrassed. I don’t want to send the wrong signals. After the band is done, the MC comes on and asks for the crowd’s judgment. The crowd cheers and screams and claps wildly. The MC introduces the next band. They’re alright, but they don’t sound very unique. I say that to Brendan, and he agrees with me. When they’re done playing the MC asks for the crowd’s judgment again. This time the screaming and clapping is softer.

“Which one is your friends’ band?” Brendan asks.

“The Break-Ins.”

“We did a piece on them in the school newspaper a while back.”

“Did you? Awesome.”

“We interviewed Jennifer Vega, I think?”

“She’s my friend.”

“Small world.”

“Absolutely microscopic,” I agree.

Jen’s band comes on, and I stand on the base of a pillar and cheer, waving my arms wildly. She probably can’t see me. They launch into a song, pumping up the audience with adrenaline. I don’t know how it’s possible, but they’ve gotten even better from the last time I saw them perform. Jen’s playing is phenomenal, and their singer has a magnetic aura as she struts around the stage in leather pants and safety pins earrings. The crowd loves them. When they finish, the screaming is so loud I can barely hear the MC ask for judgment. The next band comes on, and Brendan looks at me.

“I think we might have a winner.”

“If they won I would be so happy,” I say.

“So would I.” A third voice comes from behind me. I turn and see Grace – wearing a tiny black dress that shows off her longs legs. Her dark hair is left sleek and free, like a curtain, and her makeup is likewise dark and thick. She smiles at Brendan.

“You’re here with a friend, I see.”

Why do I feel so nervous all of a sudden? “Y-Yeah. Brendan, this is Grace, a friend of Jen’s. Grace, Brendan.”

“Hi. Jen’s playing is really good tonight,” He says. Grace laughs.

“Yes, she’s really giving it her heart and soul. Would you mind if I borrowed Rose for a moment?”

Brendan shakes his head, grin faint. Grace pulls me by the arm to a quieter corner of the club, near the doorway.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” She demands.

“What do you mean?”

Grace sighs. “Thank God he isn’t here tonight.”

‘He’. She means Lee. My stomach churns.

“Look, Grace, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for anything to –”

“You didn’t mean for what? For you to break my brother’s soul?” She glares. “I leave for two weeks and come back and…he’s so
different
. Whatever you did, you made him different. He sleepwalks now more than ever. He pretends to smile but I know it isn’t a real smile. He doesn’t talk to me anymore. Didn’t you get my texts?”

I flinch. I’d ignored her in the hopes I could forget about Lee. Just seeing her name on my phone reminded me of him, too.

“What happened between you two?” She presses. “What did you do to him?”

I suck in a breath. “Did he ever tell you about the will?”

“What will?”

I shake my head. “Nevermind.”

“Who cares about wills? He
likes
you, Rose. He really, really –” She cuts off and bites her lip in frustration. “He’s never liked a girl like this. Never. They’ve always come and gone. He talks in his sleep, you know. And he says your name.”

My heart caves in on itself.

“You slept together, didn’t you?” She asks finally. After a torturous moment in which I relive every kiss and touch in a second of flashing memories, I nod.

“Well it was more for him than just sleeping together,” Grace sighs. “And you broke it off. Obviously.”

“Grace, your dad –”

“I don’t care,” She snaps. “About Dad. I only care about Lee. Why did you break it off with him? You never struck me as the type of girl who wanted a quick lay.”

I flush, more in offense than embarrassment. But I deserve her harsh words. Because I don’t know what to believe - because I’m suspicious and distrustful - I hurt Lee. I said I trusted him. But with the evidence Kiera presented, how can I trust him completely?

“You just don’t care for him as much as he cares for you,” Grace concludes. “That’s it, isn’t it? Because he’s not some cold, unfeeling, dominating bastard who forces his way around, because he shows his emotions and is considerate, he’s some sort of pussy. ‘
Girls
like
bad boys’
. Is that it?”

“No! Never. He’s fine just the way he is!”

“Then why –”

“A girl talked to me. Kiera. She said…she said he conned her into marrying him and made off with her money.”

“Marry –” Grace sputters, then slaps her forehead. “I should’ve known. You’ve never had to deal with this, have you? Boyfriends with jealous ex-girlfriends.”

“But, but she had the letter that was written by the same person who wrote mine! It was forged,” I argue. “She said my lawyer took a bribe from Farlon, and when I called him he said he did and apologized!”

“Kiera is the rich one,” Grace murmurs. “I think. I can’t remember them all, but she drove a Jaguar and talked about Stanford. And her clothes were mostly Chanel. It would be easy for someone like her to bribe her way into paper forgeries.”

“And my lawyer?”

Grace sighs. “My father bribes many people. It’s how he operates. I don’t doubt he bribed your lawyer, but perhaps not for the reasons Kiera said he did. You didn’t ask what he took the bribe for, did you?”

It dawns on me, slowly. Terror and horror creeps in. Maybe subconsciously I’d been waiting for something to go wrong with Lee and I, so when Kiera came, I swallowed her lie at face value. Gorgeous Lee, liking average and unremarkable me. It seemed too uneven. Part of me thinks I’m worthless. So worthless that it makes no sense why someone as amazing as Lee would even give me the time of day. My insecurities drove us apart.

I did it.

I’m the evil one.

Grace looks towards the stage. “Looks like the last band is on. They’ll announce the winners soon. But you don’t care about that. That’s my thing to care about.”

Her slender hand rests on my shoulder comfortingly, and she smiles that brilliant smile.

“What you care about is in my apartment, moping around.”

“I can’t. I don’t deserve to –”

“If there’s anything I’ve learned from being with Jen, it’s that we all deserve a second chance at love. No one gets it right the first time.”

I bite my lip. Brendan comes up to us.

“Hey, everything alright? They’re about to announce the winners.”

“I have to go,” I say. Grace smiles and turns back to the stage.

“Right now? It’s pretty dark out. Will you be okay?” Brendan asks.

“Yeah!” I nod. “I know my way. It’s just a few blocks.”

“Let me walk you there. I can’t let you go through this part of town in the middle of the night alone with a good conscious.”

“Alright. Sure. Why not? Let’s go.”

I take off at a breakneck pace, my sneakers practically flying on the cement. Brendan has to jog to keep up with me. When we pass a group of drunk frat-boy-looking-types, he leans in closer to me. I’m grateful, and a little flattered he cares so much, but my mind is riveted to Lee. To what I’m going to say to him when I see him. ‘Sorry’ has to be first. Will he even forgive me? Sorry, and maybe a kiss? Or would that be too soon? All I want is his kiss, to feel him, to see his smile again –

Finally, we get to the apartment building. I press the buzzer. Brendan jogs in place to ward off the cold, and doesn’t ask questions, which I’m grateful for.

“Hello?” Lee’s voice sends molten shocks through me. My hand slips on the button but I regain control.

“H-Hi. It’s me.”

There’s a long silence. My heart feels like it’s going to sprout horns and teeth and eat itself alive. But I’m the one who was wrong. I have to melt the frost first.

“Can we talk?” I ask.

The intercom buzzes, then goes quiet. The door doesn’t click open. He hung up. I swallow the bitter disappointment in my throat.

“No luck, huh?” Brendan walks up to me. I barely manage a smile.

“Y-Yeah. I guess he really hates me after all. It’s…it’s understandable, though.” I sniff. “I was the one who hurt him. So it’s okay if he hates me. I-I can understand that.”

Hot tears well over my cheeks. Brendan reaches out and rubs my arm reassuringly.

“Hey, it’s okay. He’ll come around. You’re an awesome girl.”

I wipe my nose on my sleeve. “No, I’m horrible. Horrible and nasty and suspicious –”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure –” He stops. I look up, and there, just behind the glass door in the lobby, stands Lee. Watching us. His hair is mussed and the shadows under his eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them. Grace wasn’t kidding. He looks
gaunt
. It doesn’t make him any less handsome, but it exacerbates his angles and lines, and makes him look so much more feral. His golden eyes flicker from me to Brendan and back again. He walks out and holds an envelope to me. I’m too stunned at his appearance to form words, but I take it like a rusty machine, slow and unsure. He ducks back inside just as I regain my senses.

“Lee!” I run up to the door and bang on it. “Lee! Let me in! We have to talk!”

He ignores me – getting in the elevator and disappearing from my sight. My heart sags, but I turn the envelope over in my hand. There’s a thin card inside. I tear it open. It’s an invitation to a dinner at a fancy hotel. Some sort of Christmas fundraiser. My ticket’s inside, and it says ‘black-tie attire’. Lee’s handwriting is in the corner; ‘
Ask for the reservation under Montenegro at the desk’
. A party? He won’t talk to me but he wants me at a party?