Appaloosa Blues (Sisters of Spirit #8) (25 page)

"Sunday morning. Peter went home, looking terrible. Marv said his face was all smashed up. Peter claimed you and he had stopped along the road to talk, when Adam drove up, drunk, and forced you out of the car. He said you were fighting and Adam turned ugly and ripped your clothes."

"And I bet he said he tried to defend me?" Jo added, sarcastically, biting off each word as if it were Peter's neck.

"Yes...yes, he did. That was how he got beat up. When he came to, Adam had raped you and left."

Jo leaned forward, grasping his hands tightly. "Oh, Grandpa, think. Adam Trahern has never hurt any of us. It's always our family who wrongs him. He would never attack me."

"You mean Peter...?"

"That's right. Peter mixed up his characters. He was the drunk one tearing my dress. Adam came and rescued me. Adam came in time. Otherwise I'd have Peter in jail."

 His voice dropped, into a hoarse whisper. "Peter's left. Marv said he hasn’t been home since the night of my attack. So it wasn't Adam." He gave a deep sigh of relief. "Somehow, I couldn't quite believe it, Joanna. But your face was bruised Sunday morning and...and Frank said it was true." Bewildered, he asked, "Why did he say that?"

"He didn't know what you were talking about. Adam had asked me to sit with him in church. Dad thought you meant that."

"Ah. I see, I see.... I see some other things, too." His voice rasped with emotion. “So Adam never harmed you. Then what's wrong? And what's wrong with Karen?"

Jo hesitated, studying the old man's face. Should she tell him everything? The time was right, but he looked so frail since the attack, the years catching up to him and aging him all at once. Yet there was a resolve, a set purpose in his voice. He'd keep after her until she told him. "Karen... well, she...."
What should she say?

"Yes? Come on, out with it."

She's been dating, secretly."

"Afraid of me? Huh."

"Partly. She didn't want to upset you. She was afraid you'd have a heart attack."

"Silly of her."

"Not silly at all. You just had one."

"Humph." His fingers beat a rapid tattoo on the arm rest, eyes thoughtful. He nodded as he reached his conclusion. "Has to be Johnny Trahern."

"How did you—"

"I suspected something was going on. All those evening strolls. Tell him to come through the front door, where I can keep an eye on him."

"Gramps." Jo caught the twinkle in his eye and took courage. "They're engaged. They want to be married."

He received the news in silence, taking a deep breath as he looked out toward the Trahern lights, then swung his gaze towards the mountain grave site where Anna lay.

Jo followed his gaze, tears dimming her sight. "Let her go, Grampa," she murmured, her heart aching for him. "It's time. Let her rest."

He nodded, eyes filling with tears, then nodded harder as Jo continued. "We need to welcome Johnny into the family, for Karen's sake. You're tearing her apart. All of us."

He settled back with a long sigh. "You're right. This heart attack made me realize just how short life is. Tell Karen I want her to be happy. You too, Joanna." He fixed his shrewd gaze on her. "You love Adam, don't you?"

"Yes. I do." He looked bleak. So lonely, and Jo had to steel her heart against giving in to him again. Now that Gramps knew, nothing was going to keep her away from Adam.
Unless it was Adam himself.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably in the chair, hands gripping the arm rests as if unwilling to let go. "Thought so. I saw it coming for years. After the accident, I closed my eyes to everything but the hurt. I couldn't bear to think Adam would take you from me."

"He can't, Grampa. Not unless you force me to choose between the two of you. I'll always love you. But I want Adam, and I'm going to go to him, even if you tell me not to." She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand, striving for a brave showing.

"I know. That's how you should feel. I've been a foolish old man, almost ruining my granddaughters' lives. If I'd have forgiven the Traherns years ago, I'd not have almost killed myself. It was probably the best thing that could've happen to me," he asserted.

At his words, Jo began to cry
. To win her grandfather's acceptance...and lose Adam. How could life be so cruel?
She shook her head, swiping her eyes. "I won't be marrying Adam."

"Why not? Isn't he in love with you?"

"How can he be? I ruined everything." Fighting against her tears, Jo told him about Karen's plan with its disastrous ending.

Her grandfather heard her silently to the end, his fingers tapping thoughtfully on the chair. "How much do you love him?"

"Tremendously. It's...it's like I belong to him, somehow. I feel I've lost a part of me, and it's out there, with him." Fresh tears welled up and slid down her cheeks. "It's hopeless, Gramps."

"Nothing is hopeless, Jo, unless you make it so."

Jo dropped her head in defeat. She had made the situation hopeless. Adam had vowed he'd never resume things if she backed out on him. And she had done much worse, breaking all her promises, destroying the rapport they were building. She had totally killed any love that Adam might have felt. "He'll never forgive me. I said such terrible things."

"Nonsense. He can't forgive you if you won't speak to him. He doesn't know how you feel. He probably thinks you still blame him."

"But what if he doesn't love me?"

"He does. Adam's been telling you he loves you ever since you started this little game."

"How can you tell?"

"I can, from what little you've said, which I know's been edited."

"You're sure?"

"If Adam didn't love you, he'd have told me about Karen and Johnny some other way...like saying I wasn't invited to the wedding. He'd never have started this in the first place. Men like Adam don't get involved in things unless it suits their purpose."

"And you think his purpose was...?"

"To get you. Just like he said he would."

"But that was a threat to you."

"Then I might be wrong, but I'm betting I'm not. You'll never know unless you try. Where's your spirit, girl?"

Jo sniffed back further tears. "Just needing a good kick. If he was really courting me, he went at it the back way."

"He had a lot to overcome. We've done him a great wrong, you and I. Both of us, Joanna."

Jo blotted her eyes once more. "Can it really be love, Gramps? It happened so fast. In just over a week
?" Looking back it seemed unreal. Impossible.

The old man was more confident. "Sometimes that's all you need. I knew Anna only three weeks when I decided I'd marry her, and she a stranger to me. You've known Adam since you were born. All it took was something to break down the barrier."

Jo nodded her head, sighing deeply in despair. "The barrier came down all right, with a bang, and took my heart with it." She stared forlornly at her grandfather. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to tell the rest of the family about our little talk and how I've misjudged Adam. Then I'll tell Karen to get that ring on her finger where it belongs. You go talk turkey to Adam. Tell him...."

"Yes?"

"Tell him I'm giving him back the lease, tomorrow. That should let him know better than any words I say."

Jo smiled through her tears, hope rekindled. She wheeled her grandfather inside, deciding to call Adam right then. It was worth a try. If he loved her even a little bit, maybe he would forgive her.

Still, Gramps had nursed his bitterness for years. What if Adam did the same?

She called his cell phone, but he didn’t pick up. So she called their house.

Johnny answered. "Jo? You want to talk to Adam?"

"Yes. Please." She waited, biting her lip as she heard Johnny yell out her request. She could hear the two of them arguing, enough of the words so she knew Adam's answer even before Johnny spoke, his voice hoarse. "I'm sorry, Jo. He's not going to come."

"It's important. I must talk to him."

"He said, 'No.'"

"Then...then I'll write."   But to have to wait two or three days for a letter to go through the mail would be torture. She didn't want to wait, and an image formed in her mind, of her room as she had seen it through Adam's telescope. "Wait a minute, Johnny. Relay a message for me. Tell him to...to please use the scope."

"That's all? 'Use the scope?'"

"Yes.”

"Thanks."

"Your message makes even less sense than some of Karen's and mine."

"He knows what I mean. I hope. Bye."

Taking the stairs two at a time, Jo went up to her room where she turned on all the lights and tied back the curtains. With a bright red lipstick she wrote on her mirror in large letters: "PLEASE FORGIVE ME" and under that "I LOVE YOU."

The lipstick was ruined and she threw the tube into the wastebasket. He should be focused in, if he understood her message. She could think of no quicker way to write to him. Fishing out the lipstick, she added the words, "PASTURE 10:45?"

She waited five minutes by the clock, then not being able to wait a moment longer, flew out the door.

Jo was halfway down the garden path before she realized she'd forgotten her sandals. Nothing must go wrong now. Nothing must cause any doubt in Adam's mind, so she hurried onward, avoiding the stones as best she could.

Entering the pasture, the ground changed from fairly smooth to very rocky. The hay had been cut even in this small section and the stubble cut the fine skin between her toes when she strayed off the trail.

Filled with uncertainty, she hurried even faster. Would he come? Would he forgive? Had she hurt him once too many times? She hardly noticed the rough ground under her feet.

At the lower corner, Jo passed through the gate, then stopped in anticipation and looked around, desperate to see him. He wasn't there.

Back and forth she paced, arms hugging her breasts, her thoughts churning. No Adam. Had the cruel words hurtled at him in the car cut too deeply? He had said she had one chance. Only one.

He wasn't going to come.

Jo dropped to her knees in the dust, rocking herself in despair and anguish. Her feet hurt from her carelessness and she welcomed the pain as tears welled and overflowed.

Oh, Adam, my love, my life. What more could I write in a letter than what I just wrote on my mirror?

Adam stood in the doorway, between his mother and Johnny.

"Call her back, Adam," his mother said. "You're killing yourself. You know she loves you."

"She has a strange way of showing it."

"So do you."

"What?"

"She's caught between the two of you. Call her."

Johnny stared at him. "Come on, Adam. If not for you, for Karen and me."

"No," he said. “I can’t take having her tell me she loves me, then say she hates me. Why should I destroy myself for that vindictive old man?"

"I thought you were bigger than that, son."

"Mom!"

"It's called forgiveness, dear. You are to forgive the other person, whether you are in the right, or in the wrong. Weren't you listening to the preacher, when you sat with Jo? Probably not," she answered herself. "You need to resolve this."

He looked at her. How could he forgive Gramps? Or Jo?

"If you let it go on like before, you'll lose her for sure. I want both those girls as daughters-in-law. Put away your pride. It won't keep you warm at night. She's made the first step, now go talk to her. And don't come back without my daughter."

“I’ll see what she has on her mirror,” he said, and left his mother standing there, puzzled.

Up in his room he stood in the darkness for awhile, struggling with his thoughts. Did he want to get caught up in this situation again? He was out of it. Although he still loved Jo, he could not see a relationship built upon lack of trust. She didn’t trust him not to hurt Gramps. Well, he couldn’t trust her not to hurt him.

He picked up the telescope. Read the message. Put the scope away.

At the pasture, he saw her weeping, alone, and it cut him. He had to steel himself against the sight before he walked up to her.

 "Jo." He brushed her hair with his hand.

"You came," she cried.

"Yes." His voice was strained. "I didn't want to look, but I did."

"And—"

"I'll hear you, but only because of what you wrote. It's no good, Jo. I've come to say goodbye."

"No."

"I'm leaving, turning the place over to Johnny."

"But, I love you. Doesn't that—"

"Do you? Really? Or are you just sorry for what you said?"

"Oh, no. I love you. Truly I do."

 "But only as long as Gramps doesn't need you."
Would things work if he took Jo with him, away from here?

"No, it's—"

"I can't survive that kind of love, Jo."

"I told him, tonight, not to make me choose between the two of you, because if he did, I'd choose you."

"You did?"

"Yes."

His shifted his weight onto one foot, kicking at the soil with the other. "I'm still not sure.... You have the power to tear me apart, Jo. I wanted to die. I don't think I can take it if you do it to me again."

Jo stood up, facing him, just a heartbeat away. "I’ve told him everything, Adam. He's not against us anymore. He's ready to take both you and Johnny."

"Are you sure?"

"He's returning the lease tomorrow. We have his congratulations."

"I can't believe it."

"The heart attack woke him up to what he was doing. And neither Karen nor I could hide our unhappiness."

 "So. After all these years," he whispered, bowing his head as he thought, the emotions whirling within him. "It's finally happened."

"Forgive me, Adam, please," she begged, lips trembling. "I hurt you—"

"Yes, you did. Terribly. Never do it again. Please."

"Never."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I said such terrible things to you."

"I guess...you were upset. As frantic as Murray in a thunderstorm."

"I thought...I thought you'd never want to see me again," she groaned. "How can you forgive me?"

"That's not hard—"