Appaloosa Blues (Sisters of Spirit #8) (11 page)

"You have to make up your mind." His hand began to stroke hers, lightly, sending a wave of sensation pulsating up her arm. "Just so we understand each other. If we begin there will be no backing out. You backed out on me once, you know, on account of him."

What....? In high school? Was that how he had seen it...with her backing out?
Jo clamped down on a rush of indignant anger. It was not the right moment to bring up that humiliating bet. "It won't happen this time," she declared.

"You sure about that?" He sounded skeptical.

She nodded, keeping her head down, watching an ant detour around her boot. His thumb was lightly stroking her thumb now, slightly hypnotic in its effect.  

She watched his hand, fascinated. He was barely touching her, yet she felt it all the way through her body. Did Adam realize how his touch affected her?

"What makes you think you'll react differently?" His question broke through her swirling thoughts, demanding an answer.

"Karen's due for some happiness. I want her to have fun dating your brother, with things normal. Then if they do get married, I'd like her to have a big wedding, with both families present, like she wants."

"Humm...I see what you mean. So that's why you're so willing...." He was silent for a moment, lost in thought, his thumb making small circular motions on hers.

"Yes. You can depend on me to hold up my end."

"You'd better! I don't want to call for a date and have you telling me "no" just because of something Gramps said." He clasped her hand as he continued, the work-hardened ridges on his palms brushing against her smooth skin. "He's always been able to sway your decision, so he'll try. If you give in to him, just once, he'll dig in like a badger in a hole."

Adam tightened his grip, emphasizing his words. Each one cut precise, like the cold steel of a knife blade slicing into her life. "We'll lose any ground we've gained, plus more. It'll only make it harder on him in the long run. So you'll have to promise. Absolutely no backing down! Because if you do, I'm out of it. Finished. I won't try this again." With a last hard squeeze, Adam dropped her hand.

Feeling torn in half, Jo put her hands over her face. "How can I do this to him?"

Adam gave a snort of impatience. "You have to, Jo."

"It'll break his heart."

"Aren't you overreacting?"

She lifted her face enough to look over her fingers, her voice just above a whisper. "He sees Anna in me, you know."

"Your grandmother?"

"Yes. When she was young. When he first met her."

Adam leaned forward, his penetrating gaze scanning her features as if studying a painting to determine if it was an original. She dropped her hands and saw him absorb the fact. "No wonder he favors you," he murmured.

"Yes. Even my name doesn't help."

"Joanna." It sounded different than when her grandfather said it. Her name gained a certain lilt when spoken by Adam, like a gentle, force two wind that barely moved the trees, caressing the branches.

"So you see, it would almost be like grandmother turning against him."

Adam nodded, but his expression quickly hardened, his eyes flashing black fire. "You aren't her, Jo."

"I know that, but Gramps—

"He has to let go of you. You've a life of your own to live."

She shrugged, "I know. Still it will hurt him—"

"You have to make the break, Jo. You can't live your life in her shadow."

"I know." She did, now, but until Adam had spelled it out for her, she hadn't realized that that was what she had been doing. And unconsciously trying to avoid, when she had stayed away so long at college. With a sense of anguish, Jo returned Adam's direct gaze, which had cut to the foundation of her rapport with her grandfather.

"You aren't Anna, Jo. It's time Gramps understood that, too. Maybe when you show an interest in me, he'll be forced to believe it."

Jo nodded slowly.

 Adam gave her an inquiring look. "You have any idea how to start?"

His eyes are beautiful
, she thought,
dark as opals with flashes of fire in them.
"No. If you called up and asked for a date, Gramps would explode. We've got to be extremely careful that we don't rush things. We must go slowly. Very slowly."

"All right."

"But how? He can't even stand the sound of your name."

"He can't, eh? Then that's where we'll start. When you get home, mention my name now and then, particularly around Gramps."

"Hum."

"Tell him you saw me this morning. A love-sick girl can't keep quiet — unless she's scared silent, like Karen — so start chattering about me, tentatively at first, then more as the days go by."

"I see...." She nodded as she understood the strategy. For the first time, she felt this crazy idea of Karen's really had a chance. "It might work. By watching his reaction, I can judge how he's taking things."

"Just don't back down."

She nodded grimly. "I can see a storm approaching."

He grinned, the spark in his eyes dancing. "If he's cantankerous, you could rub it in...about how good-looking I am and how you'd like to date me. I'll start calling you after a while, once it looks like he accepts the idea. Okay?"

She grinned back at him. "Good-looking? No way," she teased. "He won't stand for that."
Especially if I mention the velvet darkness of your eyes
.

"Well...passable, then."

"That's better. I'll tell him what happened last night. Gramps loves Paca. It'll be the perfect lead-in."

"So it's a go?"

"As long as we go slowly, Adam. We must give him time to adjust between each step. You must promise me that."

"I'll promise to go slowly, if you'll promise to let me call the shots."

Hot temper flared. Jo was leery of giving any man an advantage. "Oh, no. I want final say in everything we plan. You may go too fast for Gramps."

Pride flared his nostrils. "Don't you trust me?"

She hesitated and lost the opportunity to deny it. She trusted him, and yet she didn't.

His mouth hardened, his eyes lost their humor. "Huh. I see. Still suspicious. Do you think if Karen and Johnny announce their engagement it will be any easier on him?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Then we'll proceed. But I'll set the pace. You'd waste all summer before we even had one date."

"Forget it."

"Then forget Karen's plan." He stood up with finality, brushing his hat against his leg as if to be free of her.

Jo took a slow, deep breath. There must be some point of compromise. She needed Adam to make this work. "Wait. Let's talk this through. What is it you expect? And why?"

"Why? I refuse to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood because you decide to "jilt" me on account of Gramps. You backed out on me once. I won't have it happen again. I want your promise you won't quit on me. And I want the final say on what we do."

"It should be enough if I agree with you on the major points of your plan. Nothing else."

"Then forget it."

"Be reasonable. I have no way of knowing what you'd ask me to do. And there are some things I can't do."

"Why?" He sat back down beside her. "Aren't you a modern, liberated woman who can do anything she pleases?"

Jo paused to think things out. They had to have an understanding before things went any further. "Correction then. Some things I won't do. I have my own standards."

"Which are...?"

"Considered strict for this day and age, but—"

"Gramps' standards. Old fashioned."

"I hadn't thought of it that way. Morality should never be considered obsolete. Anyway I've already made a promise that supersedes yours."

"A promise?" One finger rubbed along the faint scar near his eye as he frowned, puzzled. "Who to?"

"To myself."

"Aha!" He smiled, head cocked in question. "And what was this very important promise, Joanna?" He stroked her wrist leaving it tingling, running an index finger up the inside of her forearm, shooting sensations of delight all through her. She wished he'd stop. She wished he'd continue. "Come on, tell me, Jo."

"I...it's just that I...." she wavered. She wished she could think clearly, without this overwhelming flood of emotion that kept scrambling her senses whenever he touched her.

"Please," he coaxed, the Irish in his voice a low murmur of persuasion. "Or shall I kiss it out of you?"

That released her speech. "I made a promise...to myself, that...that I...that what I have is for my husband, only. For our wedding night," she stated in a rush. "It's much too precious to give to anyone else." She'd already fought off one man to keep it that way. She wasn't going to break her vow, period.

"I see," he drawled the words out slowly. "I understand." Adam stroked her ring finger thoughtfully.

"It would be my gift to him. But if I...if I...." Jo stopped, running out of words.

"A precious gift," he acknowledged, "from a princess."

Made bolder by this encouragement, she added firmly, "There is only so far I will go."

"I'm glad you feel like that, Jo. I wouldn't have you any other way."  

She took a deep breath...he hadn't challenged her.

"What if we draw a line? I won't step over it, or ask you to. You can keep your promise. And you'll feel more comfortable knowing you won't have to worry about me, whatever we're doing."

"I won't?"
Did any man have that much control?
Jo doubted it. She'd make sure they stopped things before his control got tested.

"Of course. My word in exchange for yours. You'll be able to give your gift, my dear, on your wedding night." He chuckled low in his throat at her doubtful look. "Don't worry, Joanna. I'll help you keep it, just in case you have difficulty." His voice came gently, amused and confident.

I have difficulty? What nerve. Mike said Adam could be trusted, but can he be trusted in this?
Jo wanted to go ahead, wanted to go on with Karen's plan just to be with Adam, to get to know him better. "Then it's a deal. I hope this works," she sighed.

"A deal," he agreed, and put his lips to her palm. Like a bolt of lighting striking her at that point, her senses were jolted from hand to heel.

Caught off guard, she flinched, jerking away.

"Whoa, there," he said, reclaiming her hand with an explosive sound of disgust. "That's not going to work!"

"You just...I wasn't expecting it, that's all." She certainly hadn't been expecting the shock that accompanied it. Had it been fear — or something else?

"I guess Mike's right," he muttered. "We need practice."

"Why?" she asked, increasingly disturbed. She suddenly wondered how she was going to date him all summer and stay emotionally intact? He was doing this solely for Karen and Johnny. It was all a game to him. But her vulnerable heart reacted to his touch, as susceptible as a dry forest to wildfire.

"Oh, let's say I kissed you in public. I'd want you to relax, even respond. I don't want you shying away like that."

"I wouldn't." A kiss in public would be much easier to handle than one in private, where things were more apt to get out of control. It would be like watching a hurricane. One stayed out of danger, if wise.

"You just did." His voice was gently insistent. "We can't let that happen."

"You took me by surprise."

"Huh! You've been kissed before. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Except her body tended to overreact. How was he to know about all those kisses he'd given her in her dreams? Now that he was no longer the enemy, how was she to maintain a safe distance? And what if his goal actually was to get revenge on her grandfather? She couldn't allow Adam to gain an emotional hold on her.

His eyes sparked with speculation. "Let's try again."

"Now?"

He nodded, sprang to his feet and pulled her up facing him. "Now's as good a time as any."

Removing her hat, he trailed his fingers through her hair, tucking the long strands behind her ear, watching as the curls fell across his fingers like coils of spun silk. "If we're to get Gramps to believe in us, you can't flinch every time I take your hand."

"I won't!" she declared, angry at Mike for suggesting it, doubly angry at Adam for pursuing it.

"Not if we practice." He let his fingers slide lightly across the nape of her neck, looking as if he enjoyed the effect he was having as she strove to control breathing become suddenly erratic. The grin spread even wider across his face. "I'm looking forward to this summer — yes, ma'am."

Drat the man! He hadn't even kissed her yet and already her heart was racing. Her hands half-lifted to push him away, but she forced them down again, biting her lip in consternation. After all, she was no longer an impressionable child. Clenching her hands, she set her teeth, grimly. She might be mad, but she wasn't slapping.

"That won't do," he complained, viewing her set lips.

"Too bad. I think it'd be more natural if we worked up to it gradually," Jo asserted. "We have all summer."

His eyes blazed, fueled by a deep hurt — pride or anger. Jo couldn't tell, but the lighter mood of the moment was shattered.

His square jaw set, firm, unyielding. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yes. But we need to get to know each other better."

"That's an understatement. You act like I've got leprosy."

Couldn't he guess why she didn't want to touch him romantically? Her heart was knocking itself to pieces just in anticipation. She wasn't ready yet. She had to keep control. "Remember," she said coolly, "I'm just doing this for Karen."

"Yeah, for Karen!" He scowled, brooding for a minute, then sighed, relaxing with an effort. "Like you say, we have all summer." He plopped her hat back on crookedly, then took hold of her shoulders, his hands firm against her slender frame. "Karen said you had no boy friend to complicate things."

"Right."

"Good. We'll ad-lib as we go along." Turning abruptly, he walked over to tighten his cinch, leaving Jo feeling forsaken. She had to fight the desire to run to him. Instead, she straightened her hat, marshaled her thoughts, and clamped down on her emotions, then walked over to untie Paca.