Aperture on the East (32 page)

Vo squeezed Ana’s hand gently. She
didn’t want him to let go.

“
How did you find out
about this event?” said Ana.

“
I knew Clement through
Kim,” said Vo. “He told me about it. Kim was an ER nurse at the
hospital before she moved to the States. Clement used to go and
talk to the nurses and doctors about his meetings for people with
drinking problems.”

“
He still does,” said Ana.
The subject of Kim reminded her of the inappropriateness of the
present encounter. She pulled her hand away, and said out of
politeness, “So, how is Kim? Adjusting well?”

“
She’s all right for the
most part,” said Vo, “but she has the usual issues with unfamiliar
foods, people, language, hard time getting used to the
mother-in-law, et cetera.”

Ana remembered her one and only visit
with Vo’s mother, and shivered.

“
We are expecting a baby
boy in May,” said Vo.

Ana was jolted by the announcement,
even though she had known about it. She looked down on the floor
and said, “You must be really excited.”

“
Of course I am. Everyone
is,” said Vo.

“
It’s a wonderful thing,
being pregnant with your first child,” said Ana. “I remembered
being pregnant with Zoe. I was in a blissful paradise every day. I
was very careful, and followed all the advice I read in
books.”

“
Not the same with
Ivan?”

“
No,” said Ana, somewhat
hesitant. “When Zoe’s father died, I started drinking heavily. I
got pregnant with Ivan. His father could be any of the men I was
with. I didn’t know who. I drank through the whole pregnancy. It’s
a miracle that Ivan is as intelligent as he is.”

“
Ana,” said Vo, “you don’t
have to tell me these things. I know it hurts you very much to talk
about it.”

“
I want you to know,” said
Ana. “I’ve always wanted to come clean but I was never honest with
you. I was ashamed of it. I still am.”

Ana took a deep breath and continued
to say, “Eduard didn’t know about my drinking problem when he
married me. When I got pregnant with his child, I didn’t quit
drinking. I thought, Ivan turned out okay, so….” Ana looked down,
tears welling up in her eyes.

“
Oh, Ana,” said
Vo.

“
Anyway,” said Ana, “when
Eduard found out that my drinking had killed his baby, he left. I
thought that I had hit rock bottom then. Zoe had dropped out of
school and run away from home. Ivan was withdrawn, without a single
friend to talk to. Both of them hated me. I decided that it was
time to get out of Novosibirsk and start from scratch. I didn’t
know that things were going to get a lot worse here.”

“
But it all worked out
now, right?” said Vo. “You did it. You made it work.”

Ana looked at the moon again. She
didn’t think that she should take credit for anything. Luck was on
her side now. That was all.

“
So what brings you back
here?” Ana looked up at Vo.

“
I missed Nha Trang, the
ocean, my boat. I missed you,” said Vo. He gazed into Ana’s
eyes.

Ana didn’t know how to react to that,
so she responded with another question, “How long are you
staying?”

“
For as long as it takes,”
said Vo.

Ana didn’t understand what Vo meant by
it, but before she could ask him to explain, he had already started
saying, “I’ve got my old job back at the Institute of Oceanography,
and I am going to see the guys at the dive center tomorrow, too.
Speaking of, I heard about the whole secret operation McKenzie had
pulled off. It was incredible.”

“
Yes, one of the gangsters
almost killed Zoe,” said Ana. “Fortunately, she survived. Not only
that, she’s changed into a completely different person. She’s
actually considering college. We get along now.”

“
And how’s
Ivan?”

“
He was heartbroken for a
while. He really missed you. And then his girlfriend turned out to
be the daughter of the head of the mafia that McKenzie
busted.”

“
No,” said Vo. “He must’ve
been devastated.”

“
That’s an
understatement.”

They were silent for a while, both
looking toward the horizon. The part of the ocean that sparkled
under the moonlight was alluring, and Ana pictured herself and Vo
swimming in it. She blinked, considered how unethical that would
be, and shook off the idea.

Vo looked into the house and said,
“You’ve got a good turnout today. I always knew that people would
come and admire your work.”

“
You didn’t have anything
to do with this, did you?” said Ana. “Did you ask Clement to
sponsor this show so that I could get some publicity?” She wouldn’t
like it if that was the reason Clement approached her with this
exhibit.

“
No, this was entirely
Clement’s own idea. He missed the art scene in Paris. I did tell
him that you were a photographer, but he came up with this
himself.”

Ana bit her lower lip, but didn’t say
anything.

“
So, how have you been?”
said Vo.

Ana didn’t really know how to answer
the question. She was supposed to give a positive response
according to customs, but it wouldn’t be the truth. Now that Vo was
standing in front of her, she realized just how much she had wanted
him and missed him all this time.

“
I can’t complain,” said
Ana. “I am sober. I’ve got a job. My kids don’t hate me anymore.
Now I’ve got this exhibit. I’d say my life is okay.” She shrugged
her shoulders.

“
Okay, but not great?”
said Vo. “Same goes for me.”

Ana looked away.

“
Ana, I’ve thought about
you a lot,” said Vo. “I guess, what I want to say is, that I want
you to give me another chance. It was foolish of me to run off like
that, but I needed some time to clear my head. I was so angry, so
mad, and so jealous.”

Another chance? Ana couldn’t believe
that Vo was asking her to do the impossible. She was not going down
that path. She used all the strength she had to fight the urge to
throw herself into Vo’s arms. “I think that,” said Ana, “for the
time being, let’s just be friends.”

Vo seemed disappointed. After a
moment, he said, “That’s all I’m asking for.”

They stood and enjoyed the comforting
stillness of each other’s company for a little while longer. When
they walked back into the house, the crowd had dissipated. Clement
was seeing the last few guests off and directing his staff to clean
up.

“
So, you two finally
reunited,” said Clement when he saw them.

“
Did you plan this? How
could you hide it from me?” said Ana.

“
Vo told me to. It’s been
really hard trying to keep everything secret from you.”

“
Uh?” said Ana. She tilted
her head to one side, puzzled.

“
What, you still don’t
know?” said Clement. He frowned at Vo.

“
Don’t bother Ana with
that,” said Vo. “Not now.”

“
Well, she ought to know,”
said Clement. “Vo took out a loan to pay for your treatment at the
rehab center. He referred you to our support group. He also
sponsored the scholarship to pay for Ivan’s tuition, and worked out
a plan with the school so that you didn’t have to pay for Zoe’s all
at once.”

“
You did what?” Ana looked
at Vo, who was gesturing for Clement to stop.

“
We kept a correspondence
so that he could keep up with you,” said Clement, ignoring Vo’s
protest. “He wanted to offer assistance whenever you needed it. He
said, and I quote, ‘I will give my all for all of Ana, alcoholic or
not.’”

Ana wasn’t really listening. Instead
of gratitude, she was feeling resentment toward Vo’s patronizing
actions. She took a deep breath, and looked away.

“
Ana,” said Vo, “I didn’t
know how to explain to you at the time. I wasn’t ready to see you
face to face, but I couldn’t leave you in a state like
that.”

“
So you took me on as a
charity project?” said Ana. “Is this, was all this just you trying
to be nice to me, because you pity me?”

“
No,” said Vo, “it wasn’t
like that. It’s never like that.” His tone was urgent.

“
You know, Ana,” said
Clement, “you could always pay him back, if it offended you so
much.”

Ana’s thoughts were in chaos and she
didn’t quite know how to resolve the shock. She looked at Vo. His
face was tense, looking anxious.

“
Yes,” said Ana, “I could
pay you back. I will pay you back.” She lowered her voice, and the
lines on her face softened.

“
Let’s not worry about it
right now,” said Vo. “Why are we talking about money anyway?
Clement, this is all your fault.”

“
I am just trying to tell
her the fact that you have never really left her. You’ve got her
back all this time,” said Clement. He threw his hands up in the
air, and left.

As rattled as Ana was, she let Vo
escort her home in a taxi. They didn’t talk much during the ride.
When they arrived at Ana’s apartment, she raced to pay for the
fare. Vo did not object.

“
I guess I owe you, a
lot,” said Ana. “Thank you. I mean it. No one had stuck with me and
carried me through like that before.”

“
You are not mad anymore?”
said Vo.

“
I just wish that I had
known. I suppose you got me where I am today. I don’t know what
else to say.”

“
You don’t need to say
anything. I am to blame for a lot of things, too. We can take our
time making it up to each other.”

Ana nodded, and then she disappeared
inside the door of her apartment building. She walked up the
stairs, still awe-stricken from seeing Vo again. Was that really
Vo? Or was it just a dream? And all the things Clement said that Vo
had done for her, were they true? Maybe Vo was feeling guilty about
leaving her and marrying Kim. A pulsating headache had crept up to
Ana, and she was craving for vodka. She took her cell phone out of
her purse, and dialed Mai’s number. Ana was having a crisis
again.

Ana set the large plates of grilled
shrimp, vermicelli, and romaine lettuce down on the dining table in
the kitchen. There was a stack of small, round rice paper next to a
bowl of warm water. Tantalizing aroma filled the air as Ana whisked
sesame oil and garlic paste into peanut butter and divided the
final product into tiny porcelain saucers. While she worked, she
thought about the conversation she had with Mai a few nights ago.
It wouldn’t be civilized to give Vo the cold shoulder since he had
given Ana so much support, Mai had said, but Ana had better keep a
polite distance from Vo. This new source of emotional distress
would no doubt put Ana at risk of relapse. Mai made Ana promise
that whenever she felt helpless, she would call Mai, as she did
that night. That was about all she could do, anyway. She couldn’t
discuss it with her support group; she didn’t want Clement to
report any more of her feelings and thoughts to Vo.

She was about to call Zoe and Ivan
into the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

“
I’ll get it,” said Ivan.
He and Zoe had been doing homework at the coffee table in the
living room.

“
Mr. Nguyen. You’re back!”
Ivan shouted. From the kitchen, Ana could tell that Ivan was very
excited.

“
You still remember me,
huh?” said Vo.

“
So do I,” said
Zoe.

Ivan and Zoe led Vo to the kitchen.
Ana and Vo smiled at each other and exchanged greetings.

“
I see that we have to
work if we want to eat tonight,” said Vo, looking at the items on
the table.

They all washed their hands and sat
down to wrap their own spring rolls, which were eaten as soon as
they were made.

After Ivan had eaten a couple of
spring rolls, he said to Vo, “I thought we would never see you
again.”

“
I wasn’t sure if I would
see you again, either. I just had to go away for a while. I am
sorry for letting you down,” said Vo.

Ivan nodded in acknowledgement, his
mouth full again with food.

Ana wiped her lips and said, “We are
friends again, so you will get to see a lot of Mr.
Nguyen.”

“
Please, Zoe and Ivan,
call me Vo. Mr. Nguyen sounds like an old man.”

Ivan swallowed his morsel and said, “I
am used to Mr. Nguyen. I don’t want to sound disrespectful calling
you by your first name. Plus, I don’t want you to be my friend. I
want you to be my—”

“
Ivan,” said Ana, “could
you please get us some more warm water for the rice paper?” She
didn’t want Ivan to finish his sentence.

Ivan got up reluctantly to fetch what
his mother had requested.

Ana glanced at Zoe; Zoe was picking at
her food with a fork.

“
Where is Tuan?” said Ana.
“It’s been a while since he came over last time.” Ana had set out
an extra plate in case Tuan might show up for dinner.

“
Probably busy with work,”
said Zoe. She took a bite of her spring roll, looking a little
despondent.