Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition (15 page)

She
sat beside me on the bed.
 
“OK, so
it was fantastic.
 
I’ve written
about the zombie apocalypse, but last night it was all about the love
apocalypse.”

“Who
made the first move?”

“You’re
getting ahead of me.
 
Let me talk.”

“So
talk.
 
But get to it.”

“Our
plan worked.
 
After we limited Tank
to one glass of beer and filled him full of protein last night—have you
ever seen a man eat so much cheese?—we all went to bed.
 
You know that part.
 
Here’s what you don’t know.
 
When we went downstairs, I did what you
told me to do.
 
I put on that sexy
red neglige that I bought that day at Saks.
 
It’s super cute and super saucy.
 
I think my nipples were rock hard the
moment I put it on, which was helpful.”

“I
believe your nipples were rock hard the first time you met Tank.”

“Whatever.
 
Anyway, Tank was in his bedroom.
 
Clearly, I needed to say goodnight to
him.
 
And so I did.
 
I went to the adjoining door, saw that
the lights were dimmed, and when I knocked and stepped inside, he was standing
beside his bed getting undressed.
 
Apparently, he sleeps in his boxers—nothing else.
 
When I saw him, I swear to you that time
stopped.
 
I know that sounds like a
total cliche, but it did.
 
He was
wearing these tight-fitting boxer shorts that left nothing to the
imagination.
 
All I saw was the
bulge in those shorts, his arms, a chest that’s as broad as the map of America,
his ridiculous abs and thighs, and I just stared at him while he looked at
me.
 
I said that I was coming in to
say goodnight.
 
He said, ‘Is that
all you wanted to do?’”

“Holy
shit.”

“Oh,
girl, you don’t even know.”

“Keep
going.”

She
put her hand on my knee.
 
“I said,
‘I don’t know what you mean.
 
I was
just coming to say goodnight.’
 
And
he said, ‘I think we both know better.’
 
Then he walked over to me, he took me in his arms, and he kissed me full
on the lips.
 
And it wasn’t just any
kiss.
 
There was meaning and passion
behind it.
 
A part of me thinks
there even might have been relief in that kiss.”

“I’m
dying here.
 
If it wasn’t so early,
I’d want a martini.”

“Me
too!”

“How
was he in bed?”

“By
far, the best and most generous lover I’ve had, even though I’ve only been with
two men.
 
Still, he was
amazing.
 
It wasn’t at all about him
last night.
 
It was about
him
pleasing
me
.
 
Every time I
tried to do something that might turn him on—like going down on him,
which I really wanted to do—he just took control and turned the tables on
me.
 
He was fastidious and
exacting.
 
And loving.
 
He was rough at some points, but mostly,
he was tender and present.
 
He kept
holding my gaze with his.
 
I think
we went for a good three hours or so.
 
It was incredible.”

“I
can’t believe it finally happened.”

“Neither
can I.”

“What
was said afterward?”

“It’s
more like what was said during.”

“Meaning?”

“Ummm,
well, I might have told him how I felt….”

I
blinked at her.

“I
might have said that I loved him.”

“Oh,
no, you didn’t.”

“I
did, and I do.
 
I am in love with
him.
 
I’ve been waiting months for
last night to happen.
 
Finally, I
was truly intimate with him.
 
So I
told him how I felt.”

“What
did he say to you?”

“That’s
the thing,” she said.

“What’s
the thing?”

“He
didn’t respond.
 
When I said it, he
immediately came.”

“And
what are we to make of that?”

“I
don’t know.”

“Maybe
saying that you loved him pushed him over the edge.”

“I’d
like to think it did, but he never said that he loved me.
 
At that point, we were spent, and I felt
like a fool for being so open with him.
 
I think I jumped the gun.
 
But he did smile at me.
 
And
he did tuck me into his arms after I said it.
 
He held me close to him, and he nuzzled
his lips against my neck and kissed me there before we fell asleep.”

“How
did you sleep?”

“Like
a baby.
 
He held me all night.”

“Obviously,
this is moving in the right direction.”

“I
just wish he’d returned the sentiment.”

“It’s
coming.
 
Maybe tonight.
 
We need to make tonight happen.
 
It’s Christmas Eve for God’s sake.
 
What are you wearing?”

“Disappointment.
 
Ruin.
 
Mayhem.”

“What
does that mean?”

“It
means that Blackwell and her daughters are wearing couture.
 
I have a feeling that you’ll be wearing
couture.
 
So will Alex.
 
And what am I wearing?
 
Let’s just say that the dress I brought
with me was marked down seventy percent at Bloomingdale’s.
 
It cost two-hundred dollars, which is
what I can afford.
 
It’s pretty, but
it’s nothing special.
 
There’s no
way that it’s going to compare to what everyone else will be wearing.”

“Do
you think that will matter to Tank?”

“Not
at all.
 
He could care less about
that sort of thing.
 
But it will
matter to me.
 
I want to knock his
socks off.”

I
got off the bed and went to my closet.
 
I pulled out a gift-wrapped package and brought it to her.
 
“Here’s one of my Christmas gifts to
you,” I said.

She
looked surprised.
 
“What’s this?”

“Open
it.”

“Oh,
Jennifer, you didn’t have to do this.”

“You
don’t know what I’ve done.”

“Yes,
I do.
 
I know you as well as I know
myself.
 
Oh, God.
 
What have you done?”

“Come
on.
 
Open it.”

She
tore off the wrapping paper and looked at the box.
 
On it, it said “Prada.”

“Do
you remember that day?” I said to her.
 
“All those months ago?
 
When
I was invited to interview at Wenn?
 
You and I went to Prada and I bought a suit that I couldn’t afford.
 
You encouraged me to do so.
 
So in the spirit of that, here’s what I
found for you.
 
You deserve
something special from Prada.
 
Go
ahead—open it.”

“What
did you get me?”
 
She opened the
box, saw the bright red material, and swooned when she pulled out the dress and
held it in front of her.
 
“Oh,
Jennifer!”

“And
I have Louboutins to match.
 
You’ll
get those in a moment.”

“Look
at this dress.”

I
had to admit, it was something.
 
It
was a silk, A-line, full-length evening dress with beading at the throat and
off one shoulder at the neckline.
 
It was sleeveless and it had a long, dramatic train that Lisa could pick
up behind her and use it to flirt with.
 
The dress was so red, it was almost beyond red.
 
But red is what Tank liked on Lisa, so
red is what Tank was about to get.

“I
don’t know what I’d do without you,” she said.

“I
brought all of my jewelry with me,” I said.
 
“We’ll make sure you’re taken care of
there, as well.”

“I
wonder if it fits?” she said.

“It’s
your size, but I’ve already talked to Blackwell about it.
 
If it doesn’t fit exactly right, she
said not to worry—she has her share of tricks.
 
But you need to try it on now,” I
said.
 
“Otherwise, she won’t have
time to fix it if it needs to be fixed.
 
It’s in your size—that perfect size zero that I’ll never
obtain.
 
But with couture, you never
know, so Blackwell is prepared to play backup should we need her.”

“This
is couture?”

“It
is.”

“It’s
not off the rack?”

“In
fact, it’s not.”

“I’m
speechless.
 
Let me try it on now.

“I’ll
get the shoes, then I’ll get Blackwell.”

“I’m
so excited!”

“Wait
until you see the necklace I have in store for you.
 
And the bracelet and the earrings.
 
Tonight, I want you to make an
entrance.
 
I want Tank in that
living room waiting for you when we’re serving champagne.
 
I want the anticipation to build.
 
I want him to see you when you walk into
the room, and I want to hear the gasps from the girls, whom we can rely on to
provide that.
 
This is going to do
it for him.
 
I promise.”

She
pulled it fully out of the box, stood, and held it in front of her.
 
“It’s so light.”

“It’s
for you,” I said.

Thirty
minutes later, Blackwell joined us in the bedroom and gave swift approval.
 
“It’s sublime,” she said.
 
“There’s nothing to be done.
 
Look how it fits here and here,
Jennifer.
 
Perfection.
 
And the train—she’ll have fun with
that.
 
The length is just right with
the shoes, which I have to say are marvelous, so I’m happy to see that you’ve
been paying attention and learning from me.
 
Lisa, turn so I can clasp the necklace
around your throat.
 
That’s right.
 
Oh, how pretty.
 
Look at how it dips between her
cleavage, Jennifer.
 
It might as well
be a glimmering arrow pointing at her boobs, which I assume is the point.
 
What man can resist that?
 
Now the bracelet.
 
Here—I’ll do it for you.
 
Lisa, stop trembling, for God’s
sake.
 
You’re going to shake the
entire house like you did last night.
 
Hold out your wrist for me.
 
Let us see.
 
Beautiful.
 
Here are your earrings.
 
Put them on, but with a steady hand,
otherwise you’ll draw blood.
 
Oh,
yes,” she said, stepping back beside me to appraise Lisa.
 
“It’s really quite something.
 
Are you wearing your hair up or
down?
 
Let’s see if you answer
correctly.”

“I
was thinking of wearing it up in a chignon.
 
That way, he can see my neck.”

“And
your throat.
 
And your face.
 
And the jewels.
 
Right answer,” Blackwell said.
 
“Now, let’s see what happens tonight
after we’ve decorated the tree, which I believe we should do as soon as I have
a shower.
 
Give me thirty minutes,
and I’ll be downstairs.
 
The pie is
finished, and I have to say that it looks delicious.
 
When the tree is finished, all of us
girls can assemble the
hor d’
oeuvres
,
and
make sure that the glasses are chilled because I know how much you love your
martinis.
 
I’ll also be
imbibing.
 
Then we’ll get ready for
the evening.
 
Sound like a plan?”

“You
are nothing if not a woman armed with a plan,” I said.

“I’m
just efficient, Jennifer.
 
Watch and
learn through osmosis.”

“I’m
trying.”

“So,”
she said, holding out her hands to Lisa.
 
“You had your way with Tank last night.
 
How did that go?”