Angst (10 page)

“Oh…my…God,” I say to Hannah with a grin. They are bigger
and even better looking now that they are close. I’m studying Jared’s jaw line,
full yet masculine lips and his perfectly formed nose. I hold my breath ‘cause
I’m hoping they’ll come over to talk with Hannah and me. Lucky for Hannah, Andy
pushes his way through the crowd in her direction and stops to pull her aside
to talk. Hannah looks elated as Andy grins and jokes with her, clearly he
remembers her from the high school football games. I continue to dance with
Kayla and Celeste, not wanting to look up and see if Jared will come over to
me.

Unfortunately he doesn’t stop, but keeps on walking toward
the stairs and as he’s almost out of sight a petite blonde dressed in a lacy
fairy costume grabs his arm, pulling him down so she can yell in his ear. I
sigh.
Dammit
. I really want him to come over to me, but like usual I’m
not getting the attention of the guy I want. Instead some other hussy is
getting his full attention, her cleavage clearly visible in her very low cut
body suit.
Faacck
, if only I wasn’t so damn cautious, so full of
insecurities. Even the alcohol isn’t helping me with Jared. He’s too good
looking, too far out of reach.

There are, however, plenty of other guys nearby who seem
interested.
Oh well, fuck em,
I think, smiling at the closest guy who is
standing nearby, his eyes constantly flicking questioningly to my face. At my
invitation, he’s instantly at my side. I run my hands up his chest and move in
close. He smells good and his body is hard. I close my eyes and imagine that he
is Jared McKinley.

#######################

I’m having a good time, chatting with the girls, laughing
and dancing when the petite blonde in the fairy costume bounces up to us,
apparently recognizing Kayla from somewhere and quickly making herself a new
best friend. The blonde, Stacia, is cute, in a little girl kind of way with a
short blonde bob and perky nose. She’s also incredibly out going and kind of
annoying for my taste. I’m not sure why I’m immediately turned off by her, but
it might have something to do with her talking to Jared earlier. I’m dancing
with Hannah when I hear her say,

“Who are all these girls? Introduce me, Kayla.” Kayla smiles
at her and brings her over to meet us and I groan inside. I’m not excited to
meet this potential “competition,” although I guess every girl is potentially a
competitor for Jared. Not that he’s shown any interest in me.

“And this is Victoria,” Kayla says bringing her over to meet
me and I feel my stomach plummet. She’s so damn cute, looking up at me as if
I’m a giant, her bright blue eyes piercing. We could be opposites. I’m dark
haired and taller and she’s short, petite and girly, yet somehow she has huge
tits.
Damn her.

“Hi, Stacia,” I say in my best ‘I’m brushing you off’ voice.

“Oh hi, Victoria,” she says, “That was some show you guys
put on up there. A little scandalous for my taste, but you’re a freshman right?
Freshman are always pulling stunts like that,” she says, as if she’s so wise
and mothering, when I know she’s trying to stick it to me. I smile sharply,
wanting to get away from her as soon as possible.

“Yeah, well, it was pretty fun,” I reply turning away from
her to tell Hannah that my favorite song is on and we absolutely must dance.
She nods, because she can tell that I’m annoyed with this new chick.

Later, after another drink and dancing with several
different guys, I spot Jared making his way back into the room. Andy had left a
while ago to go up to his room for some mysterious reason, (
drugs, anyone?)
but now he’s back and talking to Hannah again and I watch as Jared makes his
way through the dense crowd to Andy’s side. My hearts starts thudding faster
the closer he gets and I feel tongue tied, literally at a loss of what I might
say to him if he even notices that I’m here. I lounge against the wall,
casually sipping my beer with the girls, trying to be oblivious to his
presence.
Don’t look, God I’m a stupid bitch!

Jared stops and pulls Andy aside for a moment, yelling into
his ear until Andy nods and then he turns as if he’s about to walk over to me
when Stacia pushes through the crowd up to him, all smiles, her stupid girly
costume so damn frilly, yet showing quite a bit of cleavage. She grabs onto his
arm, bouncing in her exuberance, telling him something or other and he’s polite
or maybe really interested in her, nodding, leaning down to properly hear her. I
groan.
Dumb bitch.
Stacia giggles and Jared looks up, catching my eye
for a moment and I can tell he recognizes me from the store. He smiles and soon
tells Stacia something and she bounds off in another direction and he’s on his
way to my side.
Purposeful. Holy what?!
I can’t believe it because he
looks so fuckable, dog tags glistening in between his nicely sculpted pecs,
biceps bulging, literally to die for.

“Hey,” he yells over the very loud music, smiling down at
me. I can’t stop staring at his chest, which is at my eye level. It’s
beautiful, perfect. Not too much hair, smallish nipples, very nice pecs and
chiseled abs that seem to move when I look at them. Either they move, or I’m
far too drunk. I drag my eyes away from his chest and look up at his very nice,
gorgeous face.

“Hey,” I finally reply back as someone in the crowd pushes
and I bump into Jared’s chest. I gulp and jump back, smiling apologetically,
wishing that I could think of something to say to him through my alcoholic fog.
The girls continue yelling to each other nearby but I’m oblivious to everything
other than him. He smiles again, disarming me with his weapon of thought
destruction, holding on to my arm to steady me.

“Thanks for the help with the stuff at the store a few weeks
ago,” he finally yells, as I take a nervously long gulp off my half-filled cup.
I smile and nod.

“Always happy to help,” I say.
I’m a complete idiot.

“Nice show up there, too,” he says with another smile. I
laugh, surprised that he is mentioning my performance.

“Yeah thanks,” I say, realizing that I’m a horrible
conversationalist. I have no idea what to say to him.

“You wanna dance?” he finally asks and I feel relieved that
we’re moving to the physical. Now this is something I can work with. I nod and
we move into the crowd of pulsing bodies. I start to dance and Jared does the
normal guy thing, standing behind me, his hands moving over my waist as I grind
myself into him. Now I’m feeling a bit more confident. I know I can do a good
slut dance, so I grind on him and finally turn around to face him, sliding my
arms up and around his neck and both his hands fall into place at my waist.

It feels weird to dance with another almost stranger, except
that this one is someone I’m seriously attracted to, not just some random frat
boy that I don’t care about. This is someone I’ve been secretly crushing on
from just one sighting and he has no idea. It’s damn hot to finally be touching
him, my hands traveling over his bare muscular chest, finally wrapping around
his biceps as I grind down low and then move back up again, trying to keep my
face averted from his. It’s like I don’t want to know what he’s thinking, but
the wondering is killing me so I take a tiny peek to see what he might be
thinking of my ultra-smooth moves. He seems into me, smiling as I catch his
eye, moving his hands over my waist and up under my bustier at the base of my
back.

I try not to trip up and dance against him, pushing my tits
into his chest and he looks down at me in the dim light and I feel this spark
happening between us. It’s like electricity arcing between two points, his lips
and mine and I want to kiss him. I want to throw myself at him and see what
happens and I’m so drunk that I don’t care.

I’m normal Victoria, sexy, confident, drunk, not crazy. And
so I get on my tiptoes, my fingers threaded around his neck and pull his mouth
down to mine. He doesn’t resist, but kisses me, hard on the lips, his hands
linking tightly behind my back as if he has some kind of need that only kissing
me can satisfy. It’s like lightening has struck, the voltage humming through
our bodies. I’m stunned, but I don’t stop, I just kiss him more deeply,
slanting my mouth, my tongue sliding into his to deepen the kiss and his arms
flow up and then down my back and pull me even tighter against him, one hand
casually slipping down to lightly grip my ass.
Shit! This is over the top,
fireworks!

He pulls me against him again, hard, his strength
surprising, his lips crushed to mine and I almost gasp because he is an
excellent kisser. He teases me with his tongue, pulling back, biting my bottom
lip just a bit and then diving in again for a deep overwhelming kiss and I can
feel a pulsing pounding sensation spread from between my legs, radiating out
into my limbs.
Heat.
I would love nothing better than to feel every part
of him pressed up against me and I don’t even care if it’s random or cheap. I
just want it. Animal Victoria is in control now and Animal Victoria likes sex,
and feeling sexy and wanted. Of course, I haven’t gotten to the point yet where
Animal Victoria realizes she’s a virgin and decides she’s not going all the
way.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispers roughly in my ear and I nod
because I’m stupefied. Sex-brain has taken over. It’s all I can think about.
I
want him.
I follow his broad back up the basement stairs, as he pulls on my
hand and eventually we’re on the second floor and I’m laughing at something he
has said and I’m ridiculously drunk and exhilarated.

“You’re so funny,” I can hear myself say, and the air around
me seems glimmering and shimmering like a heat wave as we enter one of the frat
boys' bedrooms. “Are you a brother here?”

“No, this is my little brother’s room,” he replies, pulling
me inside, slamming the door, his hands suddenly attracted to my body like a
powerful magnet. I knew there were rubber bands between us. I knew he was
something special. He sits on the bed and I straddle his legs, my knees on the
bed, my fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, my skirt inching up my
thighs, exposing my thigh high stockings and garters. His eyes are sparkling
and he seems drunk and I feel drunk and I want to feel the solid pressure of
his hands on my body as soon as possible.

“You’re sexy, Victoria,” he says, staring at my cleavage
pouring out of my bright red top. I giggle and then get serious. I’m going to
do this right. I’m not gonna mess it up. So I tilt my head, smiling at him
seductively and then lower my mouth onto his and kiss him as deeply as I can. He
kisses me back and I cannot believe that I am here. That the guy I’ve been crushing
on from afar picked me out of a pack of rabid sexually charged females
downstairs. Maybe my little show did its work? Maybe I am attractive? Maybe I’m
not crazy? Just for a minute, I can live in the fantasy that I can be normal. So
I’m going to take advantage of it.

He’s kissing me harder now, running his hands up the zipper
at the back of my top, one hand under my ass, trying to feel up inside my skirt
where my black thigh highs end and my thong begins. When he finally gets where
he’s been trying to go, I jump because I’m not used to male hands there
unexpectedly. I’ve been paying too much attention to where his mouth is and
where his other hand is.

“You’re wet,” he mumbles and pulling away I can see his eyes
sparkling again and his sexy smile comes back and I’m just lost in it.

“I want you,” I say, trying to be suave Victoria, trying not
to jump at where his fingers are moving. He reaches behind me and in one motion
unzips my top, tossing it across the room and then his clever hands are
unhooking my bra and suddenly I’m topless.

“So beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing my chest as I arch my
back to give him full access. “Dance for me,” he finally says, pushing me up
off his lap and getting up to turn on some music.

“Ok,” I agree as dirty rap music pours through the speakers,
each bump of the bass beat like secret fingers moving over my body, telling me
what to do. I do all the sexiest dances I know and I can tell it’s working
because his eyes are glittering even more in the half light. He watches me with
this tiny half grin, his mouth hitched up on one side and I know he’s a
stranger, a stranger who is turned on by me and I know I don’t know him and
it’s kind of exciting, kind of scary, and kind of sexy.

He gets up, pulling me toward him as he sits back on the
bed, his fingers tracing over my arching curving body and he seems mesmerized. I
feel more powerful than I have in weeks. He is sexy and he is paying attention
to me.
Not someone else, me.

He pulls me back toward the bed, fumbling with his shorts,
his mouth glued to mine and suddenly I realize that he is definitely bent on
having drunk sex.
Drunk sex with a… virgin.
It’s like sober crazy
Victoria has suddenly popped up, telling me
no, no, no, you can’t have sex. You’re
a virgin. Sex is scary and going too far. You can’t do it.

All of a sudden I’m tense and the world is crystal clear, my
head sober as Sunday and I know I don’t know him. I start to panic, thinking
,
I want to know him, I’m dying to know him and let him fuck me, but I know I
don’t. He’s a stranger. How can I just hook up with him here? I will embarrass
myself! How will he handle the fact that I’m a virgin!? It would be a show
stopper, so I should put a stop to this shit show now and not wait for that to
happen! OMG!!
I push on his chest as he hovers over me and I hear myself
saying,

“I have to go. I have to find my friends.”

He pulls back a bit, smiling at me, a little half quirked
grin, sort of questioning.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” I repeat, like an echo.

“Ok,” he finally says, shaking his head, as he lifts himself
off me. I jump up, trying not to pay attention to his reaction, trying to find
my bra and top amidst the clutter of the room. He just sits there, looking
speechless that suddenly our sexual games have ended. But I’m out the door twisting
my bustier around to the front in the hallway not daring to look back. I’m
still drunk, feet totally unsteady. I can’t believe I just walked out of that
room, left him there. It was like the fear actually got to me when I was drunk.
Drunk, scared me. What the hell?
I fumble my way down the hall and
finally down the stairs that seem to be going in the right direction. On the
first floor I spot Hannah and I can tell she thinks I look disheveled.