Angela's Hope (Wildflowers) (26 page)

Chapter 25

April 1850 – San Francisco

A steam ferryboat chugged into the harbor of San Francisco bearing Clive and a few dozen boxes of goods for the store.

Clive enjoyed the smell of the sea air and the hint of the earthy spring behind it. The bay was calm as Clive watched the wharfs go by slowly as the boat chugged along. He could see the way the city was still growing, fast and dirty and overcrowded. It was not a place he wanted to leave his loved ones. He knew that soon the plan had to be to move his kin out. He felt at a loss of what to tell Angela, he kept praying that somehow her brother would appear and save him from a hard conversation. But he placed the worry in God’s hands and let it melt away for the time being.

Clive let his mind wander to business and plans for Portland, Oregon, to fill his thoughts as the steamboat finished the journey to the southernmost wharf.  He waited his turn in line to offload and was happy to see his grandson, Gabe, waving from the dock. He had a wagon ready. Clive was thankful for the small blessings, his family still safe and well.

He delivered the letters he had to all parties. Having a few for Gabe from his mother and also a few for Angela.

He heard Angela squeal with delight from her room as he enjoyed a cup of coffee with his Grandson and had his great-grandson Silas bouncing on his knee.

“My dear friend Corinne is pregnant.” Angela declared to Amber who was crocheting. Amber gave her a big smile in response and welcomed her over to the chair.

“I am just so very happy for her.” Angela declared as she plopped into the chair. She wiped away a wayward tear. “I cannot say what made me cry, perhaps gladness or missing her…” Angela said feeling a bit silly but still grinning.

“Probably a bit of both.” Amber said wisely and smiled at her sweet friend. “It has been a long enough separation that you probably could use a visit.” Amber suggested.

“I have been thinking on that a lot recently. Trying to know what the right thing to do is perplexing. I am praying constantly.” Angela confessed.

“You will know the right time if you let God tell ya.” Amber nodded and continued her crocheting. She had been praying a lot on that topic herself.

The conversation settled in on how Clive found the trip and how Silas was beginning to show signs of a very healthy crawling tendency.

“We will have to keep an even closer watch on him now.” Amber said but they all knew the dangers of the fireplaces and other hazards around the home.

“A crawling baby can find trouble quicker than a dog can steal a sandwich.” Clive said and gave Silas an extra bounce.

Clive stayed for lunch and helped Gabe with the unloading of all the goods into the warehouse in the afternoon.

* * * * *

After five o’clock Ted arrived for a visit with Angie, they went to the back yard and Ted talked while Angela fed the chickens.

“I have one more job to do but then I have to leave. I need to go back east.” Ted held his hands in front of him. His face lined with grief.

“I expected this.” Angela said through a tight throat. The thought of Ted gone was painful.

“My mother and sister will need me to help them. I will help them sell the farm and get settled. Maybe they will agree with me to come west.”

“But no promises, I know.” Angela put her head down and felt that fear again. Every time she cared about someone they had to leave her behind.

“That is not what I am saying. I care about you. But I need to take care of my family. Doing the right thing here feels wrong on both sides. I don’t want to leave you. Nor do I want to leave my mother alone with a farm she cannot run. I am not certain she knows her husband is dead. I took so long to write that letter, and I only was finally able to do it because of Clive.” Ted held his head with his hands and sat down. He was trying to control his emotions. This wasn’t easy.

“I know Ted, you have family, and they need to be the forefront of your thoughts. I promise I am not angry with you. Your integrity and values are the reason I love you.” Angela confessed and then sat next to him.

Ted stared at her sweet face for a long minute. He felt the same love for her but didn’t know if he could say the words, not before leaving. He had to deal with his family duties then he could come back west. Maybe then he could finish what he started with Angela, the sweetest girl on earth, in his eyes.

“You need to leave the city.” Ted took her hand and caressed her cheek. It was all he could say instead of the words unsaid that burned in his throat.

“I know, and I will soon. This city is eating my insides. I now know how to love and hate a place at the same time. It is a cesspool of hate and wickedness. It holds people I love and morals I despise.”

“Leave soon if you can Angie, I fear for your safety.” Ted said before he kissed her. He lost his hands in her flowing hair and his resolve to leave California nearly left him.

“I need to find my real home soon. My heart needs a place of peace.” Angela said as she pulled away.

“I will find you.” Ted said. But the sadness in his eyes proved that he did not know if it would be so.

“I hope you do.” Angela pulled him up and they walked back through the dark streets away from the bay.

Chapter 26

May 4
th
1850

Angela slept through the first round of bells that rang through the early morning. Silas was crying and that finally broke through her consciousness. There was crashing in the next room and soon pounding on her door.

She sat up with all her nerves and the haze of sleep left her quickly.

“I’m awake!” Angela yelled out.

“Fire!” Gabriel yelled out.

Without a moment’s thought she reacted and was dressed faster than she ever had in her life. She clasped the bracelet around her wrist and grabbed the box her letters from Oregon and Ted and her mother’s diary and shoved them all in a bag. There was nothing else she could think of in the moment of panic. There was enough light coming through her window that filled her heart with a near paralyzing fear. The flames must be spreading fast to light up the city so well to cast such a light.

She opened her bedroom door and helped wordlessly. Amber’s dress was unbuttoned in the back and Angie ran over and wordlessly buttoned her up. Amber had set Silas on the floor and he was crying. Angela scooped him up and with another hand was patting his back the way he liked.  She grabbed up several of his favorite toys that were near the dark fireplace and shoved them into the bag she had slung over her shoulder. She grabbed a few blankets and the bread that was leftover. She was trying to think of anything they would need. Her brain was in a fog.

“I will get some clean nappies.” Angela said quietly and carried the young boy and she let Gabriel and Amber make a plan.

She was back in the main room after just a minute and everyone seemed ready. She was glad that Clive and Ted were gone out of town on a job. They were safe. Angela felt her mind going faster than her feet as she followed Gabe and Amber out of the store. There were people yelling in the street.  Gabe would get the women out of town. Gabe got the wagon hitched and ready in only minutes. Amber climbed into the back and Angela handed Silas to her. Angela climbed in and took the blankets and wrapped one around Amber and her son, she wrapped the other around herself.. The wind had a chill and with the fear in her heart it felt colder. She was so glad Ted was nowhere near this fire, but she longed for his arms around her. He was her safe place and he wasn’t here.

The wagon creaked out of town and there was already a crowd of women and children already gathered. Gabriel delivered the wagon to the top of a hill and then jumped down. Amber was already emotional knowing he was going to go back, into danger.

Gabriel kissed Amber through her tears and they muttered sweet words to each other. Angela tried to give them privacy but her heart was at a loss to comfort her friends. Gabriel’s comfort to his wife was short and he strolled away with determination. He broke into a jog shortly. Angela watched but noticed that Amber did not. She sobbed softly into the sleeping child’s form she held.

The city was ablaze and the sky was orange and yellow. The hastily built wooden buildings were just kindling.

Why didn’t people pay attention to the warnings? Angela wondered angrily.

The early morning passed and fear gripped the crowd that watched in horror as the city was engulfed in orange flame. The view was terrifying and Amber and Angela clung together praying and crying over the sight.

The news wasn’t good. Every hour or so a young boy would run up the hill and share the news like a herald.

“The fire has jumped Washington Street!” The boy yelled hoarsely and the people watching and waiting let out an involuntary gasp. He coughed a few times and someone came forward and gave the boy water and washed the soot and grime from his face. He ran back to the burning city to help with the bucket lines.

There was no sleep for anyone that night as the roaring and crackling of the city kept them all in fear and doubt. This city felt doomed. It had grown too fast. The words floated around all morning and even when the sun came up the talk didn’t end. The smoke rising from to the sky showed exactly how much had been destroyed.

The news came as people made it out of the city. One family had been trapped in a fallen building and another group of men had been caught in a tent shanty section that burned so quickly they had nowhere to go. There were hundreds of people with burns and scorched lungs. Outside the city became the refuge and people poured out as they were no longer able to stay. Their homes destroyed and hopelessness was spreading as the smoke billowed.

The hours dragged on and Silas woke and was fussing with being held. The girls did not want leave the wagon so they walked around it taking turns bouncing Silas to keep him entertained.

By eleven a.m. The blaze was under control. Gabe walked a slow exhausted step away from the burned city. His face blackened by the smoke and ash.

“Our street is safe. The brick buildings were saved. Such a terrible shame…” He stopped to cough. “So many buildings burned.” Gabe kissed his wife and son, leaving streaks of soot on their faces.

“I am hoping the smoke won’t be too bad in our home.” Amber said.

There was so much damage from the fire Angela cried as they rode through the streets. On a few roads there was debris and Gabe jumped down and cleared out the planks of charred wood.

They were home and settling in within a few minutes.

The sad list grew by the hour as people were declared missing or dead from the morning’s fire. The street where their mercantile had been was totally burned. The Henderson’s restaurant now, was just rubble. Gabe heard from the head of household that they were taking their money from the bank and leaving San Francisco for good. Angela said a prayer for the Henderson family and prayed that they would find a better place. It took her a minute to realize that Ted’s small apartment building was also gone.

Her heart jumped into her throat at the thought that he could have been like those men earlier who were unable to get out of the building before it burned down. She knew he had been sharing the apartment with Clive but she couldn’t shake off the darkness and fear in her heart that day.

That night the girls worked hard at preparing as much food as they could and had Gabe deliver it to the town square. Word was spreading that many people had gathered there and a few large tents were sheltering hundreds of people.

Pastor Haines and his wife were asking all of those not affected by the fire to contribute whatever they could. After dusk Ted and Clive arrived back from their trip to a few mining camps to deliver goods.

They both seemed agitated and nervous as they came in and checked over everyone. They had heard the news and tried to get back quickly. They were supposed to be gone a few more days.

“I just left the wagon and supply load where it stands. Probably picked clean. I could not care less.” Clive said as he brushed a hand over Amber’s head and Angela’s then he held Silas close, despite his wanting to be put down. He needed to hold him for a minute and let the fear of the worst drain from his mind.

Ted stood awkwardly next to Clive, not sure what to do. He wanted to hold Angela but he did not want to make a scene or make her uncomfortable.

Angela took care of the issue by stepping into his arms. “I am so glad you are safe.” She said in a muffled voice against his chest. He was a good foot taller than her and rested his chin on her head.

There was no secret about how much they cared about each other. That night was spent in a spirit mixed with sadness and also thanksgiving. Being thankful for what they still had while mourning the ruin all around them.

* * * * *

The week flew by, as Angela kept busy during her days to distract herself from the thoughts about how Ted would be gone soon.

The ship was setting sail in a few days. Ted had been attentive as possible every evening. Angela prepared her heart as much as she could but she still cried herself to sleep several times since he had given her the cherished bracelet. She wondered what their future would be. Would his mother want to stay put, would he come for her? She had such high hopes but didn’t want to rely on them. Her hope felt so painful. Knowing that it would be more than a year before she could possibly see him, and that was the best case. What was she to do with herself?

She had a few ideas when her heart was quiet and her mind at peace, but the questions would come back every night as the doubts came.

Amber and Gabe had been busily preparing themselves for their own move. Knowing that they would be moving to Portland in the fall they did a few projects every weekend to prepare.

“I swear we have been moving about so much the last few years. I will be bald to be settled in one place.” Amber declared one afternoon while feeding her son.

“I am ready to be settled myself. The unknown is hard on my heart.” Angela said with her own sorrow weighing on her. “May I ask something?”

“Always, friend.” Amber said sincerely.

“Last week when Ted gave me this bracelet I told him that I loved him.” Angela sighed. “I know he is leaving. Should I apologize? Was that perhaps too much for him before leaving? I do not want him to feel obligated to come back for me if his family doesn’t want him to. He really needs to think of them.” Angela felt sincere in her love but was so confused.

“Never apologize for loving someone. But if you want him to know that he doesn’t have to worry about you, you should find the words.” Amber thought for a minute. “I know relationships are complicated enough when the people live near one another. Love is harder than just the feelings, it takes work and compromise, and you are both young. You have time to let God show you the way. If it is meant to be, it will be.”

Angela nodded allowing Amber’s words to sink in. She wanted a chance to talk with Ted soon. She needed him to know her heart.

* * * * *

On the other side of town Ted was having a similar issue. He had so many regrets about leaving Angela behind it was eating him up. There was no good answer. His Mother, Aunt and sister were all probably scraping by on nothing back east while he prospered here, but this darling young woman would be here without his protection for a year or longer.

He had an impulsive thought to marry the girl and take her with him but inside he knew that wasn’t right. Their relationship was a budding one but her life was here. They were not ready to be married and he knew that God was telling him ‘not yet’ in his heart.  He loved her, he knew he did and every day the feelings grew stronger but he knew what he had to do.

Though he spent the next two nights with her he never got the chance to talk with her seriously until the day he was to leave. The boat was departing at 11:30 a.m. He had only a small window of time but he was at the store before it opened and saw her there. Her eyes pink, probably from crying, but she was still so beautiful to him. She was sweeping the floor and Gabe was moving boxes around the room. Stocking shelves.

“May I steal her?” Ted asked as Gabe opened the door.

“You may. Don’t go too far.”

“Just the bench.” Ted promised. Angela wordlessly took Ted’s hand and they sat on the bench in front of the store.

Angela held the hand tightly with both her hands, like she would never let go.

“You are a good man, Ted.” Angela said softly.

“You know I will come back for you.” Ted said in earnest.

“I do have the sweetest hope that you will but I need you to know…” Angela swallowed hard. “If you cannot come back, I will not despise you. I know things don’t always go the way we plan them. We have made no vows, and I do not want you to be held to any.”

Ted sighed and kissed Angela sweetly. “I would promise you.”

“I know you would, and that is enough for me. But if you have to choose between your family and me, you may come to regret one or the other.” Angela said sensibly.

“I pray that you will not stop loving me.” Ted said his worst fear aloud.

“I will not dearest Ted. But I ask one thing of you. If your feelings lessen or change, please let me know. A simple letter will suffice, you need not explain everything but to say you see no future with us, will be enough. I do not know what lies ahead. Only God knows.” Angela’s tears began to fall again. So many tears these last days.

“I …” Ted faltered. Not wanting to promise something so unthinkable. To promise to say goodbye forever is something he did not want to do.

“I love you Angela, the thought of leaving without saying those words is impossible to me. But I promise that if I feel God telling me that we are not meant to be together, though it would break my heart, I would tell you. But I pray that will never happen.” Ted realized he had said the words aloud finally. Angela leaned against his chest. He kissed the top of her head.

“Can we promise to hold on to our hope? Trusting that God knows our future plans.” Angela said finally and looked at his with her tear-filled green eyes. 

“That I can do.” Ted kissed her again quickly, knowing he was testing his fate with Gabe so near. “I promise to send a telegram once I am safe. So you’ll know. I will also write. Though, we know how long letters take.”

“Send them to Oregon, I don’t think I will be here much longer.” Angela nodded and placed her head against his chest again. Hearing his heartbeat was soothing, she wanted to remember his warmth and his heartbeat.