Angel of the Apocalypse (7 page)

“
Hello?”
said an unmistakable voice. Chills ran down Stacey's spine.

“
Yes,
Mr. Abrams? This is Stacey Kerbal from Channel 9 News.”

“
Stacey!
How are you? Please, call me A.C.”

“
Uh...A.C.?”
Stacey asked.

“
Yeah,
you know. Short for Antichrist. That name has such negativity
associated with it.”

“
Oh...OK.
Well, Mr. A.C., we wanted to know-”

“
Just
A.C.,” interrupted the Antichrist.

“
Right.
Sorry. 9 News would like to have you back for another interview. How
does Friday night sound?”

“
That
sounds splendid! Pencil me in,” said A.C.

“
Great,
I'll let them know. Uh, just curious...who is that with you?”
asked Stacey.

“
Who?
Oh, right. That's Crystal. She's the hooker I was fuckin' before you
called. Hey, I'm getting some strange vibes on your end of the line.
Is there someone with you?”

Stacey
was mortified. “Nope. See you Friday,” she said and
quickly ended the call.

Gabriel
put a warm hand on her shoulder and smiled. “You have done the
right thing,” assured the archangel, before vanishing.

For
the next three days, 9 News ran a blitzkrieg advertising campaign.
High production commercials ran around the clock. One commercial
featured a CGI animation of Gabriel wrestling the Devil. Both deities
were wearing wrestling tights. Gabriel was wearing a white one-piece
suite and matching headgear. The Devil was wearing a Mexican lucha
libre costume, complete with a red horned mask. A voice-over boomed
in the background, “Who will win in the eternal struggle for
man's soul? On Friday night, watch the greatest interview in the
history of television, as the Messenger of God – Gabriel,
debates the Fallen One – Satan!” The commercial ended
with Gabriel climbing up to the top turnbuckle, turning around, and
leaping towards the Devil with a flying elbow.

News
reporters scoured the streets of downtown Denver, interviewing
civilians on who they thought would win the debate between Gabriel
and the Devil. Here are just a few of the comments:

-If
you asked me that question a few weeks ago, I would have thought you
were crazy, but after watching the Antichrist on TV a few days
ago...Jesus, man. I don't know. Gabriel's got to win, right?

-I
think this whole thing is just a stupid stunt by 9 News to get
ratings.

-What
the Antichrist said makes perfect sense. But you don't have to take
his word for it, look in the bible. The seven plagues are caused by
God. Why would God kill everybody? Are we just supposed to lay down
and die for no reason at all? No way. I've never been a religious nor
a superstitious person, but looking at the arguments as they are
presented to me, I think the Devil should win. He's literally the
only one who can save us now.

-The
Devil's gonna fuck shit up, man.

-Can't
you people see that this is a test? God is testing our faith! Those
who remain firm in their convictions will be lifted up into Heaven.
Gabriel will smack the Devil back down to the fiery Gates of Hell.
There's no doubt in my mind.

On
the day before the interview, 9 news ran a one hour special titled
Gabriel vs. Satan – Who Will Win
? Gabriel was profiled
as the Messenger of God, a being of pure light who will save humanity
from the Tribulation. The Devil was profiled as a wild card. Will he
save us from God's wrath, or is this just another one of his evil
deceptions?

Zack
Brannin, program director for 9 News, was working around the clock.
During the advertising campaign leading up to the interview, he
gleefully watched the ratings soar. If you looked close enough, you
could almost see dollar signs in his beady little eyes.

The
newsroom was in the process of undergoing major renovations.
Construction workers were busy installing drywall and new carpet.
(They couldn't get the blood stains out of the old carpet.) New
furniture, new windows, even new camera equipment was purchased for
the news event of the century.

Zack
estimated that nearly half a billion viewers would be tuning in to
watch the debate – over four times as many people that watched
this year's Superbowl. He walked up to Stacey Kerbal, pumped his
fists and swiveled his hips in a little dance. “We're in the
money, baby!” he said with unbridled enthusiasm.

Stacey
rolled her eyes. “Calm down. Seriously, aren't you at least a
bit concerned with what might happen tomorrow? What if Gabriel and
A.C. get into a fight? We could all be slaughtered!”

A
look of stunned silence fell across Zack's face. From the look in his
eyes, it was as if the clouds of Heaven parted, and God himself came
down and gave the program director a big sloppy kiss. “Think of
the ratings!” he whispered.

“
Oh,
you're impossible,” Stacey retorted.

The
clock on the newsroom wall read 6:55pm. Stacey Kerbal and the
archangel Gabriel were seated behind a large oak desk. A huge
painting of the
Creation of Adam
by Michelangelo was displayed
on the wall behind the archangel and the interviewer.

To
Stacey's right sat Gabriel, a beautiful creature of pure light. To
Stacey's left sat...no one. With only five minutes left before going
live, the Antichrist had not yet arrived.

Program
Director Zack Brannin was going out of his mind. “Where the
hell is he?” he screamed, as he ran around the newsroom,
glancing out the windows and checking his watch. The minutes ticked
by quickly. Too quickly.

Finally,
the clocked reached 7pm. Zack stood there with sweat pouring down his
face. It was his call. Should he delay? Or should he start the
interview and hope that the Antichrist would soon arrive? All eyes in
the newsroom were pointed at him. It was almost 7:01pm.

“
Fuck
it, we'll do it live!” yelled Zack.

The
overhead lights switched on, cameras started rolling, and the 9 News
theme song played in the background.

“
Good
evening, and welcome to a special edition of 9 News,” said
Stacey Kerbal. “Today, we are honored by the presence of the
archangel Gabriel, the Messenger of God.”

The
archangel smiled for the cameras. “It's a pleasure to be here,
Stacey.”

“
It's
a pleasure to have you, Gabriel,” replied the interviewer. “We
should be joined shortly by the Antichrist.” She looked at the
cue cards and hesitated. The first question written on the cue card
was for the Antichrist.

Zack
immediately saw the problem. He ran over to the man holding the cue
cards, punched him in the face, grabbed the next cue card, and
presented it to Stacey – all within three seconds. Zack was one
hell of a program director. The cue card man crumpled to the floor,
held his nose with both hands, and shot an accusing glance at Zack.

“
Our
first question is for Gabriel,” said Stacey, as she turned to
the archangel. “Gabriel, in the last few weeks, a plague has
wiped out nearly a third of the population. Is God responsible? And
if so, why is he doing this?”

Gabriel
looked earnestly into the camera. “First of all, I would like
to thank everyone for watching tonight. It is my hope that-” He
was interrupted by a man walking into the newsroom. It was the
Antichrist.

“
Oh,
thank God!” said the program director.

“
Why
would you thank
Him
?” replied the Antichrist, as he made
his way to the empty chair behind the big oak desk. “Sorry I'm
late. You wouldn't
believe
the line at Starbucks,” he
said, as he placed a venti caramel macchiato on the desk.

The
Antichrist sat behind the desk to Stacey's left. He adjusted his
three-piece suit, straightened his tie, and smiled spectacularly for
the camera. He was wearing a gold chain around his neck. Attached to
the necklace, displayed in large jewel-encrusted letters were the
initials “A.C.” He wore dark sunglasses, and had the
beginnings of a goatee.

“
Sup,”
said the Antichrist, briefly waving at the camera.

Stacey
turned to her left. “Yes, thank you for joining us Mr.-”

“
Call
me A.C.,” interrupted the Antichrist.

“
Right.
Sorry,” replied the interviewer. “I was just asking
Gabriel why would God allow this plague to kill so many people.
Gabriel?”

“
Yes,
of course,” replied Gabriel. “I have come to you with a
special message from God. The seven plagues that will befall mankind
are in direct accordance to the scriptures. It is written in
Revelations, chapter 16, were God commanded seven angels to pour
seven bowls of His wrath onto the earth. The first of these bowls
contained pestilence, and was designed to kill those who worship
false gods. The second bowl will turn the oceans to blood, and every
living thing in the oceans will die. The third bowl will be poured-”

Gabriel
was interrupted by a strange sound. He turned to his left, only to
see the Antichrist snorting a line of coke off the table.

"Whoa!"
the Antichrist yelled, as he slammed his fist on the table. "That's
some good shit!" He washed it down with a sip from his caramel
macchiato. “Ah!” he said, with a satisfying sigh. “Sorry
to interrupt, Gabe. By all means, continue.”

The
archangel was starting to look perturbed. “Right,” he
said, as he gritted his teeth. “As I was saying, the third bowl
will be poured out on the rivers and lakes, and they will be turned
to blood. The fourth angel will pour his bowl on the sun, and people
will be burned by the intense heat from the sun. The fifth angel will
pour his bowl on the throne of the Beast, and his-”

“
Stop!”
commanded the Antichrist. “Just stop. You're boring people to
death with your old, out of date prophecies. Why don't you tell the
people what they really want to hear?”

Gabriel
was growing impatient. “Such as?”

“
Such
as, why is God killing everybody off at such an alarming rate?”
asked the Antichrist.

The
archangel gritted his teeth, but said nothing.

“
According
to the bible, if you add up the total number of people who were
murdered by God, the total comes to exactly 2,821,364. That doesn't
include the total number of people who will be put to death by the
seven plagues, which is said to be the
entirety
of mankind –
over seven billion people. Do you know how many people I killed in
the bible? Ten. That's right, only ten people. And why am I marked
out to be the bad guy? All I ever did was have a disagreement with
God one day, and he cast me out of Heaven. Then he got all bitchy
about it and started talking shit about me in the bible. Seriously,
what have I done to deserve all this hate?”

The
Antichrist turned to the camera and removed his glasses, revealing
amber cat-eyes. “I have been the victim of an unwarranted smear
campaign by God...and I want an apology.”

“
You
want
what
?” asked Gabriel incredulously.

“
I
think I've made myself clear,” the Antichrist answered.
“Apologize for all the bad things you've said about me over the
last few thousand years, and I'll snap my fingers and make the plague
go away.”

“
You
don't have that kind of power over God,” answered Gabriel.

“
No?
God made me The Destroyer. I can destroy whatever he creates. Why
couldn't I destroy a plague?” the A.C. said with a grin.

Gabriel
turned away, and refused to acknowledge the Antichrist.

“
I'll
tell you what. Just to show you what a good guy I am, I'm going to
make the plague go away. Far be it from you assholes to admit that
you were wrong all these years.” The Devil looked into camera,
lifted his hands in front of his face, and snapped his fingers.
“There. No more plague. Now, if I'm lying, word would get out
pretty quickly that I was full of crap, right?”

The
Devil pointed to Zack, who was standing beside one of the cameras,
holding a cue card. “In fact, why don't you bring up one of
those maps of the world. You know, the one with all the red dots
signifying how many people are dying from the plague.”

Zack
dropped his cue card and ran to the control console. In four seconds,
he brought up a display of the world, with red dots showing how many
people had died thus far. The red dots were not increasing in number.
The death total froze at two billion, three hundred million people.
After a few moments, the camera switched back to the Antichrist.