And I Am Happy (8 page)

“Leave my position?” Will hurried forward,
the only motion he seemed capable of. He crossed the room in a
rush, stopping when his gentleman was in front of him. “You want me
to leave you?” he demanded a moment later when his master would not
look at him. “Do not send me away, sir, please. I can do better.”
Will did not believe it but he promised it just the same.

“Do better?” Charlie faced with him narrowed
eyes. His voice was first incredulous, then fierce. “How could you
possibly do better?” He could have been confused, but his air, his
very bearing, made it an order for the truth. Will moved without
thinking, hiding his stinging face against his gentleman’s
shoulder.

“A real valet would not do this,” Will told
him. It should not have to be said. But of the things that should
not be, his fingers crawling up to curl into his master’s cravat
were the bigger sin. Yet Will could not make himself release it. He
was a true disappointment in all respects.

His gentleman was scarcely breathing. “Will,”
Charlie whispered after too many moments, “Will, you must want more
than me, than this.”

Will lifted his head, aware he was not at his
best. His nose would be red, like his eyes. His hair was out of
order. There was nothing of allure or temptation in him. He did not
care. There were scant inches’ difference in their height, but he
stared up and remained as still as he could with his cheeks wet and
hiccoughs escaping his chest. After a moment he shook his head.
“No, sir.”

He nearly shut his eyes at the cool press of
a metal thumb against his cheek and spent a moment foolishly
marveling at his master’s control that the touch could stay so
gentle.

“I am a fool.” His master’s rough voice made
Will stop crying to glare. Of the two of them, Will was the fool
here, and opened his mouth to say so. He was silenced by his
master’s mouth on his, the softest of pressures yet enough to take
his breath. Will clutched weakly at the cravat. He thought he’d
closed his eyes, then thought they were open again, but swore to
nothing. It could not be real, his gentlemen sliding his mouth to
his ear and back to his mouth, giving Will short, careful kisses
that were sweet enough to make Will shiver and arch his neck for
more.

“Will,” his master breathed against Will’s
throat, his mouth hot, one of his hands cool. Will shuddered and
turned his cheek into that hand. His master frowned and seemed
puzzled when Will only shuddered harder, wracked with pleasure by
one stern look.

“Have I displeased you, sir?” Will asked him
slowly, desire heavy in his voice. He was not sure at the moment
what answer he would prefer.

Charlie exhaled. “No.” He was harsh but only
for a moment. His thumb again swept over Will’s skin, brushed his
mouth. Will parted his lips to receive it and drew another startled
whisper from his master. He watched the thoughts crease his
gentleman’s forehead, watched him struggle to breathe though he
could not feel what Will’s mouth was doing to the metal thumb. “No,
but Will you should not.
I
should not. I will not use
you.”

“You want me.” It was all Will could think.
He slid his mouth away and swallowed the taste of iron. He stared
at Charlie, at his gentleman, in confusion. “If you want me, sir,
use me.” He pulled the cravat pin and tugged loose the cravat
itself until he felt it slide between his fingers, over his wrists.
He put his mouth to the base of his master’s throat, kissed it as
he had dreamed of doing. “If you won’t, then let me use you.” His
thoughts had vanished with the scent of Charlie’s shaving soap and
the taste of his skin. He pressed in, finding buttons and freeing
them with ease. He did not look up, but he did not have to; he
could hear Charlie’s ragged breathing and feel his body tense under
his hands. That was all, aside from his master’s frantic heartbeat.
Will lowered his voice, less certain that he had been a moment
before. “Please, sir, I have waited so long.”

“
Will
.” His gentleman said his name as
no other said it, exhilarated. His master’s hand slid to the back
of his head. It was Will’s only warning. Then his back was to the
desk and he was receiving a fierce kiss. He parted his lips. His
hands came up only to linger on Charlie’s arms, his chest. His moan
was helpless. He was panting in seconds, begging moments after
that, thinking only that he had been mistaken to think his master a
man restrained in his passions. His master took his mouth most
assuredly. He was welcome to the rest of his body.

Will opened his legs for him and let out a
pleased murmur when his master stepped between them. “Yes, sir,
please.” His lips were buzzing and plump, a temptation it seemed
his master could no longer resist. He pressed Will to the surface
of his desk, pushing aside papers without care, and bent down with
him to keep their mouths together. He kissed hungry. Will held
tightly to him and shivered to find the desk firm against his
backside. “Yes, sir, please,” he begged again. This was everything.
There was a bruising ache at his hip where one of his gentleman’s
hands held him down yet he could not make himself think it anything
other than arousing. He whimpered at the bit of pain and met a
troubled, dark gaze. His master pulled back.

“You do not have to call me sir,” his
gentleman’s voice rumbled over him. Will opened his mouth and could
not tell if he pulled his master down to him or if his master came
down to kiss him again on his own because Will wriggled for him and
licked his swollen lips. “My name will do.” His master spoke
between kisses and his master had teeth, teeth he scraped over
Will’s jaw and collarbone to drive Will mad. “Or Charlie, as you
said once.” His master followed every rough caress with a soft one.
Will might never know which he preferred more, too gentle or not
gentle enough.

“Charlie, sir,” Will murmured for him,
writhing at the heated look this earned him, at the hot hand of
flesh and bone that slid into his trousers. “Charlie, sir.
Charlie.” He could not stop the words from spilling out of his
mouth now. He was supposed to be giving his gentleman the use of
him. Instead he was weak for the press of his gentleman’s mouth and
shivering with need for the weighty iron keeping him in place. His
master only kissed him further, at his ear and down his chest,
around his own fingers.

“I will not use you.” The words from his
master were granite but his mouth was kisses so tender Will could
not bear it. He had not prepared for this, his gentleman holding
him down to give him pleasure. Even the chafe of a dry palm only
made Will gasp for more.

“Master.” His face was hot. His eyes were
burning. The shocked inhalation from Charlie could not stop Will
from jerking his hips up and begging for the release that was so
near. He did not know whether to reach for Charlie or leave his
hands flat on the desk. He thought either would please and the
freedom was heady. “Master Charlie, sir, please.”

“Yes, Will.” Charlie would never know what
his voice did to Will, the honest confusion at how Will could think
so of him, how quickly it melted back to lust when Will immediately
came, moaning grateful for every stroke of his master’s hand.

“
Master
?” Charlie repeated moments
later while Will was fighting for breath and struggling to keep his
eyes open. Charlie’s hand was still inside Will’s trousers. His
gaze was serious. Will turned his head toward him and waited a
moment before nodding. His gentleman seemed to need more. “You
begged.” A need to understand and a desire to hear more warred in
his master’s handsome face, desire to be wanted that much,
confusion that Will should beg for him. People should be begging
for him always. Will could not seem to articulate that with their
skin touching and his gentleman only now ceasing to milk drops of
his seed from him. Will whimpered when it became painful and
Charlie stopped before straightening and pulling away. He sat down
heavily in his chair

Will tried to stand and felt his unsteady
legs carry to him to the floor. He did not mind, despite how his
master expressed concern and tried to help him. Will slid between
his master’s legs and grasped at his thighs to stay up. He did not
bother with a pillow for his knees and he was shameless when he
took his master’s stained hand and brought it to his mouth to clean
it.

“Will. Will, I will not…” Charles Howard,
esq. was a most honourable man who would have to be made to
understand how much Will adored him. Will was determined now. He
finished cleaning his seed from his master’s hand and then focused
on pulling his master’s trousers open. He immediately felt clumsy
fingers in his hair, a strong grip at his shoulder. But at the
moment Will’s strength was greater, and he would not be denied any
longer.

“Charlie,” Will murmured into his master’s
stomach,
Charlie
because it had pleased his gentleman to be
called that as well as master, and took his master’s cock into his
mouth. He dragged his palms over Charlie’s thighs and ducked his
head, offering his mouth for use. He had thought his mouth his one
good trait, aside from his tight arse, until now, with Charlie
petting feverishly over his ear and his jaw, caressing Will’s open
lips as though not sure of what more would be accepted, as though
unwilling to risk anything that would drive Will from him. It was
the first time Will had ever thought his master less than
brilliant.

“Will.” Charlie’s voice was husky, not
entirely drowning the whirr of moving parts in his arm, the urges
his nerves read that he tried to deny. He did not understand how
high Will was for this and did not until Will swallowed around more
of him and moaned. Then his master’s hips came up and his hand
rested at Will’s crown and Will was sucking him. Will would not let
him pull away, not when he gagged, not with spittle at his chin,
and not a few minutes later with spunk hot in his mouth. He took
it, because he wished to and because his master needed to see that
he would, and gladly. A weak groan from above finally made him pull
off, but only to lick up the rest of the mess and swallow that
too.

Some of his hair caught in his master’s other
hand. Will put his mouth to Charlie’s thigh and made a series of
grateful noises into the muscle while Charlie gently freed him.

“You should not call me master.” It might
have been a scold in his master’s voice. It might also have been
need. “I am not so much.”

“Shut up,” Will told him, refusing to look
up. “You are my master and I am happy.” His gentleman knew
everything of him now, what Will felt and what Will wanted from
him. Will caught his breath as he waited, though he was too hot and
drowsy to move. The tension humming under his skin instantly eased
the moment a warm hand slid back into his hair. The metal one
followed it, curving against Will’s cheek. Will let out a sigh.

“You like the title?” His master was
exceedingly lovely in his caution. He did not understand Will, but
he wanted to.

Will rubbed his face into a steel palm. “I
enjoy knowing I have pleased you, sir. I enjoy it very much.” He
imagined his gentleman’s face as he absorbed that explanation and
struggled to understand it. He endeavored to explain more. “And
when you are frustrated, sir, I often wish you would make use of
me, instead of throwing a pen or book.”

Alarm made his master tense. Will gave a
small shake of his head. “Not to throw me or hit me. Only that you
be very firm with me.” He let out a shuddering breath. “You may be
very firm with me, sir.” Will was emboldened by his master’s
stillness. “
My
sir. You may hold me down again, if you
wish.” How his master’s breathing quickened. Will glanced up in
time to see the dark colour in his cheeks. But his gentleman
remained silent. Will closed his eyes and leaned into him. “It is
not using me if I beg you to. If you are gentle afterward. If you
are mine. That is,” his voice broke, leaving him to whisper, “that
is what I want, and what I have wanted, since knowing you, sir.”
There was no answer, not for a long time, but Charlie’s hand stayed
in his hair. After a while, the tension left Will. He recognized
the silence now as contemplative, not repulsed. “You will not send
me away.” Somehow, Will was sure of it.

“I couldn’t.” Charlie’s voice was rough. “But
I am not presuming?” Only his gentleman would ask such a thing.
Will had chosen well. “It will not be like your operettas.”

Will shook his head, mostly at himself. “If
you do not mind biscuits for breakfast and crooked sandwiches then
I do not.” Not as long as Charlie was his.

“Dull evenings at home and spilled bathwater,
my sisters….” His master did not seem to hear him as he made his
own list of faults. “Will,” Charlie added abruptly, “Will, I am
sorry but I cannot spend another night in this chair.”

“Shite!” Will swore crudely and scrambled to
his feet. He noticed Charlie’s red face and paused, then shook off
the desire to kiss him so he could help Charlie to his feet.
“Sorry, sir.”

“Charlie.” Charlie corrected him, watching
him carefully.

“Charlie, sir.” Will grinned boldly at him, a
distraction, but he was pleased when his master accepted that as
well as his help. Will was taking some of his gentleman’s weight,
but he felt as if he were floating. Charlie doubtless could have
walked but Will could not let him go. Even when the reached the
bedroom and the edge of the bed it was difficult to release him.
Will put his hands on the buttons of his gentleman’s waistcoat, the
few buttons remaining that Will had not undone previously, and
nearly jumped when he felt a tug at his shirt. He glanced down. The
metal hand had dexterity but his master still had the trouble with
buttons.

Will stopped, then looked into his master’s
face before shrugging out of his coat. His master took that as
permission to continue to slowly undress him. Will was shaking
before he was done. “I don’t understand you, sir.” He could not
keep his voice steady.