And I Am Happy (2 page)

Now he got up before first light to shave and
wash and dress himself, then slipped quietly into his master’s
bedroom to gather his gentleman’s stray clothes and send the
necessaries off to be laundered. He started a fire in the bedroom
fireplace before leaving and then headed to the small kitchen on
the other side of the entranceway. In the Howard family’s larger
estate in the country, as well as in the townhouse in the city,
there were full kitchens with a cook, but this was a single man’s
flat and his gentleman went out for most of his meals.

Will put on the water for tea while eating a
piece of untoasted bread. He refrained from toasting any for his
master. He had learned his lesson after one too many black and
charred attempts. While the water was getting hot he went out into
the study to open the curtains, start a fire in that fireplace, and
check the appointments for today one more time in case he’d
forgotten anything.

He considered his tasks for the day as well,
nearly buzzing with pleasure to know they were tasks easily done
and his master would have no reason to be disappointed in him. His
master always pretended otherwise, far kinder than a man with such
a saturnine face should be, but Will knew when he had truly pleased
and when he had not. Reading expressions was a courtesan’s art and
skill, for often her life and livelihood depended on it, and it had
served Will well over the years. It had served him especially well
in this home since his current gentleman was intensely private and
preferred to keep his thoughts to himself. He had been startled the
first few times Will had correctly interpreted his mood, blinking
through his spectacles in consternation before his alarm had given
way to wonder.

Will hummed a ditty from an operetta he’d
recently seen, then went back for the tea and a few biscuits. He
took the tray into the bedroom without even a glance at the clock.
His master liked to wake early and was already stirring as Will
came in, pushing himself up with his good arm and giving Will a
view of part of his chest where his pajamas had come open.

There were no late-blooming love marks that
Will might have missed, only the shrapnel scars from the
underground exploding torpedo that had taken his master’s leg at
the knee and his arm above the elbow in the Afghan campaigns. Will
smiled before looking up. “Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning.” The shadows under Charlie’s
eyes weren’t so obvious when he smiled back. He must have gotten
more sleep than it seemed, because he didn’t ask for the opium
powders the doctor had given him for pain relief, he only stretched
and reached for his tea. He exhaled delightedly over the biscuits
the way he always did. Will was not fooled by the show, done for
his benefit. The biscuits were from a tin and a poor substitute for
a real breakfast but his gentleman ate each and every one every
morning while Will chose a suit for him. His gentleman was due to
work in his study today but he had tea with his sisters that
afternoon and there were usually a few callers even on his at home
days. He had to look handsome and impeccable.

Will chose a blue striped cravat, simple but
eye-catching, and ignored Charlie’s raised eyebrows as he saw it.
But his master said nothing, accepting Will’s choice in waistcoat
while finishing his second cup of tea. His expression remained
stern and sad but the crinkle at the corner of his eyes let Will
know when his gentleman was on the verge of a smile.

“Your sisters for tea, nothing else
pressing,” Will filled him in, warm in the face and trembling in
his limbs in a way that was certain to be noticed. He had made his
master smile with little more than a cravat and the blood was
singing through his veins. It was difficult to be still, especially
with his master regarding him fondly from over the top of his cup.
His master did not make Will work for praise yet strangely this
made Will want to work harder and please him even more. He could
not explain the urge; he only knew that sometimes he wanted it so
much he could hardly stop himself from dropping to his knees. It
was an itch that his other gentlemen had never scratched and which
had never been so great until he had come to this house, to this
gentleman.

Will took a breath and forced himself to
sound calm. “I’ll be out at the shops today and at your tailor. Did
you need anything I did not anticipate?” Merely saying the words
thrilled him.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “How can I answer
that?” he chided, frowning slightly in honest confusion. “I cannot
know what you anticipated. I can’t read your mind as you seem to
read mine, though I often wish I could.”

It was good he could not. Will took another
deep breath to control himself. His master wasn’t angry but Will
enjoyed imagining he was, and what he might do to force Will to be
clearer. Will had watched his master give speeches, seen him argue
from the gallery; his master was capable of a most firm hand.

A change in topic was needed for the sake of
Will’s dignity. “Did you want to bathe?”

It was not what he should have said. It was
growing more and more difficult to ask that every morning,
especially on the mornings when he knew a bath would be needed,
mornings where there would be dried spunk on his master’s cock and
thighs and sweat itching along his skin. The hot water would soothe
Charlie’s aches, turn his skin an even darker shade, make it hot
and clean. Will’s mouth went dry to think of it.

Charlie put down his cup with more force than
was required, clanging porcelain that fortunately did not break.
Baths still seemed to discomfort him. Will thought him anxious
about his body and how others perceived it. In Will’s first days
here, his gentleman had insisting on bathing by himself, nearly
falling into the tub in his haste to get under the water. It had
taken Will too long to realize that his gentleman had still been
worried about his appearance. The scars had been slightly angrier
then and ill-fitting prosthetics had left marks on the stumps of
his arm and leg.

Will had stared more than he’d meant to. Even
now it shamed him to think of it. He didn’t wait for a reply this
time but went to the bathroom to run the water and lay out a towel,
wondering if he would be permitted to shave his gentleman as well
today. There was something especially exciting about being allowed
to shave his master, much like the day once a month when Will would
trim his hair. He was already flushed and it had nothing to do with
the steam filling the room.

He nearly fainted when he swept back into the
bedroom and found his master standing, his pajamas loose on his
body, the trousers low. Despite his exertions during the night he
was every inch a man this morning. His jaw was set, which meant he
not only was going to ignore his morning’s arousal, but he was
embarrassed and wanted to make it to the bathroom on his own. Will
stood aside. He twitched at the forced stillness, concerned but
calming when Charlie did not stumble.

The bathroom was the one room in the house
that had been fully modernized. His master’s doctor, a Frenchmen,
had insisted on hot, running water and the largest bathing tub Will
had ever seen. Two men could easily have fit inside it, a fact Will
was fully conscious of whenever he stepped into the room. He did
not think he was the only one.

“If you have errands you do not need to
attend on me.” Charlie freed Will from the duties Will would have
found a pleasure. Will followed him into the bathroom despite the
implied dismissal, needing to be certain Charlie would be all right
on his own. His master looked up when he realized he wasn’t alone
and caught Will’s hurt frown in the looking-glass.

Will quickly schooled his expression into
something else. He grinned. “Don’t be a mule. Am I not paid to see
to your every need?”

Will’s hair felt damp though he had done
nothing to make him perspire. His restless night would have left
him pale, with shadowed eyes. He had no doubt he looked awful, a
far cry from the honey-haired Ganymede he’d once been. Will got
propositions and offers from other employers but among the other
servants he saw at the public house he was something of a joke. He
was a pretty boy with only one real use and he wasn’t even used for
that anymore. They’d thought at first it was because his master was
a cripple, assuming his master ruined for physical congress, but
when Will had fiercely and foolishly disabused them of that notion
they had realized the truth; Will simply wasn’t wanted.

That fact stung like a thousand bees and left
him sleepless. But it was not the sole cause of the sorrowful ache
in his belly or the hunger that made him spiteful one minute and
giddy the next. Rejection Will could live with as long as he got
moments like these, secret minutes of testing the temperature of
the water and pulling the clothes from his master’s body with all
of his master’s lean, hot strength against him in order to stand,
his hands allowed to roam over skin as he lowered his gentlemen
into the tub. There were indeed traces of passion on his master’s
lower stomach. His cock was still morning-stiff, a flushed,
satisfying length and width. If Will looked up he might catch the
man in a blush but he kept his eyes low and saved the memory for a
private moment.

Charlie sighed his gratitude the moment he
relaxed into the heat of the water. He was trembling. He had
developed more muscle in his chest as well as in his whole arm and
leg since he had begun to regularly wear his heavy prosthetics, but
the effort of crossing the room and climbing into the deep bath
without assistance had no doubt taxed him. Will’s own tremors had a
different cause. He could still feel Charlie’s skin against the
palms of his hands as he moved away. He turned while Charlie soaped
himself clean. The glass was fogged but Will saw enough to make him
pull at his collar.

“I don’t mean to imply that you cannot do
your job,” Charlie offered, bringing Will’s eyes up in the mirror
where he found he was being watched in return. He was grateful
there was already colour in his cheeks from the steam. He could see
his eyes wide and green in the glass, his lips bitten and pink, his
hair softly curling in the heat. He was slender, not quite little.
He was still a most attractive man, to some.

His master’s eyes dipped away. “It’s only
that I want you to be happy here, and I…”

The sinking feeling in Will’s stomach filled
in the rest of the words when his gentleman trailed off. His master
did not want Will to be upset that he did not want him for the same
purpose his other gentlemen had. There had been a time when Will
had been younger when Will could not have imagined wanting more
either. Or less, he supposed, as now he was happy to make tea and
draw baths with nothing to show for it but steady pay and a warm
gaze. There was much he would do to keep his master’s fond,
approving gaze on him.

“I am quite content, sir,” Will assured him,
waiting with a knot in his middle until Charlie’s brown eyes came
back to him.

“Then I am content.” There was a frown on his
master’s face despite the words and his breath did not come any
easier, not even when Will offered a shave. His master stayed in
the bath for that, his head back, his eyes closed, only the small
furrow in his brow and his careful hold on the side of the tub
indicating that he was anything other than relaxed.

Will spent more time than he should have
attempting to soothe him, running his fingers over the tense
muscles of his master’s shoulders and scenting his shaving lotion
with sandalwood.

Charlie’s eyes opened again when Will dragged
his fingers through his hair in order to ease his head back. “My
sisters for tea.” His master seemed breathless, almost grasping for
conversation. Will focused on the blade, refusing to make a mistake
or to give away the state of his arousal at the rough note in his
master’s voice. “I had tea with them not two days ago.”

“I suppose they are up to something,” Will
suggested without any shame at all. He was often overly familiar.
His master was often amused by it. Charlie curled his lips in a
hint of a smile but did not object or protest the point. Will
longed to kiss the curved line of his mouth despite the unappealing
taste of the shaving lather. “Perhaps,” Will dared after a long
moment when it was kiss his darling gentleman or continue to talk,
“perhaps they wish to know how your evening went.”

“You did not tell me about the last operetta
you saw, or was it a play?” Charlie’s words were so unexpected that
Will had to pause. Then he huffed a laugh, amused and frustrated in
equal measure. It was difficult to believe the determined crusader
of the House could not find a more subtle way to redirect the
conversation.

Will splashed him with a bit of bathwater.
Charlie’s eyes opened wide.

“It was a comedic operetta,” Will told him
seriously, “I enjoyed it. You should see it. Perhaps take your lady
friend.”

“I do not have a lady friend.” It was even
more difficult to believe that a man of his master’s class was
arguing childishly with his valet. Eaten alive with jealousy he
might be, but Will felt his smile return. His gentleman had a very
nice jaw, and when he was feeling stubborn, which was much of the
time, he tended to clench it. It was very clenched at the
moment.

“Liar,” Will scoffed, as bold as ever and
wishing to be punished for it, “you could have the town at your
feet if you wanted.”

Instead of smiling at the mild flirtation his
master looked away and said nothing. Feeling foolish, Will wiped up
what was left of the shaving soap and held back an apology which
might make the situation worse.

He had drained the bathwater and dried
Charlie and dressed him before the tense frown finally left his
master’s face. “I am sorry,” the man exhaled, startling Will with
his low, sincere words, “but sometimes I do not understand your
meanings.”