An Underestimated Christmas (Underestimated 3) (28 page)

“Oh, fuck yeah,” he muttered, sliding in and out of my mouth. He held my head by the top of my hair and thrust in and out of me, sometimes causing my gag reflex to engage. He moved rapidly, and when I felt the pulsating, I knew he was about to come in my mouth. I swiftly jerked away from him. He continued to stroke himself and held my nose again.

“Ah, open up, baby,” he moaned, close to release.

No way! Fuck you, dude.

Again, the stupid survival instinct kicked in and I was forced to take a breath, allowing him access again, but this time, he held my jaw open with his fingers. He pulled out again and stroked himself ferociously on my lips, and just like that, he was spewing out, moaning as his eyes watched the show. He managed to get his head in just enough to ensure that I did get it in my mouth and then smeared the rest of it, moistening my lips with his come. Every time I tried to push it out of my mouth with my tongue he used his head and pushed it back. I finally swallowed what was in my mouth just to get it out.

He picked up the towel that I had around me, wiped himself off, and put himself away. He tossed me a towel and I instantly spit into it, wiping as much of him away as I could. He squatted to me on the floor and ran his middle finger up my glistening wet folds again and whispered to my lips.

That was how Drew treated me the very first time we were intimate, and that wasn’t even sex yet. Drew came back the following morning to punish me, literally. I was forced to bend over his lap while he spanked me, and then he fucked me, just not where my virginity counted. He made me hold my legs up and he gave it to me in my ass. That’s how Drew treated me, those were the things Drew did to me, and when he finally did take my virginity, it wasn’t pleasant. Drew forced himself in me and then came in my mouth. Those were my memories of getting to know my husband. There were no flowers or candy. Only Drew. Drew with the devil in his eyes.

Maybe I hadn’t forgiven him, maybe I never would. I think it hurt more now, looking back, than it did at the time. I hated him then, but I would die for him now. Drew was the most complicated person on earth, but maybe it really was best for everyone around. Especially Nicky and Tadpole.

“Mrs. Kelley?” a nurse quietly spoke from my door. I turned to look at her, showing her that it didn’t matter that it was three in the morning. I was wide awake.

“I’m awake.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like an idiot,” I snorted.

“We all go through things. I need to know if you’re going to go to the clinic. They need to get ready for you, Nicole Riverton will come and take you there. We just need the go ahead from you,” she softly explained.

I took a deep breath and the tears escaped. All I could see was Nicholas standing outside the bathroom, watching me. I didn’t want to leave my boys, not at Christmas, and not for ten days. They couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t handle that.

“Yes, I’ll go,” I managed to say through sobs.

I moved Tadpole’s little body from my arm when my phone rang. The panic of Morgan calling at three thirty in the morning made me answer. It wasn’t like I was sleeping anyway. I had two boys and a dog in my bed. Two boys that didn’t understand what was going on. Two boys that wanted their mommy. I moved over to the loveseat in front of the cozy fire and answered.

“Hello.”

“Drew?”

“Are you okay?” I asked. I could tell she was crying when she hesitated. I could hear the crackling in her tone, and I could tell in the way her breaths caught when she spoke.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m going to check in to the clinic. Nicole is going to pick me up and take me there in the morning. It’s for ten days.”

“Okay,” I replied. I didn’t know what else to say.

“You’re not taking them from me, Drew. I’m going to get better, and I’m going to be the best mommy to those two little boys I can be.”

“I would never keep you from the boys. You know that, but if you think for one second you’re going to be alone with either of them while you’re on opiates you’re crazy. I’ll run with them first. You’ll never see them again.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did that, but I’m going to kick this. I will win.”

“I hope you do. And then what, Morgan?”

“I don’t know, Drew. Maybe it’s time we stop fighting this,” Morgan proposed in a sob. I bit my bottom lip, hating the thought of what she was suggesting.

“Go do your time, and we’ll talk about it after the holidays. I don’t know what to do. I really like it here. I want to keep Nicky working with John, and I want to stay in Center Station.”

“I guess that’s something we’ll have to discuss. I’m sure there are other homes for sale around there where we can stay close to each other for the boys. I have nothing anywhere else. You have all I care about in this world there with you.”

“Morgan, please stop crying,” I begged watching the fire blur through my own watering eyes.

“I have to go, Drew. Please give the boys a kiss and tell them I love them so much,” Morgan said through weeps and sniffles.

“Morgan?” I called right before I heard the silence and then her blinking name. I may or may not have shed a tear or two that night. Was this it? Were Morgan and Drew finished?

Fuck! Life could not be this cruel. When was it my turn to be happy? When was it my turn to stop fighting with this fucked up thing called life?

“Where my mommy go?” Tadpole asked, climbing to my lap with Nicholas’s blanket that he suddenly didn’t care about anymore. Blankly had been easily replaced with Dasher. Who would have thought? I rubbed my sore neck, siting up from my slouched position on the loveseat.

“Mommy’s still at the doctor, buddy. Come on, let’s go pee.”

I did what I had planned on doing with the boys without Morgan. I did the workshop with John at the little community center and then helped with making a ring garland out of red and green construction paper. It wasn’t the same without Morgan here. Even the boys seemed to be down. Tadpole wasn’t bouncing off the walls like he normally was. It made me wonder what went on in their little minds.

“Your wife not coming today?” Macy Spirits asked, sliding beside me. Too close beside me. I smelled her strong perfume before I saw the cleavage pressing toward me.

“My mommy not feel very much good,” Tadpole explained.

“She’s not coming today,” I offered with only that. I didn’t need the town slut hitting on me right now. I moved to the other side of the table to help Nicholas get his chain of red and greens unstuck from being glued to the table.

As soon as Stacy took the boys to start practicing for the Christmas play, I stepped out. I need air. I needed to know what was going on with Morgan. Should I call her? Should I call Nicole? Should I call her mother? Fuck. I hated this. Fuck.

“You okay?” Nicole asked, coming around the corner.

“Nicole, where is she?”

“She’s at the clinic, Drew. She’s okay,” she assured me. I wasn’t expecting her to hug me. What the fuck? “She’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter. Don’t worry about her.”

“Did you talk to her? What’s she saying?”

“She’s confused, hurt, and ashamed, you know, typical junky stuff,” she teased, letting me go.

“I don’t think I can forgive her this time. You have no idea what she did.”

“Yes I do. She left Tadpole alone in a bar while she scored in the bathroom. She told me. So what. Tadpole is fine and Morgan feels horrible about it. I’m not going to hang her for doing what addicts do. I’ve worked with clients that have left their children in cars for hours while they scored. You don’t understand what she’s going through right now. Unless you’ve been addicted to something, you can’t know what you would do to get it. Don’t hang her on the square for something she had no control over.”

“She left him alone in a bar. He’s three,” I reminded her. Fuck that. I wasn’t letting that one go that easily. She knew what she was doing. She even said she knew not to do it. She did it anyway. No. I wasn’t going to be that forgiving. I couldn’t.

“And you called her phone to spy on her. What gives you the right?”

“It’s obvious she wasn’t going to tell me.” I could feel myself getting mad all over again. Just thinking about Tadpole sitting alone in that place boiled my blood.

“I wouldn’t have, either. Haven’t you ever done anything that you’re ashamed of? Something you wouldn’t want anyone else to know you did? Have you always permeated this perfect husband and father persona? Or is that only when you’re not behind closed doors?”

“What did she tell you?” I asked, knowing Morgan was running her mouth about shit other people didn’t need know about.

“Why does that matter? You’re God. You’ve never done anything you regret, anything stupid, or anything you would take back in a heartbeat if you could. Look, Drew. All I’m saying is be careful what you wish for. If you don’t fight for her, you’re going to lose her. She wants me to bring her some house listings around here. She’s not coming home to you.”

“Did she tell you that? She won’t be away from the boys over the holidays,” I assured her. Morgan will want to be with them on Christmas.” Morgan would never do that. We may not have been much on the whole Christmas traditions, but we still woke up to Santa being there no matter where we were. Morgan wouldn’t miss that for anything.

“Make it right, Drew. Be there with roses in hand when she walks out of those doors sober. Show her you love her more than you love holding on to something you have no business holding on to. If I were you, I wouldn’t take this little thing here too far. She doesn’t want you. She wants a divorce, Drew.”

“No she doesn’t. She’s just saying that. She’s just confused and upset. Morgan would never leave me. She wouldn’t,” I assured Nicole. She didn’t know anything. Everything I thought before about maybe it being time to call it quits was bullshit. I didn’t want that. Not at all. Not for one second. Morgan didn’t want a divorce. She was lying.

I dialed Morgan’s number, walking away from Nicole.

“Drew, she doesn’t have her phone. She’ll get it back in five days.”

“I have to talk to her. I have to see her,” I assured her in a panic. They couldn’t tell me I couldn’t see her.

“You can talk to her in a few days. The best thing you can do for her right now is take care of her babies. That’s all she’s worried about right now.”

“Did she cry?” I asked, trying not to tear up. “When you left her, did she cry?”

“She’s fine, Drew,” Nicole lied. The thought of her being taken there by Nicole and not me hit me like a ton of bricks. Every fucking time. I fucked up every fucking time. The thought of her crying, knowing she wasn’t going to see the boys crushed me. I couldn’t imagine going ten days without seeing or talking to them.

“She can’t go ten days without seeing them,” I said with an alarmed tone.

“Five days. You can take the boys to see her Tuesday. Come on. We have a competition to win. Morgan told me your theme. It’s brilliant.”

“Nah, I think we’re just going to head home,” I said, declining the traditions. Morgan was right. It didn’t matter where I dragged her to live. We could have a million houses and not one of them would be a home.

“Oh, no you’re not. I promised Morgan I would make you go. You’re taking those boys to decorate a tree. They really want that blue ribbon. Now move it. If I don’t go back to that clinic in the morning with a photo of Nicholas and Tadpole in front of their tree, Morgan will kill me. Oh, here. I almost forgot. I’m supposed to give you this for the boys. Pull yourself together and let’s go decorates some trees,” Nicole said, punching my arm. I took the brown paper sack she pulled from her purse and opened it.

This is why I loved Morgan. This is why I had to fix this. “Beef jerky,” I said out loud. Only Morgan would think to send them beef jerky. I was beginning to feel like I was two people. One wanted his wife more than anything in the world, and one was the ass that left her alone in a strange hospital.

“Is Mommy helping, too? Mommy has to come too, Dad,” Nicholas said, stumbling a little from his new best friend crossing in front of him. I grabbed the back of his hood to keep him from wiping out in the muddy half green, half brown path to the park.

“No, Mommy’s still at the doctor. She has to stay there for a few days,” I explained.

Despite the fact that Morgan wasn’t there with us, we had fun. I’m sure I would have been more competitive and joined in on the bickering the guys shot back and forth had Morgan been there. Nonetheless, it was fun, the boys had fun and we took second place. We didn’t get the blue ribbon, but it was fine. Tadpole traded our second place green ribbon for the first place red one anyway. He didn’t like green.

I gave it to Nicole and told her to give it to Morgan when she showed her the pictures of the boys standing in front of our beach covered tree. Looking around at my little guys fitting right in with these people, I felt a little sad because things didn’t work the way I’d planned them to work.

“Let’s get going, guys,” I called to both of them playing with Trevor and Trenton. Nicholas walked toward me right away with Dasher right by his feet. I had to coax Tadpole with a Slim Jim. He wanted to wait until the snow fell on our second place tree. It had just started again, and at the rate it was falling, it would be covered in an hour.

As soon as both boys were bathed, I turned on cartoons and made hotdogs and Easy Mac. Couldn’t go wrong there. I left them in front of the cozy fire in the oversized beanbag chairs and prepared their supper.

Damn, I missed Morgan. I didn’t know if I would make it ten days. What if she really didn’t come back to me? What if she was serious about all of that? I didn’t understand how the tables got turned. I was the one who should have been mad, not her. I would never even think of doing something like that. But now, she was the one wanting out. Did she really want out? The snow covered the deck in no time and the thoughts of my wife covered my mind just as quickly. I missed her. I wanted her.

“Tadpole!” Nicholas screamed. I walked down the one step and pulled his naked butt off the dog.

“What are you doing? Get your jammies on,” I ordered, picking up the warm PJs from his beanbag chair that he never put on.

“I a wrestler, see,” he said showing me his puny little arms.

He may not have been a wrestler, but he sure was a cute little thing. “You can’t wrestle Dasher. He’s dog. Put your clothes on.”

“When my mommy come home?”

“Mommy has to come home for bedtime, right Dad,” Nicholas chimed in. Great. I picked up the warm pajamas and commenced to dressing Tadpole myself.

“A few more days. I’ll take you to see her on Tuesday.”

“How many days is that?” Tad asked, pushing his foot into his Spiderman pajamas.

“Today’s Saturday. How many days is it?” I asked whoever wanted to answer.

“Seven!” Tadpole called.

“No, it’s not, Tad. It’s on three. I don’t want her to stay there for three more days. Let’s go get her, Dad,” Nicky suggested.

“We can’t, buddy. We have to wait until Mommy’s all better. Come on, let’s eat. Nicole sent home a jar of her applesauce you like,” I added, hoping to get off the mommy subject. It didn’t work. Mommy warmed the applesauce up in a pan first. Mommy didn’t make them eat the bun. Mommy didn’t cut Tadpoles hot dog like that. Blah, blah, blah. Sigh.