An Unbroken Heart (37 page)

“I spent the first night in a church shelter.” He swallowed, lifting his head a little
more. “That's where I met Mackenzie. She was a runaway. Her home life had been even
worse than mine.”

Joanna didn't move. It would have been easier if the hit-and-run driver had been
a cruel person. Not someone with a painful past.

“Mackenzie was seventeen, but she acted older than her age. She never knew her father,
and she'd had to take care of her alcoholic mother half the time. Then when her
mother remarried, her stepfather . . .” Cameron looked away. “I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to give you the whole sob story.”

“It's all right,” Joanna said softly. “Say whatever it is you need to say.”

He looked at her, amazement in his eyes. “How can you be so kind to me after what
I've done?”

“Because we've all made mistakes.” She released Andrew's hand and leaned forward.
“Tell me about your wife, Cameron.”

Tears filled his eyes. “Mackenzie and I both started working at the shelter in exchange
for a place to stay. We became best friends. Eventually I got a job, she got her
GED, and I asked her to marry me.” This time his smile was genuine, despite tears
falling down his face. “It was the best day of my life when she said yes. We were
young, probably too young. But no one understood me better than she did. And I understood
her.”

She glanced at Andrew and saw the knowing look in his eyes. Now his posture relaxed,
and she realized he was thinking the same things she was—Cameron wasn't lying to
them. Every word he said rang with truth, and with love for his late wife.

“When she told me she was pregnant, it threw me for a loop,” Cameron continued. “Although
we were surprised, we were happy. Despite our messed-up childhoods, we both wanted
children. We also vowed that we wouldn't raise our child the
way we were raised.”
He lifted his chin. “We would love our baby. Make sure she was safe. She would never
know hunger or neglect or have parents who were drug addicts and stepparents who
crossed the worst line imaginable.” His eyes grew glassy. “Our baby would have everything
we didn't.”

A lump formed in Joanna's throat. Her parents had loved her, and she had never doubted
that love. Never felt any insecurity when it came to her family. She couldn't imagine
not feeling loved or experiencing cruelty at the hand of either her mother or father.
Yet Andrew had been deeply hurt by his father's abandonment. And although Sadie
and Aden never talked about it, she suspected there was something going on with his
parents, something that had caused deep wounds in both Aden and his brother.

All this time that she had felt sorry for herself, she hadn't realized how truly
blessed she was.

“The pregnancy was normal.” Cameron placed his hands on the table and clasped them
loosely. “I took a second job and Mackenzie kept hers, and we saved every penny we
could. We didn't see each other much, but we knew the sacrifice was worth it. Once
the baby was born, Mackenzie would stay home and take care of her. We had it all
planned out.” His hands tightened together. “That changed after Lacy was born and
Mackenzie died right after. She had a blood clotting disease the doctors didn't know
about.”

Joanna wanted to reach out to him, but she couldn't. “I'm so sorry,” she whispered
as Andrew nodded his condolences.

“That's when everything fell apart. How was I supposed to do this without her?” Cameron's
voice thickened. “That wasn't in the plan. But I had Lacy, and I wasn't going to
let her down.” He shook his head. “I ended up doing that anyway. When I hit
your
buggy . . .” He paused, looking at her, tears falling down his face. “I was on my
way to work that morning, and I had to turn around and go back to my apartment. I
wasn't paying attention to the road. I was thinking about Mackenzie, missing her,
angry that she'd left me. I should have pulled over and collected myself, but I didn't.
I wasn't keeping track of my speed or anyone else on the road. I hit the buggy—”
He put his head in his hands. “God . . . I shouldn't have left the scene.” He looked
at her, his expression raw. “I was a coward and took off.”

She felt Andrew tense, saw him lean forward. When she looked at him, his face seemed
to be etched in stone, his brow furrowed in anger over his blue eyes. “It's okay,”
she whispered, talking to both men. “It's okay.”

Cameron shook his head, his eyes snapping with anger. “Don't let me off the hook
that easily. I should have stayed. I should have helped you. Maybe your parents would
still be alive if I had. But all I could think about was Lacy. If I went to jail,
who would take care of her? She'd end up in the system.” His jaw clenched. “I know
all about that system. I wasn't going to let that happen to my daughter.”

The door to the room opened, and the deputy poked his head inside. “Everything all
right here?”

Joanna nodded. “Yes. We're fine.”

“Five more minutes,” he said, then stepped out again.

Cameron looked at Joanna. “Like I said, you don't need to know my whole story. Just
know that I realized I couldn't run from what I did, not even for Lacy's sake. What
kind of example would that set?” He leaned forward. “I'm sorry I was a coward. I'm
sorry I ran. I'm sorry I hurt you and that I took your parents away from you and
your sisters.”

Tears streamed down Joanna's face. His apology was so sincere her chest squeezed.

“I know words aren't worth anything. Actions are. It was my actions that did this,
and I can't fix it. But I can promise you I'll face the consequences. I'm pleading
guilty to all the charges. I don't know how much time that will get me, but my lawyer
says possibly eight to ten years. It depends on the judge and whether you press charges
too. If you want to, I will understand.”

Ten years in jail. Ten years away from his daughter. “What about Lacy?” she asked.

His lips lifted in a rueful smile. “My former landlady, Mrs. Rodriguez, says she
will take care of her.” He shook his head as if he were trying to digest what he'd
just said. “It's a miracle. Lacy will have a good home while I'm gone.” He paused.
“I hope one day you can forgive me.”

“That's why I'm here,” Joanna said. “I do forgive you.”

“I know you have to say that. The Amish always forgive. It's part of your religion.”

She shook her head. “It's part of our faith, yes. But that doesn't mean the words
aren't true.” She leaned forward, connecting her gaze to his, willing him to understand
what she was about to say. “God forgives you too. There's nothing you can do that
he won't forgive if you ask him.”

Cameron shifted in his chair. “If you had said this to me a few days ago, I wouldn't
have believed you. God took my wife. How am I supposed to accept that? But . . .”
His nervousness returned. “I prayed,” he said quietly. “Lacy was sick, and I prayed
that God would save her. I promised him that if he did, I'd turn myself in.” He looked
back at Joanna. “And I did. Then I prayed that God would keep Lacy out of the system.
I didn't really believe that
would happen. Then Mrs. Rodriguez said she would take
care of her. That was a miracle.” His eyes pooled with tears. “But if God can do
miracles, then why didn't he save Mackenzie? Why did she have to die?”

Joanna felt her own tears slip down her cheeks. “I don't know.”

Cameron wiped his nose with the back of his hand as the deputy came back into the
room.

“Time's up,” he said in a brusque tone.

Cameron nodded and stood, and the man came over to him. He clasped Cameron's wrists
in handcuffs and started leading him away.

“I'll be praying for you,” Joanna said, moving to stand.

“Thank you.” Cameron turned away and left.

Joanna stared at the empty doorway, unable to move. She felt Andrew's hand take hers.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She started to nod, to say she was fine, but she couldn't. She couldn't erase Cameron's
forlorn expression from her mind. He'd lost so much, and now he would be losing precious
years from his daughter's life. All because he'd made a mistake, one born out of
grief.

So much loss. Her parents, his wife, now his being separated from his daughter. She
couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Andrew rose and shut the door. Then he went back to Joanna and held her. She buried
her head in his chest, trying to stem her sobs, knowing this wasn't the place for
her to break down. But she couldn't help herself. She let her emotions release as
Andrew rubbed her back. When she was finally done, he took out his handkerchief and
handed it to her. She wiped her damp face with it. “I'm sorry,” she said, her voice
thick.

“Don't.” He ran his thumb over her cheek. “Don't be sorry.”

“I can't help it. I want to be strong—”

“You are. You're stronger than anyone I know. Joanna, I don't think I could have
done
what
you did today.” His mouth flattened. “You showed him compassion and forgiveness.
You
were
right. He needed to hear those words. Don't ever think you're weak, not
after
what
you did today.”

“I couldn't have done it alone.” She took both of his hands in hers, not caring that
anyone could walk in on them. “I'm glad you were here with me.”

“I'll always be here for you, Joanna. I'm not going anywhere.” He peered at her.
“Are you ready to
geh
back home?”

She finally knew she would be okay. Forgiving Cameron had set her free. And the weight
of self-doubt she'd been carrying most of her life had been lifted. It was hard to
let the hurt go. But she'd done it. She wasn't perfect, and she never would be. She
would still have healing to do, and she and Andrew still had more to rebuild between
them. The grief and pain of the last months were still there, but not as acute. “
Ya.
I'm ready.”

When Andrew returned home after accompanying Joanna to see Cameron, his thoughts
and feelings were whirling. The parallels between Cameron and Andrew's father had
stunned him when he heard Cameron's story. Their backgrounds were different, but
they had both made mistakes that cost them dearly. They had also done everything
they could to protect their family.

He sat down in the kitchen, his head falling into his hands. He didn't know where
Irene and his mother were, and he was
glad to be alone. The pieces of his life were
falling into place, but one part of his heart wasn't healed. It wouldn't be until
he could find a way to forgive his father.

Andrew popped up from the chair and searched the drawers in the kitchen. There had
to be a paper and pencil somewhere in here. He finally found a large notepad and
a stub of a pencil. He sat back down at the table and stared at the blank page. What
should he say?
Lord, give me the words.

Finally he started writing.

Dear Daed,

When you're free, come find me.

Andrew

He folded the paper into thirds. Later he would give it to his mother. He wouldn't
ask for his father's address. His mother had protected it all this time. He would
let her mail it for him.

Andrew touched his chin to his chest. He had no idea if his father would respond
or if he would ever see his
daed
again. But he knew if he did, he would be able to
tell him he forgave him. Until then he would let go of the anger in his heart. Finally,
after all these years, he was free.

CHAPTER 19

J
oanna looked out the window at the fresh snowfall blanketing the ground. She pulled
her sweater closer around her body and let the curtain fall, her heart filled with
anticipation. She was alone and waiting for Andrew. He said he would come by, but
she had expected him earlier. She wasn't upset at his tardiness, knowing he would
want to spend time with his sister and mother on Christmas Eve. His devotion and
loyalty to his family were two of the many things she loved about him. He would be
here soon enough, and they would spend the rest of the evening together.