An Impossible Secret (11 page)

“Kerry.”

“Kerry, of course. I'm afraid Brice isn't in.”

“He wasn't at uni.”

“I know. He's been in a funny mood. You haven't upset him have you?”

“I—errr—” Kerry stammered.

“I'm only joking. He's a funny bugger. I don't know what you see in him.”

“Okay. Thanks anyway.”

“Why don't you come in and wait?”

“No, it's okay.”

“Come on. You've come all this way. You might as well wait for him now. It'll give us a chance to get to know one another. Come on.”

“Okay.”

Brice's mother was so very different to her own mum. Some of the questions which his mother asked made Kerry very uncomfortable. After an hour, there was still no sign of Brice.

“I think I'd better go.” Kerry got to her feet.

“Are you sure. I don't think Brice will be much longer. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“No, honestly.” Kerry started towards the door. “I'd better go.”

As she reached for the handle, the door swung open.

“Brice.”

“Kerry?”

Chapter 51

“Let's go outside,” Brice said.

“You don't have to leave,” his mother called, but they were already through the door.

“You weren't at uni,” Kerry said.

He stared at her. How could this beautiful person also be blonde punk?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She suddenly felt uncomfortable under his gaze. “What's wrong? You're scaring me.”

“I'm sorry.” He hesitated.

“Sorry about what? I don't know what you mean.”

“I don't think I can do this—I can't do 'us'.”

“Why? What's happened?  Brice, talk to me,” she begged.

“I came to your house yesterday.”

“When? When did you come? I didn't see you.”

“I met Lizzie.”

The colour drained from Kerry's face, and she shuffled from one foot to the other. For a moment, Brice thought she was going to collapse.

“I'm sorry.” Kerry said, and then ran down the driveway—headed straight for the road.

Brice glanced to his right. A bus was making its way up the road.

“Kerry, stop!” He raced after her. “Stop!”

He managed to grab her arm.

“Let me go!” she screamed and tried to pull away until she saw the bus flash by.

“We have to talk about this,” Brice said, as he released his grip.

“There's nothing to talk about,” she sobbed. “I understand. It's okay,”

Kerry checked the road, and walked away. Brice could feel his heart breaking, but he couldn't move. He didn't know what to do—he didn't have the words.

Back in the house, he ignored his mother's questions, and went straight to his bedroom. What happened now? Was he meant to forget Kerry? How could he? The look on her face, when he'd mentioned Lizzie, would haunt him forever. It had been a look of surprise—shock even. It was obvious she hadn't known what Lizzie had done or said. And yet, Kerry was Lizzie. He couldn't begin to imagine what that might feel like. To have another person living in your mind—a person whose actions you couldn't control. His feelings for Kerry hadn't changed, but how could they have a relationship? The more he thought about it, the more impossible it seemed.

Chapter 52

Kerry couldn't recall her journey, but somehow she found herself back home.

“Are you okay?” her mum said.

Kerry didn't answer.

“Talk to me.”

“There's nothing to talk about.”

“Everything will be okay. You'll see.”

“How?” Kerry snapped. “How can everything ever be okay while Lizzie's here?”

“If Brice is the right one, he'll understand.” Her mum had followed her into the bedroom.

“How can he? How could anyone? No one is going to love me while Lizzie's around to poison everything. I'm an idiot for thinking it could ever be any different.”

“She's been away for such a long time,” her mother said.

“She? Why can't you call her by her name?”

“Lizzie.” Kerry's mum had never found it easy to use
her
name.

“So what are you saying? You thought she'd gone? She'll never go. You don't get it do you? After all this time—you still don't get it. Lizzie is me. I'm Lizzie. She'll be here as long as I am. There's only one way to get rid of her.”

Their eyes met. They'd had this same conversation before, but not for several years.

“Don't ever talk like that.” There were tears in her mum's eyes.

“It's the truth. Lizzie is never going to leave me alone.”

“What did Brice say?”

“What do you think? What could he say? He doesn't want to be with a crazy bitch who damages his car, and makes threatening phone calls.”

“That wasn't you.”

“It doesn't matter now. It's over.”

“Is that what he said?”

“As good as.”

“He might see things differently when he's had time to think.”

“He won't. Anyway, I'm not going back to uni. You were right. I should never have thought I could handle it.”

“No. I wasn't right. I was dead wrong. You were right—it's where you should be. You can't lock yourself away for the rest of your life.”

“I should be locked away.”

“Don't ever say that!”

“Why not? It's the truth. It's what everyone at uni will say once they know.”

“Don't make any rash decisions. Give it some time.”

“Leave me alone, please. I've got a migraine. I want to sleep.” Kerry lay on the bed, and turned her back to her mum.

“Everything will be okay.” Her mum kissed her and then slipped out of the bedroom.

Kerry wanted to sleep. She wasn't tired; she simply needed to escape. Her mind wouldn't co-operate. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Brice and the expression on his face when he'd told her he knew about Lizzie. Had it been pity? Hate? No matter how much he might hate her, it couldn't be any more than she already hated herself. Hated her own stupidity. How could she have allowed herself to believe she could have a
normal
life? She'd been deluded. Other people had normal lives—not her. She knew now she'd always be alone.

Chapter 53

The last thing Brice felt like doing was going to university. He hadn't looked at the assignment he was supposed to hand in that morning. The alternatives weren't any more appealing. If he stayed at home, his mother would be on his case. She already knew something was wrong between him and Kerry, but he ignored her questions. What would he have told her? He barely understood it himself. Besides, it was none of her damn business. No matter how he felt about Kerry, his mother was in no position to judge anyone.

“You okay?” Jimmy said. He'd been waiting for Brice at the main entrance.

“Not really.”

“What's happening with Kerry?”

Brice shrugged.

“Have you dumped her?”

“Yes, no—I'm not sure.”

“What are you waiting for? The girl's a psycho—”

“Shut up, Jimmy! Just leave it!”

“She wrecked your car.”

“I said leave it.”

“And what's with the clothes? She's a nut if you ask me—”

Brice grabbed his friend by his shirt collar, and pushed him back against the wall.

“I'm not asking you.” Brice put his fist under Jimmy's chin.

“Okay! Okay! I'm sorry.”

“Have you told anyone else?”

“What? That she's a psycho?”

Brice tightened his grip.

“No. I haven't said anything.”

“To anyone?”

“No. No one.”

“Okay, I'm sorry.” Brice released him. “You mustn't tell anyone. There's more to it than you know.”

“Tell me.”

“I can't. You're going to have to trust me.”

“What do I do if I see her?” Jimmy asked.

“Be nice. Act like nothing's happened.”

Brice left his friend standing in the doorway. He and Jimmy often argued, but it was always good-natured. They'd never come to blows before.

Brice made his way to the library, although he wasn't entirely sure why. What would he do if she was there? Speak to her? Blank her? How would she react when she saw him?

He needn't have worried—she was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter 54

“You can't throw all your hard work away.” Kerry's mum was standing with her back to the bedroom window.

“Leave me alone.” Kerry's voice was muffled. Her head was buried under the bed covers.

Her mum walked over to the bed, and pulled back the covers.

“You can't stay in bed for the rest of your life.”

“Why not? Who would care?”

“I would.” She threw the covers onto the floor.

“You're the only one.”

“Brice would.”

Kerry's laugh had a hollow ring.

“He cares about you. I can tell.”

“He did. Past tense.”

“You have to talk to him.”

“And say what?” Kerry sat up, and pulled her knees up under her chin. “Tell me what I'm supposed to say to him.”

“Tell him the truth.” Her mum sat on the bed beside her. Her every instinct was to throw her arms around her daughter, but she sensed a barrier between them.

“He already knows the truth.”

“He knows the facts—that's different. He knows about the D.I.D.—he doesn't know how you feel. He doesn't know about your life with D.I.D.”

“Why would he want to know? Why would anyone?”

“Do you love him?”

The question took Kerry by surprise. For the longest moment, she hesitated.

“Do you love him? It's a simple enough question.”

“Yes.” Kerry's voice was little more than a whisper.

“Does he love you?”

“He did. At least, I think he did, but how can he now? How could anyone?”

“If you love him, you can't give up on him.”

“Is that what you think? That I just gave up on him?” There was venom in her voice now. “He met Lizzie! Don't you get it?”

“It's you he loves—not Lizzie. You have to show him you still love him.”

“She won't let me. She'll never let me. She wants me all to herself.”

Chapter 55

“Who are you playing today?” Jimmy had caught up with Brice, who was on his way to the sports ground.

“Coventry,” Brice said.

“Are they any good?”

“They're mid table. We ought to kick their arses.”

“Anyway, how are you doing?” Jimmy asked.

“All right.”

“Are you sure? You look like you've just lost a fiver.”

“I'm okay.”

“I've not seen much of you.”

“Busy—lots of assignments.”

“Have you been to Toppers this week?”

“No.”

“Courtney has been asking about you.”

“So?”

“So—I thought you might want—” Jimmy started.

“I don't.”

“Look. It's none of my business, but you shouldn't let Kerry get to you like this.”

“You're right,” Brice said. “It is none of your business!”

Westchester lost the match two goals to nil. Brice didn't need anyone to tell him he'd been at fault for the second goal.

“What were you doing out there, Brice? You cost us the match,” Alec Weston said. He was still on crutches, and had been watching from the sidelines.

“Get out of my face, Weston.”

“My kid sister could have made the tackle to stop their second goal.”

“Move!” Brice brushed past him.

“There's no way you'll get picked for the next match.”

“Since when have you been the coach? Do one before I do something you'll regret.”

Weston could see Brice was riled. That was all the encouragement he needed.

“You've not been the same since you shacked up with that little princess.” Weston sneered.

“I'm not shacked up with anyone. Not that it's any of your business,” Brice snapped.

“Sorry. I didn't realise she'd dumped you. I guess that leaves the path clear for me. I quite fancy a piece of Miss Prim and Proper.”

Brice lurched forward, and grabbed Weston around the throat.

“You go within a mile of Kerry, and I'll break your other leg.”

Weston grinned—satisfied his words had had the desired effect.

“Leave it Brice!” Jimmy grabbed his arm. “He's not worth it.”

Brice released his grip, but his gaze never left Weston's face.

“I seem to have hit a nerve.” Weston straightened his collar.

“Come on.” Jimmy pulled Brice away. “Forget him.”

“If he so much as talks to Kerry—”

“You're the one who needs to talk to her,” Jimmy said.

“She hasn't been at uni. I've tried the library every day.”

“Maybe she's ill.”

Jimmy was waiting for Brice outside the changing rooms.

“Why are you still here?” Brice said. “I'm not good company.”

 Why don't we go to Toppers?” Jimmy said, as they made their way to the car park. “It will take your mind off—you know—off things.”

“No. I'm not in the mood.”

“It'll do you good.”

“Maybe, next week.”

Jimmy stopped dead in his tracks.

“What's up?” Brice turned to face his friend.

“Someone's waiting for you.” He pointed towards the car park.

For the briefest moment. Brice's heart soared, but then he saw it wasn't Kerry; it was her mum. She was standing next to his car.

“I'll get the bus,” Jimmy said.

Brice didn't reply. Instead, he rushed over to her.

“Is Kerry okay?”

“She's disappeared,” her mum said.

“When?”

“Three days ago.”

“Did she leave a note?”

“Nothing. When I came in from visiting my sister, she'd gone.”

“Have you reported her missing?”

“No. I'm not sure what to do. The police won't do anything unless—”

“What?”

“Unless I tell them about her D.I.D. She'd never forgive me if I did that. I wondered if she might be with you.”

“I haven't seen her since—” He hesitated. “Since I found out about Lizzie. This is all my fault,”