An Absolute Mess (2 page)

She must find him. He was the only man
for her. Only he could make her quiver, especially when he hummed
“I’m Too Sexy” against her flowery folds.

Her mind was settled. She must escape.
Where would she go? Would he still be in Cancunia? No, that would
be insane, traipsing across the galaxy in search of pleasure. Then
again, Ferdie did do that thing with her toes, and, of course,
there was the other at the back of her knees, and oh, who could
forget the way he….hmm. She giggled. How could she forget the silly
little dance he did around the sombrero when he drank Josenia
Cuervonia out of that gaudy chalice he always seemed to tote
around.

The chalice! How could she have not
recognized it before? Was she really that inebriated not to notice
before? And why hadn’t Kianne, who attended her during her
excursion to Cancunia, not said anything?

It was all starting to make sense now.
“Kianne!”

Kianne appeared in the doorway. “Yes
milady?”

“
Inform my father that I
will not be marrying the prince.” She smiled, watching Kianne shake
her head. “I am in love with Squire Ferdinand No Num.”

Kianne gasped. “Milady, have you gone
mad?”

“
I am saner than the
sanest psychopaths.” Jaylenne flung her water drenched locks from
her face. “Prepare my bags. I leave for
Cancunia—tonight.”

“
But Prince Leonardo,”
Kianne replied in too meek of a voice, “has already arrived. He
demands an audience at once.”

“
Well give him an audience
then, with the prompter box included. I’m sure the Prince’s sense
of humor is as good as his taste in art.” This whole situation was
as about as humorous as getting a tooth pulled. She would be darned
if she would let Prince Leonardo Von Absolute make a fool of her
again. “I am going to Cancunia. I only want Squire Ferdinand No
Num. He is the only one who can make my body do the
Macarena.”

Leonardo was not one to eavesdrop, but
it was hard to ignore Jaylenne’s sweet seductive voice carrying
from the room. She loves me! Leonardo jumped with glee. Well not
really him, but when she found out he was Squire Ferdinand, she
would be screaming his name—Prince Leonardo Von Absolute— in five
different tongues, all the while he used all five of his tongues on
her. With a grin, Leonardo poked out his tongues—all five of them.
She would not be able to refuse.

He must hurry—before she
zapped herself to Cancunia. With a purposeful stride, he burst into
the room. Jaylenne sat in the tub in naked splendor, just as he
remembered in Cancunia. Rivulets of water splashed down the swell
of a perfectly rounded breast. Her long golden hair, although damp,
draped across the other breast, just as perfectly rounded. He loved
breasts that were perfectly rounded. Most other women of the realm
had cha-cha’s the size of cantaloupes that hung to their
knees—breasts so heavy that these damsels (if he could really refer
to the women of this realm as damsels) put the Hunchback of Notre
Dame to shame.

“
Leave my chamber at
once!” Jaylenne demanded, trying to cover her boobs with her hands.
The water and bubbles splashed in tantalizing splendor about
her.

“
No,” Leonardo said, with
a wide grin. He ripped off his tunic and breeches and wiggled his
package in front of her. “I know you’ve missed this… and this…” He
stuck out all five tongues and swirled them about suggestively. He
dove in the tub, not waiting for her to refuse.

Jaylenne squealed as she splashed
around the tub, attempting to push him out. She pounded on
Leonardo’s chest. “You arrogant fool!” Her beautiful jade jeweled
orbs flared as the lingering lavender aroma wafted from her
bodacious body. “You expect me to marry you after you’ve deceived
me?”

Leonardo gave her his best
puppy-dog-eyes look. He traced his finger down the contour of his
cheek. “Aww baby, I wanted you to love me for who I am, not what I
am. I wanted you to love the man, not the prince.”

Jaylenne’s eyes narrowed into tiny
slits. “You expect me to believe this prattle. This isn’t a romance
novel, you know.”

“
On the contrary,”
Leonardo said. “Look around you, babycakes. Do you not see all
those words?”

Jaylenne looked around and turned the
pages. “Well that’s one messed up romance, if you ask
me.”

Prince Leonardo Von Absolute smiled
and took Jaylenne Feldspar into his arms as the water splashed
about them. “It may be a messed up romance, but it’s our romance.
And I really want our Happily Ever After.”

“
Oh Leonardo!” Jaylenne
exclaimed. “I love you!”

Leonardo jumped for joy causing the
bubbles to fly in the air. “I love you too, baby!” And he didn’t
even need to use his five tongues for her to say those magic
words!

And they lived happily ever after—in
their Absolute Mess!

EL FIN (Thank God!)

About the
Author

Sidney Ayers
loves infusing her stories with
humor.  What would the world be without a little bit of
laughter? She writes a plethora of genres, ranging from historical,
to paranormal, to contemporary. A native of Michigan, Sidney still
lives in the same town she grew up in. No matter how hard she
tries, she just can’t seem to get away. Michigan is in her blood.
You can find out more about Sidney by visiting her website
at:
www.sidneyayers.com
.