Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (37 page)

1. People respond in different ways when they are victims of injustice: anger, rage, revenge, silence, acceptance, and forgiveness—or more often a combination of these responses. How might you have responded to the Nickel Mines tragedy if some of the children had been
your
daughters, granddaughters, or nieces?

2. What was unique and distinctive about the Amish response to the shooting?

3. The Amish expressed forgiveness to the widow and her family even though they did not hold any direct responsibility for the injustice. Is it possible or necessary to forgive people who are not directly responsible for a wrong?

4. Although the schoolchildren were the primary victims in this tragedy, were there other victims beyond the ten girls and their families?

5. Why did Amish people who were not primary victims feel responsible to express grace and forgiveness to the killer’s family?

6. How did the Amish express forgiveness in ways other than words? What does this say about the Amish understanding of forgiveness?

7. . Some people in the outside world were shocked at the speed of Amish forgiveness. Do you think the swift forgiveness was sincere and genuine?

8. The Amish were very uncomfortable receiving recognition for expressing forgiveness. What were the roots of their discomfort?

9. Not only were outsiders surprised by the swift Amish forgiveness, but the Amish themselves were surprised by the worldwide attention and applause received in response to their forgiveness. One Amish man said, “Our forgiveness was just standard Christian forgiveness.” What did he mean by that?

10. How did the Amish find meaning and solace in the deep sorrow and pain that they experienced in this tragedy?

1. Recall your responses when you first heard about the Nickel Mines shooting. What were your feelings and reactions?

2. Why did the Amish forgiveness story become news? Why did anyone care about forgiveness? Why were journalists and their audiences interested in forgiveness?

3. Do you agree with the columnist who wrote, “The Amish show the rest of us what true Christianity is like”?

4. The Amish showed little public anger or outrage over the killings. What is your response to the columnist who asked, in essence, “Do we really want to live in a society in which no one gets angry when children are slaughtered?”

5. Do you think that some injustices or crimes are so horrific that forgiveness is inappropriate? If so, what might be some of those crimes?

6. The authors cite the book
The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness.
Simon Wiesenthal, a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp, was asked to forgive a dying SS officer. Wiesenthal responded to the officer’s request with silence. What would you have done? What
should
you have done?

7. Should forgiveness be dependent on a perpetrator’s saying, “I am sorry,” or requesting forgiveness? Or is forgiveness a gift, regardless of the perpetrator’s response?

8. In your mind, is it appropriate to forgive someone for evil acts he or she committed against
other
people?

9. We may think we know what forgiveness is until we have to define it. How would you define it?

10. Is forgiveness ever appropriate for men who abuse women? If you think it is, would you place any conditions on it? If you think it isn’t, why not?

1. When you first learned of the Amish expression of forgiveness, did you assume that it was authentic? Offered for the sake of public relations? Naïve? Possible only because the killer had taken his own life and would not have to stand trial?

2. The authors describe the Anabaptist tradition and Amish culture as supplying a repertoire of responses that shape life, particularly in times of stress or in situations that demand immediate responses. How would you describe your own culture and cultural values? What repertoire shapes your responses to tragedy?

3. Which of the stories in this chapter surprised you? Inspired you? Disturbed you? Made you angry?

4. If you have been a primary or secondary victim of crime, are you able to identify with the Amish in these accounts? Why or why not?

5. If you have not been a crime victim, do you imagine that your responses would be different from or similar to those of the Amish in this chapter?

6. In two stories, those that occurred in Monroe County and Mondovi, Wisconsin, the Amish participated in judicial processes through which the state sought to punish criminal wrongdoing but then distanced themselves from the outcomes, substituting forgiveness as their response. How do you view this distinction between consequences and revenge?

7. How did the family—especially female family members—of Naomi Huyard struggle emotionally in the aftermath of her murder? What factors made forgiveness difficult, according to a niece?

8. How do you respond to Amish statements that perhaps a victim’s “time was up” or that a death was part of God’s will?

9. Does forgiveness seem to be easier or more difficult in cases where the perpetrator and victim know one another?

10. The stories in this chapter focus on Amish responses to non-Amish aggression. In later chapters, the authors comment on how the Amish handle conflict and wrongdoing within their own community. From what you have read about Amish culture and values thus far, how do you expect the Amish to deal with wrongdoing among themselves?

1. Why are the Anabaptists described as having a “discipleship tradition”? What does that mean? From what you know of other Christian traditions, how distinctive are Anabaptist emphases?

2. How similar or different are the Amish approach to and interpretation of biblical texts from those of other Christian traditions with which you are familiar?

3. If you are part of a Christian tradition, how do you view and use the Lord’s Prayer? How central is it to your faith? If you are not part of a Christian tradition, how does the theology of the Lord’s Prayer compare with your own beliefs?

4. The Amish embrace ritual and prescribed, habitual practices. Do you find such an approach to life familiar or alien?

5. How does the communal nature of Amish life shape Amish religious thought and practice?

6. The authors contend that “the Amish believe if they don’t forgive, they won’t be forgiven.” Does this sentiment surprise you? Resonate with your own beliefs? Trouble you?

7. How do the Amish understand what the authors call “the cross-stitch between divine and human forgiveness”?

8. Why might one say that forgiveness is central to Amish life? Do you see it as more central to the Amish than to people in some other faith traditions?

9. At the beginning of this chapter, the authors ask whether the public’s surprise at Amish forgiveness in the wake of the Nickel Mines shooting was because Amish understanding of forgiveness differed from that of other Americans or because the Amish simply practiced something many people believe but few act on. Which do you think was the case?

10. At this point in your reading, has the Amish approach to faith either challenged or reaffirmed your own beliefs and values?

1. In your own words, describe the concept of
Gelassenheit
or
Uffgevva
.

2. How is
Gelassenheit
different from fatalism?

3. What do you imagine to be some of the implications of
Gelassenheit
beyond those the authors mention as examples?

4. Does the Amish people’s understanding of submission clarify your understanding of their gender roles, or does it raise new questions for you?

5. Do you think Jacob Hochstetler was a good father?

6. In twenty-first-century North America, the Amish are not being persecuted as their ancestors were in sixteenth-century Europe. Do you find it surprising that their self-understanding and communal worship are still so heavily indebted to the memory of martyrdom? What memories of historic events shape your sense of self or your community’s identity?

7. What is your own understanding of the meaning of martyrdom?

8. What is your reaction to the Dirk Willems story? Do you consider Dirk a moral exemplar or a fool?

9. How do you respond to the Amish inclusion of sometimes graphic stories of death or near-death into their grade school curricula?

10. At the end of the chapter, the authors suggest that Amish schoolchildren have absorbed Amish values to a remarkable degree. Do you agree? What influences shaped—or did not shape—the children of the West Nickel Mines School?

1. An Amish minister noted that “sometimes it’s harder to forgive each other” than it is to forgive someone like Charles Roberts. Why might this be the case? Have you ever had similar feelings? Or opposite sentiments?

2. Did Amish parental reflections on teaching forgiveness to children surprise you? How do they compare with the way you were raised?

3. The Amish see “giving up self ” as central to their faith and life. Do you find the concept appealing or unattractive?

4. How do the religious values of the Amish shape their religious practices, and vice versa?

5. How are the rituals and practices of the Amish “communion season” similar to or different from rituals and practices in other faith traditions with which you are familiar?

6. What are the implications of the communal dimension of Amish worship, as opposed to an approach that views worship as something that simply connects an individual to God?

7. The authors say that “Council Meetings encourage deep soul-searching.” Would you appreciate such structured time for reflection in your life, or would you find it morally coercive?

8. Many Amish people described forgiveness as a struggle. Do you see their struggle as uniquely Amish in any way?

9. Community relationships and church rituals keep Amish people talking to one another, even if they are at odds. What social structures in your society encourage people who disagree with one another to remain in conversation? What things discourage such interaction?

10. Do you agree that Amish rituals facilitate forgiveness even if they do not make it easy?

1. How would you define forgiveness? Do you agree (with psychologist Robert Enright) that forgiveness does not, and should not, depend on the remorse or apology of the offender?

2. The authors make a distinction between “forgiveness” and “pardon.” Do you agree with that distinction, or should pardon always be an aspect of forgiveness?

3. Is it possible to forgive a dead person? In what ways is that process different from forgiving a living person? How might this apply to Charles Roberts?

4. The authors quote the father of a slain Amish girl as saying, “There was never a time that I felt angry.” Is that possible? Is that healthy? Is it possible to distinguish anger from resentment in real-life situations?

5. Why would collectivist societies find anger less acceptable than societies that are oriented toward the individual?

6. Does it make sense to talk about forgiveness as a “communal responsibility”?

7. Everett Worthington makes a distinction between “decisional forgiveness” and “emotional forgiveness.” Is the distinction between making a decision to forgive and the emotional process helpful for understanding the task of forgiveness?

8. Do you agree with Jeffrie G. Murphy when he says that “vindictiveness” can sometimes be a good and healthy response to being wronged?

9. Can forgiveness be extended too quickly? When is the appropriate time for a victim to forgive his or her offender?

10. Do you know of religious leaders who have pressured victims to forgive too quickly? How can religious communities promote the practice of forgiveness without putting undue pressure on victims to “get over” their hurt?