Amish Circle Letters II: The Second Circle of Letters (27 page)

But the other end of the line was already silent.

Hanging up the receiver, she turned around just as Menno turned the corner of the barn. He walked with his hands thrust into his pockets and his eyes downcast, a sorrowful expression on his face. Mary Ruth could barely contain herself as she ran toward him, the tears of frustration welling into her eyes.

“What happened?” he asked as she clung to him. “Did you get through to the hospital?”

She shook her head. “
Nee
. They wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“You frightened me,” he said quickly, the relief in his voice more than apparent.

“I can’t just sit here, Menno,” she whispered. “I can’t. I need to go to the hospital.”

He took a step backward and put his hands on her shoulders. “Now hold on just a minute, Mary Ruth.” His voice was calm and in control. “Too many people at the hospital won
’t help her none. Might be best to just sit tight and let the doctors fix what’s wrong.”

“What if they can
’t?” The pleading in her voice was only matched by the pleading in her eyes. “What if this can’t be fixed?”

“
We cannot question God’s will, Mary Ruth,” he responded, his eyes leveled as he stared at her.

“Is that what you felt when I was the one in the hospital?” She hadn
’t meant to say the words and once they slipped past her lips, she immediately regretted them. They sounded too bitter and hinted at her questioning God. She lowered her eyes away from his steady gaze, embarrassed at what she had said.

Menno, however, seemed to understand. Instead of reprimanding her further, he merely smiled softly at her, his large hands still holding her shoulders firmly so that she couldn
’t move away from him. “
Nee
, Mary Ruth,” he admitted. “I did not. I did just the opposite, asking Him why He would harm such a precious flower that had only just bloomed in my life.” Tilting his head, he met her gaze, not allowing her to look away. “But we are not Katie’s parents and they need to deal with this situation themselves. We’ll know soon enough, my
fraa
, and not a moment sooner.” He paused before releasing her.

“The
kinner
?”

“I brought Melvin with me. I took the girls over to Rachel
’s,” he explained. “I couldn’t just sit there and wait to hear how she is doing. And Melvin was out of sorts.” He clasped her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Now, let’s go see what we can do to help inside,
ja
?”

“Pray.” The word was simple yet strong. “We must simply pray. ‘
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith
.’”

Menno nodded his head in agreement. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Ja, Mary Ruth. Pray. That
’s the best way we can help Katie.” He gave her one more encouraging smile and gestured toward the house.

With a simple nod, Mary Ruth did as her husband instructed. Together, they walked into the house, Menno following a step behind her as they passed through the door and disappeared inside to face the family with the somber news that there was no news as of yet regarding Katie
’s well-being. Still, despite the darkness that hung over their heads, Mary Ruth knew that with Menno by her side, she would be able to get through this. Together, they would pray as a family for the little girl that lay in a hospital bed, fighting for her life, knowing that God’s will would be done as He intended.

Chapter 10: Mary Ruth
’s Letter

Dear Family,

I can barely find the energy to write this letter after so many emotionally draining days.

We are all terribly worried about Katie and pray for her daily. Elijah is also on our minds as, having stopped over to visit the other day, Rachel asked for more prayers that he responds better to his treatment. While we know that their well-being is in God’s hands, prayers can only help, I reckon.

The cows are back in the new barn. While there is much that needs to be finished, it is nice for Menno to have his work back here on our farm, rather than at the neighbor’s. We do appreciate his kindness, of course.

We are looking forward to the holiday gathering at Mamm and Daed’s. Just hoping that everyone can be gathered, although I know it is not always possible, given distances and personal obligations. I also look forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior with my new family, especially the kinner.

With prayers and blessings,

Mary Ruth Yoder

“What do you mean she can
’t move?”

Anna stared at Isaac as he spoke to the doctor, the words sounding more like a statement than an actual question. The three of them stood outside of Katie’s hospital room, the doctor in the white overcoat with the Lancaster General Hospital emblem over his breast pocket.

As far as Anna was concerned, she could barely look at the doctor. Everything seemed like a surreal image in a dream. A bad dream.

“
We don’t know if it’s permanent,” the doctor explained patiently. “It could just be temporary. But she hit her head really hard, Mr. Fisher, and her neck may have been injured in the process. Without doubt, she suffered a major concussion. Let’s just hope that’s the worst of it.”

Anna reached out her hand and touched her husband
’s arm. The color had drained from her face and she was on the verge of tears. “When can she come home?” she whispered, directing the question to Isaac. “I want her home.”

“I understand, Mrs. Fisher. But we do need to consider what is best for Katie right now.” The doctor glanced at her before turning back to Isaac. “Let
’s keep her under observation and run some more tests for a few days, see if she makes any progress.”

“It
’s already been two days,” Anna stated, leveling her eyes at the doctor. Clearly, she distrusted this man, this man who stood before her explaining how Katie had not responded to their tests yet. No one could take as good care of her
dochder
as she could, she thought bitterly, wishing that they had never brought Katie to the hospital. “How much more time will she need to be here?”

“Anna.” Isaac spoke her name in a low voice, a gentle reminder that she was raising her own, but without actually reprimanding his wife. “We need to let the medical people do what is best for our
dochder
.”

“God knows what is best for our Katie,” she snapped and then, as if realizing how harsh and out-of-character her tone sounded, she lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

The doctor took a deep breath and forced a small smile. “I know this is stressful, Mrs. Fisher, but we have to stay strong. She’s in the best of hands…besides God’s, of course. We are doing everything that we can.”

Anna stopped listening to his words.
Everything we can
. His words echoed in her ears. What good were all of those fancy degrees from colleges and universities if they couldn’t awaken her
dochder
?
Mayhaps you are
, she thought.
But it’s simply not enough.

Steve helped Mimi exit the van that was parked in their driveway, the engine still running and the fumes from the exhaust spreading a layer of smoke in the air. He held her elbow, making certain that she would not slip on the patch of ice stretching across the driveway. “Careful,” he reminded her softly.

Her eyes flickered up toward his face but there was no life in them. All that stared back was dullness, a look that had continued to worsen since they had visited with her parents on the day of Katie’s accident.

“
Danke
, Jim,” Steve said into the open door of the vehicle before he shut it and helped Mimi cross the driveway toward the house. The driver waved once before turning around near the barn and disappearing down the lane.

The house seemed cold when they entered. Quickly, Steve hurried to light the propane lantern over the kitchen table, too aware that Mimi merely stood in the doorway, her black shawl wrapped around her body with a simple thick pin holding it closed at her throat. The lantern cast bright light around the room along with a loud hissing noise that came from the flame. Within minutes, it began to also throw off some much needed heat.

“Come sit, Mimi,” Steve urged, gesturing with his hand for her to come into the room and take a seat on the sofa. “Relax for a few minutes and I’ll fix you some of the soup that
Mamm
brought over this morning.”

Without a word, Mimi did as he instructed. She crossed the room, her feet making a shuffling sound on the linoleum. There was a defeated look about her, both on her face and in her posture, as though she had given up and was merely going through the motions, without any intent or thought on her part. He watched her, worry etched in his face at the shell of the woman who sat down on the sofa, her feet spread apart on the floor and her hands hanging limply at her sides.

With so much concern about little Katie, Steve had purposefully neglected to mention anything about his wife’s condition to their family. To be truthful, he felt embarrassed and hoped to hide everything from them as her deteriorating state of mind worried him. Despite what the doctor had said earlier that afternoon in his office, Steve secretly feared that she would never return to the vibrant, lively young woman that he had fallen in love with and married.

“You want some coffee, then?” he asked, not knowing what else to say to her.

She shook her head in reply.

It was the glazed look in her eyes that concerned him the most. Where was the sparkle? When had it disappeared? Why hadn’t he noticed? Even more troubling to Steve was the thought that he might have done something to cause its loss.

The clock on the back wall ticked loudly in the silence. It was a reminder that time was going by, precious time in the day and in their lives. How long would this go on? He couldn’t help but wonder how soon the medicine would take effect and bring back his Mimi.

Medicine! He had almost forgotten about it.

“Mimi, let me get you those pills the doctor gave us,” he said as he hurried to the sink to pour her a glass of water. As he walked back to her, he reached into his pocket for the box of anti-depressants. It was right
gut
of the doctor to give them a free sample until Steve could get to the pharmacy for her prescription. Without medical insurance, he’d have to figure out how to pay for the medicine. Surely it was quite dear and, despite his paying into the Amish Aid Fund, he wasn’t certain that he wanted others in the
g’may
to know about Mimi’s condition.

As he handed her the glass, he noticed that she barely moved to take it from him.

“What kind of
fraa
needs pills to be normal?” she muttered with bitterness in her voice.

“Now Mimi,” Steve started as he sat next to her. He tried to think of something to say to reassure her, despite his own misgivings. What had the doctor told him? Chemical imbalance?  Antidepressants? The box made a rattling sound as he fumbled to open it and extract the plastic bottle. “There
’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he said, trying to sound reassuring. “Plenty of people take these pills. The doctor said so, ain’t so?”

She glanced at him but, just as quickly, looked away.

“If not, those pill companies wouldn’t stay in business.”

She shut her eyes.

He managed to open the bottle and poked his finger through the silver safety seal. He realized that his hand was shaking. “You’re not the only one, Mimi.” He tipped the bottle over and shook a pill onto his open palm. It was a white and orange oblong pill. Inside of it was the medicine that would bring back his wife…or at least the medicated version of her. “Here,” he said as he pressed the pill into her hand. “Take it, Mimi. You’ll feel better when you do.”

Six weeks
, the doctor had said. It would take six weeks for her to get back to normal, or, at least, the normal that he knew from before. Steve didn’t think he could hide this from his family for that long. He just hoped and prayed that she’d start feeling like her old self before it was time for church or family gatherings. He didn’t want to have to explain what was wrong with his wife to anyone.

He sat beside her, waiting for her to take the pill. It was a reluctant effort on Mimi
’s part and the thought crossed his mind that, if he hadn’t been there to make certain she actually took her medication, she might have skipped it otherwise. Of course she would have, he told himself. After all, wasn’t it how all this had started in the first place?

He tried to think back to when her personality had begun to change. Was it before the wedding or after? In hindsight, he suspected it was just before. She had been so adamant about living apart, almost clinging to him as she fought tradition. And, while he didn
’t mind so much that his wife had a medical condition…mental condition, he corrected himself…he was bothered by the fact that she had hid it from him.

“I should go out to milk the cows, I reckon,” he said, not even certain if it was the right time or not. He just knew that he had to get out of the kitchen, away from the thoughts that were swirling through his head. He needed time to work, to get lost in his chores for a while. It was during those times when he felt closest to God and, at the current moment, that was exactly where he needed to be.

However, instead of milking the cows, he wandered across the road and headed down the main driveway to his parents’ farm. He needed the company of others and thought he might check on how Katie was doing at the hospital.

He checked in the main dairy barn first, hoping to catch his brother, Isaac, alone. It was close to five o’clock, Steve figured that Isaac would be in the middle of milking. Sure enough, as he walked down the aisle of black and white Holstein cows, he caught sight of his brother’s work hat behind a cow that he was milking.

“Isaac!” he called out. When his brother looked up, Steve lifted his hand to wave. “Been hoping to catch up with you. I wanted to hear what’s happening with Katie.”

The first thing Steve noticed as he approached Isaac was the dark circles under his eyes. He was tired and worn out. Standing up, Isaac shook his head and sighed, the sound hollow against the still air. His breath puffed out in a small puff of condensation against the increasingly frigid December air.

“She’s barely in and out of consciousness,” Isaac said. “Anna won’t leave her side, you know. Won’t come back to the farm or tend the other
kinner
. Ella’s been a right
gut
help, staying at
Mamm’s
to help me with them.”

A wave of guilt washed over Steve. If Mimi hadn
’t been feeling so poorly, she’d have been the one helping out instead of Ella. After all, Ella lived further away while Mimi lived across the street. He wondered if he could persuade Mimi to lend a hand. After all, he thought, it might do her some good to help out and feel needed.

“When will she be home, then?”

“I don’t know,” Isaac admitted, shaking his head. There was a sorrowful look on his face, an expression that bespoke worry and fear. “Sure is a tough situation, going back and forth like this. But the doctors want to wait and see if she will be able to move her arms and legs.”

“Well, you know we are praying for her,” Steve offered, although he wasn
’t certain about the “
we”
part. While Steve prayed frequently for the entire family, he hadn’t seen any signs of Mimi praying recently. In fact, she hadn’t done much of anything. Surely his family would soon notice, he thought, that laundry didn’t hang to dry on the days when the sky was not overcast or that Mimi was never outside helping him with the barn chores.

“
Danke, Bruder
,” Isaac said, placing his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “By God’s will alone, she will improve,
ja
?”

Since he didn’t need to start milking his own herd of cows for another hour, Steve silently began working alongside Isaac. It was the least he could do to show his support and love for his brother. Quickly, Steve found himself releasing the tension he had felt for the past few days, losing himself in the one thing that allowed him peace of mind and a feeling of closeness with God: work. It was his own way of coping with the stress that had befallen his family.

“He hasn’t eaten in days,” Mary Ruth whispered to Menno as they stood in the open doorway of their bedroom. She glanced over his shoulder to where Melvin sat at the table, his hand resting against his cheek and his other hand spinning a pencil absentmindedly on the tabletop. “And I can barely get two words out of him.”