Always Loving You (7 page)

Everyone started laughing at Ella’s description. Only Ava shifted around uncomfortably. Hearing Ella talking about sex with Declan was a little disturbing. She liked to pretend that both Brant and Declan lived with their wives without actually doing anything sexual. It was right up there with talking about sex and your parents. Of course, Emma was constantly referring to how freaky Brant was in bed. Ava was certain that one day her eardrums would start to bleed and might never stop.

Desperately needing a change of subject, she was relieved when Ella turned to Suzy and asked, “How did the home study go last night?” Ava knew from Emma that Suzy and her husband, Gray, had suffered multiple miscarriages and were now in the process of adopting a child. She remembered everyone wishing Suzy good luck when they’d had lunch together yesterday.

Suzy groaned before putting her hands around her neck as if she were choking herself. “I think it went okay in the end, but it was a long evening.” Looking across the room at Gray, she said, “I love that man, I really do, but I wanted to tape his mouth shut last night.”

“Oh no,” Claire whispered, “not the jokes again.”

“Oh yeah. Like we hadn’t discussed that very thing an hour before.”

“Like dirty jokes?” Ava asked, seeming to be the only one not privy to what Suzy was talking about.

Suzy shook her head, saying, “No, not really. The thing about Gray is that when he gets nervous, he tends to start cracking stupid jokes. Apparently, it runs in the
family, because his mother says Gray’s father does the same thing. I mean, we’re sitting at the table answering all these serious questions about our views on child-rearing and I swear out of nowhere, he looks at the woman and says, ‘Knock, knock!’ We both just stared at him until the woman put her pen down and asked, ‘Who’s there?’ Then he says, ‘Little Old Lady.’ And then she of course stares him down some more before saying, ‘Little Old Lady who?’ And he says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!’” By this time, everyone was laughing, even Suzy. She gasped out, “I thought I would die, right there on the spot. The woman just looked at Gray like he had two heads, before picking her pen back up and acting like the whole thing never happened.”

“Suz,” Claire said, giggling, “that’s completely adorable. He was probably just trying to loosen everyone up. Although it’s hard to picture Gray doing that, because he’s always so suave.”

Ava, feeling an inexplicable need to defend the man she barely knew, spoke up. “Everyone handles stress in different ways. It sounds like he tries to inject some humor into uncomfortable situations. The jokes probably pop out before he even realizes what he’s doing.”

Smiling at her husband, who was now looking at Suzy with so much love in his warm gaze that Ava was envious, Suzy said softly, “I know. He’s a little unpredictable, but he’s mine.”

Beth bumped shoulders with her sister, saying, “Well, I bet if anything his jokes show that he would be a really good parent. He should get extra points for
that. God knows you need a sense of humor when you have a child.”

Ella pointed to the Skylanders cake sitting on the table behind them and said, “We probably need to get started with the main event. If I don’t get a huge slab of that cake within the next five minutes, I’m not responsible for my actions. At this point, it’s the only thing I can have that will make my eyes roll back in my head.”

Emma snickered as she helped arrange the plates on the table. “Honey, you just grab that thing again tonight and don’t let go. There’s no way that any man can have a woman’s hand on his dick for more than five seconds without losing his mind.”

“Yep,” Beth agreed. “And call your doctor tomorrow to find out if you can have some fun without going all the way.”

They had all been so involved in their conversation that they hadn’t noticed the men moving closer. “Going all the way with what?” Declan asked as he moved up behind Ella.

“With Dominic,” Ella sputtered, “Ava and Dominic.”

Ava’s mouth fell open in shock as Declan’s smile turned to a scowl. Her eyes jerked to Mac, who appeared to have heard the whole thing if his snarl was any indication. Even the usually unflappable Dominic looked surprised. Ella turned to her, looking contrite. Great, now it appeared that Ava was going to have to be the sacrificial lamb to keep Declan from finding out that his wife was horny.

Her brothers were both looking at her as if she were the new town tramp, while Jason, Nick, and Gray
seemed to be unusually interested in the playground. Ava figured they were just desperately trying to pretend that they hadn’t heard anything. When Evan bounced up with Chrissy and Henry in tow begging for cake, Ava vowed to herself that he was getting the biggest gift next week that she could carry out of the damn store. He had just saved her from the awkward silence that had fallen over the entire group.

Mac stood across the table during the birthday song and the gift presentation glaring daggers at her. After a while, it started to piss her off. What right did he have to judge her? If she wanted to plan a fake sex date with her fake boyfriend, who was he to object? After all, he was probably having plenty of real sex with his real girlfriend. She hadn’t even set out to make Mac jealous. That was never her goal. But damn it, how dare he stand over there looking so angry over her love life? If not for the fact that Mac and Dominic were best friends, she would walk over there right now and kiss Dominic so hard he’d never recover. Okay, maybe she wouldn’t quite have the nerve to do that, but she’d do something for sure.

Emma walked up to her, forcing her from her heated eye-lock with Mac. “I think Ella rolled you under the bus there. If the big vein throbbing in Mac’s cheek is any indication, though, she might have done you a favor. He looks like he’s gonna combust.” They both glanced back over at Mac, who refused to look away. “Well, anyway, we’re gonna take off now. Brant is just itching to get over here and scold you, so I’m going to drag him out of here so he can have his tantrum in the
privacy of the car. We also promised my parents we’d be back for an early dinner.”

Ava turned to hug Emma, thanking her for intervening with Brant. “Please tell your parents I said hello. I’d love to see them before they go back to Florida.” Emma grabbed her purse and pulled a stiff Brant out the door.

That left one brother, who took the opportunity to move to Ava’s side.

“So, what’s going on with you, sis?”

Trying for her best innocent expression, she said, “Just enjoying the party like everyone else.”

Seeming exasperated, he said, “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. What’s all this with Mac and Dominic? Plus, I saw you on the back of Dom’s bike. Mac’s completely pissed too.”

Ava had finally had enough. Did everyone give Mac a hard time when he had started dating Gwen? Were they worried about her feelings then? A little voice in her head said that she hadn’t professed her love for him the whole time they were such close friends, so it was different, but she was tired of listening to that rational, reasonable voice. She felt that her own family cared more about Mac than her.

So she followed Emma’s lead by grabbing her purse before turning to Declan. “You know what—how about me? Aren’t you my brother? Maybe I could use a little of that support that you seem to be giving to your friend.” Declan flinched at the accusation, and she felt like a complete bitch as she stalked out of McDonald’s only to realize when she stood on the sidewalk that she didn’t have a car. There was no way, though, that she
was going to go back inside after what she knew was her childish exit. She stomped off toward the street, determined to walk home if necessary.

She had only traveled a few yards when she heard the roar of a bike and Dominic pulled up next to her. “Get on, Blondie.” Not in any mood to argue and certainly having no better offers, she awkwardly climbed on the bike, wedging in behind him. For someone who’d never ridden a motorcycle, she was getting rather used to it. Regardless, it’d never be her first choice of transportation, but she didn’t have many options right now. “A little heads-up about the fact that we’re gonna be fucking soon would have been helpful,” he threw over his shoulder before pulling away. She tried to yell a denial at him, but the bike was too noisy for a conversation, so she held it in until he pulled to a stop in her driveway.

After a particularly ugly dismount from the damn bike, she threw her hands on her hips, mad at the world. “Listen, you . . .” Ava inwardly groaned at the completely pathetic comeback. Thankfully, only a small grin pulled at his lips as he held his composure. “I did not say anything to anyone about wanting to do anything of the sort with you.”

Lifting a sarcastic eyebrow, Dominic said, “Come on, babe, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Most women probably feel that way around me.” Looking her up and down in a way that made her breath catch, he added, “Normally, I’d have no problem at all obliging you, but you belong to Mac. So, if you can possibly keep from
mentally undressing me while we’re trying to help each other out, that would be great.”

Ava’s mouth dropped at the sheer size of his ego. His confident pose, leaning back on his bike, was the perfect complement to his over-the-top statement. Then she snapped. She had completely had it with the men in her life, and that included the smug asshole sitting in front of her. “You fucking man—” She stood taller thinking how much an insult was with some profanity in it. “I would love nothing better than to wrap my hands around your thick neck and choke you right now!”

Dominic, appearing far from offended, said, “I think you’re just looking for ways to get those hands of yours on me, aren’t you, Blondie?”

She grabbed handfuls of her hair in frustration, trying to control the anger coursing through her body. “You pig! I don’t want my hands anywhere on you, and for your information, I don’t belong to Mac regardless of what either one of you thinks.” Stabbing her chest, she added, “I belong to me, damn it, just to me!”

Dominic stepped away from his bike, walking over to her with a strange expression on his face. It looked almost like pride. Had he missed her whole rant toward him? She was so surprised when he gently took her shoulders in his hands that she stood glued in place. “It feels good, doesn’t it, Blondie?”

Still puzzled, she stood staring into his handsome face before whispering, “What?”

He gave her a lazy grin in return before saying,
“Being alive, being mad, and just letting the fuck loose. I’m thinking you don’t do that often.” The look on his face said that he didn’t think she ever did it. “You’re always wound so tight that you’re on the verge of going over the edge. I just gave you a little push today to help you let off some steam. Feel better?”

Ava continued to gawk at him for another moment before she realized that she did feel better. Somehow the weight that usually rested on her shoulders had lessened. The persistent lump in her throat got maybe just a little smaller. She relaxed, releasing a breath. “I guess you’re a shrink now too, huh?”

“Nope, but I’ve certainly been given enough pointers by the military to know how to deal with stress overload. Life can’t always be scripted, Ava, no matter how hard we try. Only fight the big battles that matter and don’t let the little things rip you to pieces.”

“Wow,” she murmured, “that was actually pretty profound.” She looked at Dominic in new admiration. There were more layers to him than she could have imagined. He had intentionally set her off to show her the bigger picture. In that moment, she felt her eyes blur. He was so much like Mac that it was almost like sharing a moment with the man she loved so much.

He cuffed her gently on the shoulder, before throwing a leg back over his bike. “I’ll text you tomorrow when Mac and I are headed back from our meeting rather than on the way there. I think it will work better. Otherwise, he’s likely to lose it and blow off the whole thing, and this is a big one for us.” When she nodded, he added, “You know, you can just stand up there. You
don’t actually have to go through with it. Mac will freak just from you being there. Another set of bruises really aren’t necessary.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. And, Dominic . . . ?” When he turned back to look at her she said, “Thanks for today. I think I needed that.” He waved a hand in her direction before taking off. With a lighter step, she walked toward her door, feeling for the first time that just maybe she could do this. She could be normal.

Mac drove through the streets of downtown Myrtle Beach listening to Dominic run through the highlights of the meeting they had just finished. Neither of them mentioned the whole scene with Ava at McDonald’s the previous day. He hadn’t let it go, though. He fully intended to find out just what in the hell was going on, and he doubted he could keep quiet much longer.

This morning, though, was about their company, and he had needed to keep his shit together. They were in talks with the Oceanix Resort Company to provide security for their luxury flagship hotel. A Sunday meeting had been the idea of the owner, Seth Jackson, as he was going out of town for a week beginning tomorrow morning. There had been some recent theft issues within the hotel, and Jackson suspected it was an inside job. He was extremely unhappy with the progress by his current security company and was interested in hiring East Coast Security thanks in part to a glowing recommendation from Jason Danvers. It would be a big account for them, especially with the possibility of providing security for other Oceanix properties as well.

He was completely absorbed with thoughts of expanding their business when Dominic said, “Hey, isn’t that Ava?” Mac didn’t have time to wonder how his friend could have recognized her from so far away. All he knew was that Dominic was pointing to the zip line ride, and as Mac squinted to look, he saw what appeared to be Ava’s BMW sitting in the parking area in front of the tourist attraction. Without thinking, he did a dangerous swerve across two lanes of traffic before coming to an abrupt stop next to Ava’s car.

Mac jumped out of his Tahoe, looking up the countless steep steps to the top of the zip line. Without a doubt, he recognized the blond hair gleaming in the early-afternoon sun. “Ava!” he yelled as he started climbing the wooden steps. Was it too much to ask for a damn elevator when you needed one? By the time he reached the top, he was glad that he was in good shape; otherwise, he would never have made the climb in such a short time. Ava was already in a harness with her helmet on when he stepped out on the platform. He waved off the kid trying to sell him a ticket as he stalked toward her. Another kid who didn’t look old enough to shave was running through instructions when her eyes landed on him. Trying to appear halfway calm, he asked in an even voice, “What are you doing?”

She didn’t seem particularly surprised to see him when she said, “Um . . . zip-lining?”

Starting forward, he said, “Yeah, not anymore. Let’s get this stuff off you.” When he was just a few steps from reaching her, she stunned him by sticking her
tongue out . . . and letting go. He felt his heart plummet to his stomach as she went flying across the wide expanse of space toward a tower in the distance. “Fuck!” He stomped back down the steps and ran into Dominic at the bottom. When the other man opened his mouth, Mac snapped out, “Call a cab. I’m going to be busy for a while.” Without waiting for a reply, he jogged across the field, making it to another set of steep steps. When he saw Ava’s long, tanned legs start the descent from above, he leaned against the building, literally shaking in anger, waiting for her to reach the bottom.

“Hi.” She smiled broadly as she saw him. “Did you see me up there?” Was she fucking kidding him right now? Of course he’d seen her suspended on a cable, just one false move away from snapping her slender neck.

“Let’s go.” Grabbing her hand, he started pulling her toward their cars in the parking area. Even as mad as he was, he was mindful of her smaller stride and adjusted his accordingly. Before she could form a protest, he had opened his passenger door and ushered her inside before walking around to the driver’s side.

*   *   *

As they were pulling away, she finally snapped out of her daze enough to protest, “Mac, where are we going? I can’t leave my car here.” But he ignored her as if she hadn’t spoken as he drove the familiar streets toward her apartment. The first trickle of unease prickled her skin as she wondered if she had pushed him too far this time. Maybe she should have taken Dominic’s advice
and not actually jumped off the zip line platform right in front of Mac. When she saw him standing there, she hadn’t been planning on going through with it. She had taken herself by surprise when she jumped. It was probably the closest she had ever come to peeing her pants as she flew so high above the ground. Afterward, though, God, the rush had been so all-consuming. Her skin still tingled with adrenaline.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but when Mac pulled into her parking place and came around to open her door, she was ready to make a smart remark about him having her car picked up before walking off. Instead he once again grabbed her hand and pulled her up a flight of stairs, waiting not very patiently while she opened her front door. Again, she prepared to say good-bye, but he pushed past her and she shut the door behind him, completely puzzled. Oh crap, he was glaring at her. She’d never really understood the meaning of that word before, but she did now. Raking an unsteady hand through his short hair, he said softly, “Avie, I’m so mad at you right now that I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t understand what’s going on in your head.” His eyes looked tormented as he asked, “Baby, are you trying to hurt yourself?”

Unable to bear the pain in his eyes, she rushed over to him, grabbing his hands. “No, Mac, that’s not it.”

Clasping their joined hands against his chest, he asked, “Then why? Why are you suddenly doing all these crazy things that are going to do nothing but get you hurt?”

Ava fought against the desire to put some space
between them and steady her nerves. He was staring at her as if he was trying to see inside her head. He was in her space, and normally she wouldn’t allow that to happen. This time, though, she fought herself to deepen the intimacy of the moment, knowing that she needed to start baring her soul if she were ever to have a future with him. “I need to live, Mac. I want to stop being so afraid of everything all the time.”

“Is that what the kiss was about yesterday?” Mac asked softly.

Pulling one hand loose from his hold, she cupped the side of his face, stroking the stubble that was starting to break through his smooth skin. “No, that was because I wanted it.” She could feel his heart gallop beneath the hand that remained against his chest. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “Mac, I want us to try . . . you know, to have a real relationship.” Ava was feeling light-headed at her admission, but also proud that she had actually gotten the words out.

Mac looked stunned, opening and closing his mouth a few times before finally saying something. “Avie . . . what exactly do you mean by that?”

“You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?” She laughed nervously. Mac, on the other hand, didn’t even crack a smile. “Uh . . . what I’m trying to say, apparently not very successfully, is that I’d like for us to go out, you know, like on a date. We don’t have to jump right into a relationship if you don’t want to, but I’d like to start somewhere—with you.”

He dropped her hand and started tugging on his hair as he always did when he was agitated. She wasn’t
an expert on men by a long shot, but it didn’t seem like a good sign to her. Maybe she had been expecting him to twirl her in his arms like some kind of romance movie plotline when instead he looked as though he was about to puke. Yeah, it was a real ego booster. With every yank of his hair, her hopes were plummeting. “Why now?” he finally asked. She quelled the urge to look at the floor to see if there was any hair lying there from his tug-of-war with his locks.

When she tried to turn away, thinking it would be easier to talk to the wall than to face him, he grabbed her arm, pulling her almost nose-to-nose, and just waited. “I don’t want to lose you,” she admitted.

Appearing frustrated with her answer, he asked, “Is this because of Gwen and the fact that you and I aren’t spending as much time together?” He looked as if he was in physical pain when he added, “I think you just miss your buddy. I’ll move things around so we can have a drink together like we used to, okay?”

She wanted to reach out and choke the man. He was talking to her as if she were a child who needed to be pacified. Either he wasn’t hearing anything she was saying or he didn’t want to understand. Why were all the men in her life so damn frustrating lately? “That’s not what I meant, Mac! I’m not talking about our friendship or lack of it lately. I want what you’ve wanted from me for years, but I’ve been unable to give you. I want to hold your hand, kiss you, and . . . love you. Not as your friend, though. I’m ready for more.”

Ava jumped when he turned away, pounding his fist in his hands. In contrast his voice was calm when he
spoke. “Ava, I gave you every chance to show me that you returned my feelings. I opened my life and my heart to you, but you never gave me anything back in return other than friendship and a stiff arm if I got too close. You twisted me in knots for years. It was torture to be close to you and hell not to be. Finally, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to move on. I
have
moved on.”

He still refused to turn back around and face her, which made it easier for her to whisper, “But you love me. You always have.”

Mac was quiet for so long that Ava started to wonder if he had heard her. Then he turned back to her, his eyes bleak and distant. “Sometimes it’s not enough. I’m happy now. You were just discussing going all the way with Dominic yesterday, so I’m not even sure why we’re having this conversation.” Opening the door, he stepped outside before adding, “I’ll have one of the guys drop your car off later if you’ll give me the key.”

Feeling a hot tear start to trickle down her cheek, she lowered her head, desperately trying to maintain a shred of her pride as she pulled the key from her pocket and handed it to him. Without another word, he closed the door behind him and Ava collapsed backward into her living room chair. One benefit of never putting herself out there was that she’d never had to feel this sting of rejection. She’d never had the man she loved tell her that he was happy with someone else . . . until now . . . and it hurt so fucking much that she just wanted to curl up into a ball and withdraw into her shell. She had never seriously considered what would happen to her
if Mac wasn’t willing to listen to her or if he didn’t return her feelings.

Was she messing up his life—again? Should she walk away now and let him go? She would have thrown a full-blown pity party if not for one thing: he didn’t seem happy. They used to laugh together. He was always smiling when they ran into each other, no matter where it was. Now he just looked so sad or—the last few days—mad whenever they were together. Wouldn’t someone who was in love and happy seem, well . . . happy? Maybe it was a small hope, but it was something to cling to. If she stopped now after one rebuff, then she was right back to doing what she always had done, taking the easy way out, running away before things got tough. She had to be the one to pursue him now. If nothing else, her crazy stunts were getting to him. Maybe tomorrow she’d wear one of the new outfits she had bought at the mall and try the simple laws of attraction before deciding on her next stunt. Hopefully, she could find a new hobby to try that wasn’t horribly scary. It would all be worth it in the end . . . or at least she hoped so.

*   *   *

He was officially in hell and had no idea what to do next. Ava’s admission had him reeling, and he was pretty sure that he wasn’t even fit to drive himself home at this point. He kept hearing her tell him that she wanted a relationship with him . . . wanted to start dating him. He would have given everything he had a few months ago to hear those words coming from her
plump pink lips. While his head had been spinning, his cock had been rearing its eager head, raring to make his dreams a reality. He had felt physically sick when he lied to her face, telling her that he was happy now. Maybe he had been getting by and most days succeeding before she had suddenly taken a one eighty the last few days and started throwing out all kinds of mixed signals.

First she was draped all over Dominic on his bike, looking like a fallen angel, and then she was sticking that sweet little tongue of hers in his mouth and sucking his tongue hard enough to make him come in his pants. Next she was back on Dom’s bike and apparently considering sleeping with him. Now suddenly today she wanted to date Mac and move forward. Shit, his mind couldn’t process her behavior fast enough to figure out where she would be next.

Ava had always been a constant in his life. Even if he didn’t like what she did at times, like the fucking one-night stands, she was fairly predictable. It hurt like hell, but he recovered from those because they never seemed to mean anything to her. People had needs and like her, he scratched that itch when it was necessary. Would he have rather they both scratched each other’s? Hell yeah, but she’d never allowed that to happen.

One problem now was that he hadn’t scratched his itch in far too long. He and Gwen had not slept together yet. They’d rounded several bases, but she had made it clear in the beginning that she wanted to start things slow and see where they went. Lately, she had seemed to be running toward third and getting close to home
plate and he found himself at a crossroads he had never encountered before. Gwen wasn’t the type of person to give herself physically without expecting something more in return. She was a good person, and she deserved a commitment. If he slept with her, then things would get complicated in a hurry. He had been comfortable with that fact—knowing that it was the next step to moving on—until what had happened this weekend.

Now things were more up in the air than ever before, and he felt he just needed some space to process things. Unfortunately, he was meeting Gwen for dinner tonight. She was supposed to be back in town in a few hours, and they were having an early meal before she went home. Except the last thing he wanted right now was to see either her or Ava for that matter. He was too twisted up inside.

He couldn’t believe his Avie was finally on the same page that he had been on for years and he’d walked away from her. What could he do, though? His heart had been shredded by her lack of reciprocation for his feelings for so long that he had trouble believing that she meant what she was saying now. Although he didn’t doubt that something had changed in her recently. There was a spark in her eyes that hadn’t been there since she was a teenager . . . since that night so long ago. He felt certain that he and Ava would have been a couple; he’d probably even married her by now if not for what that bastard did to her. It had changed the sweet, funny, outgoing girl he had been patiently waiting on to grow up into a woman who wanted to close out the world.