Always in my Heart (The Subzero Series, #2) (13 page)

“For heaven’s sake Tyler stop!” Dean exclaims.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re going to break something. Did you not see your cymbal stand about to fall over? You’re lucky I caught it.”

I drop my head down and scrub my face with my hands. “No I didn’t.”

“Didn’t think so. Why don’t you go for a walk?”

“No I’m okay.”

“I disagree,” Collin says as he walks into the sound booth. “You need to talk a walk and come back when you’ve calmed yourself down a bit.”

I sigh. “Fine, I’ll take a walk then.”

I set my drumsticks down on top of my floor tom and walk out, through the control room and out the front door. I walk down the street to where Murphy’s Deli is. I grab a cola and a bag of crisps and sit down on one of the black leather stools along the window.

Alright, I have to clear my head before I go back. I can’t go back in there like some sort of thrashing beast. I just need to get through this and then, when I get home, I can be as self-destructive as I want.

With a sigh, I slide off of the stool and make my way back to the recording studio. Cath is sitting outside with Ann as I walk up.

“Hey sticks, you okay?” Ann asks me.

I shrug. “I’ve been better.”

“I heard what happened between you and Abby.” Cath says.

“Uh, yeah...I’m sorry but I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I just want to do what I need to do and get out of here.”

Cath places a hand on my arm. “Okay, well if you need someone to talk to, you know I am always here for you.”

I nod, knowing there is no way I am talking to her about all of this. I think I’ve gotten myself in enough trouble for one week. No need to add anything else to the list. I walk past them and head into the control room.

“I’m ready,” I say. “Let’s do this.”

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I
t’s been nearly a week since I walked out on Tyler. Nearly a week since the last time he tried calling me. I would have thought he had given up on me and just accepted the end of our relationship if he hadn’t been sending me flowers and candy and pictures. He even sent a singing telegram, which Chloe wasn’t very impressed with but I kind of liked it.

I mean the guy wasn’t much of a singer, though he did say he was having an off day, and I’m pretty sure he may have been drunk. He serenaded me with
Yellow Submarine
, which I didn’t get until Jack explained that he was supposed to sing
Eight Days a Week.
I can appreciate what Tyler was trying to do even if Sing-a-gram Sam didn’t quite work out.

I’ve spent just about any time that I’m not asleep at the bakery working on cakes and cupcakes to send out to local businesses and gearing up for opening day, which is now just a few days away.

“Abby, there is a young man here asking to see you.” Marci says as she pokes her head into the kitchen.

“I’m kind of busy,” I say, not looking up as I continue piping icing onto the cake in front of me.

“Hello Abby.”

I glance up somewhat surprised to see Dean standing there next to Marci. Dean has a somewhat sorrowful look on his face, which makes me wonder if he is here on his own free will or if it is because someone sent him.

“Hey Dean...did Tyler send you?”

“No, he has no idea I am here.”

I nod. “Okay, you can come in then.”

Marci waits for Dean to walk in before she walks away, allowing the door to swing shut behind her.

“Have a seat.” I say, waving my hand towards the various stools and chairs are the kitchen.

Dean grabs a stool, carries it over to where I am working and sets it down before sitting on top of it. Wiping my hands on my apron, I turn towards the refrigerator, open it and pull out two bottles of water and a plate of fudge. I hand a bottle to Dean and set the plate down in between us.

“Thanks.” Dean says as he picks up a piece of rocky road fudge. He takes a bite, closes his eyes and sighs deeply. “Mmmm...This is good.”

“Thank you...so what’s up?” I’m not trying to be rude but it isn’t like Dean to just pop in to see me.

“I wanted to see how you are doing.”

I shrug. “I’ve been better.”

“Are you and Tyler broken up?”

“Kind of, I guess.”

“You guys are kind of broken up you guess?” Dean flashes me a puzzled look. “How does that work exactly?”

“It means I walked out and we’ve barely spoken. I guess it’s assumed we’ve broken up but neither of us has officially said it.”

“Well I can tell you that he is not going to say it and I’m pretty sure you know that. If anyone has to say your relationship is over, it would have to be you. The question now is do you want to end it?”

I look down at the floor quickly before glancing back at Dean and shaking my head. “No I don’t want us to break up. I just don’t know how to look at him right now without thinking about him kissing her and then hiding it from me. The thought of his lips on hers...is killing me.”

“Did he tell you how much he regretted everything from that night? I mean everything too, from agreeing to go out with us down to that meaningless kiss.”

I look down again and sigh. I’ve known Dean for over a year now but it still feels weird talking to him about this. He will always be Tyler’s friend before he is mine so maybe that is why.

“I haven’t really given him a chance to say much.” I admit.

“Don’t you think you should give him a chance to tell you his side of the story? I’m saying that as a neutral party, not as his friend.”

I pause to think for a moment before answering him. “My first reaction was blinding rage and from there I was sad and heartbroken and now...I’m still heartbroken and sad and at times angry but now I just feel numb. I suppose I should give him a chance to talk.”

“Well look, we have a show tonight. It’s at Stoaked. You should come and if you want to talk to him then talk to him and if you aren’t ready then at least you tried and you know.”

“Yeah...yeah, I could do that. Could you do me a favor though? Don’t tell him I’m coming.”

Dean hops off of his barstool and walks over to me. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug.

“He really does love you Abby.” He whispers in my ear.

I pat Dean on the back and turn away from him without saying anything. I grab a small white cardboard treat box, line it with wax paper and fill it with a couple pieces of fudge.

“Here,” I say as I hold the box out to him. “Take this with you.”

Dean smiles and takes the box from me as he turns to head towards the swinging door.

Go to their show...I could do that right? I can’t stay the whole time but I could go for part of it. Plus I do want to see Tyler. I miss him...a lot.

~*~

I
feel nervous as I walk into Stoaked. I’m still not sure if I am going to talk to Tyler yet and, if I do, I’m not sure what I am going to say to him. There’s a part of me that wants to make him work a little bit harder - though I know he has been trying. The other part of me just wants to bum rush him when he comes out on stage and put all of this behind us.

“Hey Abby, what can I get for you?” Dex asks as I approach the bar.

“Hey Dex, can I get a martini? The dirtier the better.”

“One of those nights?”

I pull a face. “One of those weeks. Where’s Jocalyn?”

Dex waves his hand towards the crowd that has already formed in front of the stage.

“She’s out there somewhere.”

He slides the martini glass across the bar. I hand him money and take a sip.

“Mmmm it’s perfect. Thanks!”

Giving Dex a wave, I walk over to the wall, staying towards the back of the crowd. A few minutes later, the side door opens and the guys make their way to the stage. My eyes immediately move to Tyler. He hops onto his stool and spins his drumsticks between his fingers as Noah introduces the band.

Tyler taps his drumsticks together to count them in and then he starts beating on his drums. I love watching Tyler play the drums. It’s one of the only times he is ever truly focused on something.

Watching him now makes me miss him more than I ever thought could be possible. I miss his arms wrapped around me and his hands roaming over me. I miss the way he runs his fingers through my hair when we are lying in bed trying to wake up. I miss the way he kisses me and the minty way he tastes when his tongue is in my mouth, like he spends all day sucking on Altoids or something. I miss the way he would smile at me and wiggle his eyebrows when he was in a goofy mood, which was pretty much all of the time. It’s probably safe to say that I just miss him period.

I glance around as I sip on my martini and spot Chloe and Jocalyn. They are right in front of the stage and kind of hard to miss as they do some sort of dance that involves waving their arms up in the air and doing some sort of half spin/half hop that is nowhere even close to being on time with the music. I scrunch my nose and shake my head, somewhat thankful that I am not over there with them.

My eyes make their way back to the stage just as they finish their third song and I lock eyes with Tyler. His mouth drops open and his eyes are filled with surprise. Judging by the shocked look on his face, Dean stayed true to his word and didn’t tell Ty that I was coming.

I want to talk to him. I have no idea what I want to say to him but I know I’m ready to talk. This isn’t the place to do it though. The next time Tyler glances my way, I move my hand up to my face with my thumb up to my ear and my pinky down by my mouth before pointing to him letting him know I am going to call him. Then, just as they finish another song and announce they are going to take a quick break, I turn to walk out.

––––––––

I
fly off of my stool so fast I nearly topple my drum set over. I don’t even care. All I see is her moving closer and closer to the door. I run through the crowded bar, pushing a few people out of my way and leap in front of her. Abby jumps back, clearly startled.

“Hey.” I say.

That was lame! You haven’t talked to her in a week and the best you can do is hey?

“Hi.” She offers me a small smile.

“Could we talk outside? Please? Just for a moment?”

She hesitates which kills me. If she says no...I don’t know what I’ll do. There’s no way I can go back on stage if she rejects me.

“Sure Ty.”

I take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together and holding on to her as tightly as I possibly can without hurting her hand. My heart swells when she doesn’t try to pull away from me. We walk outside and down the street some ways, stopping to sit on one of the black wrought iron benches that line the street. Turning our legs toward each other, I take her hand again, drawing lazy circles on the back of it with my fingertips.

“I miss you Abby.”

She stares at me and for a moment I’m worried she isn’t going to respond.

“I miss you too.” She says softly.

“But?”

She shakes her head, her brown hair moving softly. I fight the urge to reach my hand out and run my fingers through it. She looks down at her hand in mine before looking up at me, her sad brown eyes burning in to mine.

“I don’t know if there is a but. I think we need to get together sometime and talk. I have some questions I need answered before I can fully move past all of this and we can move on with our relationship.”

I frown. “So you’re not staying for the rest of the show?”

“No, I need to get some sleep. I am swamped tomorrow with the bakery opening on Monday but why don’t you come by on opening day? You can have a free bear claw and we can talk.”

“Yes!” I say a little too enthusiastically. “Yes, absolutely, I will be there!”

She smiles and nods. “Okay then...it’s a date.”

I want to touch her so badly, to just feel her body up close to mine. I stretch my arms up in the air and extent my right arm out, draping it behind her over top the back of the bench.

Wow...I can’t believe I just did the fake yawn and arm around the shoulder maneuver. Maybe next I can pull her hair and slip a note in her pocket that says “Can I have another chance? Check yes or no!”

I feel her body shake a little bit and glance down to see that she is trying, and failing, to not laugh. I don’t know which is worse, the fact that I seriously just did that slick maneuver or the fact that she caught me. It doesn’t really matter either way so, since I already got caught being lame, I decide to just go for it and drape my arm across my shoulders.

I feel her body tighten up, and I am about to move my arm back, when she relaxes and scoots the tiniest bit closer to me.

“Thank you for the flowers,” She says. “and the chocolate, the pictures, the teddy bear, the dedication on the radio and for sing-a-gram Sam.”

I let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I heard he didn’t even sing the right song.”

“Yeah, I was kind of confused at first until Jack explained it to me. It’s okay though, it’s the thought that counts.”

“Tyler, let’s go! We need to be back on stage in two minutes!”

Abby and I turn around at the same time to see Noah standing half in and half out the door at Stoaked. He waves to Abby and she waves back.

“I’m really sorry.” I say as I turn back to her.

“No, it’s okay. I should really get going too.”

I hail a cab for her and, just before she gets in, I spin her around, pull her body close to mine and crush my lips to hers. A small sigh escapes her and in that moment I am positive she still wants me as much as I want her in every single way.

It takes every single ounce of self-control I possess to break off our kiss. Especially when what I really want to do is push her down in the backseat of the cab, ask the cabbie to avert his eyes and show her just how much I’ve missed her. The only reason I don’t is because make up sex isn’t actually the first thing on my mind, getting her back is, and when we do have make up sex it isn’t going to be in the back of some cab that smells like sweat and limburger cheese. 

“I love you Abigail.” I say, my voice sounding husky and low.

She smiles again before getting in the cab and driving off, leaving me behind. She didn’t say it back but she didn’t have to. I know she loves me.