Always in my Heart (The Subzero Series, #2) (10 page)

Cath smiles and opens her mouth to say something but Marie calls her name. She closes her mouth, turns around and bounces off.

Barnaby’s was pretty packed for a weeknight. I look around for Abby, since she comes here a lot with Chloe, but I don’t see her pretty face anywhere in the crowd.

We manage to find two empty square tables that we push together and arrange seven chairs around them. I pull out a chair and drop down into it. Cath instantly takes the seat to my right.

“I can’t believe our time here is almost up.” She says with a frown.

I wasn’t sure how to respond so I was glad when the waitress came by to take our drink orders. Too bad it was just a short interruption and Cath was still waiting for a response when the waitress walked off.

“I know,” I say. “These past few weeks have gone by fast but you guys are here for what...another two, three weeks?”

“Yeah but it’ll be over before you know it. Have you ever been to New York?”

“Yes, twice now to visit Abby’s family.”

“Hmm...well next time you’re on that side of the Atlantic you should give me a call. I could give you a tour of the city you couldn’t get from anyone else.”

Yeah, I’m willing to bet that tour would have me in the dog house the rest of my life.

“Alright, here’s your Captain and ginger ale,” the waitress appears in between us and hands Cath her drink before turning to me. “And here’s your Guinness. Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I think we’re good. Thank you.”

I am trying to figure out how to respond to Cath’s offer for her “special tour” when Dean taps her on the shoulder and starts talking to her about guitars. I take that opportunity to turn and start talking to Noah, Jack and anyone else that won’t get me into trouble.

Cath squeezes my arm and I shift in my seat so that I am facing her. She smiles at me and bats her long eyelashes.

How many weeks did she say it was until she leaves?

“I called for a cab. It should be here in a minute. Walk out with me?”

“Uh, yeah okay.”

We stand up at the same time and Cath says goodbye to everyone. I turn to follow her out and can feel Jack’s disapproving eyes burning straight through me. I know he thinks that me following Cath out is a bad idea and he’s probably right. The truth is, I don’t know why I agreed to follow her out. I don’t know why I didn’t politely decline and stay at the table with everyone else. I love Abby more than anything but there is a part of me, a tiny, miniscule part that is extremely flattered by the attention Cath gives me.

“The cab should be here any minute.” Cath flashes me a smile as we push through the doors.

We walk over to the curb and I lean back against a street lamp. Cath moves so that she is standing directly in front of me. She is close, so close that I can smell her perfume. It is seductive and alluring, just like she is. I close my eyes and immediately picture Abby. Her long, silky brown hair, her dark, chocolate brown eyes, her soft, supple skin and the way she bites her lower lip when she gets turned on.

This isn’t right. I shouldn’t have come out here with her. I probably shouldn’t have even come out at all tonight
.

I am about to tell Cath I need to go when I suddenly feel her soft, warm lips press firmly against mine. Her fingers graze up my stomach and chest before she wraps her arms around my neck. I know I should stop her and pull away but I don’t. Instead I feel my lips move against hers and my tongue slip quickly into her mouth. I don’t even know why I am doing this. My brain is screaming at me to stop as my heart plummets down into my stomach. Cath leans her head back slightly to run her tongue across my lips and that nearly breaks me.

What have I just done? I have to go. I need to leave.

I place my hands on the curve of her tiny waist and push her back gently.

“Cath, I can’t do this. I’m with Abby. I love her and I won’t hurt her like this.”

Cath opens her mouth to say something but I don’t wait around to find out what it is. I remove her arms from around my neck and step around her, walking away from her as quickly as I can.

Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I text Jack and telling him I’m going home. He responds back immediately, asking me if I am leaving by myself. I answer him with a simple yes before shutting off my phone and slipping it back into my pocket. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Especially not Jack after all the warnings he’s been giving me about Cath’s feelings. Warning’s I just brushed off because I didn’t think the situation would escalate.

I decide to walk home, even though it is a bit of a distance. I don’t even care. I need the time to clear my head. What do I do? Do I tell Abby about what just happened? Does it even matter? I know I have entertained thoughts about Cath but that doesn’t change the way I feel about Abby. I have absolutely no intentions of leaving Abby. I love her. She’s my world.

I have to tell her. I would want her to tell me if some other guy kissed her, right? Of course I would. Abby is logical and understanding. I’ll just tell her what happened. I’ll just go in there and tell her that I was waiting outside with Cath and she kissed me and, oh by the way, I should have stopped her but I didn’t, but it’s okay because I don’t have any interest in being with Cath and that is never, ever going to change. She’ll understand that right? I’m sure she’ll be angry, I’d be angry with if some guy kissed her, but surely we can move past this.

I glance up at the front of our building as it comes into view. I can see lights on in our window so I know she is home. My heart starts to beat a little faster as I slowly make my way up the cement steps and I take the lift up to the fourth floor. I step out and glance down the hall at our door. I never would have imagined I’d be getting ready to have this conversation with her. My heart is hammering in my chest.

Has our hallway always been this long?

I stick my key in the door, open it up and walk through. I pause for a moment, allowing the door to close softly behind me.

“Ty?” She calls out.

“Yes.”

Abby pops her head out from the entryway to the kitchen and she smiles at me. She bounces down the hallway and jumps onto me, wrapping her arms and legs around my body. I wrap my arms around her, rubbing my hands up and down her back. Pressing my face into her neck I take a deep breath, smelling the flowery scent of the perfume I bought her for her birthday a couple months ago.

“I brought you home some Belgium chocolate fudge cake.” She says happily.

“That is my favorite cake,” I say as I kiss her neck. “Thank you.”

I lean my head back and smile at her but she must see right through it because her mouth quickly turns down into a frown.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

I pause for a moment, studying her face.

Tell her. Tell her now. You owe her the truth.

I can’t tell her. What happened with Cath was stupid and it never should have happened. I don’t want to lose Abby over something that didn’t mean anything to me. I don’t want to hurt her. If I tell her and she cries, or worse leaves me, it would crush me. I mean the only other person that could tell her would be Cath and I don’t think she would say anything. I can’t do it. I know I should tell her and I am, in a sense, betraying her trust by not telling her but I can’t hurt her. I just...I can’t.

“I’m just tired,” I hear myself lie. “It was just a long, weird day.”

Well, at least that part is true.

~*~

I
t’s been a few days since Cath kissed me and the fact that it happened, and that I still haven’t told Abby, is weighing heavy on me. I don’t know what to do. That’s a lie. I do know what to do. I just can’t bring myself to open my mouth and get the words out.

How do I tell her now? Go up to her and say Cath kissed me a few days ago? I probably should do that. As a matter of fact, I
know
I should do that. With every day that passes, and I don’t say anything, I’m just giving her another reason to be angry. It’s not just Cath kissed me anymore. Its Cath kissed me
and
I let her do it for a few seconds
and
I didn’t tell Abby as soon as it happened
and
a few days passed where I didn’t say anything at all.

It isn’t just Abby that I am keeping this horrid secret from either. I haven’t told a single person at all. What’s the point? I already know what they’ll say. Jack will be all “I told you so.” Dean will want to know what the hell I was thinking, as he reminds me about how great Abby is, as if I didn’t already know. Noah has never been one for monogamy but Abby has always been good to him, keeping him well stocked with cherry popovers and apple strudels to keep his ladies impressed, so I have a feeling he will back her up over me. Hell, I’d back her up over me too.

I have been trying my hardest to avoid Cath at all costs but she is always right there. I swear she has some sort of GPS tracking on me or she is psychic because everywhere I go, she shows up.  Every time I go into the cafeteria or the studio we have booked or the office Collin is using she walks in seconds after me. Every time I use the loo I am half expecting her to pop out from behind the commode.

I don’t think she has mentioned the kiss to anyone because no one is giving me odd looks, other than the ones I normally get, and no one is acting any differently or saying anything. I’m glad she hasn’t said anything but with every day that passes, and this torrid secret stays between just the two of us, makes me think I could actually pull off keeping this from Abby and that’s where the conflict comes in. Telling her could mean losing her, especially given the fact that I didn’t fess up straight away, but keeping secrets from her is never a good thing, unless presents are involved. Which there’s not...although at this point there should be.

I walk into the cafeteria to grab a cola, wishing desperately I had some sort alcohol to add in to it. I’d take anything right now, even if it doesn’t mix well with cola.

“I really think you should reconsider singing with me.” A feminine voice says behind me.

I jump and turn around to see Cath leaning against the wall, twirling a silky black ribbon between her fingers. She has been trying to talk me in to singing the song we wrote together on the album. There’s no way I am touching that one, other than to play the drums in the background.

“It really wouldn’t be appropriate.” I tell her.

She pushes off from the wall with her shoulder and walks over to where I am standing with an exaggerated bounce in her step. She reaches her hand up towards my face and I take a step back.

Cath frowns. “It’s a song we wrote
together
. How would singing it
together
be inappropriate?”

“The song is about seeing the person you want with someone else and feeling like you need to be with them anyway. You said so yourself.” I say through gritted teeth.

“And you think it is inappropriate for us to sing together because you are in a relationship?” She asks.

“Yes!” I exclaim.

What is she not getting about this?

Cath’s notorious Cheshire cat grin spreads across her face and I don’t quite trust it. She leans in close and I am worried she might try to kiss me again. She doesn’t. Instead she whispers into my ear. “Yet you didn’t think it was at all inappropriate to write the song with me.”

Aaaaaand we now have another entry to add to the rapidly growing list of stupid shit Tyler manages to get himself in to.

She has me there, and she knows it, but I refuse to give in to her. Glaring into her brown eyes, I say “I’m not singing it with you. As a matter of fact, you can get Marie to play the drums on the track because I want nothing to do with the song. Credit the lyrics to yourself.”

I step around her and walk through the empty cafeteria. I just want to get away from her as quickly as possible.

“You can’t hide from what happened the other night Tyler and you can’t ignore it. What we did actually happened.”

I turn around and point to her.

“What you did.” I say angrily.

She shakes her head and laughs. “No, honey WE. I may have initiated the kiss but you kissed me back. It was
your
tongue that entered
my
mouth so don’t you dare act like I am the one responsible for whatever happens when the shit hits the fan, which it will. You are just as guilty as I am.”

“Leave me alone Cath.” I mutter as I turn to walk out.

I walk down the hall to Collin’s office as quickly as I can. I stop in front of it, sigh and rub my hands over my face before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” Collin calls out.

I open the door and move through before shutting it behind me. Collin motions for me to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

“What can I do for you Tyler?” He asks.

“I was wondering what you have scheduled for me today.”

Collin gives me an odd look as he pulls a notebook out from beneath the pile of papers on his desk.

“Let’s see...I’ve got you scheduled to be in the studio from ten until three. After that I have nothing until tomorrow.”

“Mind if I take off right at three instead of hanging around today?” I ask.

“As long as Domino and Bash don’t need you, you are free to go.”

“Thanks Collin.” I say.

If I leave here at three, that should give me a few hours before Abby gets home. Only a few hours before I finally come clean and am completely and totally honest with the woman I love more than anything. I’m just going to come right out and tell her, beg for her forgiveness and pray to God that she decides to give me another chance. I just want this nightmare to be over.

––––––––

“H
ey Abby.” Caroline says cautiously as she walks into the kitchen where I am mixing batter for cupcakes.

My brow furrows as I take in the uneasy look on her face. I’ve never seen Caroline with anything but a smile on her face in the few weeks that I have known her.

“Hey Caroline, what’s up?”

She walks hesitantly over to where I am working and stops in front of me, chewing on her bottom lip.