Always & Forever (23 page)

He forced himself to continue, though he hated reliving these memories. Hated even more Lilly knowing how foolish he had been, how much loathing his own wife held for him. Could Lilly fall in love with a man like that?

“A month after our wedding I went to a conference in Chicago. My career had started to take off, and I was gone a lot. When I got home, Victoria sat in the living room crying. She told me she lost the baby.”

Lilly reached across the countertop and stroked the back of his hand softly.

The tight band of anxiety around Zach’s chest loosened a bit. Lilly definitely understood deception by a person only interested in money.

“How did you learn the truth?”

“It was about a year later. I tried hard to patch things up with her. I tried to be a good husband.” He shrugged. “Victoria always had excuses for why she didn’t want to sleep with me. I wasn’t allowed to kiss her or even touch her hardly. She constantly berated my skills in that department.”

“She didn’t know what she was missing.” Lilly smiled. “I love it when you kiss me.” She climbed down from the stool and rounded the counter.

Zach turned to face her, and Lilly wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back, as relief flooded through him. She was comfortable enough to touch him again.

Lilly pulled his head down and kissed him tenderly. “I’m sorry you went through that. Why did you stay with her?”

“Victoria was a great actress. Everyone in my family believed she was the perfect wife. Well, everyone besides Grandma and Sarah. They never liked her.”

“Does Sarah like me?” Lilly interrupted.

Zach laughed. “Very much so, honey.”

Lilly smiled and put her head against his chest. “Sorry. Just curious. Continue.”

Zach gathered his thoughts, distracted by the feel of Lilly against him. “Victoria always told people how sad she was that she couldn’t seem to get pregnant again. How much she wanted to give me the kids I always dreamed of having. Summers spent in Serenity with the family were times for her to shine.”

“And you couldn’t go against your mother’s wishes and get a divorce?”

“I wish that’s all there was to it.” Zach cuddled Lilly closer to him. “I didn’t have her sign a prenup. I thought she had her own money when we got married, never thought I needed one.”

“So you were trapped.”

“It was even worse once I caught her sleeping with Curtis Crandall.”

“What? Curtis?” Lilly pulled away and looked up at him. “No wonder you hate him.”

“He was my best friend. The one man I thought I could trust with my wife.” Zach struggled against the dull anger burning inside him. “I thought I finally had good grounds for divorce, but she said she’d tell everyone I’d been abusing her. Said she’d claim we lost the baby because I hit her too hard. I wasn’t sure whether my family would believe her.”

“Of course they wouldn’t have,” Lilly said, “but I understand. You were afraid and not thinking logically. It was the same for me when Charles made threats. The police might have been able to help me if I’d turned him in, but I always feared they would believe his side of the story.”

Zach nodded. Lilly definitely understood. “After that threat, Victoria laughed and said there never had been a baby. All along, she planned to trap me into marriage because of my money. She said she didn’t love me, would
never
love me.”

The sting of those words remained, after all that time. He wondered if he would ever find love, or if all women would feel the way Victoria had.

Zach felt the icy fingers of loneliness reach out for him. He inhaled the flowery sent of Lilly’s lotion and concentrated on her soft body in his arms, trying to push the loneliness back.

Her warm hands rubbed up and down his back. “You were married five years. How could she cheat on you and use you that entire time?”

The outrage in Lilly’s voice warmed Zach further. “I decided it was easier to avoid Victoria and let her do whatever she wanted. I threw myself into my writing and tried to pretend my life was great.”

“And then she died?”

“Four years after I found out about her and Crandall,” he agreed. “She took our boat out by herself one night. She loved cruising around the waters of Puget Sound. The coast guard found our abandoned boat the next morning. Victoria’s body was found a few days later.”

There was no way to know whether Victoria had been unconscious when she went overboard. Perhaps she drank too much and passed out. Zach prayed that was what happened. He shuddered. Victoria might have been a horrible wife, but he hoped she wasn’t aware in the last moments of her life.

“I’m sorry. That must have been hard on you.” Lilly sucked a breath in and leaned her forehead on his chest. “Even if you didn’t have a good relationship, she was still your wife.”

“I’m sure it was the same for you with Charles.”

“It’s weird how similar our pasts are, don’t you think?” she asked.

“Sarah said the same thing yesterday. She pointed out that I could’ve easily been blamed for Victoria’s death if I hadn’t been down in Florida at the time.”

“Sarah knows about my life?” she asked, looking up at him.

His arms tightened around her. Maybe it would have been better if he’d kept that information to himself. “I’m sorry. I had to talk to someone. I don’t have many secrets from Sarah. Should’ve listened to her when she told me not to marry Victoria.”

Lilly nodded. “It’s okay. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Victoria shouldn’t have treated you that way.” She kissed him deeply, melting away Zach’s fears.

He broke off the kiss, struggling against tears that threatened to fall. “Thank you for understanding.”

It relieved him to have Lilly hear the truth of his marriage. Feeling her arms wrapped around him, hearing the anger in her voice directed toward Victoria on his behalf, it warmed Zach’s soul. He never dared hope he could feel this way with a woman. Lilly was so much more than he thought when he offered to hire her as a decoy date. All he wanted now was to be with her, on whatever terms she could handle.

Lilly pulled out of his embrace. She caressed his hair before limping toward the hallway.

“Where are you going?” Zach asked.

“I have to pack a suitcase for Portland,” she replied. “If we leave too much later, all the good stores will be closed before we get there.”

“You want to go?” Zach hardly dared hope she actually meant that.

“Yes. We can use this time to work on trusting one another.”

Zach felt a grin spread across his face. She wanted to work on their relationship. She wanted to be with him.

“Besides, I really do need a dress, but I’m paying you back as soon as I can.” She disappeared into the bedroom.

He’d agree to anything, as long as they went away together. It would also get her away from whoever terrified her last night.

“I’ll call and make reservations. There’s a really nice hotel along the Willamette River,” he hollered down the hallway. “Should I get two rooms?” He paused, but she didn’t reply. “They have beautiful suites that overlook the water. We could share one.”

Zach held his breath and waited for her answer. Maybe he shouldn’t push her again, but he would gladly spend two nights of torture with her lying in his arms if that was all she wanted.

Lilly’s head poked out around the corner of the doorframe. “I think a suite will be fine.”

Lilly flopped onto the couch in the suite’s sitting room. She hadn’t stayed in a place this luxurious for a long time. The well-padded cushions felt wonderful beneath her. She stretched, trying to relax the muscles in her aching thigh. Zach was a serious shopper. They visited five different stores before he claimed himself satisfied.

The plush carpet muffled Zach’s footsteps as he moved around the bedroom, hanging their purchases in the closet. He walked into the sitting room, crossed in front of the big screen television, and stepped past the oak coffee table to sit next to her.

“Maybe we should order room service tonight,” he suggested, eyeing her leg.

Lilly nodded and massaged the offending limb. “That sounds good. We could eat on the balcony.”

“What would you like?”

Lilly settled back into the cushions. “Order whatever you like for both of us. I’m sure that will be fine.”

“Oh, now I get to make decisions? I thought that was against the rules.” Mischief gleamed in his green eyes.

“Are you going to forgive me for this morning?” Lilly dreaded the answer. “I know I was a bit difficult.”

Zach shook his head. “I’m teasing you. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Anxiety clutched at Lilly’s heart. Charles would never have forgiven her for yelling like that. “Do you really mean that?”

“If you really feel like you need to make things up to me, wear that black dress tomorrow when we go out.” His eyebrows wagged up and down. “That would make any man forget his troubles.”

Lilly thought of the short dress and sighed. It was a beautiful lacy confection. It started out as a choker collar, the black lace tightly circling her neck. The fabric tapered down to hug her small bosom, somehow making it seem fuller. The open back showed more skin than Lilly was comfortable with, but Zach had gone wild. He claimed it was the sexiest dress he’d ever seen. Her problem was the flaring skirt that ended just above her knees. What if the wind caught it and exposed her ugly scars?

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll wear it, but when everyone stares at us, you’ll only have yourself to blame.”

“They’re going to stare, because you’re stunning.” Zach made as if to grab her hand, but stopped and dropped his hand into his lap.

It wasn’t worth arguing about. She really cared about Zach. He was an honest, decent guy. The more time she spent with him, the more she really believed that.

“I’ll defer to your judgment on this one,” she said.

“Knew you’d see it my way.” Zach crossed the room to the desk and flipped through the room service menu. “How about something simple, like club sandwiches? Or we could get lobster...”

“Let’s do simple. Club sandwiches are great. Order me some fries too, please.” Lilly stood up and walked slowly toward the bedroom. “I’ll be right back.”

Zach nodded and waved her toward the door as he picked up the phone.

Lilly grabbed her purse off the California king-sized bed and dug through it, looking for her pills. Only two Percocet remained in her pill bottle. Lilly opted for Tylenol instead. Zach said he had big plans for tomorrow. She would probably need the hard stuff afterward.

She kicked off her shoes and wriggled her toes in the thick carpet, loving the feel of it as she padded to the bathroom. The light turned on automatically when she entered the room, and Lilly filled a glass with water. The bathroom could have fit her entire bedroom inside, with space to spare. The jetted tub could be better classified as a swimming pool.

Lilly contemplated the fun she and Zach could have all throughout this enormous hotel suite, if she could figure out how to trust him. In the back of her mind, she knew making love to Zach was a real possibility when she agreed to share a suite, but she still wasn’t sure it was what she wanted.

His story of Victoria’s rejection broke Lilly’s heart. Twice in a row, Lilly turned him away. Did she make him feel as rejected as Victoria had? Would he believe her now if she decided to give herself to him?

Lilly swallowed the pills down and went back in the bedroom to hang her purse in the closet. She looked at the five garment bags holding the dresses Zach bought her. They hung side by side with his two new suits. What would it be like to live with Zach? To really share a closet with him?

She closed the door and wandered back into the sitting room. Zach stood with his shoulder propped against the open doorway to the balcony. Her breath caught in her throat and an intense longing filled her.

Crossing the room quickly, Lilly threw her arms around Zach’s waist. She pressed her cheek against his back and held him to her, and his large hands closed over hers.

She wished she could erase his past hurts. She wished they hadn’t both ended up with people who were completely wrong for them.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“Nothing really.” He twisted his body to pull her against his side. “Did you have fun today with me?”

“’Course I did. I’m paying you back for the dresses though.”

Zach nodded. “Except the black one. I didn’t buy that dress for you.”

Lilly laughed, her melancholy mood lifting. Zach had magic arms it seemed. “Did you bring another fake girlfriend here? Where is she hiding?”

Zach caught Lilly under the chin and forced her to meet his eyes. “Stop saying that.”

The fierceness in his intense stare caught her off guard. She fought the panic that threatened to overtake her. If Charles had given her a similar look, Lilly could be sure a punch would follow.
Zach promised he’d never hurt me. I have to trust him.

And she did, though it was hard to stop her knee-jerk reaction. She forced herself to smile. “I’m sorry. It was a joke, a rather poor one.”

“I bought that dress simply because I love looking at you in it.”