Always and Forever (29 page)

“It’s been going on for a long time. Why are you suddenly so concerned?” Jory knew she was being rude, but she didn’t care.

“I’ve never seen you so involved in anything before,” her mother countered. “I was impressed.”

“So you were rewarding
me?
A whole bunch of people worked to make this thing happen, you know.” Jory wanted to tell her about Lyle, because without him, she would have never pulled it off.

“That’s not it. Stop being so defensive. But Jory, you must admit that you put very little effort into things that you do. I simply think you did an excellent job on this carnival for your friend. I heard it talked about on the radio, and the article in the newspaper was good too.”

“If you were so impressed, then why didn’t you and Daddy stop by?”

“Your father’s flown down to the islands on business and I was swamped with desk work and couldn’t get away.” Mrs. Delaney paused. “How did it go? Did you raise lots of money?”

“Yes. But Melissa’s not doing so well. They think she might be rejecting the transplant.”

“That’s too bad. Really, I’m sorry.”

“She knew that was a possibility when she checked in to the hospital. But she had the procedure done anyway. Her mother thought she was mature enough to make the decision herself.”

“That is a big decision for such a young girl.…” Mrs. Delaney shifted and glanced at her watch. “You should go to bed and get some rest.”

Jory felt like screaming. How could her mother bounce so easily between caring and indifference? “I’m tired, but I’m not sleepy,” she said, plopping onto a sofa.

“That happens to me sometimes,” Mrs. Delaney swiveled in her chair to face Jory. “Maybe you’d like some hot tea?”

“I had hot chocolate already.” Jory plucked at a decorator pillow.

“What is it, Jory? What do you want?” Her tone was kind, a bit imploring.

Jory didn’t know exactly. Her antagonism waned and she felt restless and unsettled. “I-I want to thank you for the money,” she said. “It was a big donation and I know it will help the Austins.”

Mrs. Delaney heaved a sigh and pressed her eyelids with her fingers. “I honestly feel sorry for that family. I can’t imagine how I’d handle it if it were you.”

The remark caught Jory off guard. It had never occurred to her that her mother ever thought about her in any way except as someone to order around. “I don’t know how I’d handle it if it were me either.”

“I’m glad it isn’t you.” Her mother’s face was bathed in lamplight, and for a moment, Jory thought she saw her eyes glistening.

She recalled all the arguments they’d had over the past months and realized that these were the first gentle words they’d shared in ages. She remembered another scene. One of Mrs. Austin cradling Melissa beside their Christmas tree. She couldn’t remember the last time her mother had held her like that. “Well, I guess I’ll go to my room.” She struggled to her feet, suddenly exhausted.

She got as far as the door before her mother said, “Uh, Jory. There is one thing”. Jory tensed. She should have known their moment of peaceful coexistence wouldn’t last. “I appreciate the way you’ve stuck to your bargain about going to all the
engagements I’ve arranged over these past months.”

“A deal’s a deal.”

“I know it hasn’t been exactly fun to go out on arranged dates.”

“I knew it was important to you and Dad.”

“Well, I’m releasing you from that commitment. There’s one I set up months ago for the first of March that I’d really appreciate if you’d keep, but after that, you don’t ever have to go to something I’ve arranged if you don’t want to.”

Jory turned, open-mouthed. “I don’t?”

“You don’t.”

“Gee, Mom—thanks. Really, I mean, thanks a
lot
.”

Mrs. Delaney shrugged. “Don’t act like you’ve just been released from prison. I know sometimes it seems that all we ever do is fight. That we always seem to be working at cross purposes. But, Jory, all I’ve ever wanted for you was the best from life.”

Jory’s eyes flew up to her mother’s. “We’ve just never been able to agree on what was ‘the best.’ ”

“No, I guess not.”

The tick of the antique wall clock was the only sound to break the silence between them. Jory had an overwhelming urge to slip into her mother’s arms and rest her head against her. She didn’t move. “Well, good night,” she finally said, clearing her throat.

“Good night, Jory,” Mrs. Delaney said. “Please keep me posted on Melissa’s progress.”

“I will.” Jory slipped into the hall and up the stairs feeling quite alone.

For reasons she didn’t understand, Jory spent every night of the next week studying. She was almost finished with an English term paper on Saturday night, when Lyle called. “Want to hit a party with me?” he asked.

She stretched and eyed the paper. “Tell me more.”

“Some of the guys are checking out a big bash in the woods north of the university. A couple of them are planning on going to USF next fall, and a few of the fraternities are having a free-for-all out there tonight. I’d like you to come with me.”

Jory was tempted. “Gee, Lyle, I don’t know … I’ve got this paper due Monday.” She toyed with her pen, and inspiration struck. “Tell you what. Give me directions, and I’ll meet you out there when I’m finished.”

“You’re on.” She heard the smile in his voice over the phone. She hung up and wondered why she’d agreed. She loved parties, but it was more than that. She’d wanted to be with Lyle. “That’s stupid!” she said aloud, flipping through the book to find her place and get back to work. Lyle Vargas was just a nice guy who was sensitive and understanding about her friendship with Melissa. That was all. For Jory there was only Michael. Always and forever. Only Michael.

A few hours later, Jory parked her car and followed the sounds of music to a clearing in the pine
trees. The moon was full, its light filtering through the trees, and the night air was cool and crisp. Auxiliary floodlights, fed by a portable generator, had been set up in a haphazard circle. Vehicles were scattered everywhere, and people danced, some on the hoods of the cars.

Her eyes darted about nervously. She didn’t recognize a soul of the college crowd, most of whom were drinking. She had almost talked herself into leaving when Lyle called to her. “It’s a little crazy around here, but I’m glad you came,” he said.

She flashed him a perky smile. “You know me, just a party girl at heart.”

Lyle eyed her, shaking his head. “Why do you keep pushing that image of yourself? You’re far more than that, Jory.”

“Never!”

“Yeah you are. I know you want everybody to think you’re only running around looking for a good time, but you’re not that way at all. Look at how much you do for Melissa.”

“Cripes, Lyle, you make me sound like Mother Teresa.” Jory felt silly listening to him sing her praises. Although she’d once wanted to change her image from a good-time girl, she didn’t want anything to interfere with her promises to Melissa right now. She slid out of his grasp. “So where’s the gang?”

“Skip and Tommy are putting the moves on some girls. I’ve just been hanging back waiting for you.”

“So here I am,” she said brightly. “Why don’t we dance?”

“Can we wait for something slow?”

She watched several couples whirl in frenzied motion. “Doesn’t look like there will be anything slow coming on the pipes for a long time. Come on, don’t be a party pooper. I want to have fun!”

Lyle danced with her, and in minutes Jory was caught up in music and motion. She welcomed the opportunity to clear her mind, to relax and let loose. When something slow did blare over the speakers, she sighed. Slow meant thinking and talking, and right now Jory didn’t want to do either. Lyle pulled her to him, locking his hands behind the small of her back. “This is much better,” he said, catching his breath and resting his chin on top of her head.

The air was cool on her warm skin and Lyle was near and his arms were holding her and he smelled of warmth and woodsy cologne. It would be so easy to nestle against him, to bury her face in his chest and float in his arms. “I’m thirsty,” she said, holding herself away from him. “Do they have sodas, or is beer the only thing to drink?”

Lyle stopped dancing but didn’t release her. “Look at me.” She tipped her head upward. “What’s wrong, Jory?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” She offered a brilliant smile. “Can’t I be thirsty?”

“Whenever you smile like that it means, ‘Don’t get too close.’ Why can’t you talk to me, Jory? I’ve been there.”

“Been where? And I’m so sorry my smile bothers you.” Why did he always have to dig inside her? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone and have a good time?

She squirmed out of his arms and walked to the edge of the circle of light. He followed. “Look, Lyle, maybe I shouldn’t have come. You want to be serious and I want to party. Everybody accepts me just the way I am, Lyle, except you.”
And my mother and Melissa
, she thought. “Why can’t everybody just leave me alone and let me live my own life?”

“Your best friend is
dying
, Jory. You can’t stand by and watch it happen and not have it tear your guts out.
Talk
to me. I can help.”

“She’s not dying!” Jory yelled. “She’s sick and she’s having problems with her cure, but she’s not going to die.” Pressure began to build in her chest as she spoke.

“It isn’t your fault that Melissa got sick and you didn’t,” Lyle said.

“That’s stupid,” she hissed. “That’s never crossed my mind.” The tightness in her chest increased and she wanted to bolt. Lyle reached for her, but she shoved him away. “Leave me alone. I mean it. Melissa’s going to make it.”

“But what if she doesn’t? What will you do?”

“I’ll be just fine with all my
real
friends around me. Up ’til now, you’ve been a good friend, but …”

He lifted his hands to her face and ran his thumbs along the sides of her cheeks, making her
shiver. “I don’t want to be your buddy, Jory. I don’t want to be just another one of the guys you run around partying with.”

Lyle’s words had hurt and she wanted to hurt him back. “Let me be real honest with you, Lyle, all right? The only guy I’ve ever been crazy about is Michael Austin. I’ve felt that way for years, and even though I date other guys, no one’s ever been able to change my mind about him.”

Lyle said nothing, but his eyes looked dark and hurt. Jory wished she could take it all back. Lyle had been good to her and kind to Melissa. He said, “In other words, ‘Buzz off, Lyle.’ Is that the bottom line?”

She raised her chin. “You got it.”

“Thanks for being honest, Jory. You get your wish. I won’t bother you anymore. You drove yourself here, I guess you can drive yourself home.” He walked away and quickly disappeared into the clusters of people.

Alone in the moonlight, Jory swallowed a lump of hot tears. She didn’t care. Let him go! She sniffed and ran her fingers through her hair, damp at the temples from anxiety. She glanced about, not sure what to do or where to go.

She heard a familiar voice call her name from across the clearing and her stomach did a somersault. She turned to see Michael Austin coming toward her.

Michael wore a cockeyed grin as he approached her, weaving slightly as he walked. Jory knew instantly that he’d been drinking. “Hey, Jory. What’re you doin’ here?”

He’d greeted her like a long-lost friend and she realized exactly how drunk he had to be. Michael had rarely been very friendly to her, especially over the past few months. “Looking for a good time,” she told him gaily.

“Then you’ve come to the right place,” Michael said, looping his arm over her shoulders. “We’re all having a real good time.”

All thoughts of Lyle and their argument fled. “It looks like you’ve gotten a head start, Michael. How long have you been here?”

He attempted to read his watch. “Hands look fuzzy,” he said, tapping the face. “Gotta get the thing fixed.”

“Are you … uh … with somebody, Michael?” Jory asked.

He leaned into her and scratched his head, as if trying to remember. “Just some guys.”

Jory was relieved. She felt euphoric over his being nice to her and she didn’t want to share him,
even if he was smashed and wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning. “Why don’t we sit down?” she asked.

“In a minute. First, I need to get a beer.”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough beers?”

It was the wrong thing to say. “I know when I’ve had enough,” he said abruptly.

Anxious not to lose him, Jory flashed him one of her most fabulous smiles. “Of course. So why don’t I sit here on the car and wait for you?”

“Works for me,” he said with a wave of his hand.

She watched him thread through the crowd toward an area with two stainless steel beer kegs and a washtub of other drinks. She knew that it wasn’t smart for him to be drinking so much, but she also knew what he’d been through since Melissa’s illness began. He deserved to blow off some steam.

A guy came toward her and Jory stiffened, willing Michael to return. “You a friend of Austin’s?” He asked.

Jory hesitated. “Yes.”

“Me too. I’ve been trying to get him out of here for an hour. But he won’t go.”