Always and Forever (32 page)

Kal let out a startled laugh, which drew Brad's incredulous gaze over to him. “I'm sure that's not the answer he was expecting.” Still chuckling, he pushed up to his feet, his clothes rumpled and creased from having sat beside me for unending amounts of time, even just
to watch me sleep. He leaned forward, pressed a kiss to my cheek and then turned to Brad, clapping a sympathetic hand on the other boy's shoulder. “I'll give you two a minute.”

Brad watched him leave before turning a worried frown on me. “How bad is it?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, as if talking any louder would make everything that much worse, somehow. “How much longer do you have?”

I shook my head sadly. “Not much. A couple days, maybe more.”

His face drained of all color. His lips quivered. Dave shuffled up behind him and dropped reassuring hands on his boyfriend's shoulders, a silent wall of love and support. “It's okay,” he muttered. “It'll be okay.”

“Hey, now,” I said, reaching out again. My fingers skimmed up his cheek and wiped away the quick flow of tears that had broken free. “Don't do that. I'll be okay. Better place and all that happy horseshit.”

A reluctant smile trudged up to his mouth. “I know. It's just…It's just…”

“I know,” I said. “I'll miss you, too, Brad.”

He shrugged out from under Dave's hands and stretched out next to me, resting his head on my shoulder. “I'm not a very good wingman, am I? I mean, if I was, I'd be right here with you, in my own hospital bed, drool hanging off my chin and mumbling incoherently.”

A smile tugged at my lips. “No, I guess you aren't. Maybe you should work on that.”

“I'll get right on it. Put it at the top of my to-do list.”

I pressed my face against the top of his head and closed my eyes. This had to be the hardest part. The best, and quite possibly, the worst. Saying goodbye.

“I love you, Mia,” he mumbled into my shoulder. “I always will.”

Dave sidled up to the other side of the bed. With a small, sad smile, he grazed his knuckles across my cheek. “Good thing I'm not the jealous type, huh?” He leaned forward and brushed a kiss across my forehead. Then, before I could respond, he moved away, disappearing down the hall—presumably to find Kal.

“I love you, too, Brad,” I told him quietly. “Just don't tell Kal. Okay? Because he is the jealous type.”

The second his soft snicker fell out, it twisted and turned until it morphed into an aggrieved groan.

It was at that moment that Horcrux decided to make an appearance. The cat leaped up onto the end of the bed, sat staring owlishly at me just long enough to have me fidgeting. He sashayed over to Brad's legs, skittered up onto him, and then crawled along his body until he reached Brad's shoulder where he curled up and started purring, quite loudly.

I brought my hand up to scratch him behind the ears, his eyes sliding closed as he leaned into the pet. “Brad,” I began somewhat hesitantly. “Will you do something for me?”

He lifted his head so that he could look into my eyes and nodded solemnly. “Whatever you want, Mia.”

I gave Horcrux one last scratch. “Will you take this evil cat with you when you leave?”

He swiveled around so fast, Horcrux almost went flying. But of course, evil as that cat was, he seemed to know what was coming and dug his claws into Brad's shoulder, effectively keeping his perch.

“But he's yours—” Brad shook his head fiercely.

“Now, he's yours,” I interrupted before he could formulate a suitable excuse for not taking Horcrux. “Come on, Brad. He doesn't like anyone—”

“He likes you—”

“And, you,” I countered easily. “Besides, you're the only one I trust to be good to him. To give him lots of attention. To allow him free reign to terrorize everyone who visits you. To feed him Sour Cream and Onion potato chips every now and then.”

He laughed, long and loud. “Dave will just love this.”

“Please, Brad?” I started to make puppy eyes at him, but he relented rather quickly so there was no need.

“Alright,” he grumbled sourly and then ruined it by smiling broadly. “Of course, I will, Mia. I'd do anything for you. You're one of my best friends. Don't you know that by now?”

“I had an idea.”

And, this was how we said goodbye. Me and Brad. With Ricki—in typical Ricki fashion—it had been dramatic, tragic, and overly-emotional. But with Brad it was just another day. A few laughs. Some silly antics. And, a whole lot of comfort in knowing that we just got each other.

Like I said, goodbye was always the best, the worst, and especially, the hardest part.

T
HIRTY
-S
IX

MY BODY WAS GIVING OUT
so much faster than I wanted it to. Each day I slept more and more. Lucid moments came fewer and farther between until I could no longer hide from the truth.

I was drifting away.

The worst part of it wasn't in knowing that my time was almost up. No, that, I could handle. But seeing the sad truth of it lying in the shadows that lurked behind my parents' eyes and in the pain etching hard lines into Kal's face was so much more than I could possibly bear. I'd like to think that Ben, at least, was immune, but that would be a lie as well. He just hid it better, sitting next to me and losing himself in the war games that seemed to be the only thing that brought him peace anymore.

I was losing them all. They were losing me. It was only a matter of time, and unfortunately, that time had run out.

Dawn of the day of my death rose, bright and new. I was awake even before the sun made its appearance. Beside me in the bed, Mom lay curled along my dead side, snoring lightly in my ear. Kal had folded his long frame into the chair beside me, his hand clasped around mine, his head hanging off the side of the chair. Ben was sprawled out on the couch, mouth hanging open, drool dribbling from his chin.

I watched them all with a sinking heart because somehow I just knew. This was it. This was my last day on this Earth. When drowsiness overtook me next, it would be the last time I'd close my eyes.

It probably should have scared me more. Or at least made me angry. I'd never get any of the things I'd always wanted, the life I'd told Ricki she'd enjoy without me in it. Mom and Dad would never see me graduate high school or go off to college or stand up with me on my wedding day, Mom fussing over my gown and telling me no bride had ever been more beautiful, Dad walking me down the aisle and threatening my new husband with bodily injury if he didn't treat me right. I'd never see Ben grow up, meet the girl of his dreams, start his career, have a family of his own.

And Kal…oh God, Kal. Would he ever make it back from this? How do you get over losing your first love so tragically? He had to. He just did. He couldn't curl in on himself. He couldn't shut out the world because he'd made the terrible mistake of choosing me to love. He had a bright future ahead of him. I couldn't ruin that for him. I'd never forgive myself or him if that happened.

“You're awake,” Dad said, padding quietly into the room, a steaming mug of coffee in one hand, the paper in the other. “How are you feeling, princess?”

“O-Okay,” I choked out, all the while blinking furiously against the storm cloud of tears that hovered over me.

A small, bitter smile pressed into his lips before he turned toward the couch and nudged Ben. “Ben, wake up.”

A groan, a swat at Dad's hand, and then he rolled over as he mumbled about giving him another five minutes.

“Up. Now.”

More grumbling ensued, but Ben dragged himself upright. When his bleary eyes came into focus, his head snapped around, eyes frantically searching my corner of the room. His shoulders sagged in relief upon zeroing in on me. He leaped to his feet and was at my side in a flash. “You're still here,” he cried. He threw his arms around me, knocking my hand free of Kal's as he lumbered up onto the bed. “Oh, Mia, I had the worst dream.”

From the chair, Kal sucked in a startled breath when his head jerked forward at Ben's accidental kick. “What—” He swiveled first right, then left, eyes wide with panic. “What's going on?”

“Nothing, Kallie,” I laughed at his startled look. “Ben just wanted to say good morning.” I hugged my brother close and rested my head on his. “Everything's alright, isn't it Benj?”

“Now, it is.” His words were muffled by his face being mashed into my shoulder, but I could feel the fear and hurt surging through him. He pressed in closer to me. “Now, it is,” he repeated for good measure.

I could only imagine what he'd dreamed…me dead upon his waking. I hugged him tight. The voluminous black cloud dropped closer to my head. I could feel the moisture gathering. Just hold on. Not in front of Ben. If I cried in front of him, it'd kill him. “It's okay, Benj. It'll all be okay.”

He lifted his head, eyes swollen and filled with too many tears to count. “Do you promise?” he asked, his voice cracked and faded, broken in from all this terrible tragedy I was subjecting him to. Not for much longer Ben. That I could definitely promise.

Slowly, I nodded. “I promise.”

He stared down at me for a long moment, measuring the truth of my words. Then, he slid off the bed and trudged upstairs to shower and get dressed.

The moment he was out of sight, Mom and Dad converged on me; Kal slipped quietly to the couch as the morning routine got under way. The humiliation of having to have Dad carry me to and from the bathroom and Mom help me actually do my business, brush my teeth, and even take a shower had all worn off within moments of me coming home. Now, I just allowed it to happen, detaching myself from the actual movements. And, really only after a few days, they had it all down to a science, a lost art.

I was settled back in the bed long before Ben reappeared.

Mom and Dad faded into the kitchen to make coffee, and Kal slid back over to my side. Instead of taking his chair, he crawled up onto the bed with me, slipped his arms under me so he could pull me into his lap.

“You should go home and get some breakfast,” I whispered, brushing a soft kiss to his Adam's apple.

“Not a chance.”

“I'll be here when you get back, Kallie. I promise.”

He was shaking his head even before I finished talking. “You don't know that for sure, Mia. You could…You could…” He choked
and shook his head again. I didn't have to look up to know his face was wet and only getting wetter. “I'm not leaving you,” he finished resolutely.

“Kal—”

“No, so don't ask again. I'm not going to spend a moment away from you when we don't have a lot of time left. I won't do it. I can't. So, don't ask that of me. Anything else, Mia, but not that.”

“Just an hour,” I pleaded. “Can you do that?”

His whole body jerked and then stiffened against mine. “W-Why?”

“It's just that you haven't really been home to see your own family since I got home from the hospital—”

“They understand,” he cut in gently.

“I know, but I want you, no, I need you to go see them. Eat breakfast with them. Have some time together.”

He drew in a long breath and slowly, very slowly, exhaled it. “Okay, but just tell me why.”

“I just…” I closed my eyes, a single tear leaking out. “I just need some time with Mom and Dad…to say goodbye.”

He clutched at me tighter, his arms squeezing me so hard I thought I might pass out from lack of oxygen. “This soon? Does it…does it hurt?”

“It's close,” I mumbled tiredly. “I just feel it, Kal. I don't know how to explain it, but my arms and my legs, they just feel so heavy. And, my head…it's going to be soon.” He started shaking his head, gripping me tighter, but I pounded on, not giving him a chance to argue. “I'll be here when you get back, Kal. I will. I promise. But I just need this time with them. Please.”

He didn't say anything for a long time, just held me close, and rocked slightly as his tears dripped off his face and fell into my hair. Finally, his hand came up to my chin, tilting my face up to look at him. “You promise me that you'll be here when I come back?”

I swallowed hard, pushed the corners of my mouth up into a smile. “Of course.”

“Say the words.” His eyes were so wild, like a cornered animal that had no place to run, no place to hide and so had to choose the path that offered the least amount of pain.

“I promise, Kal.”

Slowly, he nodded. “Okay, then. I'll go, but no more than an hour. I don't care if I have to beat your front door down, I will be right back here with you.” To punctuate his words, he tipped forward. His lips softly brushed mine. “I love you so much, my Mia.” Another light kiss. “Always.” His tongue darted out for a quick taste of my dry, cracked lips.

“And forever,” I finished for him.

“You're damned right.”

Ben chose that moment to crash back into the living room, and Kal pulled away with a promise to be back in no more than an hour. Then, he was gone, leaving me alone with my brother. Ben wasted no time in clamoring up next to me.

Mom and Dad came back in, coffees in hand. When asked if I wanted anything, I instantly replied with a request for Dunkin Donuts. So, Mom ushered Ben out the door to go get us donuts.

The house turned deathly silent once they were gone. Dad sat in Kal's chair, sipping coffee and reading the paper—or at least browsing it since every other second, he shot a worried look my way.

“Daddy,” I said after what seemed like an eternity of the quiet pressing down on my chest, suffocating me. “Looks like it'll be a nice day out.”

He looked up from his paper, glanced toward the front window, and smiled. “It sure does, princess.”

“Can we go outside? Sit in the backyard for awhile?”

He set the paper down slowly, using the time it took to hold me off. “I'm not sure that's such a good idea.”

“Just for a minute. Please?” I jutted out my bottom lip and rounded my eyes in the way I used to when I was little and wanted an expensive toy.

He shook his head and chuckled softly. “Up to your old tricks, huh, princess?” He sighed long and loud, looked out the window, and then shrugged. “Okay, but just for a few minutes. We need to get back inside before your mother comes home and finds you wandering the yard.”