Allegiant (33 page)

He laughs.

“
I thought you were
asleep!” I hiss and scoot down, being sure to jostle the bed as
much as possible to get comfortable.

“
I should be. How long were
you in there? An hour?”

“
At least,” I say, my voice
dripping with sarcasm. “What? Is there a time limit?”

“
No.” I can feel him roll
over. “I thought you had drowned.”

“
In the shower?”

“
Given what’s happened
today, anything’s possible.”

I can’t help but smile. “Well, just for the
record, I take really long showers.”

“
Noted,” he says and
adjusts his weight again.

We fall silent, and I close my eyes. I stare
into the blackness behind my lids and work on relaxing my body,
trying to erase all thought from my mind. It’s not easy. Just as I
find that precious precipice of sleep, Dane’s voice pulls me
back.

“
Seriously?”

I groan. “Whaaat?”

“
You’re balancing yourself
on the edge of the bed like I have the plague. This thing is big
enough to hold twenty people; move over for Christ sake! You’re
making me nervous.”

It didn’t register until now, but I am
teetering precariously near the edge. A subconscious move, I’m
sure. “Its fine,” I huff and plump my pillow. “I’m perfectly
comfortable.”

“
And when you fall asleep
and roll off the side?”

“
I’ll wake up and you’ll
laugh,” I say, closing my eyes again.

He lets out an exasperated sigh and moves;
I’m sure turning away from me. I decide that my location is kind of
silly and slide back, conceding an inch or two. At least I’m able
to pull my knee up to the side now.

“
That’s so much better,” he
grumbles.

I decide to ignore him and pretend he
doesn’t exist. There’s no other way I’ll get to sleep if I don’t.
It takes longer than necessary, but eventually I drift off,
welcoming sleep’s mindless embrace.

Sunlight blasts my face, making me squint,
even though my eyes are still closed. I move and stretch, reaching
my arms above my head and pushing my legs in the opposite
direction. When I peel my eyelids open, I find that I’m alone in
the middle of the bed with a pillow under my head and one at each
side. Yikes. Did I take over the place during the night?

I sit up and blink at the sunlight streaming
in through the glass doors. I glance at the bedside table and see
that it’s nearly noon. Noon! Throwing the blankets aside, I push
myself off the bed and pull my “pajamas” down to cover my behind. I
walk to the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth and hair, then head
out of the room in search of Dane.

I find him outside by the pool, lying in a
lounge chair, and eating an apple. He looks at me over his
sunglasses. “Ah. She lives.”

I take a seat by his feet at the end of the
chaise. “It’s late. Why didn’t you wake me?”

“
Tried,” he smirks. “You
were snoring.”

My mouth falls open. “I don’t snore!”

He takes a bite of his apple and grins. “You
so snore.”

I cross my arms and defend myself. “I
haven’t gotten much sleep over the last few days.”

He tilts his head. “Why is that?”

I relax my arms and my shoulders sag. “How
much did James tell you?”

He pretends to think about it. “You mean
after he appeared and scared the hell out of me or during our car
trip across the state?”

I give him a sympathetic look. I fainted the
first time I saw James as a Guardian, by all accounts he’s handling
this really well.

Dane sets his elbow on the armrest and
pushes himself higher on the lounge. “He introduced himself and
said a few choice words to make me believe him. Then he said that
you needed me.”

I feel my forehead pinch. “Didn’t you ask
any questions?”

“
He said there was trouble;
that you had to disappear and he could no longer be near you. He
didn’t want you to be alone and thought I might be up for the job.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Care to enlighten me as to how he got that
impression?” He takes another bite.

I give him a dry look as he chews. “You
already know.”

He pauses and regards me for a moment. “Do
I?”

I sigh. “We fight about you a lot.”

He looks impressed. “Really?”

“
All the time.”

“
Huh,” he says and looks
toward the pool. He smiles, clearly enjoying this, and turns back
to me. “What do you fight about exactly?”

I shoot him an exasperated look and he
shrugs.

I know what he’s trying to do; he’s trying
to get me to admit that I have feelings for him. It’s the same
discussion we have every time we’re alone together. How did we go
from my lack of sleep to this? “He’s around a lot, okay? He’s seen
just about everything between us.”

“
He said he was there the
night you were attacked.”

I nod.

“
Did he see our last talk?
After the dinner?”

“
He was there.”

“
Did he see our first
kiss?”

“
Yes.”

“
Did he see our last
kiss?”

I roll my eyes. “He was in your
backseat.”

Pausing to think, he sets the apple core on
the ground and moves forward on the chair, turning his body, so
he’s sitting next to me. “So, let me get this straight. Because of
this trouble, he can’t watch you or visit you or anything?”

I wrap my arms around myself and look away
from him, out toward the pavilion that should have been my room.
“Yeah.”

I can feel his stare before I feel his
touch. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, and I turn to face
him, noticing he’s taken off his sunglasses. “Sorry. My hair is
crazy.” I automatically reach back and smooth it, pulling it over
my shoulder.

His hazel eyes lock on mine and I freeze,
knowing what’s going to happen next. If I’m at all honest with
myself, I should have seen this coming. It was only a matter of
time.

He leans forward and places
a gentle kiss on my lips. When I allow this to happen, he sets his
hand against the side of my neck and kisses me harder. Warmth
travels from head to my toes as I wrap my hand around his wrist and
kiss him back. His voice replays in my mind –
“He can’t watch you or visit you or anything?”
– and my eyes fly open. I feel bad about taking
advantage of the situation and pull away from him, meeting his
questioning expression with a defeated one of my own. “James is my
Guardian,” I say quietly.

“
So?”

He has no idea the depth of the situation.
“Do you even know what a Guardian is?”

He leans forward and looks directly into my
eyes. “Emma, I’ve known about Guardians since I was fourteen years
old.”

I’m dumbfounded. “Say again?”

“
I’ve known about Guardians
since I was fourteen,” he repeats himself. “Since my mom
died.”

I stare into his eyes as my heart pounds.
“She’s a Guardian?”

“
Not anymore. She was
released this summer.”

I look down as I try to collect my thoughts.
To think that I’ve been craving to speak with someone about James
and that someone turns out to be Dane? For so long I’ve wanted to
be able to talk about what’s going on and how to cope with it. My
eyes flash back to him. “I wish I had known this sooner.”

He gives me an empathetic smile.

“
No wonder you didn’t have
a problem believing James.”

“
He knew I wouldn’t,” he
says and sets his elbows on his knees. “He knew my mother. Using
her name was all it took to convince me that I wasn’t going
crazy.”

The knowledge that he has been in my shoes
peaks my curiosity. “What was her name?”

“
Evelyn,” he
smiles.

“
When did she start
visiting you?”

“
About a year after she
died. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I was
just a kid, after all. I tried to talk to my dad about it, but…”
his voice fades and his jaw tenses.

“
It didn’t go
well?”

He scoffs. “That’s an understatement. He put
me directly into therapy and let them dope me up on some stupid
medication.” He grimaces. “I learned pretty quickly to shut up
about things.”

My face twists. “That’s awful.”

“
Yeah, well, let’s just say
our relationship went downhill from there.”

I feel terrible for him. He was so young; I
can’t imagine how hard that must have been to deal with.

Dane notices my concern. “Hey,” he gives me
a small smile, “it’s all good. My mom helped me work through things
and to understand. She didn’t want to be away from her only child,
so she chose to be a Guardian. She fulfilled her duties and checked
on me from time to time. I still had her in my life. I wouldn’t
change that for anything.”

“
I wish I could have met
her. Were you sad when she was released?”

He shakes his head and smiles. “A little,
but she had to go sometime. She was released by her true love. What
could be better than that?”

My smile fades into confusion. “Wait. How
was she released if your dad is still alive?”

“
John let her go,” he says.
“He passed away this August. He and my mom were having an affair
before she died.”

My mouth falls open. “How did you know?”

“
We found out shortly
before she was diagnosed. She was going to leave my father. Then,
the cancer hit, and everything happened pretty fast. That’s a big
part of why she stayed,” he says. “She felt bad about how things
were left between us.”

I give him a sympathetic look, then rest my
head on his shoulder. “That’s why James stayed, too. The night he
died, we fought. He didn’t want to leave things that way. He didn’t
want to leave me.”

Dane reaches for my hand and weaves his
fingers through mine.

“
I wish our story could
have a happy ending like yours and your mom’s.”

“
Why can’t it?” he asks
softly. “If you two can’t be together, at least he’s still in your
life, right?”

I raise my head. “You sound like Garrett.
It’s not that simple.”

He gives me a wary look. “Garrett? The guy
at the airport?”

I nod.

“
The guy who is almost
human? The one you said wasn’t hot?”

I smile as I remember my mistaken text
messages. “That’s the one.”

He gives me an irritated look. “You
lied.”

“
About what?”

“
His looks.”

I roll my eyes. “Please. Garrett is not
hot.”

“
Says who?”

“
Says me!”

He frowns. “I didn’t like finding you curled
up against him on that bench. First James shows up and then this
Garrett guy is all over you –”

“
Whoa.” I pull my hand from
his and sit back. “He wasn’t all over me! I was tired and he
offered a shoulder, that’s all. Besides, we’re barely speaking
after what he did.”

“
You mean the whole
assigning you to James to become human thing?”

I look at Dane, impressed. “James told you a
lot.”

He smirks. “It was a long drive.”

“
Then you know,” I say,
exasperated. “Things between James and I aren’t simple! Every time
we see each other we’re reminded of what we can’t have. Not just in
this life, but in the next. I’m his Ward; I can’t release him. He’s
stuck in the Intermediate until I die, and then…” I hesitate. “And
then maybe he’ll have a chance at being human again. Without
me.”

Dane searches my face, thinking about what
I’ve said and how to respond. He can’t dispute the truth. My heart
is broken; there’s no quick fix.

“
Listen,” he finally says,
his eyes locking on mine. “I know what you and James had was real.
Part of your heart will always belong to him. But, I’m a firm
believer in fate. What happened was meant to happen. You have to
believe that, for whatever reason, it was meant to be. You can’t
change it, but you can learn to live with it. Trust me, over time,
things
will
get
easier.”

I look down as he reaches over and winds his
hand around mine again. All I want to do is feel like myself, like
I did before James had his accident and everything went to hell. “I
just want to feel better,” I say as I fixate on our locked fingers.
“Is that really too much to ask for?”

He runs his thumb across the back of my
hand. “Not at all. I’ve had eleven years to wrap my mind around the
Intermediate, and I still don’t get it. You’ve had what? Six
months?”

I look up and give him a tiny smile.
“Seven.”

“
Oh, well then, that makes
a difference.” He smiles back.

We sit in silence for a few moments. I look
around the patio, taking in the stonework, the palm trees, and the
potted hibiscus. How is it that I ended up in paradise under these
circumstances? Life sure is a funny thing, and I don’t mean funny
ha-ha.

“
Here’s what I propose,”
Dane says, pulling my attention back to him. “Let’s make a pact to
live the most normal lives anyone has ever lived.”

“
How?”

“
By keeping each other
focused on the future and not the past. You need to finish your
classes, and I need to find a new job.”

“
I still can’t believe you
quit!” I admonish him. “What were you thinking?”