All the Things I Didn't See (10 page)

Stephanie blushed and shook her head. “If I was so smart, I would have let you go a long time ago.” She looked at him, speculating. “Have you told him how you feel yet?”

Josh sighed. “How can I when I don’t really know myself?”

“I think you do, you’re just scared to admit it. Can I ask why? Are you worried about your career?” She put her hand on his knee, trying to assure him that she wasn’t judging him.

“No, not really,” Josh replied. “I’m more worried about losing my best friend. I’m not sure I could live with that.”

“Oh Josh, honey, you won’t lose him. The way he looks at you… it made me so jealous all the time. The man loves you, Josh. I’m sure of it.”

“Well… loving someone and being in love are two different things, Steph.”

She giggled. “Yeah, I think we’ve kind of got that worked out, don’t you?”
It was his turn to blush.
“Listen, Josh, I’ve known you for two years now, and one of the things I love most about you is your determination and your fearlessness. You’ve never shied away from taking risks.”
She got up and started to pace.
“Hell, this whole thing has been a risk from the beginning. Being a part of one of the first male couples on daytime? I mean, it could have totally screwed your career, and I was selfish enough to remind you of that all the time.”
She turned and smiled at him. “But leave it to you to come through with flying colors. Now you have a worldwide fan base and a movie in the works. Taking chances works for you. Don’t give it up now!”
Josh smiled back at her. She reminded him of the Stephanie he first met.
“You might be right. But concentrating on Sam getting better has to come first, before everything. And thanks to you, I think I have a plan now.”
“Good. Now, I’m going to call my sister and get some things packed. Maybe you should call your parents?”
He nodded. “That’s a good idea. Thanks.” He walked over and gathered her into a hug. “I really hope we can be friends.”
“Ahh, the old ‘let’s be friends’ speech. I’d be offended if I didn’t believe you mean it, but I know you really do.” She hugged him close for a second before pulling back. “Just give me a little time to get over losing you, okay? It’s not an easy thing to do, you know?” She smiled at him. “But don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”
Josh laughed out loud. “Steph? Do you honestly see anyone keeping Sam a secret if they’re in love with him?”
She joined in his laughter. “No, not really. The boy isn’t exactly a shrinking violet.” Her expression faltered a little. “But he really is a good man and the kind of person I think you deserve. I hope it all works out for you.”
“Thanks.”
They stood there for a second, just looking, and then Stephanie winked at him and headed to the bedroom, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Josh pulled out his phone to call his parents. He didn’t expect any objections to his plans from them.
Still, he had to talk to Sam’s parents. He hoped they loved him as much as everyone seemed to think, because that would make things so much easier.
A
FTER
getting his parents’ blessing to use the house on Fire Island for Sam’s rehab, he headed back to the hospital. He drove himself back in his car and stopped along the way to grab a decent coffee and a sandwich at his favorite deli. His appetite seemed to be coming back, and now he was craving something besides hospital food.
He pulled into a parking space outside the hospital and ate, thinking about all the things that had changed in the past week. It seemed like too little time for his life to have made such a total turnaround, but then again, he knew that some of it had been coming for a while.
Stephanie was right. Sam was worth taking a chance on.
And Josh knew he should probably be freaking out a little more, but falling in love with his best friend seemed like having the best of all possible worlds. Josh knew that no matter what happened from here on out, Sam would always be his friend.
He was smiling as he got out of the car, lost in a haze of happiness. That was probably why he didn’t see the reporter and her cameraman sneak up until it was too late.
“Mr. Kelly? Josh? Katie Miles, NY Channel One News. Could I have a moment of your time?”
He turned to face her with a frown. “No, I don’t think so.” He tried to keep walking.
“Please, Josh… for your fans….”
Josh took a deep breath, wishing for once there was an
After Sunset
publicist around to run interference.
He stopped, allowing her to catch up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name?”
“Katie, Katie Miles and this is Colin Markerson.” She took a microphone from the cameraman. “I just have a couple of questions. It’ll only—”
“Ms. Miles, I’m sure you’re aware of what happened the last time I stopped to talk to a stranger on the street. So you’ll have to forgive me if I’m not really receptive to answering a bunch of questions right now.”
The young woman had the sense to look a little taken aback.
Josh looked up at the camera that was focused on him.

“Just for the record, I’m fine. Sam’s going to be fine, as well, and we’re both extremely grateful for the support of our families and friends during this very traumatic time. And I know that our amazing fans understand that for the moment, we have to take some time for ourselves. I’m hoping that the media will respect our need for privacy as well. Thank you.”

With that he turned on his heel and walked away, ignoring the sputtering of the reporter behind him, and entered the hospital.

H
E MADE
his way up to Sam’s room, eager to see him again. He stopped outside the door when he heard Sam talking to his parents. He didn’t want to interrupt.

“Sam, we just think you should come home with us to recuperate,” Kenneth said. “At least for a while.”
“But I don’t want to go home right now. Besides, you guys are supposed to be heading to Derek’s. And if you go soon, you might even make it before the baby’s born.”
“Sam, I know you want to regain your independence, but let’s be honest. You and Evan are no longer together.” Mary was trying her best to get him to listen to reason. “And you’re going to need a lot of help for the next several weeks. Who’s going to look after you? We can wait a few months to see the baby.”
“But I don’t want you to wait… not on account of me. I can hire a nurse through the hospital’s home care program. I’m sure that Evan will let me stay at the apartment….”
He sounded way less sure than he meant to, and he could see his mother winding up for another round.
Josh stepped through the door. “I’ll take care of him.” There wasn’t an iota of uncertainty in his voice, and they all knew it.

“Josh, no, you don’t have to….” The note of hope in Sam’s voice was in direct contrast to his words.

 

“Shut up, Sam. I got this,” Josh said, striding over to the bed, standing in front of Sam’s parents.

“Mary, Kenneth, I have a plan. I want to take Sam to my parents’ house in Kismet on Fire Island. It’s less than an hour away from here. I talked to my parents, and they’re on board with the idea,” Josh explained, adding, “It’s the offseason there, so he’ll get plenty of peace and quiet, and everything’s on one floor… and I can hire a nurse to come in and do the things I can’t, like wound care.”

He felt Sam’s hand slip into his.

 

“If you guys let me, I promise to make sure he’s taken care of… if that’s what he wants.” He looked down at Sam, smiling gratefully to see the agreement in Sam’s eyes. “I don’t know, Josh.” Mary shook her head. “It’s so much to ask of you.”

She wasn’t sure this was the best idea, but not for the reasons the two young men were thinking. She knew that Josh loved Sam, but she wasn’t yet sure it was in the same way her son loved him.

Josh looked her in the eye.

“Nothing concerning Sam is too much to ask of me. He saved my life, and more than that, he’s my best friend. I’d do anything for him, and this isn’t something I
have
to do, it’s something I want, something I
need
to do.”

He smiled at Kenneth, who was standing at Mary’s shoulder. “I promise he’ll be safe, and I’ll have lots of help if I need it. Jared and May will be around, and I can ask Paul for anything. Everyone on the cast and crew has offered anything we need, and you guys really need to be there for that first grandchild.”

Josh looked down for a second before meeting Mary’s eyes again. “I know I let him down once. It won’t happen again.”

“Josh, you didn’t….” Sam’s voice was raspy, losing strength again after arguing with his parents. Josh moved to fill his water glass before passing it to him.

“Drink some of this, Sam. And don’t argue with me.” He turned back to Sam’s parents.
Whatever they saw there must have satisfied them. They looked at each other, having a silent conversation of their own before nodding at Josh.
“All right, if this is what you want, Sam, we’ll agree.” Mary clutched Kenneth’s hand on her shoulder, laying her cheek against it for a second before standing up.
“Josh? Let’s go find Nicole and find out what needs to be in place by the time our boy here is discharged.”

Josh looked down at Sam. “Need anything before I go?” Sam shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. Besides, Dad’s here if I need anything.”

Josh’s free hand took its now familiar course through Sam’s hair before he headed for the door with Mary following close behind.

When they’d gone, Kenneth asked, “You sure about this, son?”

 

Sam looked up and nodded at him, smiling serenely. “Yeah, Dad, I’m sure.”
Chapter 10

T
HE
following days passed quickly with so much needing to be done. Josh’s mom called a Fire Island cleaning service, arranging to get the Kismet house opened and stocked.

Josh spent his time learning how to care for Sam’s special needs. He also worked out a plan with Barker and the
After Sunset
writers to explain both actors’ absence. Connor and Philip were heading off to Kansas to set up a relief project for tornado victims.

Through the hospital’s referral service, Sam and Josh were lucky enough to find a nurse who also happened to have a degree in physiotherapy. They worked out a twiceweekly home-visit schedule for wound care and physical therapy.

A few days after Evan’s visit, Sam’s surgeon decided it was time for him to get up and walk, so the first order of business was removing the catheter.

Josh took Dr. Harris’s donning latex gloves as his cue to leave and give Sam some privacy, but the man steadfastly refused to let go of his hand. So he remained at Sam’s bedside, keeping his eyes fixed on Sam’s face, smiling when Sam closed his eyes so he couldn’t watch.

Once that was done, Nicole guided Josh through the task of helping Sam sit and stand. It was a painful process, and it left them both pale and sweaty.

Nicole also showed Josh how to apply a waterproof dressing over Sam’s bandage for when he showered. Josh was relieved when it was decided Sam would only shower the first couple of times when the home health care worker was there for support.

The doctors ended up insisting that Sam stay in the hospital for an extra four days beyond that first week. Sam’s parents left the day before he was released. They were still worried but knew that Josh would take care of their son better than anyone else besides them.

That evening Josh remembered the promise he made to himself that first night at the hospital. He convinced Nicole to let him take Sam up to the rooftop garden.

With Josh pushing Sam in a wheelchair, the three took the elevator up to the top floor, and Josh helped Sam slowly climb the three stairs to the door marked “roof.”

Nicole opened it, and Josh walked Sam over to settle in one of the cushioned chairs, taking care to not let him stumble in the dark.

Once he was seated, Nicole left them alone, reminding Josh to call her when they were ready to come down.
“Josh, this is really nice, being outside. It’s kind of dark, though.” Sam was puzzled as to why they were there.
“Just wait, Mr. Impatient!” Josh walked over and flicked the switch, bringing the hidden garden to life. It was even more beautiful than he remembered.
“Wow! What is this place?” Sam’s eyes were huge, taking in the beautiful flowers and trees, all lit softly with the tiny white lights. The air was heavy with the scent of the flowers, and after a week of nothing but hospital smells, it was heavenly.
Josh walked over to the edge, where he had stood a week earlier. “It’s for the doctors and nurses. For when it all gets to be too much, you know?”

He turned away to look out over the Brooklyn skyline as it came to life in the oncoming darkness. New York had always been his favorite place in the world, and he couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

But at the moment, it all felt a little tainted to him.

“It all got to be too much for me that first night.” He kept his back to Sam. “After your surgery, while they were getting you settled in the surgical ward, I had to get away. I needed to get some fresh air that didn’t smell like blood and disinfectant,” he explained. “The press was everywhere, covering all the exits, so Nicole brought me here. It was amazing, and I promised myself that when you were better, I’d bring you up and show you.” He couldn’t look at Sam yet. “So here we are.”

Sam looked around at all the lights and the flowers. Someone had brought a small, motorized waterfall, and the sound was soothing. He could see how it would be calming for people who dealt with the worst life had to offer day after day.

“It’s beautiful, Josh. Thank you.” It felt good to be outside again.

“I need to talk to you about something.” Josh chose his words carefully. “And before I do, I want you to know that I think it’s a good idea for both of us.” He turned to study Sam.

“You’re kind of scaring me here, Josh.”

“I’d say it’s nothing to be scared of, but I’d be lying.” He walked over and knelt in front of Sam. “The doctors, your parents… and me. We all think that you need… correction—” Josh gestured between the two of them. “
We
need to talk to someone.”

“Someone…?”

“Someone who can help us deal with what happened… the shooting and all the bullshit that came along with it.”
Sam wrinkled his nose, thinking about what Josh said. “You mean a shrink?”
Josh nodded, trying to gauge Sam’s reaction.