All the Broken Pieces: (Broken Series Book 3) (26 page)

Lauren chuckled, clasping her hands together. “And wouldn’t that just be perfect? Having Mr. Tall Dark and Terrifying from the guard shack handing off a huge bag of marshmallows?”

No one except the guard on duty was allowed past the gate, so anything we had delivered was pre-paid and dropped off with the guard who then called us to pick it up or—if it was near shift change—delivered it to the door while the next guard on duty manned the gate. It bordered on hilarious to imagine his expression should he be reduced to delivering big puffy marshmallows. It was almost worth ordering the delivery even if there were already some in the house.

I reached out and picked up the file, ready to follow Lauren downstairs when the scrap of paper went fluttering to the floor. I bent down and snapped it up, absently glancing at it as I moved to tuck it between my thumb and the folder. It was about the size of a quarter sheet of notebook paper and tattered, the paper soft from being handled over and over.

My breath caught in my chest as I took in the words, rage instantly surging through my body like wildfire threatening to burn me alive.

‘Having you was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have aborted you when I had the chance. You’re dead to me now, you little whore.’

It was the note Lauren’s mother had slipped into her coat pocket all those years ago. Words intended for her abused eleven-year-old daughter.

And the sickest, most horrible, most heartbreaking fucking thing I had ever seen in my life.

Lauren had carried it with her all these years, carried the knowledge that her mother thought so little of her as to say those things.

“I’ll take that stuff.” Lauren’s voice cut in as I was fumbling for something to say. She reached out and took the folder, slipping the note inside as she gave me a weak smile. “That piece always falls out. It wasn’t part of the original file and I never got around to stapling it in.”

“Or maybe you kept it separate because you looked at it more.” Not a question. I knew the truth of it, anyway.

She glanced at a spot somewhere over my left shoulder, whispering, “Maybe.”

I leaned down into her line of sight, waiting for her to give me her attention. When she did, I reached up and slid my fingertips along her jawline, soft and reassuring. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? It’s okay if you’re not. I don’t want you thinking you have to get rid of it just because I know about it. You’ve carried it with you all this time for a reason. My knowing your story now doesn’t mean I get to have a say in how you deal with it. If that note and file are important to you, then baby you hang onto it for as long as you want. I would never judge you or presume to know what you need. I’m just grateful that you trusted me enough to share it with me. That means more to me than I can tell you.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead, just a whisper of my lips against her skin.

“I want to do this. I need to. When I was in the shower, all I kept thinking was that I didn’t want to be that girl in the file anymore. I’d always carried it with me to remind me what I’d survived, how I’d managed to overcome so much, but the truth is, that file was an anchor that was pulling me down when I was already barely keeping my head above water. I never showed it to anyone, but I always knew it was there. Defining me. And I’m sick of letting my struggles dictate who I am. The only person on earth who I would ever trust enough to share my story with is you and now you know, so the file has no more use to me.” She looked down at it. “There’s so much more to me than what’s in here. Those case workers and judges and foster parents only saw the girl from these pages, they never really knew me. I hated that. And I won’t let myself be that girl anymore. I want to be seen as more than the sum of my broken pieces. And I can’t expect to do that while this file still exists.”

I nodded, my chest filling with pride at the level of strength she was displaying. This girl was a fighter, a beautiful, fragile, fierce fighter, and I loved her with all my heart. I held out my hand and waited for her to thread her fingers through mine as I turned us toward the door. “Your wish is my command, baby girl. Tonight I’m gonna help you send it all up in smoke.”

•••

After the last of the pages had charred and burned away, Lauren sat quietly by the fireplace, lost in thought as she stared into the flames. I stood watching her from my position in the kitchen, making us both a big mug of hot cocoa, complete with lots of marshmallows. Kade hadn’t had the big ones but there was a bag of small ones tucked into the cupboard with the tin of cocoa we’d found. Rather than annoy the clearly unfriendly guard, we decided drinking the marshmallows was just as fun as roasting them.

When the steaming mugs were filled and ready, I carried them back to the living room and took a seat to Lauren’s left, placing her cocoa at her side without comment. She had been brave to do what she did. It had been a huge step, and I knew it couldn’t have been easy.

I sat with her for what seemed like hours, each of us silently sipping from our mugs and staring off into the flames. Eventually, Lauren drained the last of her cocoa and set the mug down on the hearth with an air of finality. She turned to me with tired eyes and gave me a crooked smile. “I think I’m ready for bed now.”

I nodded and took our dishes to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink for the morning and returning to the hearth to offer her my hand as she stood. She threaded her arm through mine and leaned into me as we walked, letting me bear some of her weight as if she were too exhausted to make it alone. I would have gladly scooped her up and carried her but something in her expression told me that wasn’t what she needed. She needed to do it herself, but she also wanted me close.

So I supported her when she leaned into me and let her stand on her own when she could—a good metaphor for our friendship, I supposed.

Rather than going to our separate sides of the bed, I walked with her to her side and helped her under the covers, kissing the tip of her nose as I tucked the blankets around her. “I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll be back in just a minute, okay?”

She just nodded and yawned into her hand.

I hated leaving her side, worried that she might need me despite how well she’d handled things, so I took the quickest shower of my life and returned to the bedroom in barely over five minutes, squeaky clean and with damp hair dripping onto my forehead. I was still raking the towel over my neck and chest, and giving my hair a final pass when my eyes fell on the bed, expecting to find Lauren sleeping soundly.

What I found instead made my mouth go dry and my dick twitch behind my thin boxer briefs.

She lay there atop the covers in a thin tank top and cotton panties, her long, shapely legs stretched out, ankles crossed in such a way that it lifted her right leg off the bed just enough for me to be able to see the curve of her ass on that side.

Her eyes were on mine, wide awake and full of seduction. The corner of her mouth was raised in a sultry smile and one brow arched as she took in my barely clothed body.

“Glad to see the hot water supply was replenished in time for your shower.”

I glanced behind me, expecting to see steam rolling out of the open doorway. It wasn’t.

“I assumed.” Lauren explained. “If you’d taken a cold shower…” her eyes lingered on the burgeoning erection pressing against my boxer briefs. “I’d imagine there would have been shrinkage.” Her tongue darted out to trail over her lower lip as she stared. “And I’d say the opposite is true, wouldn’t you?”

Stalling for time to get my thoughts together, I went back to drying my hair, leaving it an erratic mess as I watched her. It had been quite a while since anything sexual had happened between us, and I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.

In the past, she’d sought me out as a way to regain control when things were bad. Was that what she was doing now? Was this her way of processing what she’d done with the file folder? Did she really want me at all?

Of course, my dick was screaming
‘stop the introspective shit and get me in there, idiot!’
but I wasn’t about to let the prospect of sex blur the reality of the situation.

“Lauren… if this is… I mean, why now? Why tonight?” I didn’t want to offend her, but I needed to know.

“You mean am I using you again, right? You think I’m doing this because I’m upset or scared or whatever, don’t you?” There was no accusation or hurt in her tone, she actually seemed more amused than anything.

“It crossed my mind,” I admitted. “I told you, I understand needing to regain control, I do, but I can’t keep…”

“I want you.” She smiled, no longer the temptress she’d been a moment before. “After what I did tonight, taking that step to break the hold those memories had on me, I feel empowered. I don’t need to do anything to feel in control because I’m already in control. I proved that to myself today. And wanting you tonight, that’s about me finally being okay with letting go.” She shifted her gaze to the blankets, nervously smoothing them under her with her hands. “I wanted you to… I mean, I’ve never let anyone…”

I dropped the towel to the floor and climbed onto the bed, sitting on my knees at her side, facing her. “You wanted me to what, baby?”

She looked in my direction but didn’t quite meet my gaze. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that every time we… well… when the time came… I was the one who finished myself off.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” I reached out and brushed a few strands of hair from her face. “Are you telling me you’ve never orgasmed unless it was your own doing?”

She nodded, still looking away from my face.

“But you’ve gotten close?” I knew damn well she had, I’d felt the swelling of her clit under my tongue that first night. Ten more seconds was all it would have taken, probably less.

“The only times I’ve gotten close were the times I’ve been with you. It’s like the orgasms were trying to sneak up on me. But I always moved away before I came because I couldn’t fathom the idea of losing control like that, giving that power to anyone, even you.” She shrugged. “Honestly, I never used to even get that turned on during sex. It wasn’t about the act itself, it was about knowing that I held the power to make someone orgasm, or I could withhold that release for as long as I wanted, making their body respond however I wanted. I never enjoyed being touched or kissed or penetrated.” Her crystalline blue eyes met mine. “Until you.”

She shook her head, a small laugh escaping her. “You managed to sneak past every damn barrier I ever had, do you know that? That day at the hospital, you slipped right into my life and I was too distracted to notice until it was too late. By then, you’d become important to me, and people don’t ever get that distinction if I can help it. But you did. You’re my best friend, Brant. I’m glad you sneaked into my life and I’m even happier that you stayed.” She blinked a few times but I didn’t see the tears fall. “So, to answer your question, no. I don’t want you in reaction to something else. For the first time in my life, I’m doing what I want. And I want you.” She held out a hand and moved to lie back on the pillows. “I’m handing you the reins tonight, Brant. I’m taking that step, letting go of that control, and giving that moment to you.”

I followed her as she lay back, pressing my chest into hers, trailing my hands up her sides as I dropped soft kisses onto her full lips.

She moaned softly into my mouth at the first stroke of my tongue, pulling back and gripping my face in her hands. She searched my eyes for a moment and smiled. “I want to be screaming your name when I come, Brant. Make this first orgasm one for the record books.”

I flicked her bottom lip with my tongue, grinding my erection into the heat at the juncture of her parted thighs. “It will be, baby. And so will the second, and the third, and every one after that. I’ve waited forever for this chance and I don’t plan on squandering one single second of it.” I nipped her lip with my teeth and pressed my cock against her until she gasped. “Tonight is all about you and I’m gonna see to it that you never want it to end.”

•••

Lauren

It was amazing how much difference one decision could make in a person’s life. Seeing Brant with that file had both broken and repaired something inside me. Broken because despite years of time and distance from that place in my life, I still carried around shame and guilt over what happened to me, and I was afraid that he would see me as dirty or damaged after reading those pages. Broken was my default setting, the cold feeling that would wash over me every time one of those memories sneaked into the forefront of my mind.

I’d felt that cold rush seeing him with that folder in his hand but then something else crept in.

Peace.

Because I knew that nothing in that file, nothing Brant would ever read or hear about me would ever change the amazing way he looked at me; like I was a prize not a problem, a blessing instead of a burden.

That knowledge repaired something somewhere inside, and began knitting back together the torn pieces of my soul.

I’d stood in that shower knowing he was reading those things about me, and it didn’t scare me one bit. Because I knew he wouldn’t see me differently. Because he knew I wasn’t that girl.

And it was high fucking time I reminded myself of that.

So I burned the file and that girl to ash, the searing heat binding together my broken pieces like metal in a forge.

I wasn’t ever going to be that girl again.

And tonight—for the first time—I would be the woman I was meant to be.

With Brant.

Not because I needed to but because I
wanted
to.

Because he was all I could see when I closed my eyes at night.

Because he made me stronger and happier.

He gave me hope for the first time in my life.

And more than that… he made me love.

His eyes were hooded with desire as he skimmed my jaw with soft kisses, one hand propping himself up and the other gripping my hip. I could feel his breath in my hair, skittering over my ear, my neck. I could tell by the heavy exhalations that he was more than a little aroused, but he kept his pace slow, his touch soft and deliberate. It was like he was lighting me up, one nerve ending at a time.