All That Matters (7 page)

Kerstan gave me a triumphant look, “What else would you require from me, if anything, before I give this consideration?”

“No more trade-offs. Any girl that speaks to me or shows some kind of interest in being my friend gets humiliated, beaten, raped, or whatever it is that you have happen to them. I don’t want them to be punished because of me.”

He looked away for a moment and mulled over what I had presented to him. If he didn’t take this deal, he was fucking crazier than I thought. I had pretty much just laid out my plan to be the perfect little whore and he was considering it? What more could I possibly have offered?

“Done.”

A
week of playing house with Kerstan had gone by and three new girls had come into his home. I made a special point to avoid them in the event that he had lied to me at some point in our deal and would see them off.

I isolated myself from the others as well. I knew I was a serious danger to them just being around them and had asked Kerstan if I could have a room away from them. He offered to share his with me. I guess the perk about that was that he would often leave me alone in the room because he knew I gave my word to not try to escape.

So as I sat in his comfortable, large leather chair by the window smoking a cigarette, I started to make a list of people I had wronged; a list of people that I could have damaged or a list of people that I had abandoned.

Something, anything, to tell me why someone was making me feel like I had obviously made them felt at one point.

The black ink glided over line after line on the yellow papered pad as I wrote out endless possibilities, with no one standing out. Okay it was obvious why any of these names would want to see something happen to me, but why like this? And none of them even had the money for something as elaborate as having me turned into a fucking prostitute against my will of all things.

Having me shot would’ve been much easier and a lot quicker, but less satisfactory I guess,
I thought to myself with a chuckle.

After giving the names another once over, I sighed and tossed the pad onto the floor next to where I sat. The evenings in Amsterdam were beautiful; cobalt blue skies, a dash or orange and purple as the sun faded away, and a brilliantly silver moon once the last rays of sun were gone. If it were any other time and under much different circumstances, I would have found myself loving this beautiful city.

“
Goedenavond
,” Kerstan said as he entered the room.

“What does that mean?” I asked, glancing at him.

“It means ‘good evening’,” he replied with a smile.

I nodded and pulled my legs up onto the chair and reached for my box of cigarettes. The shit I had been going through here had turned me into one hell of a chainsmoker.

“Any new acquisitions today?” I asked, setting the lighter down on top of the pack.

“No,” he replied with an amused smile. “No, today I traveled to Diemen and I sat and watched the boats on the waterways. Tourists are interesting if you stop long enough to pay attention to them.”

“You spent all day watching tourists on water boats?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. And while I watched them I had a thought. One that I never had before,” he said making his way to the bed and sitting down. He ran his hands over his face before he sighed and began to pull off his fancy shoes.

“Do you want to share your thought with me?” I asked.

“I thought of setting you free,” he said quietly.  “Of wiping away all debts and dealings regarding you.”

I chewed my lower lip nervously waiting for him to continue. I wanted him to tell me that he was going to stick with his thought and that I was free to go, but I wasn’t going to prod him for it for fear that if he had thought this, one wrong word from me would make it go away.

“But what would I do without you, Lieve? You have challenged me like no other that has come through my doors. You cared for some of the girls; none that has come into this home has done that,” he said looking at me. “So I asked myself, what I was risking by letting you leave.”

“And?” I asked, taking a nervous drag from my cigarette.

“And ... I have decided to let you buy out your debt,” he said slowly.

Buy out my debt? I don’t even have a debt!
I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to remind him that I had done nothing wrong, that I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and even if I had; where was I going to get the money to pay him off?

“Guess that means I’m in for the long haul,” I replied with a heavy sigh. “I don’t have any money, Kerstan and I don’t have anything worth shit to trade for my freedom.”

“There is one thing I would consider for this,” he said clearing his throat.

“Which is?”

“I very much enjoy your company, even when you are being defiant. I like how you look when you are dressed as an elegant woman and I like the thought of having a mistress for one of my houses. With as headstrong as you are, and with as much as you care for these women, I think you would do an amazing job with this. And quite honestly, I’m tired of clashing with you. I would rather simply ask that you do it for six months and then I will grant your freedom,” he said.

“But you said he was ready for me in one month like two weeks ago. How are you going to hold him off that long?” I asked staring at him.

A smile started to slowly appear on Kerstan’s handsome face. A devious smile that told me that he had already thought this through and I would probably wind up getting fucked in the process either way.

“I have more houses around Amsterdam. If you agree to this, we will leave this house in the capable hands of Saskia, and move to one of the others,” he explained.

“Saskia?”

“The one who went deliver Minikin.”

Oh. So that’s her name.

“And if I refuse, I go to this mystery bastard?” I asked.

Kerstan nodded and leaned past me, reaching for my cigarettes. He placed one between his lips and lit it, inhaling deeply. I never even knew he smoked. But as I watched the smoke being expelled from his full lips in rings, I somehow became overrun with fear of this person that I could be potentially sent to. Would he kill me? Torture me? Abuse me for entertainment? Pass me around?

“I’ll do it.”

“Good. I was hoping you would. Tomorrow morning we will leave. If you do not wish to stay in Amsterdam, we can stay at my home in Diemen.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Not a home like this one, an actual home,” he added quickly.

I nodded and turned my attention back to the night sky. My last night sky over Amsterdam and sighed. I was conflicted. On the one hand this was a good thing; on the other hand, I didn’t know what I would have to do to keep him happy as a mistress.

“What happens if I fuck up?” I asked.

Kerstan exhaled the smoke that he had stolen from the cigarette before answering, “Then you will be immediately sent to him.”

“And if I won’t go?”

“Then I’ll have no choice but to make you my first,” he replied.

“Your first what?”

“Casualty.”

Oh.

I crushed what was left of my cigarette into the ashtray and got up from the chair. I climbed onto Kerstan’s bed and undid the neatly made blankets, pulling one up to my chin. Turning onto my side, I looked at the night sky again wondering if I would somehow run into Betje or Minnie without having to run into the instigator of this whole fucking mess.

I closed my eyes and listened to Kerstan undo his belt. I heard him pull his pants off and I heard him undo his vest before pulling it off. His shirt would be next and then he would climb into the bed with me.

It was odd really. I knew the sounds of his clothing being removed and we had only fucked the one time. I knew his touch like no others even though it had been mostly been used as punishment.

“May I?” he asked laying down and hover his arm over me.

I nodded as he thanked me and let his arm wrap gently around my waist. Another odd feeling took over me as I hoped he would slide his hand under my shirt or maybe into my shorts and start to fondle me. Instead I was met with the steady breathing as he quickly fell asleep.

I closed my eyes and wondered what the fates possibly could have in store for me with a man who was hired to break me down and make me subservient. A man who rented women out to be used by men and women. A man who had no morals, not a real sympathetic bone in his body. A man who only offered me what he had because he knew I was as stubborn as he was. A man who held my life in his hands and ignited my desires with his simplest touch. 

As I found myself drifting to sleep, I decided that Lieve would die that night. When I woke up the next day, I
would
be Amity Crane again. Fun loving, man crushing, mega bitch, Amity Crane.

I would find my friends.

I would free them.

Or I would die trying.