All That Drama (24 page)

H
ey, girl,” Sammie said when I picked up the phone. I had just returned from the mall so I told her to hold on while I put down my bags. It had been a few weeks since we last talked and I had a lot to tell her.

“I’m stressed. I did the naked mambo with Norman and I’m not in luv no more,” I replied. “I still like him but I am not feeling him like that.”

“What happened to the compassionate man that wasn’t all about the panties?” she inquired.

“Girl, I don’t even know. I feel like he was switched with his evil twin. This man comes over here like he’s running shit up in this camp!”

“What, it can’t be that bad?” Sammie said with feigned annoyance.

“Yes it is; he wants to tell me how to cook, what to fix and then dictate what we watch on television and you know I don’t be giving up the remote on no bullshit.”

“He ain’t trying to watch sports on your TV, is he?” she said, laughing. Sammie knew how much I detested men and their sports.

“Oh girl, it’s worse than that. He wants to have dinner served in front of the TV while he watches them. I made the mistake of leaving the remote on the arm of the sofa and that son of a bitch called me out of the kitchen to hand it to him. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“What about the dick? Is he putting it down proper; that’s what I want to know?”

“Hell no, this little-dick brother gives new meaning to the words two-minute brother! First, I thought he was just excited ’cause I made him wait so long. But damn girl, he’s been hitting it for over two weeks and the shit ain’t getting no better. Hell, I’d rather watch a football game than have him fumbling with my shit. And you know how much I hate football!”

“You is crazy, girl. Did you tell him?”

“Not yet, but I’m telling you, I’m at my limit. Luckily, he is staying at his house tonight but our days are numbered. I would have kicked his ass to the curb weeks ago if he did not have such a good relationship with my son. But the way I look at it, my son does not have to sleep with him so the brother is history! Not to mention the fact that his sisters keep calling me, welcoming me to the family like I was their new sister-in-law. They are just trying to get rid of him so they don’t have to fool with his ass. That’s what I think and that’s my story and I’m sticking with it!”

“Well, maybe that means that I will get my road dawg back and we can start hanging again,” Sammie said.

“I don’t think so; my clubbing days are over. I have not found anything in the clubs that I can’t find peeping in the gutter. I can sift through garbage right here in my house; I don’t need to go out and pay for it. Look, that’s my other line. I’ll holler at you later.” I was just about to answer the phone when I peeped at the caller ID and saw that Norman was beeping through. Part of me just wanted to go back to my conversation with Sammie, but I had worked myself up to a little attitude and decided now was as good a time as any to end this mess.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” Norman inquired. He sounded so sweet on the telephone that I almost wanted to change my mind but I knew that once he got to my house, he would turn into Adolph Hitler. We didn’t talk about the fight we had the day before.

“I’m just getting in from the store,” I said.

“Were you on the phone just now? It sure took you a long time to pick up.” He said it like he was joking but I knew better. It was at that exact moment that I lost all the cool my mother had given me and decided the only way to exorcise this demon was to go gutter foul on him.

“Excuse me?” I said, feigning like I did not hear the words coming out his mouth.

“Uh, I was just checking to see that you were all right. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have to dash over there and help you out.” He quickly tried to clean up his mistake but it was too late; I was on a roll. I’d had enough and wanted my life to return to normal no matter how boring that was. In hindsight, I felt like kicking my damn self. I was doing fine all by myself but I had to complicate my shit and add someone else. I was even under pressure from my mother to bring Norman around to meet her, thanks to Kevin’s big mouth.

“Norman, I wasn’t going to have this conversation with you over the phone but I think we need to talk,” I said.

“Oh Lord, it must be your time of the month,” he said. I could hear the smug, condescending tone of his voice and I just straight up lost it. I tried to keep an even tone to my voice and my blood pressure down to a minimum, but to me that was the lowest blow that a man could serve a woman.

“Oh, so what are you trying to say; since I want to talk to you I must be on my cycle? Nigga, please! You are lucky that I ain’t on my cycle ’cause I would tell you where you could stick that little-ass dick of yours.” Norman did not say anything so I guess I had his full and undivided attention.

“You do not have to check up on me. I am a grown-ass woman and I don’t appreciate your tone of voice.”

“Look, I didn’t mean anything about my earlier comment; I was just making a joke,” he said.

“Norman, save it. I don’t believe that you make jokes about things like that. I think that you are trying to be controlling and I’m here to tell you, I am
not
the one.”

“Wait, you are blowing this all out of proportion! All I said was what took you so long to answer the phone. What is wrong with that?”

“Everything. I just don’t like where this whole thing is headed.”

“What whole thing?”

“This relationship,” I said quietly. Norman did not respond. For a moment, I thought that he had hung up the phone. I waited for his response but for once, he was at a loss for words.

“I would like for us to remain friends but if you can’t handle that, I understand. I wish all the best for you and hope you have the best of luck in the future.” I was ready to hang the phone up when I heard him yell for me to wait.

“You are going to end us, just like that? I was falling in love with you, Marie. Did you meet someone else? Is that what this is about?”

“Why does it have to be about someone else? Why can’t it just be about us?”

“I thought you were happy,” he said.

His quiet demeanor brought me down a decibel. I regretted calling his dick little, at least to his face, and I regretted flying off the handle. Basically, I was not a bitch at heart but I had been through so much with men, my tolerance level was non-existent.

Acknowledging my slip-up, I said, “I’m sorry. I was not deliberately trying to hurt you. I get crazy when guys say stupid stuff about a woman’s monthly cycle. Hell, a menstrual cycle is bad enough without the bad PR men give it. It’s so sexist!”

“I’m sorry, too. I’ll try to be more sensitive.”

Was he trying to be condescending? The problem with Norman was that he was so arrogant that he thought his shit didn’t stink. At times, he treated me like he was doing me a favor by being with me and I did not appreciate that one bit.

“What I’m trying to say Norman is that I’m not ready for a ‘relationship’ like the one you apparently want. I need a friend more than I need a lover. Can you understand that?” I said.

“Yeah, I understand all right.”

I detected attitude in his clipped response and I was weary of taking the easy approach with him. Norman was obviously one of those men whose ego I would have to crush in order to get my own life back. He asked me if he could come over ’cause he really needed a hug, but I begged off telling him I was tired. I agreed to speak with him the next day and told him goodnight. I was emotionally drained. I would have never thought that our blooming romance would end so badly and so quickly, but he was the obsessive type and that could become a problem if not stopped. Despite the way it ended, I felt I did the right thing. But that did not take away the emptiness in my heart.

The only reason why he wanted to come over was ’cause he thought that we would wind up falling in bed like the last time we had an argument. Why is it that men think that all ills in a relationship can be cured by a fuck? When I’m mad, the last thing that I want to do is have sex. But men think it’s a cure-all. They feel like if they sex you just right, you will forget whatever it is that made you upset. That’s bullshit!

I was so tired of starting over. While I really didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I was sick and tired of playing the games that men and women play with each other. I had made an exception to my rule by letting Norman into my home and the life of my kids. That was the biggest regret that I had. I didn’t feel like explaining to my children why they would not see Norman again. My head was so heavy and my eyes were burning. I gave up all pretense of keeping it together and had myself a good old-fashioned cry.

I cried for all my failed relationships. I cried for the other single women out there just like me. I cried for those sorry men that had been spoiled by their mothers, making them utterly useless to a good woman. I cried for my son for the lack of a positive role model in his life.

After I finished sobbing, I started planning. I vowed to not let another day go by without my finding a male role model for my son. Prior to meeting Norman, I thought that I was adequately filling all the roles in my son’s life but obviously I was wrong. It was evident in the way that my son bonded with Norman that I needed to do something different for Kevin. I would apply to the Big Brothers of America, an organization that I had heard about that sponsored kids without parents to help them grow to be well-rounded individuals. I would do whatever I had to do to protect and help Kevin be a real man. I made a promise to him that night to make him my priority.

I dragged myself upstairs to take a soothing bath. It had been a very long day and I wanted to wash my cares away if it was at all possible. I ran the water while I took off my clothes. While I was at it, I decided to give myself a facial and work on my nails. I put the scrub on my face but I just did not have the energy for the nails. They would have to wait until I was feeling better or I paid someone else to do it. I stayed in the tub until the water turned cold. After drying myself off, I climbed into the bed and switched off the light. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I was awakened at 3:30 a.m. by the ringing of the phone. At first, I thought it was a part of my dream. I tried to ignore it but it just kept ringing. I reached out to my nightstand trying to grope the phone without opening my eyes. I answered it after several failed attempts. The first two times, I was talking to a bottle of lotion and finally after pushing the phone to the floor I answered it. It was Norman.

“Do you know that it is after three in the fucking morning? Somebody better be dead or dying,” I said, making no attempt to hide my irritation.

“Listen, I know it’s late but I need to ask you a favor,” he pleaded. For a moment, I thought that he might be having car trouble and for one terrible moment, I thought something was wrong with his mother or possibly his daughter.

“Norman, what’s the matter?” I asked, sitting upright in the bed.

“Can I claim one of your children as a dependent on my income tax return this year?” he whispered.

All remnants of sleep quickly vanished. Surely he was joking, I thought.

“I beg your pardon, come again?” I stuttered trying to keep from choking on the bile that had risen in my throat. All kinds of thoughts were flying through my head and none of them were making any sense.

“I need an additional deduction for my taxes and I wanted to know if I could claim one of your kids so I won’t owe this year.” He did not appear to be slurring his words so I assumed he was sober. And if he was sober and still asked me that question, then the nigga was certifiably crazy.

“Are you on crack? Why in the hell would I do something like that?” I screamed into the phone. My headache came back twofold. This man was totally demented if he thought that I would possibly say yes.

“I just did my return and the numbers don’t look good. I’m going to owe a lot of money and I hoped that you might be willing to help me out,” he calmly stated. “You don’t have to give me an answer tonight. Just think about it and I’ll talk to you about it in the morning.”

“Hold on,” I said and placed the phone down to go into the bathroom to run some water over my face. I looked in the mirror to see if “Doctor Dumb Ass” was written all over my face ’cause that was just how he made me feel. Who in the hell did he think he was dealing with? I purposely left him on hold for about fifteen minutes before going back to the phone.

As politely as I could, I said, “There is nothing to think about. Hell No!”

“You really must hate me, don’t you?”

I shook my head. Norman was one sick puppy. Obviously he was not hearing me. He tried to turn every situation to his advantage to make me look like the bad guy. He had missed his calling. He should have been a used car salesman. I tried a different approach.

“Why don’t you claim your own child,” I asked, still trying to remain calm despite how angry he was making me.

“Her mother won’t let me. That heifer lied to me for a whole year. She told me that if I increased the support I was giving her over the year she would allow me to deduct her,” he said angrily.

“Why does she have to be a heifer? She is the mother of your child,” I declared.