All My Secrets (15 page)

‘That’s a weird light,’ I say, joining him at the front of the cave.

‘This place is spooky, isn’t it?’ he says. ‘Not just the bay, but this whole island.’

‘Sometimes it’s beautiful,’ I say, remembering the sunset that first evening and how Kit saved me as I slipped on the rock.

‘It’s not the only thing here that’s beautiful.’ Josh glances at me, his voice soft and low.

I can feel my cheeks blushing. Does he mean me? I brush my hair self-consciously off my face.

‘Hey, d’you want to dance while we’re waiting?’ Josh asks, his eyes sparkling.

‘Dance?’ I say, feeling even more awkward. ‘To what?’

Josh grins. He digs his hand into his trouser pocket and pulls out a tiny MP3 player, complete with earphones.

I stare at the device, utterly stunned. ‘No way,’ I breathe. ‘How did you get that past Bunnock?’

‘Don’t ask.’ Josh’s grin deepens. ‘And it was Bradley who checked the boys, not Bunnock. Let’s just say he went through the stuff in our bags, but he drew the
line at actually patting us down.’

I can feel my eyes widening. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’

Josh shrugs. ‘Clearly, you don’t have a criminal mind like me. To be honest, the MP3 player was nothing; getting the charger in was much more of a challenge.’

I laugh. ‘Do the others know?’ I ask.

‘Samuel does. He and I have a secret hiding place in our room. And I think Kit must know too, though he hasn’t said anything.’ Josh peers down at the device, scrolling through
the tracks.

‘What about Pepper?’

‘Yeah, she knows I’ve got something I can listen to music on.’

So he’s told her about his MP3 player. What else have they shared?

‘How do you feel about her?’ I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.

‘We’re mates,’ Josh says. ‘I think she’s great. I love that she speaks her mind all the time. No BS like you get with most people. But, er, that’s
it.’

He holds my gaze.

‘I think she’s beautiful,’ I stammer.

Josh nods. ‘She is. And Kit is really handsome. But just thinking someone’s cool and good-looking only takes you so far. You’ve got to feel the chemistry too.’

My heart beats faster. ‘Chemistry?’ I laugh, but it sounds a little forced. ‘What do you know about chemistry? You keep getting kicked out of schools.’

Josh bends over his MP3 player again. ‘Everything I know about chemistry,’ he says, ‘I learned in the School of Life Sucks.
Here.
Let’s try this one.’

He reaches forward and tucks one of the earphone buds into my ear. A track I’ve never heard before fills my head. The singer is a woman with a mournful voice that seems to carry heartbreak
with every note. A couple of acoustic guitars weave a tuneful melody around her singing, blending perfectly with each other.

‘That’s lovely,’ I say. ‘Who is she?’

‘Eugenie See,’ Josh says. ‘She’s brilliant. Hey, we’ll hear better if we stand closer.’ He moves nearer so we’re almost touching. Unlike Kit, Josh is a
good bit taller than me. I can feel his breath on my forehead. For a second, I think maybe I should move away. After all, I am going out with Kit. But that’s silly. Josh and I aren’t
doing anything wrong. We’re just listening to a song together. And, with just one set of earphones, we have no choice but to stand in each other’s space. The Eugenie See track morphs
into another faster tune that I recognise.

‘Hey, I love this,’ I enthuse.

‘Good.’ Josh reaches for my waist and pulls me closer. He starts swaying. I stiffen, wondering if it’s really OK to dance with him. It feels good, moving to the rhythm of the
song. I didn’t realise until this moment how much I’ve missed music since arriving at Lightsea. And Josh is clearly totally relaxed about it, his arms around my back. It is only dancing
after all.

We listen to another couple of tracks in silence as the rain pours down outside and occasional bursts of thunder and lightning fill the sky. It feels natural to be doing this. Comfortable.
Right.

‘D’you have any of your own songs on here?’ I ask

‘Nah.’

‘You should record them,’ I say. ‘I like your music.’

Josh smiles and we dance on, closer than before.

‘Man, I don’t know how I’d survive if I hadn’t brought these tracks in with me,’ Josh murmurs, his voice breathy in my ear.

‘Why didn’t you make it your luxury?’ As I ask the question, I remember his guitar. ‘Oh, wait. I guess an MP3 player was easier to smuggle in than a huge musical
instrument.’

‘Yup,’ Josh says. ‘Anyway, if I had to choose, I’d miss playing music even more than listening to it. Hey, you’re a good dancer.’

‘Please,’ I say, rolling my eyes. ‘We’re barely moving. How can you tell?’

‘I can tell enough to know that you’re really sensitive to the music.’ Josh shifts position a little, drawing me fractionally closer against him. This time I let myself relax
against his chest. ‘I guess you get that from your mum. Do you dance, like she did? I mean, classical stuff?’

‘I would have,’ I say, unable to prevent the note of bitterness that creeps into my voice. ‘But I didn’t know anything about her when I was younger, and my dad never
encouraged me to do ballet.’ I sigh. ‘Anyway, I’m sure I’d have been rubbish. I’m too tall and . . . too uncoordinated to be a dancer.’

We keep swaying to the music, the storm still raging. It feels as if we’re in our own little bubble, like the rest of the world has somehow vanished. I forget about Irina’s ghost and
the message I’m certain she was trying to leave me with the pebbles. All I’m aware of is the music and the movement and Josh’s arms around me.

‘I wish you wouldn’t do that,’ he says softly.

‘Do what?’ I ask.

‘Put yourself down. I just said you were a good dancer
and
really musical and you basically denied both things, adding that you’re all uncoordinated. Is that what you really
think? Because I’ve never seen any evidence of you being clumsy or anything, not once.’

‘Really?’ I ask.

‘And even if ballet isn’t your thing, so what?’ Josh whispers, his mouth right over my ear. ‘There are other types of dancing. Everyone gets a bit uncoordinated when they
have a growth spurt. I bumped into things every day for about six months a couple of years ago, but it went, and I’m betting you being gawky or whatever has gone now too.’ He pauses.
‘Being musical’s a gift; don’t think just cos you’re too tall to be a ballerina or whatever that you can’t do other stuff. Can you play an instrument? Sing?’

‘No, I’m useless at anything like that.’

‘There you go again, putting yourself down.’ Josh sighs, but when he speaks again I can hear the smile in his voice. ‘You know, I like to think of myself as a discerning person
with insights into other people’s personalities, so I’m kind of bummed that you think so little of my opinion of you.’

‘Which is?’ I draw away from him so I can see his face.

‘That you’re interesting and smart and musical and, er, not to sound superficial or anything but also extremely hot.’

I blush, my cheeks on fire. I look down, but Josh catches my chin as I move, lifting it up with his fingertips. He leans closer and I know that he wants to kiss me. I can see it in his eyes.

Suddenly I very much want to kiss him back.

Which is wrong. I’m with Kit.

I take a step away. Water splashes at my ankle. The storm and the cave surge back into my consciousness. More thunder roils overhead. I look down as another wave laps at my foot. Outside the
cave, the beach has more or less disappeared underwater. In an instant, I forget all about kissing Josh.

‘It’s the tide,’ I gasp. ‘It’s coming in.’

‘Oh man.’ Josh meets my eyes. And I can see the panic I feel reflected in his own expression.

We’re trapped in the cave with the water rising. And no way out.

Josh grabs my hand. ‘This way,’ he says, indicating the back of the cave.

We race into the shadows, past the little cairn of stones and the scattered pebbles that originally spelled out Irina’s and Lomax’s initials.

‘Suppose the water rises and fills the cave?’ I ask, feeling sick with panic.

‘We don’t have a choice,’ Josh says grimly. ‘Ever since we got here, they’ve been going on about how dangerous the water is so there’s no way we can try
swimming around the bay; the current would drag us onto the rocks.’

I gaze down at the churning sea, my heart thudding loudly in my ears. The tide is still rising. I reach up and feel my way along the cave wall. The stone is cold to the touch. ‘Maybe
there’s a ledge, something high off the ground we can climb on to,’ I say.

‘Let’s hope.’ Josh inches his way along the wall opposite. I can barely make him out in the gloom. Rain still lashes down outside and thunder rumbles though the lightning has
stopped. The cave smells damp and salty.

Sweat beads on my forehead as I feel up the wall as far as I can. There’s no ledge, nothing remotely big enough to take our weight. I fumble my way across the rough rock. Suddenly my
fingers clutch at air. It’s a gap in the cave wall.

‘Josh,’ I hiss. ‘Over here.’

I feel the parameters of the space in front of me. It’s narrow – about half a metre wide – but tall: a fissure that runs the full height of the cave.

‘Where does it lead?’ Josh asks, arriving beside me.

‘I can’t see.’ I turn sideways and inch my way between the two walls of rock. Josh follows right behind. My heart beats wildly as I creep along in the darkness, my imagination
running riot. Suppose the space in front suddenly closes? Suppose the space behind us collapses? Suppose the ground beneath my feet drops away? I shuffle on, terrified. The seconds feel like hours.
And then the narrow gap widens into a proper tunnel just as my eyes adjust to the gloom.

‘This could take us inland,’ I say, gripping Josh’s arm. ‘Remember Mr Bradley told us about the caves that run from the shore into the island?’

‘Let’s hope,’ Josh says. ‘At least we’re away from the water.’

We hurry through the tunnel. What time is it? I have no idea. But it will be obvious we’re missing by now. Mr Lomax has probably sent out a search party for us. Kit will be wondering what
on earth has happened to me.

I bite my lip, still hurrying through the dark, the only sound now the soft pad of Josh’s footsteps beside me.

What would Kit say if he knew I slow danced with Josh . . . how close I came to kissing him? Still, I
didn’t
kiss him. I haven’t done anything wrong in fact. And yet I feel
deeply guilty, as if I’ve betrayed Kit’s trust in some way.

Maybe it’s because I
wanted
Josh to kiss me. Which doesn’t make any sense at all. I’m totally into Kit. He’s gorgeous and sporty and really smart.

But also a bit uptight, which Josh
definitely
isn’t.

‘We’ve been walking for— Hey, can you hear that?’ Josh asks, his voice breaking through my thoughts.

I listen intently. The silence is so powerful it’s almost a presence in the tunnel.

‘I can’t hear anything,’ I say.

‘It’s the echo when we speak,’ Josh says. ‘It’s getting louder. And I think the air is getting fresher and lighter too.’

He’s right. It
is
easier to see where we’re going and, now I listen for it, I can hear that our words are amplified against the walls.

‘What does that mean?’ I ask.

Josh brushes past me. I feel his hand on my shoulder, and under my top my skin breaks out in goosebumps.

‘It means either this tunnel is about to open out into a much bigger cave,’ Josh says, striding ahead of me, ‘or . . .
yes
,’ he says triumphantly.
‘
That
.’

‘What?’ I hurry after him, quickly catching up.

Beyond us, a pool of still water stretches for several metres. And beyond the pool the soft glow of twilight glimmers through a narrow opening.

‘It’s a pool cave,’ I breathe.

‘And a way out, back to the island,’ Josh says. ‘All we have to do is wade across.’

I nod, staring down at the dark water.

‘Let’s see how deep it is.’ Josh lowers his arm into the water. His face falls. ‘Damn, it’s a sheer drop,’ he says. ‘I can’t feel the
bottom.’

‘Oh.’ My stomach clenches.

Josh sits down and let his legs dangle in the water. ‘Man, it’s cold too. Still, we don’t have a choice.’ He eases himself into the pool.

‘Brrr, it’s
freezing
.’ Holding onto the side, he looks up at me. ‘I still can’t touch the bottom so we’re going to have to swim across. Hey,
what’s wrong?’

I stare at him, all the breath sucked out of my chest.

‘I can’t swim across,’ I say. ‘I can’t swim at all.’

Josh looks up from the water, horrified. ‘You
can’t swim
?’ he exclaims.

I shake my head. ‘I had lessons when I was little, but I hated getting water on my face and . . . and then I got scared cos I couldn’t do it . . . so I started refusing to go.
I’ve never actually swum more than a couple of strokes without putting my foot on the bottom.’

‘Well, we can’t go back.’ Treading water, Josh gazes up at me and grins. ‘Swimming’s a breeze anyway. And it’s not far. Come on, get in. I’ll help you
across.’

I sit down at the edge of the water and put my hand below the surface. My heart pounds. ‘Jeez,’ I say. ‘You’re right, it’s freezing.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Josh’s teeth are already chattering. ‘Get your arse down here.’

I slide my legs out from under me and into the water, then turn and ease myself gently over the edge. I gasp as the cold reaches my waist, then my chest. Josh swims up so he’s right beside
me. I grip the rock, memories of Saturday morning swimming lessons rushing into my head. Old fears flash through me: Andrew’s anxious face on the other side of the pool, the other kids all
splashing about, me too scared to take my hands away from the edge.

‘You’re fine, Evie.’ Josh’s voice in my ear is calm and soothing. ‘You can do this.’ He puts one arm around my middle. ‘We’re going to swim
together. I’m going to hold you up; you’re going to kick hard and pull with your hands. OK?’

‘OK,’ I say. ‘Don’t let go.’