Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (37 page)

He was right there. “Here come the fighters.” Tons of them. I stopped trying to count. Okay, it was official—the fleet was trying to destroy the armada. Nitin wanted his kin wiped out. Back to pondering why while dodging fighters and big guns. Missed the
Sixty-Nine
like never before. This ship was fine, but she wasn’t my girl.

Which begged the next question—who was following Junior’s plan, Nitin or Charmaine? Or both of them?

I
dodged fighters while I pondered this question for the ages. I found the fighters easy to dodge. Too easy.

I “They’re not trying to shoot us.”

“You’re sure?” Lionside asked. Nice to know our secured channel was still open. “I can hear laser fire and Audrey and Hulky have managed to put the show on screen for us. Certainly looks like they’re firing.”

“They are, but either no one in Herion Military can aim a gun to hit, or they’re missing on purpose. Tanner, you able to read anything or anyone?”

“Hang on.” He was quiet. I dodged some more fighters and lazy cannon blasts while I waited. The pirates were shooting to kill—saw a few fighters burst into the pretty light display that was last hurrah, eulogy, burial and epitaph all in one. So Charmaine was still working her plan. “The grunts think they’re trying to capture the pirates. To take them in for questioning.”

I snorted. “Like that’ll happen. You sure it’s capture as the main goal?”

“Well, the fighter pilots are unhappy that they can’t shoot to kill, so yeah.”

Noted that the cruisers seemed to be forming a crude barricade.
“Lionside, you can see what they’re doing. What does it look like the fleet’s got going on? Look at it as though you weren’t intimately involved, like you just stumbled onto the scene.”

He sighed. “Happy to.” I called his tone a liar, but decided to keep it to myself. Had to flip a bit, but only a bit, to avoid a shot from one of the big guns. “Huh. Interesting. Looking at it as requested, it seems like the fleet is trying to shove the armada back. Towards Trennile Main.”

“Now, there’s no way Commander Lucky Charm’s going to land on the home base. So, as she starts to realize she’s going to lose, she’ll jump them, right?”

“Right. And, excuse me, Commander Lucky Charm?” The disbelief in Lionside’s tone was clear. I heard snickering in the background.

“Yeah. They’re one fun family. So, the armada jumps. What would standard Herion Military procedure be, Lionside?”

“Hmmm… they’ve already left Herion Solar, meaning they’re under auspices to pursue for capture, presumably at all costs. So, they’d follow.”

I looked at the Governor. He pulled his headset off again and nodded. “Brilliant, really. You control both the pirates and the military. As you go along, you gain more military under your command. The pirates see that they’re in trouble, they start adding in the competition instead of trying to kill them off.”

“And Junior controls both the pirate armada and the supposed good guys. That’s how you take over a galaxy, isn’t it?”

“One problem. You have to have world leaders following your plan. For example, the Herion fleet couldn’t just enter Aviatus Solar and expect to be welcomed in by the Royal Family as anything but an invading force.”

The last piece clicked into place. I was amazingly calm. “Randolph?”

“Yes, Nap?”

“Could you, perhaps, describe this Peter Chance, in full detail, to
Slinkie? I’d like the Governor to pay attention, too.”

Randolph sighed. “Sure. Like I said before, he wasn’t as old as the Governor, but close to old enough to be my father. About your build and height, fair coloring.”

“Ugly?”

“I wouldn’t know. Seriously, Nap, I like girls.”

“Robotic girls. Peter Chance likes robotic girls, too. Tanner? What’s Slinkie’s intended like in the looks department?”

“Average and normal. Older. I don’t think Slinkie reacted to his looks—I think she reacted to his personality. It’s vile.”

“He was more than old enough to be my father. I didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out trying to find mutual interests, call me a bad princess. Nap, what in the egg are you driving at?”

“Well, Slink, in an eggshell, the man you ran away from marrying is Pierre de Chance, Junior. Tanner, if you recall, you found his mind almost as horrifying as Nitin’s. I wonder if you could do me a favor and try to read Commander Lucky Charm’s mind. Take your time.”

“Not all that horrible. She’s… she thinks this is fun, like a game.” Tanner sounded angry.

“Relax about that, kid. Try not to let it get to you.” We needed all we could get before his mind slammed shut on Charmaine’s. “What else can you get? Get all you can, and stay calm and disinterested about it for as long as possible.”

“Will do.”

With Tanner thus occupied, I turned back to the Governor. “What planet is Slinkie’s intended that’s never going to happen from?”

“Unitatso.”

“The Illia System’s broke but big. And the next major solar in the Gamma Quadrant after Herion.”

“Yes, hence why they made the arrangement with Aviatus.” The Governor looked thoughtful. “You think Lucky Pierre actually made his romantic mark on the Royal Family of Unitatso?”

Couldn’t help the snort. “Well, if I look at the number of progeny in the vast galaxy, I give it a good, strong yes. Audrey, please see if you can find any pictures of the Unitatso royal family and run them by Slinkie, Tanner and Randolph.”

“Anticipating your request, Captain, I have already done so. Pictures on our view screen now.”

“There, that one,” Randolph said. “I’m pretty sure that’s the guy I won the manual from.”

“It’s my supposed fiancé,” Slinkie confirmed.

“Cross-referencing, Captain. Name is Prince Petrius Unita of Unitatso.”

“I could have told you that,” Slinkie muttered.

“For his protection and anonymity, Prince Petrius was schooled on Earth under the name of Peter Chance.”

“Huh. Outland, Nitin and his sister look very like they could be this man’s children.”

“I agree with Major Lionside, Captain. Individual was on Earth for at least a decade, and would have had ample time to father progeny. If age estimates for Major Nitin and his sister are accurate, they would coincide with individual’s time on Earth.”

Tanner chimed in. “The Commander of the armada is getting nervous. She’s doubtful that even with you along they can win. She also thinks you’re hot and is hoping to seduce you into joining up and helping her out. Oh, and yeah, that’s the guy I read, the picture both Randolph and Slinkie agree about, Prince Petrius.”

“But I’m not marrying Prince Petrified, Nap. So what good does him waiting on Aviatus for my return do for him or his plan?”

I sighed. “See, that’s the problem. You’re going to be returning, and very soon.”

T
here was thudding silence. Even the Governor looked at me in shock.

“So you’re going to take up with Commander Lucky Charm?” Slinkie’s voice could have cut diamonds, space ice and pure steel. I also detected the hurt. I had to figure she was ready to cry. Not that it was my intention, but it seemed my lot in life was to be continually misunderstood. Figured I’d complain about the injustice another time.

“Someone tell me that Audrey and Hulky, at least, aren’t sitting there acting like I’m about to turn Slinkie in for some reward.”

“No, Captain. I understand your assumption. I believe you’re right. But that means Pierre, Junior found someone else with Randolph’s talents.”

“I know he did. I saw the proof. That’s the other thing Nitin was doing—testing the finished product.”

“Alexander, what are you going on about?”

“Governor, you’re really slipping. Maybe it’s because you’ve missed so many naps over the last few days.”

“Do I look or sound amused?”

“So many wrinkles, I can never tell for sure.”

“Nap!” Slinkie sounded freaked and furious. I was sure someone
was getting the vulture-glare in my physical absence.

I did my best to sigh loudly enough for the com to pick it up. “I mentioned this before, yet no one can bother to remember. Nitin ‘showed’ me Slinkie, when I was in the interrogation room. Only we confirmed it wasn’t the real Slinkie. And, in fact, after I confirmed that I believed his simulated girl was my Slink, he ordered the real one to be terminated—along with the only people other than myself who could identify her as the real deal.”

“So Nitin is in on his father’s plans?” Lionside sounded like he’d caught up without too much effort. I dreaded whatever questions Randolph was going to toss out.

“Well, he’s in on part of it. Charmaine’s in on another part. Only, the kiddies don’t know the full plan. Which makes sense.”

“Why?” This was chorused from the com.

The Governor’s turn to sigh. “Because you never tell anyone your entire plan. Yes, they’re your children, but maybe they can be turned, tortured, show themselves to be morons. You tell them what they need to know to get their part of the job done and let it go at that.”

“Figure whoever can build the Audreys is with Junior on Aviatus. We’ll deal with them later.” Wondered if Slinkie’s family had already been replaced. Chose not to ask.

“I wonder if he’s already replaced the Royal Family, Nap.” Randolph said this musingly, like great thought was attached. “OUCH!”

I assumed Slinkie had slugged him. “Randolph, may I remind you that there are at least two people with you who are at least somewhat attached to said Royal Family?”

“Sorry. You didn’t have to hit me. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Besides, it’s something we need to be prepared for.”

“Slinkie, not that I can blame you, but please stop hitting Randolph.”

“I’m not. Tanner slugged him, not me.” I got the distinct impression Tanner was getting the dove-look. This was not my preferred plan. No one was supposed to get the dove-look other than me.
Ever. “For once, though, Randolph has a point.”

“Cross it when we get there. Really, we have two big armadas to deal with first. Both have to be crippled.”

Or we’d be fried by Nitin’s side or forced to join up with Charmaine’s. If Slinkie hadn’t come pretty much fully around and been clearly ready to go horizontal, the Charmaine option would have looked a lot better. The last thing I wanted to deal with, however, was two women fighting over me. It happened too often for me to enjoy it any more. Well, okay, it never got old. But I didn’t want Slinkie to change her mind. And I knew without asking that doing the space mambo with Charmaine would be a quick trip to Not Getting Slinkie for Another Five Years Land. This was not a land I wished to visit. I’d done my time there long enough already.

“What about joining up with the pirates and pretending for a while?” Randolph was really hitting them out of the atmosphere. I was used to him being slow to catch up and catch on, but this was ridiculous.

“Oh, sure. Then Nap can ‘allow’ Miss Lucky Charm to ‘seduce’ him. I’m sure you’re all for that plan, aren’t you, Nap?” Slinkie’s tone was back to cutting the space ice.

“Have I suggested that? Have I sounded remotely interested in said option?”

“I can’t see you. For all I know, she’s on your lap right now.”

“Slink, there’s only one person in the entire galaxy I allow on my lap when I’m piloting, and I’m talking to her.”

“Really, you two, could you possibly hold off on the lover’s quarrel until we have a prayer of both stopping the evil plots and staying alive?” Lionside sounded annoyed. I figured he was jealous. Fine with me.

“Oh, Bryant, stuff a dodo in it. Nap, I’m really sick of hiding.”

“Picked that up. Going to give you a chance to blast things in just a minute, Slink. At least, if everyone could argue and bicker amongst themselves so I can actually think.”

“We need to fool them, Nap.”

“Randolph, yes, right, thanks. What part of ‘talk amongst yourselves and let the Outland think’ didn’t come through?”

There was a lot of grumbling, but it was quiet. Dodged some more lazy fire and fighters who weren’t really trying. If I chose not to care about however many de Chances were on board, the easiest thing to do would be to identify which cruiser Nitin was on, do a suicide run, ram it with this ship, and matter-shift with the Governor at the last moment.

The comet trail to that idea was twofold—I wasn’t good with intentional mass murder, especially as perpetrated by myself, and there was no guarantee Nitin would be killed. He’d survived the spaceport explosion, after all.

Figured I was going to have to side with Charmaine and her gang right now. When push came to shove, I didn’t want to align with Nitin, no matter what.

So, the French Tickler Armada needed to do something that would catch Nitin completely by surprise.

“Gang, I want you all utterly silent. Audrey, make sure none of you can be heard in my cockpit until such time as I ask to hear you.”

“Going to listen-only mode now, Captain.”

I looked at the Governor. “I’d like Charmaine on the com.”

He flipped a switch. “Go ahead, you’re live with Commander de Chance.”

“Charmaine, babe, how goes it?”

“Outland, we have to jump or they’re going to shove us into Trennile Main’s atmosphere.”

“Why would that be a bad thing?”

Significant pause. The Governor had trained me well. Once you ask the big question, you shut up until the other guy’s forced by your silence to answer. Hadn’t realized I was asking the big question, but I could pick up a clue faster than most. Unless, apparently, it related to Slinkie. Okay, I could pick up a clue if it wasn’t attached to the best rack in the galaxy.

I counted to forty-five seconds before she finally replied. “There
are… protections in place around Trennile Main’s atmosphere.”

“Mind expanding that?”

“Yes.”