Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (32 page)

He didn’t look up. “Are the pictures showing random locations and a variety of people who, after a while, all start to share a familial resemblance?”

“Yeah.”

“This is why dictators and other unpleasant leaders are so fond of genocide, Alexander.”

“I’m looking at the de Chance Family Album, aren’t I?”

“Yes. And I’m decoding their true names and aliases, including where each alias is used and why.” He didn’t sound perturbed.

“You realize they want to turn us into space dust.”

“And this changes their original intent how, exactly?”

“Good point.” Another reason why I kept the Governor around—he really wasn’t into the idea of panicking. Ever.

Tanner wandered over. “Food’ll be ready in a couple of minutes, but I have enough time to take a look.” We watched as the pictures flashed by.

“Audrey, any estimate of how many pictures are in here?”

“Over three hundred, Captain. But, before you get too upset, divide by half—there are two pictures per person, one of them and one of their planet of origin.”

“Yes, I can see how a hundred and fifty plus people out to kill us would seem more comforting than three hundred. Are you sure the pictures are of where they’re from and not where they’re working right now?”

“Yes, Captain, not in the least because there are no pictures of space vessels. I also have found Nigel Nitin, and his origin picture
is not from Herion.”

“On screen, please.” She flipped to him and put his picture and his planet of origin picture side-by-side. She was good, I had to admit, in a sometimes very creepy way. “Interesting. Tanner, any guess as to what planet our buddy’s from?”

“Aviatian’s Nest, Nap. I think that’s Earth.”

E
veryone was called in and we ate while watching the Slide Show of Doom. It was like being trapped in someone’s home, with them refusing to let you leave until they showed you the picture of their darling aunt’s sister’s husband’s mother’s boyfriend’s cousin twice removed just once again. The only positive was we didn’t have to hear the droning about how much fun they’d had and how we should go visit first chance we got.

Thankfully, the food was delicious—perfect to behold as well as perfect to ingest. Which settled it for me. Barring Tanner planning to murder Slinkie for some odd reason, he was staying permanently. If we survived longer than the next few hours.

Audrey didn’t bother to eat—apparently it was just for show or if she really wanted to. Which was fine with me. I didn’t think I wanted to see her chew and project from her eyes at the same time.

“You know what I don’t see?” Slinkie said as we started rotation number five.

I let a variety of snappy comebacks go. I had no idea of how long we had before Lucky Pierre the Next found us. “What?” To punish my restraint, my mind created the droning commentary anyway, just for something to do, including my choice of names and histories. Look, there was our sweet Clarice who married so badly. And
our Howard, who just got out of prison.

“The obvious Lucky Pierre,” she replied. “I see a lot of people, but none of them look, well, leader-like.”

Oh, surely our Bubba looked like a leader. A leader of losers, but still, a leader.

“Outland doesn’t look leader-like.” Lionside sounded far too matter-of-fact.

But dear Sumpsie does, just look at her, leading with her huge nose. “Thanks, Lionside.” Of course, he had a point. Lionside looked like a leader. I didn’t. “I’m not trying to ‘look’ like a leader. I’m a leader naturally.” I tried to stop the commentary, but dearest Mildred waved from behind her large, buckteeth. Apparently the original Lucky Pierre had not been selective in who he’d shared the fun with. At all.

I ignored the coughing and snorting coming from the Governor, Slinkie and Randolph. Mostly because Tanner was nodding, and he looked serious. “Yes, you are. And, again, I really think we’re looking for someone like you, Nap, not like Bryant.”

“None of the de Chance family bear a resemblance to Captain Outland,” Audrey shared.

For which, as I stared at dearest Marvin and adorably disfigured Gaeorg, I thanked every god from every planet, civilized or not. “Thank the various gods, Audrey.” I figured I should say that aloud. Just in case. Gods had funny senses of humor. “Tanner’s talking personality, not looks.”

“Ah. I cannot help you there, Captain.”

“No, but can you do picture groupings for me?” I clamped down on the commentary. Right after we left our Reardin, who was so good with mathematics but not so good with people.

“Yes. What would you like to see?”

Anything but these people again. “Put them together based on galaxy quadrant, and, within that, based on solar system. Then, within solar system, based on planet, if there’s more than one of them per planet.” I cursed Great-Aunt Clara. Oh, sure, she’d never
done this family picture album stuff herself, but she’d had so-called friends who had. I was having horrible childhood flashbacks.

“Do we have more than a hundred and fifty civilized inhabiteds?” Randolph asked. Cosmos Geography had never been his best class.

“Two-hundred-and-forty-nine at last count,” Audrey answered without missing a beat. The wall was a flurry of activity. She could send a lot out of her eyes. I tried to focus on this making me sick—it forced my mind off the running commentary.

“Yes. That’s why they’re pushing Werotalin so fast.” Lionside sounded disgusted. “So they can induct Planet Two-Hundred-and-Fifty into the Galactic Community in the year Twenty-Five-Hundred.”

“Cute.” But not as cute as our little Chachi. Who was smirking at me from the Beta Quadrant section. “Governor, what are the odds we can determine who’s who based on the documents?”

“Once I translate, perhaps Miss Audrey can run them through her programs and see if there are any clear planetary name connections.”

“Nigel’s common on a lot of worlds, not just Earth,” Tanner said morosely.

“Well, we’ll get what we can.” The pictures were up, divided as requested. Audrey had even gone one better—she’d placed them not only by solar system, but had them spread out like a map of the galaxy, each picture or set representing their planet and its location against the Galactic Core.

“Nap,” Slinkie said slowly. “Do you see what I see?”

“Yeah, I do. It’s a map of the original Earth exploration and trade routes. From three hundred years ago.”

“I
agree,” Lionside said slowly. “But why?”

“Why did the original Lucky Pierre follow the old Earth routes, you mean?” He nodded. “I’m guessing because he was from Earth originally.”

The Governor’s eyes were narrowed. “Perhaps. But even if he was, the old routes make much less sense today. Even less sense a few decades ago, when Lucky Pierre would have been active.”

“Audrey, how many Earth de Chances do we have?”

“Just two, Captain.” She bumped their pictures. There was good old Nitin. The other was a picture of a girl. She was attractive, though the family resemblance was there. Like Nitin, she wasn’t ugly. Not ugly at all. I reminded myself Slinkie was in the room. Did a fast comparison. Nope, Slinkie was still better.

“Age guesses?”

“I know Nitin is in his late twenties,” Lionside offered. “If that helps us at all.”

Something occurred to me. “You know, Governor, do you remember when it was Janz told us this pirate armada was active before?”

“Over thirty years ago. Well over.” The way the Governor said it, I got the distinct impression he’d tossed out the phrase “over thirty”
previously as well as now to avoid admitting just how old he really was. Which, when I thought about it, was typical.

I revised the estimate to figure forty or fifty years, maybe sixty. Which also made sense considering how long Janz the Butcher had been considered the galaxy’s chief crime lord. It would also put the Governor at a far more believable age to have been actively infiltrating a vast pirating network.

“So, let’s assume Janz fudged a bit, so we wouldn’t have information he probably figured wasn’t key at the time.” The Governor nodded and gave me a look that said I wasn’t always as stupid as he feared. “So, I think it’s safe to say that we’re not looking at Lucky Pierre’s offspring—I think we’re looking at the offspring of his offspring. The grandchildren.”

“That would account for some of them not looking nearly as, well, ‘related’ as the others.” Slinkie was staring at the picture of Nitin and the woman. “I think that woman’s Nitin’s sister, though. I mean, they look a lot alike.”

Audrey bumped the size. There was a strong resemblance. “Yeah, Slink, I think you’re right. Sister or very close cousin.”

“They look about the same age in their pictures,” Tanner said. “In fact, I think they may be in the same place, or general area.”

Audrey nodded, which made the pictures move. Made my stomach move, too. “I believe Galley Chief Tanner is correct.” She moved the pictures closer together. “Observe the background.”

Sure enough, there were some buildings behind them. They matched up. “So, Nitin’s got a sister. There were a lot of women. Think they’re all involved?”

“In some way, I’d assume so, yes,” the Governor replied. “There are certainly female names on this list.”

“Does it change our strategy?” The way Slinkie asked, I knew I had to choose my reply carefully.

“Doubt it.” She relaxed. Correct answer. Good. Nice to know I still had it, in that sense. “But they might think it would.” Not all of the women had been homely. Some had been easy on the eyes.
Nitin’s sister, in particular. Visions of scantily clad pirate women crowded into my mind. I focused on Slinkie. Who was glaring. Told the pirate women to get spaced. They sulked and wandered off into my subconscious.

“Or not.” The Governor shrugged. “Alexander, surely you have more of a plan than idle chit-chat?”

I did? Oh, right, I did. “I want to lure them back here.”

“Why, exactly?” Lionside sounded interested more than confrontational. “I assume you mean into the solarspace, not onto the planet.” Everyone gave indication they’d had enough fun planetside for a while.

“Yeah, I’d prefer to take them on in space. The problem is, we want to be captured, not killed.”

“True.” Lionside nodded. Then his eyes narrowed and he gave me the hairy eyeball. “You have no intention of going back into space, do you?”

“Well, we’ll be back in space. But not under our own power.”

“You’re going to, what, just have us sit here until they catch us?” Slinkie sounded like she wanted to hit me or cry.

“Slink, stop worrying. We want them to take us prisoner, remember?”

“No. I remember we wanted to stop them. I don’t recall anyone saying that we had to be captured in order to do it.”

Everyone else’s expressions matched Slinkie’s—fear masquerading as anger—other than the Governor’s. He hadn’t even looked up from his translations. “Miss Slinkie, would it be better to win and survive or destroy the armada in a blaze of glory?”

“Survive.”

“Correct. What would our only experiences with this armada suggest?”

“That we barely made it once,” she muttered. “And now they know what Nap’s able and willing to do.”

“If I’m right, and I know I am, they also know what we did on the ground.”

The Governor nodded. “I’m sure. Either Nitin is working closely with the rest of his relatives, or he’s working against them. However, if it’s against, it’s not out of any law abiding desires.”

“In which case, he’ll help them get rid of us.”

“I don’t want to be captured,” Slinkie said. She looked uncomfortable as well as afraid.

“None of us do,” Lionside said reassuringly. “I’m sure we’ll all be able to protect you.”

“I’m not,” Tanner said. Slinkie shot him a look that could freeze Thurge. He shook his head. “They have a right to know. Under the circumstances.”

“Like feathers they do. You keep your mouth shut, you little hatchling.”

“Name calling isn’t going to change things.” Tanner grinned. “It’s all about the names with you, though, I know.”

Well, I’d wanted to know what was going on with Tanner and what he had on Slinkie. Looked like the time was now. “If it’s something Tanner, based on his experience and training, thinks could endanger all of us, or you in particular, Slink, then I want to know. Besides, no matter what Tanner tells us, it’s not going to change how any of us feel about you. Okay?”

“Ha.” She crossed her arms over her chest and slumped down in her seat. “Fine.”

Tanner nodded. “I don’t think it’ll change how they see you.” “Bet me.” She glared around the table. “And, don’t you all go swearing how everything will be the same. It never, ever is.”

I wondered if Slinkie was the female Janz and I’d just been clueless all this time. No matter what the reveal, everyone was now breathlessly waiting for Tanner to get on with it.

“I think it’ll be fine, for a variety of reasons, Slinkie. But guess we’ll find out.”

“Any time, kid. Really, any old time.”

Tanner shrugged. “Okay. Slinkie’s real name is Seraphime.”

T
hudding silence met this statement. I broke it, saying what I could tell by looking was on everyone else’s mind. “Pretty name. So what?” On everyone’s mind, that is, but the Governor’s. He looked like this was ancient news and hardly worth noting.

Tanner gaped at us, clearly shocked his big reveal had been a dud. Slinkie looked embarrassed and a tiny bit relieved. “I don’t like my name much.”

Tanner rolled his eyes while the Governor chuckled. “But, my dear, it’s a very traditional name for your planet.”

“Yes.” She was back to muttering.

“Want to tell the rest of us what this means?”

“Sure, Nap.” Tanner had managed to recover and was, clearly, going for the next shocker. “Only one class of person on Aviatus is allowed to carry that name.”