Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (12 page)

“Ten seconds.”

“Audrey, stop counting and come here. I’m going to move the pick and when I do, I want you to slam the door handle with the palm of your hand, as hard as you can. Ready?”

“Yes, Captain. Five seconds.”

“Now!”

I
moved the pick and Audrey slammed the door knob. The door opened. I would have been relieved, but we still had to get away before the lethal gas started.

Happily, all three of them were in this room. Naturally, they were trussed up. Audrey and I ran in. I grabbed Slinkie, she grabbed Randolph and the Governor, and we raced back outside. I slammed the door behind us, just as I heard a hissing sound start.

Didn’t take the time to untie them. I ran down the corridor and Audrey followed. I went back into the room Audrey had been in. Everybody in, locked the door and braced it with the bed. Audrey helped. Then and only then did we untie the others.

They looked mussed up and shaken, but no worse for wear. “How the hell did all of you get arrested?”

“Nitin waited until Bryant left to follow you, and then the rest of his men turned their lasers on me and the Governor and said we should come along or die.” Slinkie sounded angry, but she was trembling. I put my arm around her, just to make her feel a little safer.

“I got arrested after I lodged a complaint about all the crap being put onto our ship.” Randolph sounded furious. “This planet’s gone bad since we were here last.”

“I believe the pirate armada has something to do with it.” The Governor sounded a little shaken.

“You okay?”

He shot me an icy glare. “I’m in no worse shape than Randolph or Miss Slinkie.”

“Good to know. Then you’ll be up for a nice crawl through the ventilation system.” I got dirty looks from all of them, other than Audrey. But I suspected she wanted to give me a dirty look and just wasn’t programmed to be able to do so. Yet. “Randolph, I want some programming improvements made to Audrey, sooner as opposed to later.”

“Yeah, Nap, I think you’re right.”

“Okay, there’s a lot of intrigue going on right now.” Everyone groaned, even Audrey, though she made it sound cheerful. “Yeah, I know. Intrigue is never good. I’ll fill everyone in once we’re out of the military complex. As a warning, there’s a telepath in Herion Military. He helped me, supposedly, get to all of you in time. I haven’t seen him, but I’ve heard him. I’ll recognize his voice if I hear it again, but have no idea who he is.”

“Nap, why can’t we get out using the corridors and elevators?” Slinkie hated going into the ventilation system, anywhere, any time.

“Because Nitin’s goons are looking for us, Lionside and his goons are looking for us, and our telepathic pal is also looking for us.”

“So, we have three separate plans in action here within Herion Military, and at least the same number active outside of it.” The Governor sounded thoughtful. “Interesting.”

“Yeah, in that ‘oh Active Gods, oh Active Gods, we’re gonna die’ sort of way. Governor, can you think and crawl at the same time? Because Nitin or his goons will be here shortly to see how dead you guys are and how pliable Audrey is and I’d like to be long-gone when they arrive.”

“How’d you get away from Nitin and his guys?” Slinkie asked.

“Got taken in with a bag over my head, dumped off into a room
with only a chair in it, Nitin came in to do solitary interview, I declined and put him in the diaper.”

“Good.” Slinkie was seriously angry. “You think he expected it?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. No idea. Fifty-fifty odds right now. Can we move it, people? I really don’t think I’m exaggerating the need to get the hell out of here.”

“I’ll go first,” Randolph said, total lack of enthusiasm radiating from every pore.

“I cleaned off half of it for you, Mister Daintypants. And your girlfriend can vacuum us up later. I don’t even want to ask why you thought her having suction in her arm was a valuable feature.”

“Fiancée, and it’s a useful thing.”

“Right, right. Here, let me give you a leg up, go to the left.” I made the hand bridge.

“Should I go first, Captain?” Audrey asked. “I have the ability to create light out of my eyes.”

Tried not to find this creepy and failed. But it was useful. “Sure, Audrey, you go first. You sure you won’t just give us all up should you run into a bad guy?”

“No, Captain. I’ve rearranged my programming to imitate you.”

The other three groaned again. Touching. “Fine. Then Audrey first, the Governor second, then Randolph and Slinkie, and I’ll bring up the rear.”

“Why am I going between you and Randolph?”

“So I know you’re safe.”

Slinkie snorted. “I’ll bet.”

“You can go last, if you’re able to both get up there on your own and put the grill back.”

Got the eagle-glare. “Fine. You go behind me.”

“Knew you’d see reason.”

Audrey turned her headlight eyes on—it was as creepy as I’d imagined—and jumped up. I did the hand bridge while Randolph steadied the Governor. Audrey pulled him up after her, rather gently, which was probably a good thing. He was a tough old man, but
old was still his operative word.

Randolph next, thankfully not needing a helping hand from anyone other than me. I didn’t do the hand bridge for Slinkie. I picked her up by her waist. “Nap, why do you always act like I can’t do what the others can?”

Her breasts were in my face. I resisted the urge to bury my head in them, but I felt I deserved a medal for it. “Slink, when are you going to realize that I do this because I both like it and want to take care of you?”

“Oh.” Her voice sounded funny. I forced myself to look up and away from her breasts. She had the dove-look back.

I decided that I’d missed out on one sure thing and didn’t want to risk never getting another opportunity. I let go of her waist just a little and she slid down. Her mouth opened in shock, and I moved in.

K
issing Slinkie was all I’d imagined it to be and more. I had my arms wrapped around her, one hand in her hair and one on her butt in a matter of moments. Her arms were around my neck and I wasn’t getting the Avian Claw to the jugular—her fingers were running through my hair.

There was a bed in the room and I was ready to use it. Her body fit perfectly next to mine, her tongue was responding in a way that said she liked being kissed and was open to more, and visions of incredible sex danced in my mind.

“I don’t think this is a good time for you two to stall.” Randolph sounded annoyed and embarrassed. It was hard to connect his prudishness with Audrey, the Happy Sexbot.

Slinkie pulled away. She looked flustered and, I was happy to note, aroused. She also looked like the romantic moment was over. “Randolph’s right.”

Sadly, he was, so I didn’t argue. Picked her back up by her waist and handed her up to Randolph. Then I got the ventilator grill and used the time to get myself back under control.

Happy time being firmly over, I handed the grill up to Slinkie, then jumped and pulled myself up. Slinkie helped me put the grill back, then she managed to turn around and started crawling back.
If the shaft had been larger, this would have been great, because my head would have been right by her butt. As it was, my head was right by her feet, meaning I had to stay back a little ways so I didn’t take a heel to the face.

I’d forgotten to warn the others about how the ventilation system was set up, but as some cursing filtered back to me, I took for granted they’d figured it out on their own.

“We couldn’t walk out like normal people why?” Slinkie snarled at me as she reached the vertical shaft.

“Just shove your back against one side and your feet against the other.”

“I think I hate you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time you’re tied up and about to be gassed to death.”

She heaved a sigh. I normally loved it when she did that, but since I couldn’t see her chest right now, it was, in my opinion, wasted. “Fine, Nap. I’ll stop whining.”

“Whine all you want, just keep moving.”

Going down was no more fun than going up. Going back across was just as exciting. Went down again, amidst more cursing. I checked the system tracker. There were no gray dots in this area. Passed along the suggestion to go into the room I’d entered the ventilation system through. Got the nasty reply back that those in front had already fallen into it and were just waiting for the rest of us. You’d think being saved from a nasty death or a future of enslavement would have made my crew happier. You’d have been wrong.

Reached the hole I’d made, leaped down and landed in my cat-like stance. No one noticed, they were too busy complaining and being vacuumed off. Figured.

Checked the system tracker again. Still no gray dots on this third level. Plenty of them on the fifth level, however. “I think we’ve been discovered. Or, rather, they’ve discovered the three of you aren’t dead and Audrey’s disappeared.”
“Can we go by conventional means now, Alexander?”

“Sure, Governor. It triples our capture risk but I have to admit it’ll probably speed up our estimated time of departure.” I handed the system tracker to Audrey. “What’s our safest escape route?”

“The ventilation system, Captain.”

“I like how you think, Audrey. However, everyone else is complaining. What’s the fastest route that combines the least risk of detection?” Audrey opened her mouth. “Better yet, why don’t you just lead the way and tell me about it as we go?”

She nodded and strode to the door, but before she opened it she looked at me. “Oh, Audrey, headlights off, please.” Her eyes went back to normal and I checked the system tracker. Still no gray dots on this level. I nodded and she opened the door.

Apparently not everyone in the complex was hooked into Nitin’s system tracker, because there was someone standing there with a big gun pointed at us.

H
e was taller than me, but not by a lot. He wasn’t all that much larger than me, either. He was dressed as Herion

Military, but unless he came from a family of midgets, this wasn’t someone who’d drunk his steroids as a kid.

“You my mind-reading friend?”

He grinned. “That’s me. Let’s get going.” I still figured him for an Aviatus double-agent, but there were other possibilities.

I walked over and moved Audrey out of the way. “Where are we going?”

“Out. You do want to get out, don’t you Captain Outland? Or would you rather they catch you all and put you into Nitin’s gas chamber?”

“Oh, we’re all over the out part. What we’re concerned with is the out where part.”

“Not to your ship. At least, not yet.” He motioned with his head and the gun. “Seriously, are you people always this slow to react?”

“Sometimes we’re glacial. Sometimes we move so fast you can’t see us. It’s all down to our collective whim.”

“Really, Outland, move it or die.”

“That we understand.” I looked over my shoulder. “Let’s move and follow our new friend here.” Looked back at him. “What did
you say your name was?”

“I didn’t and don’t plan to.” He gave me another grin. “You’ll learn it later, when it’s safer to know. Right now, more moving, less talking.”

Everyone filed out. Slinkie gave our mysterious friend a long once-over. My heart sank. Guessed the kiss hadn’t been as great for her as for me if she was checking this guy out. Decided I might just have to hate him.

Slinkie didn’t do the stand up straight and toss the hair thing, though. She made sure she was on my other side, so I was between the two of them. She also didn’t talk. Decided I’d ask her why this guy unnerved her later. If, in fact, I didn’t find out that she acted like this when it was love at first sight.

The telepath led us through the maze of corridors. We had to stop and hide a few times. I confirmed on the system tracker—every time he had us take cover, there were gray dots coming.

We wound down and around, in and out, zigged and zagged, never taking an elevator. When asked why, his reply was curt and to the point. “You’re all really desperate to get caught again, aren’t you?”

More stairs, more corridors, more hiding, repeat, repeat, repeat. I wasn’t positive, but it seemed like we were visiting every part of the complex. Why, I couldn’t say, but the good thing was we avoided any other guys in gray uniforms.

Just when I knew all of us, Audrey included, were at the breaking point of patience, he led us into the maintenance section and we reached a door that indicated we’d breathe fresh air if we opened it. “As a warning, the air quality’s awful right now,” our telepathic guide said. “Recommend shallow breaths or scarves if you have them.”

“Fresh out. What about gas masks?”

“If you have them hidden somewhere, feel free.”

“That bad?”

“You ruptured the sewage tank, you tell me.”

I sighed. “It was an accident, and not actually my fault.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s one of the reasons why I’m helping you.” He hit the button that raised the corrugated metal door and we stepped outside. It was nice to be out of the rat maze, but he hadn’t been exaggerating—the stench in the air was almost thick enough to see.

We were actually on the outside of the complex and left without issue through the large door that, as I turned back, was labeled “Refuse Delivery”. Guess they didn’t want the trash people coming inside, which was okay by me.

“Now where?” I had no clear idea of where we were, just that we probably wanted to put some distance between us and the Herion Military complex.

Slinkie grabbed my hand and yanked, which pulled my head down towards her. “I want to get away from this guy.” Her whisper didn’t sound like she wanted to get away because she was afraid she’d throw herself at him. I started to feel better, horrible smells notwithstanding.