Aint too proud to beg sfdg-1 (18 page)

I know I will.

Im gonna blow up fast. Overnight, Benny. Bennett assumed that blowing up was a good thing in the music business, unlike his line of work. That kind of determination will take you far, he said.

LaShelle was suddenly quiet. Bennett looked out of the corner of his eye to see her wipe a silent tear from her cheek. Her swagger had wilted as quickly as it had blossomed.

He decided not to push her. She was a smart girl, and clearly, reality had long ago stuck a toe into the door of her dreams. Determination was important, but it wouldnt pay the rent, and she knew it. Dreams wouldnt keep her belly full.

Bennett didnt have to askLaShelle had no one waiting for her in Los Angeles. She didnt even know how shed get there from San Francisco. She was scared to death. And alone.

Margot had never experienced that kind of fear or isolation, he realized. She was given everything she desired, sometimes even before she knew she desired it. Margot was never forced to rely on her own drive and talent.

His palms tightened on the Skylarks vinyl steering wheel as the truth hit himhis little girl died without a true passion. By trying to ensure her happiness, Bennett had kept her from lifes most basic joychasing ones own dream.

LaShelle opened Bennetts road atlas and said, We should be in Salt Lake City by six or so.

He nodded, taking a moment to swallow down the sadness. Any preference for dinner tonight? he asked.

LaShelle stared blankly out the windshield. Anything but tacos.

This time he was prepared for the attack he knew was inevitable.

First, he set the package on the hallway floor, carefully propping it up against the wall, away from the expected point of collision. Next, he set the groceries on the other side of the door. He slipped in the key, turned the knob, and raised a bent knee to the front of his body for protection.

Off!

Genghis was already sailing through the air. He bounced off Ricks shin.

Sit. Rick scowled at Josies dog, trying not to laugh while being firm.

It was difficult. The Labradoodle made him laugh every time he looked at his goofy face. Rick shook his head in wonderfor a woman who seemed so desperate for a dog grooming a few weeks ago, Josie sure hadnt been in a hurry to take him in for a trim. At this point, Genghis had the canine equivalent of dreadlocks, which only made him look funnier.

All right. Good boy. Rick bent down and rubbed behind his ear, then gave him a bite-sized dog biscuit he had in his pocket. Genghis continued to sit. He was rewarded with another biscuit.

Rick entered the apartment and smiled. It looked just like it had when he left in the middle of the nightunkempt. He could see into her bedroom, and noted that her suitcase was lying open on the floor, stuff spilling out. He hadnt even given the poor woman time to unpack, hed wanted her so badly.

Rick got the painting in safely, placing it in the center of the dining table, out of Genghiss reach. Then he put away the groceries. He got Genghiss leash on him and took him for a quick walk around the block, occasionally acknowledging the large Lexus crawling along the street next to him. Rick couldnt imagine what life would be like if, someday and somehow, Bennett Cummings was no longer a worry. Hed sure love to find out.

Rick gave Teeny a nod and a wave when he got back to the apartment.

Teeny rolled down the automatic window.

Page me when youre ready to go.

Rick nodded. Thanks, Teen.

Back in the apartment it was first things first. He went through Josies CD collection to find some inspiring tunes, and, after a brief shock at the sight of a bootleg live Clay Aiken recording, he found just the thing. Rick immediately went to work, Nat King Cole crooning from the living room.

He arranged the flowers in a nice glass vase. He sliced the tenderloin into thin strips, washed and sliced the cremini mushrooms and shallots, and rooted through Josies spice cabinet, relieved that she had tarragon and nutmeg, because hed forgotten to buy both. He started the water for the noodles.

Rick straightened the living room. His search for the perfect place to hang the painting took him into her bedroom. The sight of the disheveled bed sent a wave of heat through him. He couldnt help himselfhe buried his nose in the cool white sheets, smelling Josie and himself, their love and their sex, all blended together, like it had been all weekend.

Rick knew he was acting a fool. He was a fool in love. It was the most exhilarating experience of his life.

He decided to display the painting over the living room fireplace mantel, where Josie had hung a mirror. He would rearrange things later to her liking, but decided to go for maximum impact when she walked through the door.

He vacuumed and set the table. Then he looked at his watch and decided it was time to undress for dinner, an activity that held Genghis in rapt attention.

Ten minutes later, just as he was melting butter in a large skillet and singing,?Im happy as a king, and foolish though it may seem, to me thats everything… he heard the door open.

He didnt know who was more excitedhim or the dog.

Genghis greeted her happily at the door, along with the strains of Nat King Coles The Very Thought of You and the scent of what Josie swore was homemade beef Stroganoff. This could mean only one thing: Her mother had moved in. Now wouldnt that be the perfect end to a perfect day?

Welcome home, baby.

Josie shouted with surprise. Her boyfriendyes, her /boyfriend/stood in the kitchen doorway wearing nothing but a huge smile and a barbecue apron sporting the words DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

Her hand went to her mouth. She laughed. A few seconds later, she was in tears.

Did I scare you? Rick came to her and put his bare arms around her.

Maybe you dont like this kind of surprise. I should have Oh, my God! Josie pointed to the wall over the fireplace. What is that doing there?

We can move it wherever youd like.

She clutched her chest.

I hope I didnt scare you.

Josie threw herself against him, planting a big kiss right on his beautiful mouth. He didnt scare her. He astounded her. This surprise was thoughtful, fun, and so damn romantic it made her cry.

She pulled away from his embrace. Nobody has ever done something this wonderful for me, she said, trying her best to stop blubbering. Her eyes moved from the painting to the table set with flowers, candles, and a tablecloth. She cried harder.

Ah, Josie. Rick hugged her again and kissed the top of her head. This is nothing. Its the kind of thing you should get on a regular basis.

Josie shook her head and rubbed her sloppy tears all over the front of his apron. Nobodys ever gone to this much trouble for me. She looked up at him, his gorgeous green eyes filled with concern. Nobodys ever set the table like this. Nobody has ever cooked naked for me!

I am wearing an apron.

And the paintingRick, I cant accept that! She shook her head. Its too much. Its too valuable.

Rick frowned. Do you love it?

Yes!

Then it belongs here. It belongs with you.

Josie just stared for a moment, unable to think. Rick, I dont know what to say. Thank you. Thank you for all of it. Im blown away. And I love you. She kissed him again, but only briefly. Is something burning?

Oh, hell, Rick said, racing back to the kitchen, his hard and thoroughly naked man-ass on display for her viewing pleasure.

Were good! Rick called out. The butter just got a little brown!

Josie felt her dogs stare, and she looked down at Genghis. I know, she whispered. Im in shock, too. If you had opposable thumbs Id ask you to pinch me.

Rick came back into the living room, wide-eyed. Do you realize you just said you loved me?

After a moment of panic, Josie figured there was no point in denying it.

I did. And I do. But it wasnt the first time I told you.

No?

Josie giggled. In her wildest imaginationwhich would put anyone elses wild imagination to shameshed never dreamed that this life-changing moment would take place with a naked man in an apron. Then again, shed never imagined that the most important moment of her life would feel so effortless, so normal.

She went to Rick and reached for one of his hands. I told you I loved you when we were on your motorcycle yesterday, out in the vineyards.

Rick frowned. I didnt hear you.

I whispered it into your back, she said with a shy smile.

That would explain why I didnt hear you.

I whispered it because its what I was feeling at that momentI just had to say it or I would explode. But I didnt think you were ready to hear it.

Rick tilted his head and looked down on her, wonder on his face. But I am ready, Josie.

You are?

Yeah. Can you say it again?

She laughed. I love you, Rick. Youve changed everything, instantly, and Im so glad we found each other. I really love you.

He reached up and tenderly stroked her cheek. I started to fall in love with you the second you and Genghis walked into the grooming salon.

Seriously?

Oh, yes.

And how do you feel about me now?

Rick chuckled, then leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. I adore you, Josephine. Everything is more beautiful in your company. I marvel at how perceptive you are and how you make me laugh. I trust you completely, and thats coming from a man who hasnt trusted anyone but Teeny in a long, long time.

Josie nodded.

I cant get enough of the way your body feels in my hands and how you smell and look and taste. I love you, and it gets bigger and stronger every day we spend together.

It really does, she said.

Ricks gaze fell to her lips. He lowered his head and put his mouth on hers. She closed her eyes and let the sensation run hot through her center, amazed at how their kisses kept advancing to the next level, how with each new secret they shared or every additional layer they peeled away, their kisses grew deeper and wiser. That particular kiss was the bombhot, sweet, grateful, hungry, hopeful. The beef Stroganoff would have to be refrigerated.

There was a pounding at her door. Genghis barked.

Josie pulled away, frowning, annoyed that someone had the nerve to disrupt her blissful surrender.

Are you expecting anyone? Rick asked.

No. Were you?

Rick laughed, looking down at his attire, or lack thereof. Only you, dear.

Josie went to the door and got up on her tiptoes to look out the peephole. Oh, /shit,/ she hissed, slamming her eyes shut and doubling over in distress. After taking a second to calm herself, she looked at Rick and said, My whole freaking family is here. You should probably put on some pants.

W
hen was the last time Gwen Anders had felt desperate?

Never.

Therefore, Gwen had not prepared in advance for the day she found herself in desperate need of male attention, for someone to recognize her intellectual complexity, her shrewd approach to finance, and her impossibly firm buttocks.

Regardless of her lack of preparation, that was where Gwen was that Monday evening, in the lobby bar of the St. Regis Hotel. Shed been telling herself that she just needed to get out, do some top-shelf people-watching, munch on a few wasabi peas, and sip on a decently prepared cocktail or two while contemplating her next move. In reality, she was just plain desperate for someone to tell her she was the most beautiful woman theyd ever seen, which made her no better than the dozen other well-dressed thirty-somethings alone or in a gaggle of girls, their perfectly made-up eyes darting around the room, the fear barely concealed in each playful flash of seduction. Their prey: the visiting millionaires returning from a day of dealmaking.

After a half hour of this unpleasantness, Gwen was ready to leave. Yes, shed recently been rejected by the man of her choice, tossed aside for a chunky obituary writer named /Josephine,/ of all things, as shed discovered while in Ricks office that morning. (The man shouldnt leave his background checks open on his desk like that.) And yes, due to that humiliation, shed been forced to resign her position. But she was still Gwen Anders. She would rise above it all.

She took a last sip of her ginger-pomegranate cosmo and prepared to leave. The desperation in that bar had a foul smell to it, clashing terribly with her Acqua di Parma perfume. She had just reached for her purse when she saw him.

Tall. Mediterranean. Black hair combed back and long at the collar.

Patrician nose. Wide mouth. No suit for this manhe was in jeans and a wrinkled linen jacket over a wrinkled cotton button-down. He moved with the grace of a man who was in full command of himself and his world, despite the fact that he looked like hed just spent a couple days on a plane, in coach.

In an instant, Gwen no longer felt desperate. She felt alive. When the man casually turned her way she knew hed already seen her, possibly even selected her before hed entered the hotel lobby. He seemed like a man who carefully calculated all of his chance encounters.

She couldnt help itthe left corner of her mouth curled and her eyelids grew heavy.

He headed right toward her. He sat down without an invitation. And with an accent thicker than a tipsy Antonio Banderas, he said, You are an exquisitely beautiful woman.

Gwen laughed as she got up to leave. She strolled through the lobby, certain that he was admiring her audacity and her impossibly firm buttocks in equal measure.

He caught up with her on the sidewalk. The evening was windy and she felt her hair blow around her head like a halo.

I would like to photograph you. That is all. The sincerity dripped from his words and his dark eyes.

Gwen laughed again and signaled for a taxi.

Please do not deny me, he said.

Thats when it hit hershe didnt need this man. She didnt need any man.

She had herself. Thats why she had come here tonightto remind herself that she was still everything she had always been, even if Rick Rousseau didnt want all that she was. Gwen hadnt been desperate for a mans attention after allshed been desperate to rediscover her self-respect.

She got inside the cab, knowing that as of right that second, her days of wine-soaked self-pity were officially over.

Please do not go, he said, his last plea before she reached for the door handle.

Have a pleasant stay in San Francisco, she said, slamming it shut.

Gwen asked the taxi driver to wait for her at the public phone booth in Cow Hollow. She got the same terse voice mail. She left an equally brief message: This is Gwen Anders. Disregard my previous message. It was a terrible mistake.

I forgot.

Thats what Josie said as she opened the door to her mother, father, brother, sister, brother-in-law, niece, and nephew.

How could you forget Daddys birthday? Beth said, adjusting Chloes position on her hip.

The crowd began to push into her apartment.

I didnt forget his birthdayI just forgot we were going to dinner.

Donald shot her a doubtful look. Since when do you forget about a meal?

Were you in the middle of cooking something? Josies mother sniffed the air, then headed into the kitchen.

Her father was on his way to the sound system. Nat King Cole? he asked.

Beth stopped in the center of the room, raising her eyes to the painting. She spun around abruptly. Oh, my God, Josies getting ready for a date! And where in Gods name did you get this gorgeous painting? It almost looks /real/!

Her mother poked her head out of the kitchen. Whose beef Stroganoff recipe are you using? It looks delish!

Thats when Rick came out of her bedroom.

Its his recipe, Josie said, pointing. And his painting.

Rick was wearing a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a cotton sweater over a T-shirt. He smiled graciously, and didnt miss a beat.

Hello, everyone. Mr. Sheehan, nice to meet you. He extended his hand and approached Josies dad. Im Rick Rousseau. Rick moved seamlessly over to Josies mom. Mrs. Sheehan. Im Rick. Ive heard so much about you. He kissed her cheek.

An openmouthed Beth was next. So nice to finally meet you, Beth. He touched her shoulder. This must be Chloe. Oh, and hello, Howie. Is this Calvin? He moved toward Howie, shook his hand, and touched the younger child on the head.

Im Donald, Josies brother said, extending his hand to Rick. We apologize. We didnt mean to Its my fault entirely, Rick said, addressing everyone. Genghis had stopped sniffing and jumping on the new arrivals and now sat at Ricks feet. Josie had no idea Id be hereI surprised her with dinner when she got home from work.

Oh… my… God, Beth whispered, her eyes huge.

We were headed to the Olive Garden for my birthday party, Josies dad said, shoving his hands in his trousers. The one down at the Stonestown shopping center. They have unlimited breadsticks. Ever eaten there?

Its a /galleria,/ Dad, Beth corrected him.

Its a shopping center with a frilly name, Josies father said. I ought to knowI put in half their plumbing. So, would you like to join us, Rick?

Rick looked pleased by the invitation and turned to Josie for the go-ahead. She was shocked. Rick had met and charmed everyone in her family in less time than it usually took her to get Genghis to stop humping their shins.

She smiled at Rick, thinking he was the bravest, strongest man shed ever known.

Id be honored, sir, Rick said to Josies dad.

Let me get my keys, Josie said.

We can fit you in the van, her dad said. Plenty of room for everyone.

On the way out the apartment door, her mother leaned into Josies ear.

Hes wonderful!

Beth grabbed her sleeve and whispered, Dont mess this up, whatever you do.

A few hours later, around a large round table and stuffed to the gills with pasta and a prearranged chocolate birthday cake, the Sheehans began pulling out gifts and cards for Josies dad. Josie hadnt had time to get him anything, which her dad must have seen in her panicked expression.

Dont even worry about it, he told her, patting her hand. To see my girl happy is the greatest gift a father could ask for.

Josies dad raised his wine goblet and said, Heres to another year of lifes unexpected adventures. Everyone joined in the toast, Rick with his water glass and a wide smile that was all for Josie.

I know youre exhausted. Rick opened Josies apartment door and shielded her from the spastic dog. You relax and Ill take him for a walk.

Are you sure? Josie looked surprised.

Of course.

What about Teeny? Shouldnt he know youre walking around at night?

Rick laughed. Hes right outside, Josie. Didnt you see him a few tables away at the restaurant?

Josies mouth opened. For a man that big, he can sure keep a low profile.

Ill pass along the compliment. He kissed Josies cheek and retrieved Genghiss leash and a plastic bag from the coat closet. Anyway, who needs Teeny? I have a Mongol warlord for protection.

Josie glanced at the panting Labradoodle and sighed. Im pretty sure he likes you better than me now.

Teeny got out of the car and joined Rick. They laughed and talked as Genghis sniffed and did his business, Teeny going on and on about how nice the Sheehans seemed. Theyd completed one leisurely lap around the block when the hairs on the back of Ricks neck began to stand on end.

He peered around in the darkness, seeing nothing unusual. A car door slammed a few buildings down. Jazz floated down from an open apartment balcony door. But something wasnt right.

We need to go back, now.

Whats wrong? Teeny abruptly stopped walking, his hand going to his waistband.

I dont know. But its something.

Lets go.

Teeny jogged with them back to the apartment building and up the stairs.

They found Josies door unlocked, and Rick berated himself for not only leaving her alone for too long but for not locking the door when he left. /What was I thinking?/ Teeny went in first, sweeping the room with his gun drawn.

Josie? Rick called out. He strained his ears, relieved to hear the shower running in the bathroom. Im sure everythings okay, he said to Teeny, heading toward the bedroom.

Ill stay here for a couple more minutes.

Rick opened the bathroom door a crack. Josie? Did you fall asleep in there?

No answer.

Josie?

He flung open the door, fearing the worst/Bennett Cummings has taken the only thing that ever mattered to me./ He threw open the shower curtain.

Josie was curled on her side, legs drawn up, head on a little plastic bath pillow, sound asleep. He reached down and touched her warm throat and felt her heart beating strong and slow.

He turned off the water and grabbed a towel from a hook on the back of the door.

Josie, baby. Time for bed.

I told you, Lloyd, she muttered, slapping his hand away. I dont wanna have lunch with you ever again.

Rick chuckled, loving that she dissed old boyfriends in her dreams. He gazed down on her, shaking his head. He had no idea he could love anything or anyone as much as he loved the woman curled up in the bathtub. She looked so soft and pink and vulnerable. An image flew into his brainhis baby, suckling at one of those perfect round breasts.

Rick drew in a breath, overcome with the power of that image. He wanted babies with Josie. He wanted a family. He wanted to try. And Josie was at the center of all that longing, all the dreams hed barely admitted to himself.

With a kind of deadweight clarity, right down in his gut, he knew the only problem with loving someone was fearing youd lose them.

Rick gently tucked the towel around her, pondering the physics of his challenge. He didnt think he could lift her up from that angle. Hed have to get her to her feet first.

Stand up, Josie. Ill tuck you in.

She didnt stir.

Everything okay in there? Teeny called from the living room. Rick stuck his head out the bathroom door. She fell asleep in the tub. Want to help me lift her out so I can carry her to bed?

Teeny shoved his gun back in his waistband, laughing softly. You dont pay me enough, Rousseau.

By the time Teeny had entered the bathroom, Rick had completely wrapped Josie in the towel, snugly overlapping the corners at her chest.

Ill get her upper body, Teeny said, slipping a big arm under her back.

You get her legs.

The two of them gently lifted Josie from the tub, Teeny transferring her full weight to Ricks arms the instant he could turn her. /Thank you,/ Rick mouthed to his friend, heading for the doorway and turning sideways to get through.

You sure got your hands full with this one, Teeny whispered. Good thing Ive been kicking your ass in the barn.

Rick smiled at him.

Page me in the A.M.

He nodded good night to Teeny and carried Josie to the bed. He laid her down and grabbed another towel from the hall closet. Carefully, he tried to dry her curly hair, so thick and heavy that his effort seemed pointless. So he just wrapped the towel around her head as snugly as possible, and removed the damp towel from her body. He tucked the sheets and comforter under her chin.

He kissed her on the mouth.

Suddenly, her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him back. I want you, Josie whispered, taking her lips away long enough to speak the words. I want you so bad.

Rick began taking off his clothes, hoping Josie hadnt just invited Lloyd into her bed.

I love you, Rick, she said, her eyes now open. I think I fell asleep in the shower.

You did, but I got you now.

She yanked the towel from her hair and pulled back the covers. Yes, you do.

Rick dove into her. She was warm and damp and eager. He let himself disappear in her heat and her moans, rolling with her, laughing, kissing, sucking and licking her soft body. At some point, he found himself with a handful of her wet curls in his hand as he took her from behind, wild with his need, his hand cupping her belly.

He drove himself to an orgasm, feeling Josie pulse and tug on him from inside her body. This was heaven. She was his heaven, and his love. He would never let anything happen to her, ever.

Gwen refused to come to the office, and instead asked Rick to meet her for a cup of coffee. Teeny drove him to the Market District cafй and, after checking the inside of the restaurant, took up residence on the bench out front.

Do you ever get tired of being followed? Gwen asked, nodding her head toward the windows.

Someday it wont be necessary, but right now, it is.

Gwen nodded, looking down into her espresso. I probably owe you an explanation.

Id rather you just retract your resignation.

She smiled slightly and shook her head. I need to move on. Its time.

There was something different about Gwen today. She was more relaxed than hed ever seen her. Her edges were softer. He studied her face, and saw an openness there hed never noticed. This isnt about the financial losses, is it?