Agatha Parrot and the Floating Head (6 page)

‘Martha's bummy is a talloon?' gasped Bianca.

‘Shhh!' I said. ‘No, her head is a balloon, her tummy is a duvet. The real Martha's off sick, but we have to make the teachers think she's at school or we'll miss the trip. This is the Other Martha who's going to take her place today. Obviously she needs to keep her coat on and her hood up, so that's why we all need to pretend it's cold.'

Good old Bianca, she immediately put her coat back on, then Ellie Slippin came in and when we told her the plan, she kept her coat on too. Poor Ellie. She's always nervous at the best of times, so anything like this really freaks her out.

‘Everything will be fine, Ellie,' I told her. ‘And you're doing a good act of shivering.' And it's true. Her little knees were knocking away like anything.

‘That's not shivering,' said Ivy. ‘She's shaking because she's scared.'

‘Scared of what?'

‘Looking stupid!' said Ivy. ‘Yesterday we had to pretend it's hot, and now today we're pretending it's cold. We'll never get away with it. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no . . .'

‘Why not?'

Ivy stopped saying ‘oh no' and was suddenly sensible. ‘Haven't you noticed? The radiators are on
full blast today.'

Eh? I put my hand on the radiator under the mirror.
Oh no!
Sure enough it was baking. They were right, we were going to look a bit daft. Unless . . .

‘You're fiddling with your hair again,' said Ivy.

‘I KNOW I AM,' I said. Hmmm . . . coats . . . radiators . . . cold . . .? I found myself looking at the big old pipes that came out of the bottom of
the radiator. They ran along the wall then disappeared down into the floor.
Ooooooh . . .

‘I've got it!' I told them. ‘All of you, give me your water bottles, then get the Other Martha into class. Leave the rest to me and don't worry.'

‘Are you sure we'll be all right?' asked Ellie nervously.

‘Absolutely dead certain 100% positive sure,' I said. Ellie gave me a little smile and toddled off with her knees not knocking quite so much. Gosh I'm such a liar sometimes.

T
he reception area was like it always was in the morning with mums coming and going, saying ‘hello' and ‘see ya later', banging pushchairs together and dropping their shopping bags. Nobody noticed secret agent Agatha creeping
along by the wall towards the radiator next to Miss Wizzit's desk. Oh, you don't know Miss Wizzit yet, do you? Like all school receptionists, you don't want to fall out with her, seriously you don't.
Eeeek.

‘The pile of head lice letters is over there on the far table,' Miss Wizzit was shouting at everybody. ‘So if you need one, I don't want you coming anywhere near me.'

I got to the radiator. Nobody was
looking so I bent down and pulled one of the water bottles out of my bag and emptied it all over the carpet. It made a lovely big dark wet patch.
Perfect!
Job done, I shoved the bottle back in my bag and slipped away unnoticed like a shadow in a forest . . .
oooh!

Next was the school hall.
Mrs Twelvetrees would be coming in to do an assembly, and there was a radiator right next to where she would be standing. I quickly tipped another water bottle out underneath it and got away as fast as I could. Next call was the radiator in the library, and then the radiator in the big store room. By the time I got into class I just had one full bottle left, so when I put my book bag away, I tipped it out under the radiator behind Matty's chair.

Ivy and Bianca were at their table with the Other Martha between them. They had set her up leaning forwards a bit with her hood pulled right over so it was hard to see the face. Everything seemed fine so far, but then Miss Pingle started to take the register. I'd forgotten about that!

‘Darren? Liam? Alfie?' They each made their usual little grunty
here
noises and Miss Pingle ticked them off. ‘Molly B? Bianca . . .?'
Miss Pingle gave her a funny look. ‘Why are you still wearing your coat, Bianca?'

‘Because it's cold,' said Bianca.

‘Ex-CUSE me?' said Miss P doing a bit of teacher sarcasm. New teachers always do that, it must be something they learn at college. ‘You all said it was hot yesterday and now it's cold today.'

Bianca looked at me crossly, because she thought I'd dropped her
in it. OK, I suppose I had actually. Ellie was looking at me too and I thought she was going to cry. Oh well, if my plan was going to work it was time I got on with it.

‘It WILL be cold,' I told Miss Pingle. ‘Mr Motley is going to shut the boiler down because the radiators are leaking.'

‘No one told me that,' said Miss P.

But then Matty jumped up from his chair. ‘Urgh!' he said. ‘The floor's all wet.'

Miss Pingle went over to look. ‘Oh dear, I see what you mean. You might need your coats after all, but let me just finish the register first.' She continued reading out the names and everybody made their noises. Ivy looked at me as if to say ‘What happens when she comes to Martha?' Good question.

I leant over and put my ear by the Other Martha's balloon head.

‘Molly G?' said Miss Pingle
working through the list. ‘Natasha? Ellie? Martha?'

‘HA HA HA HA HA!'

I burst out laughing so Miss Pingle gave me a strange look. ‘Sorry,' I said. ‘It's just that Martha whispered something and it was a bit rude.'

‘Did she really?' said Miss Pingle pulling a cross face. ‘Well I'll thank you to keep it to yourself, Martha,' she said, then she ticked Martha's name
off on the register just as I planned it! ‘Leah? Philippa? And Donovan? Thank you class, now who wants to take the register to Miss Wizzit?'

I put my hand up. It HAD to be me, I had things to do. ‘I just remembered I left my spelling book in my coat pocket,' I said.

‘Then you better go to the cloakroom and get it,' said Miss Pingle. ‘And could you drop off the register on the way?'

‘Of course,' I said.

Ha ha,
I'd fooled her . . . or had I? When I left the class Miss Pingle was giving me a funny look. No wonder! Why did I tell her I was getting my spelling book from my coat in the cloakroom? I was WEARING my coat!

I was going to have to be a lot more careful if my leaky pipe plan was going to work. I still had the trickiest bit to do.

B
y the time I got to reception, the rush was over and Miss Wizzit was photocopying something for Miss Barking. I plonked the register down then pointed at the
wet carpet. ‘Has somebody spilt something?' I asked them.

Ho ho! Miss Barking immediately went to stand on guard at the edge of the wet patch. She held her arms sticking out to the sides to stop anyone getting near, even though the only people around were me and Miss Wizzit. ‘Keep back!' she ordered us. ‘You might slip and fall and hurt yourself. Miss Wizzit, can you organise an emergency mop
and bucket operation?'