Again and Again (8 page)

8

Cortland

I got to the coffee shop early and sat in the corner. I didn’t know what to say to Monnique. How do I act? Should I hug her? What the hell am I doing here? My mind raced at the speed of light until she walked inside.

She wore tight leggings and
a white blouse. I liked it when she wore white because it looked good against her skin. When she spotted me, she approached the table. I stood up, automatically.

She stood awkwardly in front of me.

Do I hug her?

She waited for me to embrace her, and when I didn’t, she sat down with a frown on her face. I took my seat across from her and cleared my throat.

“You already ordered?” she asked.

“Chai
tea latte?” I asked. It’s what she always got.

She nodded. “Thank you.”

I had a black coffee. I never drank anything else.

She sipped it. “It’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“So…was the rest of the gala fun?” she asked.

“Not really,” I said bluntly. “Sean and Scarlet had the worst fight they’ve ever had.”

“I wondered why he slept on the couch.”

“Shit, that is bad.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“Scarlet blew up and said they should get a divorce.”

Her mouth dropped. “What?”

“I know she didn’t mean it. She’s just upset about his mom and the money issue. To be honest, I don’t blame her. Someone can only take that torment for so long, you know?”

“That was still extreme.”

“I know it was.”

She played with the sleeve of her coffee and avoided my gaze. I knew she was nervous. I was nervous too. I wondered why she wanted to get coffee today. Did she have something she wanted to say to me?

“Cortland, I miss you,” she blurted. “A lot.”

“I miss you too,” I whispered. I shouldn’t have said that but I couldn’t deny the feelings in my heart.

“I’ll do anything for another chance. Every time I look at you, I want to be in your arms. Every day without you is excruciating. I know you said you’re done with me, but I see the way you look at me. It’s the same way you’ve always look at me. You’re just as in love with me as you were the first time we made love.”

“I never said that
changed.”

“Then work it out with me,” she pleaded. “You would rath
er force yourself to move on with someone else when you’re only going to think of me?”

No. I didn’t want that.

“We can take this as slow as you want. I realize I have to regain your trust. That isn’t going to happen overnight. I realize that.”

“I don’t know…”

“Yes, you do,” she said firmly. “Yes, you do.”

“Where was this three months ago? I told you how much I loved you, but you were determined not to believe me.”

“Because I was being stupid,” she said bluntly. “That’s why.”

“What did you do in Seattle? Did you date anyone?”

She looked offended. “Of course not. I stayed home every night and barely ate. You think I could just move onto someone else that quickly?”

“Well, you were the one who broke it off. I wasn’t sure…”

“No, Cortland. There’s only been you.”

“But I guess there’s no way for me to know if you’re lying.” That was a mean thing to say but I couldn’t help myself.

“You can call my brother and ask him. He was with me nearly the entire time. I was home every night. I never talked to anyone. I didn’t go anywhere.”

Monnique didn’t seem like she would sleep with someone else so quickly, but then again, she didn’t seem like she would leave me either.

“Cortland, I’ll marry you today if that’s what it takes to convince you.” The desperation escaped in her voice.”

“Monnique, love is not the issue. Yes, I love you. And even now I want to take you back and marry you. But I’m hurt. And that’s the part you can’t fix. I feel resentful toward you. I can’t just forgive you for everything you did to me.”

She nodded. “I know…”

I stared out the window.

“I’ll wait as long as I have to,” she said gently.

“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m ever going to come around.”

“I know you will,” she said. “Because you’ve never loved anyone the way you love me.”

Her confidence warmed my heart even though it shouldn’t.

“Hazel is a very pretty girl.”

What was her point?

“And I don’t see anything in your eyes when you look at her. You’re completely immune to her, to all women.”

She knew me well after all.

“Because I’m the only girl in your heart. If you still love me this much after three months, honor that emotion and give me another chance. I’m not going to stop until I know you’ll never change your mind indefinitely.”

I didn’t know what to say. I stared at my coffee.

“Come over,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Come over.”

I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

“When we make love, you’ll understand just how much I love you.”

God, that was tempting.
I hadn’t gotten laid in three months. My dick was about to fall off. But I couldn’t do that. My emotions would manipulate me. “No.”

She sighed, disappointed.

This was too hard for me. I couldn’t think clearly when this beautiful woman sat across from me. My control and pragmatism went out the window. I wanted to combine my body with hers and get back to where I wanted to be. All her words soaked through my skin, making me feel joy and pain at the same time. “I have to go…” I stood up then took a deep breath.

She looked out the window. “Okay.” She didn’t fight me.

I walked out then headed up the sidewalk, the opposite way of my car. I didn’t know where I was going but I didn’t need a direction. I was lost—completely lost.

9

Sean

I slept on the couch for the next week. I was fucking pissed.

I couldn’t believe she said that to me. There was nothing worse she could have done. I was constantly scared she would leave me because I wa
sn’t good enough for her, but for her to actually say the words stopped my heart in my chest. My world fell apart. All I saw was darkness.

I knew things weren’t the best between us. I knew we’d been arguing about a plethora of problems. But I never thought it was that bad. I still loved Scarlet more than anything. There’s no one in the world I’d rather fight with than she.

I was so angry. I was already upset with her but now I was livid. Those were words that should never be said unless they were sincere. Scarlet didn’t talk to me or try to apologize. She stayed away from me, knowing I had to resolve my anger before I could talk to her.

When I came home from work, I went running on the beach and stayed outside for most of the afternoon. The waves calmed me and made me relaxed. I finally went inside and got into the shower. Scarlet was in her office, where she hid from me.

I came downstairs and opened a beer and ordered a pizza. She and I didn’t share dinner together. I acted like she didn’t exist. I came home every night only because I knew she was uncomfortable being in the house alone. And I was a pussy and was scared my wife might need me.

She came downstairs but didn’t walk past me. Instead, she sat on the couch next to me. It was the closest we’d been for days.

“Can we talk?” she whispered.

I turned off the game then leaned back. I didn’t look at her.

“I wanted to apologize for what I said.”

Finally.

“I didn’t mean it. I was just upset about your mom and our fight…everything hit me all at once. It was pure pandemonium. I take back what I said and I’ll never say it again.”

Those were the words I’d been waiting to hear for a week. “You have no idea how much that shit hurt.”

“I know,” she said gently. “I’d be upset if you did the same to me.”

“No, you would never forgive me,” I snapped. “Because you’re stubborn.”

She didn’t deny that. “Do you forgive me?”

I don’t know. I was still mad. “If you were someone else, I’d leave you.”

She took a deep breath.

“So, you’re lucky I love you so fucking much. You could do everything and anything and it will never change my feelings for you. But I’m sick of the way you treat me. Every time I do the right thing to protect you, you get pissed at me and call me a jackass. Scarlet, you need to pull your head out of your ass and knock it off. I gave your mom the money because I had to. Believe me, I’m not normally that generous. So stop acting like I’m the bad guy.”

“I know…”

I shook my head. “I understand why you were so upset. I get it. I really do. But I honestly think your dad would have wanted it to work out the way it did. Your mom has no reason to bother you and she didn’t ruin the best day of your life, where all our friend
s and family would have witnessed it. I know he’d want you to have the happily ever after you deserved.

“I’m not going to apologize for what I did. It was the best decision at the time, and you need to understand that I do everything for you. You’re always first,
Scarlet. I’m sick of being compared to the guy I used to be. You said we moved on from that but clearly we haven’t. You still resent me for it. I think almost running out on our wedding is punishment enough.”

“I know.” She blinked her tears away. “I know.”

“So, you owe me an apology.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry.”

Seeing her cry and apologize broke down all my walls. I pulled her into my lap and pressed her face into my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

She sobbed loudly. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh…” I kissed her forehead then her tears.

“Everything just got under my skin and I got so upset…”

“I know, baby.”

“
I never want to get a divorce. I love you. I just wished your mom liked me.”

“Fuck her,” I said firmly. “I don’t give a shit what she thinks.”

“I still wish things were different.”

I picked her up and carried her into our bedroom. We hadn’t made love in a week and we needed to do it now. Someh
ow, everything was better when we connected to one another, sharing a profound moment of intimacy.

Her tears stopped falling when her back hit the comforter. I pulled off her dress and her underwear then removed my own clothes. I crawled on top of her then parted her legs.

“I love you forever,” she said.

I moved inside her. “I love you too, Scar.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She was wet and smooth. “I’m sorry too.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I never want to get a divorce. I wished I hadn’t said that…”

I rocked into her. “It’s okay… I wouldn’t have given it to you anyway.”

She kissed my lips passionately, making me melt and burn at the same time. She felt so good. I hadn’t gotten my dick wet in a week and I forgot how good my wife felt. Being between her legs was always heavenly. I felt all my anger and despair ebb away when our bodies were joined. And I loved feeling her love me. That was the best part.

She gripped my ass and pulled me into her harder. “I never want to make love to anyone for the rest of my life.”

That made my cock twitch. I liked it when she talked like that.

She clenched around me and moaned. “Sean…”

I loved it when she said my name.

“Sean…” Her nails dug into my skin as she rode her orgasm. “Oh god.”

Going a whole week without Scarlet lowered my triggers. My orgasm started as soon as hers ended. I came inside her, loving every second of it. “Yeah…” I filled her until I was completely sated.

I leaned over her and kissed her gently. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Even though she was pregnant, she was light as a feather. I hooked my arm around her waist and moved her to the pillows. I tucked her in then lay beside her. It was nice to sleep in a bed with her. The couch was getting old.

Scarlet intertwined her body with mine. Her legs were soft, and her skin was smooth. She clung to me like she never wanted to let me go. For the first time in weeks, I was happy.

The bed shook as Scarlet moved away from me. I was sensitive to movement and sound. The protective side of me still watched Scarlet even while I was asleep. The change in her breathing woke my mind. Anything she did that my mind deemed was abnormal set off my triggers.

I opened my eyes and saw her sitting at the edge of the bed. Her hand was on her stomach and she was leaning over like she was in pain. She whimpered and breathed heavily.

I jumped out of bed. “Baby, are you okay?”

Tears fell down her face. “It hurts…”

I kneeled at her feet and felt her stomach.
God, this was bad.
The fear coursed through my body. She closed her eyes and breathed through the pain. Something wasn’t right. I’ve never been so scared in my life. But I kept calm—for her. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

“I’m scared…”

I pulled on the first pair of clothes I could find then dressed her in a gown I found on the floor. “Don’t be scared. I’ll take care of you.” I bundled her in my arms and took the stairs two at a time. Her arms hooked around my neck and she cried into my shoulder. I grabbed the keys and bolted out the door. After she buckled into the seat, I hauled ass to the hospital.

I carried her inside then stopped at the desk. “I need to see a doctor.”

The nurse nodded. “Fill out this paperwork.” She said it like she was bored.

I put Scarlet down to her feet then opened my wallet. I threw all the cash I had at her face. “She’s next.” She eyed the money on the counter.

“Sir, I can’t accept this.”

“How about a check for ten thousand?” I didn’t give a shit about money right now. “If she’s seen next, it’s yours.”

“Name?” she asked.

“I’m Sean Preston. Google me. You’ll see I’m fucking loaded.” I picked up Scarlet again then carried her to a seat. I placed her on my lap and ran my fingers through her hair. She still whimpered through the pain. I wanted to give into the fear and freak out but I didn’t. I comforted her and kissed her, reassuring
her everything would be fine.

The emergency room was packed, so I prayed the nurse would arrange me to be seen next. Ten thousand dollars was spare change to me.

“Sean,” she called.

I jumped to my feet with Scarlet in my arms.

“This way.” She walked beside me then slipped me her name and address. I’d take care of the check later.

We were escorted into a room. I placed Scarlet on the bed then leaned over her. I gripped her hand. “The doctor will be here soon.”

She squeezed my hand. “Something isn’t right, Sean…”

“Shh… We’ll figure it out. Just stay calm.”

I changed her into her gown and waited for the doctor to arrive. Scarlet was sweating and cringing. The pain in her stomach was killing her. I pressed my face to hers and kissed her.

“I won’t
let anything bad happen to you,” I whispered. “I promise.”

“I just hope she’s okay…”

I didn’t want to think about that. It was too much to bear.

“I’m so sorry about everything,” she said through her tears.

“Forget about that,” I said firmly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The doctor came in with Scarlet’s chart. “Tell me what’s going on.”

I spoke before Scarlet could even open her mouth. “She woke up with cramping. Her stomach hurts and she’s almost three months pregnant. She hasn’t fallen or drank any alcohol.”

He nodded. “Let’s take a look.” He set up the sonogram machine and checked her uterus. I couldn’t read the picture so I waited for him to give us news. I held Scarlet’s hand and remained by her side.

The doctor stared at the sonogram for a long time. Thirty minutes passed and he still didn’t say anything. I was fucking scared shitless. Finally, he sighed. “I’m sorry. Your wife had a miscarriage.”

Scarlet burst into tears, sobbing. “No…”

The doctor didn’t look at her. “I’m very sorry. Unfortunately, this is very common in the first trimester.
Fifteen percent of all pregnancies result in a miscarriage.”

Scarlet covered her face and broke down. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. My tears fell into her hair. I didn’t even know my baby, but I was heartbroken with the loss. And seeing my wife fall apart was pure agony. She shook in my embrace, crying harder than she ever had. I wish this wasn’t happening…”

“I’ll give you two a moment.”

“Wait,” I said. I wiped my tears away. “Is my wife okay? Is she in danger?”

“She’ll be fine,” he said quietly.

That was something to be thankful for.

He stepped out and gave us our space.

Scarlet sobbed in my arms. “God, how did this happen?”

My tears fell on her face. “I don’t know…”

“How could I love something so much that I never had?” she whispered.

“I loved her too…”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” I said firmly. “It’s not your fault.”

“But—”

“It’s not.”

Scarlet cried in my arms for half an hour. Unable to handle the loss, I cried too. I wanted that baby so much. Every day I imagined what my daughter would look like. She would be
a smaller version of Scarlet, beautiful and perfect. And it hurt that I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t throw money at someone to get my way.

The doctor returned then took a seat. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Scarlet clung to me and didn’t look at him.

“What do we do now?”

“I recommend a DC surgery—to remove the fetus.”

Scarlet wailed.

“It’s not normally something that’s done, but she was almost twelve weeks pregnant. I recommend it.”

“Okay.” My mind was spinning. “Do you know how this happened?”

He shrugged. “Miscarriages are difficult to document. A variety of factors could impact the pregnancy, but mainly genetic variations. For instance, your sperm may have had the incorrect number of chromosomes, and as a result, the fetus couldn’t grow past a certain point.”

I nodded. “Does that mean we can’t have children?”

“Not at all. You can always try again. But if she has another miscarriage, then I suggest you stop trying.”

“Okay… Is there any other reason this could have happened?”

“Well, there’s drugs and alcohol.”

“No,” I said immediately.

“Stress.”

I felt cold. That’s all Scarlet had been suffering through. She’s been putting up with my shit, my mom’s bullshit, Cortland’s break up, my new job, the new house, the marriage—it was nothing but stressful. “God…”