Afterlife (27 page)

She paused, apparently mul ing the

best choice of words.

“When a K&A man finds the woman

he wants to make his

permanently, they share to a certain

level, but there are

certain lines not crossed, depending

on both the Master

and the woman, what he knows her

needs are. Like Matt.

Savannah, his wife…the lines are

more clearly drawn with

her than me or Cass. They’l do soft

play with her on

occasion, but it’s Matt who holds the

reins, always. Lucas

wil sometimes al ow a little more

with Cass, but it stil stays

along the lines of voyeurism, heavy

petting, things like that.”

Dana shrugged. “I’m al Peter’s, and

yet he knows I like

being shared at times, as long as it’s

only with them, and as

long as he’s a part of it.” Putting a

hand on her heart, she

patted it dramatical y. “That’s how I

know about Ben

firsthand. I think it’s possible to die

from having both inside

me at once, because I pretty much

blacked out during the

orgasm.”

Rachel’s mind was whirling. “Wow.

I don’t think I could…”

But she was lying. The idea was

already whirling in her

head, frightening herself. That

darkness loomed again, how

deep she was wil ing to go, how

much of herself she could

lose.

“Easy.” Dana reached out again, only

this time her

fingers slid over Rachel’s knee,

along the inside of her

thigh. A few scant inches, but it was

enough to have

Rachel’s mind centering again,

remarkably. As her legs

trembled, Dana pushed on them,

spreading her knees out

so they touched the chair arms. The

black woman slid out

of her chair, taking the same bent

knee position on the floor

as she’d had in the chair, only this

time she braced her

back against one of Rachel’s calves,

her toes against the

arch of Rachel’s opposite foot. “It’s

easier that way,

keeping your legs apart, isn’t it?

Sometimes, when things

start to spin in the wrong direction,

taking the position you

might take if your Master is with you

helps you to kind of

balance.”

With a shock, Rachel realized that

was probably why she

preferred the Da Vinci position for

meditation whenever

she was unsettled. Even without a

lover in her life, the

spread legs, the arms over her head,

was a position of

submission.

“W-what’s Jon’s specialty?”

“You have to ask?” Dana chuckled.

Reaching up, she

tweaked the chain at Rachel’s hip,

sending a jolt right down

to her pussy at the friction to the clit

piece. “The man’s a

mechanical and chemical genius. Ben

thinks Jon’s

contribution to history wil be the

Pearly Gate Detonator, a

vibrator that al ows a woman to die

from orgasms, no

matter her age or physical condition.

That way she can

have the best possible end when

she’s terminal or too

ancient to carry on anymore. Ben

says it would be like a

rocket launcher, shooting her straight

up and over Heaven’s

gate, no passport needed.”

When her hand slipped from the

chain back to Rachel’s

thigh, caressing the pale flesh there,

Rachel closed her

eyes, not wanting the contact to stop.

This was crazy,

amazing…perfect. And as Dana

herself had said, scary as

hel . “What about the head of K&A?

Matt Kensington?”

“He’s the king,” Dana said simply.

“As corny as that

sounds, it’s his energy that sort of

pervades al of it,

connects them. He’s Machiavel ian

when it comes to erotic

strategy, and though I think he has a

lot of his own skil s in

the orgasm-to-die-for category, he’s

also more exclusive

than any of them. Savannah is his

queen, his everything. He

can touch your shoulder, and you

know he’s total y in

command, but you don’t mess with

what’s between him and

Savannah.”

“I’m not sure if hearing al this is

making it better or

worse.” Because it was making her

want what she couldn’t

have even more intensely. “You

know this is giving me a

hundred more questions.”

“It’s hard to explain it until you

experience it.” Dana

rubbed her cheek against Rachel’s

leg, then pressed her

lips there. Rachel stroked a hand

over her close-cropped

hair and Dana immediately turned to

tease her pulse with

lips and tongue. Her elegant fingers

closed over Rachel’s

wrist as she lifted her head, dropped

it back against

Rachel’s leg to smile up at her.

“Don’t freak out, hon, but what

happened yesterday was

like the first act of a master play,

being written straight off

the cuff by Jon, with sheer Master’s

intuition. He didn’t tel

Peter, ‘Hey, come in here after she’s

on her knees and play

with her a little bit’. They pick up

cues from each other. It’s

fascinating, a little terrifying, but

after you get used to it, it

works in al the right ways.”

Rachel noticed Dana hesitated, as if

she wasn’t sure if

she should say what was in her mind

next. “What?” she

asked. “I want you to tel me, even if

you think it’s something

I can’t handle.” Which was entirely

stupid, but there it was.

She wanted to know everything.

“What I was trying to say earlier…

Before they found their

wives, when they went to a club,

they’d do their thing with

the casual subs they hooked up with

now and then.

However, when it matters…it’s more

like what you

experienced yesterday, and that was

an introductory taste.

The very fact they brought you to that

gate means Jon wants

to take you ful y through it. He wants

to shut the door behind

you, lock it permanently. You’re his

choice for forever. I’d

bet my life on it.”

Rachel drew her hand away,

suddenly cold. “You think…”

“Doesn’t matter what I think.” Dana

grimaced good-

naturedly, giving her a light pinch,

though it didn’t lighten

Rachel’s mood. “Changing your mind

about a future with

him is Jon’s job, and believe me,

these guys are good at

convincing a woman of the most

unlikely things. I was a club

hopper until I met Peter, and I’ve

enjoyed a variety of

Masters, in a lukewarm sort of way.

However, he was it,

everything, the second I met him.

Savannah and Cass wil

tel you the same thing. We al had that

in common.”

“He couldn’t be thinking that. It’s not

possible.”

“Why not?” Dana’s brow creased.

“Why can’t you believe

that you can have something like

Jon?”

“Because I couldn’t, not for so many

years. And…the

wanting it destroyed so much of what

I had.” Rachel rose

then, awkwardly stepped over Dana

and retreated to the

living room, wanting that robe. After

she shrugged it on and

belted it, she found Dana had

returned to her own chair.

The woman was waiting for her,

listening for the sound of

her footsteps, and probably to a lot

more. The scuttling

sound of Rachel’s mind skittering

away from this

absurdness, like a rat seeking an

escape from a sinking

ship.

“Rachel.” Dana spoke softly. Though

it brought Rachel to

the kitchen doorway, she leaned in it,

shying away from

coming back to the table. “I’m tel ing

you what I know about

the K&A men. You wanted me to be

honest, and I’m tel ing

you I believe that history is about to

repeat itself, for the

fourth time. It’s why I reacted the

way I did to what

happened to you yesterday, because

I’d love nothing better

than to have you as part of our

family.” Dana gave her a

smal smile. “You don’t have to argue

with me about it. I’l

wait to see what you have to say on

the other side of it.”

“You’re wrong. I can’t… For me to

handle this, to do this, I

have to accept it as a temporary

thing.” Then she could

enjoy it awhile, and wouldn’t have to

face al this unresolved

pain she’d had to bury. “I don’t…it’s

not that way. I respect

and understand what you say, but

that’s not what I want.

And I’m sure it’s not what Jon wants.

He couldn’t possibly.”

Suddenly, Rachel wanted Dana to go.

She couldn’t bear

to see the confidence the other

woman had, so smug and

sure that things would work out. She

didn’t understand,

didn’t know…

“Rachel.” Dana’s tone held the

firmness of the minister

she was training to be. Rachel

already knew Dana’s lack of

sight gave her a unique ability to pick

up distress, and her

compassion now reflected that she

could feel Rachel’s

grief, wel ing up so deep and strong

it couldn’t escape

notice from a wel -attuned heart.

“Wil you come back and

sit?”

Rachel shook her head, wrapped her

arms tighter around

herself. Though Dana couldn’t see the

gesture, of course

the fact she didn’t move was an

answer itself. The blind

woman cocked her head, considering,

her eyes appearing

to focus on the wal above Rachel’s

head.

“Al of us can get trapped in our pain

and loss,” she said

quietly. “It’s worse if there’s no one

there to help when it

happens. We learn to cope, and we

cope by building wal s.

So nothing terrifies us more than

having those wal s brought

down. It becomes your skin, and

nobody wants to be

skinned and left raw and bleeding.

We believe, to the

depths of our soul, no one wil protect

us, give us warmth

and healing. We don’t think we

deserve it.”

“I need you to go.” Rachel picked up

the cane, brought it

to Dana’s hand. “We’l cal Max. I’m

sorry, but I need you to

go.”

“First, let me say this.” Dana tapped

Rachel’s chair, a

quiet command to sit. With that

preacher’s tone, Rachel

found herself obeying, though she

tugged the robe even

closer around herself. For al that they

were sightless, the

dark eyes became more intent, more

focused. “I do

understand, Rachel. Not the exact

nature of your pain, but

the depth of it.”

She gestured to her eyes, the scarring

that was stil

visible on her left arm. “After this

happened, I wal ed myself

up like I was in a grave.”

The change of subject, the gravity of

it, stil ed Rachel the

way the reassurances couldn’t.

Though from her medical

records she of course knew the kind

of injuries Dana had

sustained, the woman herself had

never spoken directly of

it, or the aftermath.

“I was in this silent hel , scarred,

hideous,” Dana

continued. “I hated bathing because I

had to touch my face,

my body. I lacked the wil to take my

own life, but I’d died,

just the same.”

A faint, bittersweet smile touched her

mauve lips. “In a

few moments, like one of those

hypnosis sessions, I’m

going to snap my fingers and take us

back to a different

reality, the playful, sexy one that

existed when I walked into

your door. If you change your mind

and want me to stay,

we’l start working on this dinner

you’re supposed to make.

I’l talk to you while you’re taking

your bath. We’l gossip

about celebrity hairstyles—you can

describe them to me

and I’l laugh. We’l talk about the

state of the world, and

what your favorite color is. In other

words, we’l be girls and

talk about whatever fun, frivolous

crap we want to talk

about.”

She shifted, her hand closing on

Rachel’s again. “And

that col ar he’s put on you, al the

delicious feelings that go

with it, that are stirring up your body

and making you want

him so hard? They’l come rushing

back, and then you real y

wil need me to leave, because the

closer we get to dinner,

the more everything in you wil

become attuned to wanting

him, to wanting to be ready for your

Master in the way he

commanded. You feel it now, hearing